How many DINKs here?

adam cool dude said:
I guess you are right. If there is one thing I have learnt from this thread it is just how different peoples views are on the subject. For me it is the best thing that happened in my life and brought a sense of meaning to my life. I just cannot understand why people would not want that and try to put reasoning behind it when in reality it is just simply a choice.
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I think many people would try it. But because you can't, if you aren't keen it's just not worth the risk.

Especially if you are happy with your current life throwing a random and hugely impactful variable into it is just not appealing.


With careers, travel, hobbies etc requiring kids to complete life is no longer the default path it once was.
 
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i'll give you this.. i'm 57 had kids when i was 25 .. back then it was rough bringing up 2 kids .. there both settled they don't want kids .. (in there 30's now)
it's the way the world is .. be it a pull from nature or technology..
atm i'm happy we are finally alone ..me and the wife ..would i let them move back no .. i still help them ..
did i want kids no ..i'm i happy i had them .. yes .. but i'm a lot happier now .. :)
 
Having children is a commitment for the rest of your life, a lot of people want to avoid it. You have to look after them, and most struggle to look after themselves! I know I did!

The way I see it is at least I will have a 1 in 5 chance I'll be looked after when I am very old, and the family name will continue into the future.

The joys they bring to your life you cannot beat, but you also can't beat the stress they give either.

It seems a lot of people here just want to have a life to themselves and not have to worry about looking after anyone but themselves and partner and that's absolutely fine!

I can't say I'm not envious of having a double income and no kids, I could buy what I want and go on holidays and loads of stuff, but I would miss the children so much!
 
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platinum87 said:
Your hugely argumentative reply is itself a coping mechanism
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And what is it you think I'm coping with, exactly?

dLockers said:
Yeah but unless folk breed a bunch of thickos whose going to wipe my ass in old age?
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What makes you think you'll live that long?

Haggisman said:
I can see why people who choose not to have kids get a bit shirty when they're told nonsense like this :(
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Hence the strong response to any suggestion that childless people are somehow 'missing out'.
But this is nothing - When you tell someone you don't have/want kids, and they respond with an argument that essentially begins along the lines of, "How DARE you".... that's where the real fun starts!

adam cool dude said:
I just cannot understand why people would not want that and try to put reasoning behind it when in reality it is just simply a choice.
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The reasoning comes from having to explain it so often, to people who cannot understand the choice, that it's now just an automatic response.
 
ttaskmaster said:
The reasoning comes from having to explain it so often, to people who cannot understand the choice, that it's now just an automatic response.
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Didn't you get the memo? - single, middle aged and older, childless men are not to be trusted and are all weirdos :cry: :cry:
 
413x said:
I think its fair to say this.
I didn't want our dog when we got him. Because I know it's a bind (having to arrange boarding for holidays etc).
But I love that boy now. He's such a lovely boy. And knowing he was adopted from a street (he was on course to be put down otherwise I believe) it feels even more rewarding.


But I have always liked animals. I still think it was a bad decision in terms of denting person freedom. But I can still leave the dog and go do stuff. And I do sometimes feel the restriction.

Its actually made me more sure I don't want kids. Because kids are a step up from this. More time, more cost, more responsibility.


But I do understand there is a different love when you actually get one of these dependant life forms.
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I love animals too, had a dog, not in a place to have a dog now due to time. Personally I don’t understand why anyone would want a child when they can have a pet instead!

I just don’t see any appeal in children. I dislike the noise, especially babies crying, and they’re just irritating. Especially feral ones running round restaurants. When people bring babies or young children into work I put noise cancellers on or leave the office.

So for me having them was never an option and would never change.
 
MattTheTall77 said:
I love animals too, had a dog, not in a place to have a dog now due to time. Personally I don’t understand why anyone would want a child when they can have a pet instead!

I just don’t see any appeal in children. I dislike the noise, especially babies crying, and they’re just irritating. Especially feral ones running round restaurants. When people bring babies or young children into work I put noise cancellers on or leave the office.

So for me having them was never an option and would never change.
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That's one of the weird things if you do have kids. You become a lot more tolerant of other people's kids!

I can now do an excellent wry smile of sympathy when I see someone trying to deal with a rampaging toddler in a supermarket.
 
Richie said:
Didn't you get the memo? - single, middle aged and older, childless men are not to be trusted and are all weirdos :cry: :cry:
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Firstly, much of that doesn't apply to me, which is probably why they left me off the memo, but it sounds like these blokes are actually winning at life.
Secondly, the reasoning is something I've heard mostly from women, both single and married, of all ages and of various sexual orientations. A lot of people seem unable to understand that a woman might not want kids.
 
413x said:
People see relationships differently.

Some people will be in it to help Financially and almost be friends. And nothing wrong with that if both are happy that way.

I'm quite independent. I do a lot of things on my own. They are my hobbies. You can still be an individual. You don't have to merge two people into one to be in a relationship.


Ita fair to say I don't know what it's like to have a kid. There's also a chance I'd like it... Although very slim.
As humans we are able to make very educated predictions on how we would feel if....x, y, z

But for kids:
-I know I struggle with increased responsibility
-I know I have absolutely no love for kids in general
-I know our standard of living would drop from above average to below average of we had kids
-I know I would lose travel which I value a lot.
-I know I live away from my support network so would have no help.


So really there are 0 tangible benefits and many many draw backs to having kids for me.

When you don't feel that instinctive draw to have kids it makes no sense. No way I'm gambling on ruining a kids life by being a bad parent just on the off chance I'm wrong. Or.. In the end I will love it.


The consequences of that gamble are horrendous to contemplate
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Independence is important in a relationship, we both go and do our own thing and add to each others lives when together. Not sure if that changes with having children, maybe its more difficult.
 
ttaskmaster said:
Firstly, much of that doesn't apply to me, which is probably why they left me off the memo, but it sounds like these blokes are actually winning at life.
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I was being sarcastic, hence the emojis. Obviously it didn't come off as it should.
 
MattTheTall77 said:
I just don’t see any appeal in children. I dislike the noise, especially babies crying, and they’re just irritating. Especially feral ones running round restaurants. When people bring babies or young children into work I put noise cancellers on or leave the office.
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This is exactly how I feel about dogs. I don't understand why anyone would have a dog when cats exist :p

But then that's the beauty of life, everyone is different :D
 
Junglist said:
I went full circle... or rather half circle and did a 180?

Never wanted kids. The idea seemed bonkers to me and it just wasn't in me. Now I've had one? I've gone the other way. It's not that I pity people who don't have kids because ultimately it's a pretty big lifestyle change and if someone doesn't want them, you have to respect that

But since having them life and your view on life changes in a way I can't really explain. I feel a bit sad for others that they wont get to experience the feeling. There's loving your partner and then there is loving your child (and the way you love your partner after having a child) but I can't even begin to express how good that feeling is. Getting home and seeing your little terror after work, unbeatable feeling.



We had one and we're now facing the dilemma of do we want a 2nd. It's been dominating our chat the last 2-3 weeks :o
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I was interested in your point about "the way you love your partner after having a child". Doesn't having children put a massive strain on a relationship? To the point where it might actually be the death knell. Not trying to dump on what you said, its just you see it quite often once a couple has children the focus moves away from each other and more towards the kids.
 
potatolord said:
That's one of the weird things if you do have kids. You become a lot more tolerant of other people's kids!

I can now do an excellent wry smile of sympathy when I see someone trying to deal with a rampaging toddler in a supermarket.
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Hmmmm, in supermarkets I tend to pull out the imaginary pump action shotgun.
 
Double income with children. By God kids are expensive and whilst I'm somewhat envious of those who don't have that financial burden and all those little irritating things that parents have to put up with, the joyous moments and memories certainly outweigh them. We're fairly good earners and could probably retire by 45 comfortably especially if my wife hadn't needed to reduce hours for childcare/mat leave but it's a sacrifice we were prepared to make.
 
gingergundog said:
I was interested in your point about "the way you love your partner after having a child". Doesn't having children put a massive strain on a relationship? To the point where it might actually be the death knell. Not trying to dump on what you said, its just you see it quite often once a couple has children the focus moves away from each other and more towards the kids.
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It's an interesting observation, on a broader note DINKs always seem to focus on the negative side of kids.

Why is the dual income part even relevant anyway? Why not just ask whether or not people have kids?
 
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