Help with absenteism

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There are plenty of options. It may not be being bullied at all. I work as an EP with an interest in social inclusion. What's her absence %? Are there any other alternative provisions which are available to help with the process?
 
drunkenmaster said:
What nonsense, you haven't tried anything except punishment, threats and bullying, all when she might be being abused. You could try the other path you know, helping her, being trustworthy, sympathetic and getting her help. Sounds like you instantly started punishing her and haven't done a single thing to try and help.

IF you're not trolling, well, honestly, thats just flat out bad parenting, it really is.

She's a kid, she needs help, not threats.
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My wife and i, plus a school helper as i have already stated, have sat and talked with her, and got nowhere, you people think i would resort to threats with my daughter? (or are you trolling by saying so).

My thread was a thread for suggestive help not abuse.

I am a great dad.
 
By the sounds of it you are the last person she would open up to unfortunately, you need to chill a bit or you will never get anywhere. Remember when she was a tiny baby and the only way to get her to sleep in the middle of the night was to chill yourself otherwise she would pick up on it, same applies here, you have to become someone she feels safe opening up to rather than someone who's going to freak at her, which you've already done by dragging her oput of bed and shutting the door on her.
Does she go on facebook or chat online to her mates, if so monitor what is happening there see what you can glean.
Definately quit harrasing her though as your digging yourself in deeper.
 
Tefal said:
take a look at his last few threads (or any of them).

He seems like dvdbunny on a mixture of acid and steroids.

Although his theory is we all see his forum name get jealous and attack him for it...
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dvdbunny should not have been allowed to reproduce :mad: :( :p
 
steve-h said:
troll or not... good subject - he wont be the only one in this situation
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I agree with that completely, if anyone, I said earlier no one at school knew, thats not strictly true, all the teachers involved who were having a go about me not being there knew I wasn't out causing trouble, and at least one asked me if I was depressed.

If a thread like this gets any parent to help their kid, or a kid to realise he's depressed and ask for help, its been worthwhile.

Thing is now I think back and realise I was clinically depressed with almost every symptom in the book, however when I was 12/13 I had no clue that I was depressed, I didn't know it wasn't just what was normal for me which made me felt crap, more depressed and even worse that everyone else could cope with being normal fine and I couldn't. Then even at 17-18 I had no idea I was depressed because how I felt was simply completely normal to me by then.

I think everyone should be taught the symptoms to look out for, for depression, so any kids that start to be depressed get help as soon as possible, because the longer it goes on the worse it gets.

My teachers treated me like I wasn't worth it because they assumed I'd never bother, my parents were equally as useless and never once assumed there was a problem and just punished and threatened me with punishment for not going.
 
drunkenmaster said:
No it doesn't, because she didn't want to be somewhere, where its clear to EVERYONE in this thread to you she's uncomftable, depressed and possibly even being hurt. Your first thought is to force her, punish her and then get angry when she still doesn't want to go.

A good parent would be trying to get her help, understand her and talk to her, if you were doing so she wouldn't be responding badly to being punished and you wouldn't be getting angry in the first place.

You're only getting angry because of the course of action you've taken, which is COMPLETELY WRONG. You're getting angry at your kid, for being depressed, or maybe being molested, maybe something less bad. Until you KNOW for SURE its nothing that bad and she's just bunking acting angry, with threats and punishment is frankly, abysmal parenting.

Can you not see if you were helping and understanding, you'd know what was wrong by now, or be well on the way to getting her help and you wouldn't have been angry enough to hit her in the first place?

Oh, and assuming she is depressed or being hurt, the guilt of the stress you are supposedly under from the possibility of financial fines, and the possibility of her being taken away will only make it worse.

This is aside from the fact you WILL NOT BE FINED AND WILL NOT LOSE HER TO CARE, for her not going to school for a month. Frankly, without knowing whats wrong and without really trying to find out, adding to the pressure on her with that guilt is again, just not the thing to do.


Parents who punish first, threaten second, guilt third and then go on a forum to be given the idea to help her, aren't doing well.
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This is your second harsh post aimed at me, but maybe you should be aiming it elseware,,,,,,,,,not for me to say but i think anyone reading this should know.
I am sorry you had a bad time but maybe you should make your own thread.
 
moremoney said:
I am a great dad.
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Having to ask a forum connected to an enthusiast computer shop for help raising a kid that you require every ounce of strength to refrain from hitting, randomly punish/bully and believe isn't being bullied at school 'because she is strong', begs to differ.
 
moremoney said:
For the last month our 12 year old daughter has refused to go to school.
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Then your daughter must hate you.

At that age, I clearly knew what the consequences of bunking off school would be for my parents.

She obviously doesn't mind if you get into serious trouble.

Is there anything wrong with her mentally or physically?

What's the school like? I remember in year 7, secondary school was an extremely dangerous place. Drugs, bullies etc.

Maybe she's been getting involved with the wrong crowd?
 
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moremoney said:
My wife and i, plus a school helper as i have already stated, have sat and talked with her, and got nowhere, you people think i would resort to threats with my daughter? (or are you trolling by saying so).

My thread was a thread for suggestive help not abuse.

I am a great dad.
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You sat with a school helper and you think thats it, threats, you tried to drag her to school, what do you think that is, you're threatening to drag her to a place she clearly doesn't want to be. I'm sure you've never once said, before you took her phone/tv/etc that you would take them unless she went? thats.... a threat.

Try a doctor, a shrink, or as I said, ask her who she thinks she could talk to. Just because she won't tell you, doesn't mean she won't tell someone. Likewise, if she has a problem with someone at school, the chances of her blurting out her problem to someone from that school is, inbetween zero and none.

Its pretty simple, stop punishing her, stop threatening to drag her to school, tell her its ok, stop being angry at her, tell her no matter what she tells you, you won't be angry, find someone for her to talk to who she can trust.

You don't think the fact you wanted to hit her, the fact you were angry enough to do so, was obvious to her?

At this stage I too believe you're trolling, but if not, you really are a bad parent.

You've at no stage taken on board any advice and from start to finish you've shown nothing but your anger at her behaviour and most shockingly, if true, entirely no concern at all for HER. You're worried about her being taken away, you're worried about getting a fine, you don't seem remotely worried about her, if she's depressed, if she's been molested, anything, you haven't mentioned it. When people suggested she might be being bullied, you responded with you don't think so because she's wasn't easy to drag to school. As MANY people told you, strength has NOTHING to do with being bullied, entirely nothing. Yet you still didn't take it on board as a possibility, nor remotely seem worried it might be happening. Start to finish you've only considered the possibility that she's just playing up and should be punished accordingly.
 
Tefal said:
take a look at his last few threads (or any of them).

He seems like dvdbunny on a mixture of acid and steroids.

Although his theory is we all see his forum name get jealous and attack him for it...
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So if you don't want to take this serious just leave well alone and allow others to make their mind up.

You somtimes act like a cancer in other peoples threads, invasive and malevolent.
YOU do not HAVE to make a reply you know, it's not compulsory to every thread you read.
 
To even get into the situation in the first place you must be pretty poor parents. That sounds harsh but it's true, your daughter is 12 years old, if you can't control her at this age I despair for her future.

Now, constructive advice: I suggest you go to some parenting courses or similar. Might sound humiliating and insulting, but you clearly need it.

I'd have never have tried this with my parents... it would have never even entered my head that it was even a possibility.
 
moremoney said:
This is your second harsh post aimed at me, but maybe you should be aiming it elseware,,,,,,,,,not for me to say but i think anyone reading this should know.
I am sorry you had a bad time but maybe you should make your own thread.
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Boo hoo, i'm depressed, I know so, I'm trying to help you, on the offchance your kid really is in trouble. Yet again rather than take on board any information, rather than even consider or accept the possibility she might be in trouble, you just want to troll my response.

Why not read it again, see if anything sounds like what your kid is doing, and if it does, maybe think about how best to find out if she's in trouble.

This seems to be your major problem, you want your kid back in school, nothing more, as a parent your thought should be, I want to help my CHILD, if that helps her get back to school eventually is a bonus. You should be helping your child FIRST, then helping her get back to school. Pushing her back into school doesn't fix why she doesn't want to be there in the first place.
 
fus is right.

As usual, a serious request for advice turns to abuse, especially from those who know no better.

There is always a good piece of advice from all of the scrapnel flying around tho.

I started as a good parent and got worse as the thread got long.

I will update to anyone interested as things progress, if you ain't interested and you think me trolling then post only to say "Troll".
 
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When I was ten (a bit younger than you're daughter, I know), I went through exactly the same thing. This isn't going to help you, but I honestly had no idea why I didn't want to go to school, I just couldn't go. I ended up being absent for around six months I think and was home tutored for a part of that, but I really have no idea why I was SO opposed to going to school, but I just was... I think that it may have had something to do with not wanting to be away from my parents (I never actually ran away, I just didn't go into school) but I really can't be sure.

I'm really sorry that you're in this situation, but if you daughter is anything like I was, then the situation will be a tough nut to crack. :(
 
What year is she in now?

Have you thought about changing schools? Ask her if that's what she wants to do.

And also, you've let it go on for too long. You should have done something about it the first day she bunked off. But a whole month later?
 
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Onset of puberty?

Being bullied?

Send her to a better school if she hates it that much. Seems like an easy solution.
 
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