How many DINKs here?

ultralaser said:
DINK here to. I grew up without much, my parents probably should have chosen either not to have kids or to have less than they did which probably tints my view. Ironically I'm probably in a great position to have them if I wanted. I think if you find yourself in an environment with kids around (I.e. at friends who has them or in one of those family pubs) and think fondly of wanting them one day then you might be someone who should consider having them, if however you wish they where all transported to the moon and only allowed to return once they reach 18 you might be better off thinking of a different plan in life.
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I was like you say until I had my first. Completely self obsessed and hated the sight of kids. Then I changed completely so it is not quite that simple. Almost like thousands of years of evolution triggered something inside myself.
 
I have never wanted kids and am now possibly a bit old. I am single but, crucially, my last missus has two daughters and I was in loco patris for seven or eight years. They were 14 and 16 when my relationship with their mum began. I was umming and aahing as to whether I should get involved "because somebody else's kids" but decided to go for it. It didn't take long for me to start behaving like a biological parent, such as getting home after an awful day at work and completely starving, but making sure they (and their friends) are all fed first. They have made me understand aspects of myself that I may never have known without them. Despite being variously frustrating, annoying, ridiculous, and unthinking (so, err, kids then) they are also loving, funny, intelligent, and hard-working. They have my unconditional love completely and forever. They are getting on with their lives now and, I sort of expect them to gradually forget about me, but they know they can always ask me if they need help.

TL;DR You can have the benefits of unconditional love without necessarily having your own kids.

E: minor correction
 
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Tuppy_Glossop said:
I have never wanted kids and am now possibly a bit old. I am single but, crucially, my last missus has two daughters and I was in loco patris for seven or eight years. They were 14 and 16 when my relationship with their mum began. I was umming and aahing as to whether I should get involved "because somebody else's kids" but decided to go for it. It didn't take long for me to start behaving like a biological parent, such as getting home after an awful day at work and completely starving, but making sure they (and their friends) are all fed first. They have made me understand aspects of myself that I may never have known without them. Despite being variously frustrating, annoying, ridiculous, and unthinking (so, err, kids then) they are also loving, funny, intelligent, and hard-working. They have my unconditional love completely and forever. They are getting on with their lives now and, I sort of expect them to gradually forget about me, but they know they can always ask me if they need help.

TL;DR You can have the benefits of unconditional love without necessarily having your own kids.

E: minor correction
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I'm not crying, you're crying.

Good on you, sir.
 
DINK - I certainly am.

It was only after I got married that I realised what a Toxic family the outlaws were.
 
I have two daughters, we both work (I am neither of the daughters in this comma separated sentence), and people should just do what works for whatever their circumstance is, don't you think?

Want kids? Go for it!
Not sure? Go for it!
Definitely don't want kids? Go for it!

:)

e: as an example, we do ^that^ and have two kids (apart from the regret but you do not have time for that story)

e2:

* clears throat*

It was a wet and stormy night - my wife, as always, had left the toilet seat up, a philistine, in my house?!
Daughter! Fix the

to be continued)
 
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[FnG]magnolia said:
I have two daughters, we both work (I am neither of the daughters in this comma separated sentence), and people should just do what works for whatever their circumstance is, don't you think?

Want kids? Go for it!
Not sure? Go for it!
Definitely don't want kids? Go for it!

:)
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Agreed 100%. I wish everyone had that same opinion but my partner and I have been challenged numerous times on our decision to not have kids. We've heard such nonsense as "you can't know love until you have children" and I've been told I'm selfish for denying my partner to opportunity to become a mother.

I'm completely accepting of people making their own decisions here and would never tell a parent that they've ruined their lives but having kids yet so many parents seem to think they have the right to offer their opinion on our decision.
 
mid_gen said:
One of the things about not having kids....you need to have something to do with your life.

People with kids have no time or space for anything else in their lives, just having a job and bringing up kids fills their time (not passing judgement, just an observation).

I'm fortunate enough to have forged an interesting, rewarding and challenging career, and am very active in my free time. Having no kids and a tedious, soul-destroying job with no interesting hobbies is not a position you want to end up in.

If you have no kids, you gotta grab life by the danglies and do stuff you enjoy.
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This is very very true and ties nicely into the motivation thread.

If you can't self motivate and don't have kids you can easily waste away time. Because you have no responsibility.


Having kids gives people purpose who otherwise would fall into this trap. It's something to do. It's something you have to do. It builds routine into your life.
 
the-evaluator said:
Agreed 100%. I wish everyone had that same opinion but my partner and I have been challenged numerous times on our decision to not have kids. We've heard such nonsense as "you can't know love until you have children" and I've been told I'm selfish for denying my partner to opportunity to become a mother.

I'm completely accepting of people making their own decisions here and would never tell a parent that they've ruined their lives but having kids yet so many parents seem to think they have the right to offer their opinion on our decision.
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When people start getting patronising I see that as a green light to respond in a equally harsh way.

"I care about the environment and having kids is the worst thing you can do"
"it's just as selfish to want to bring kids into this world to look after you"
"but I have so much more time and freedom I'm going on all these holidays now (lists holidays) "

The classic arguments of "who will. Look after you when you're older" and "you'll regret it when you're older" are quite funny. I'm not someone who gets offended. So I do find it quite funny when parents say those classic lines.
 
413x said:
This is very very true and ties nicely into the motivation thread.

If you can't self motivate and don't have kids you can easily waste away time. Because you have no responsibility.


Having kids gives people purpose who otherwise would fall into this trap. It's something to do. It's something you have to do. It builds routine into your life.
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All a bit judgemental for my liking. Imo there is nothing intrinsically wrong with wasting time, avoiding responsibility, or lacking routine. The only question is whether you are genuinely happy.
 
the-evaluator said:
Agreed 100%. I wish everyone had that same opinion but my partner and I have been challenged numerous times on our decision to not have kids. We've heard such nonsense as "you can't know love until you have children" and I've been told I'm selfish for denying my partner to opportunity to become a mother.

I'm completely accepting of people making their own decisions here and would never tell a parent that they've ruined their lives but having kids yet so many parents seem to think they have the right to offer their opinion on our decision.
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How can it be nonsense until you have done it? Surely someone who has had kids is better to judge than someone who hasn't as they have seen both sides of the coin?

Judging by a lot of comments on here it seems a lot of couple are only together for financial reasons as well and deep down would most likely prefer being single bachelors if they could afford it. Even being in a non child relationship requires giving up your time to be with the other. My partner and I pretty much do everything together. She isn't just a women but also my best friend. We give our time to each other. No different to what we would do with a child.
 
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413x said:
When people start getting patronising I see that as a green light to respond in a equally harsh way.

"I care about the environment and having kids is the worst thing you can do"
"it's just as selfish to want to bring kids into this world to look after you"
"but I have so much more time and freedom I'm going on all these holidays now (lists holidays) "

The classic arguments of "who will. Look after you when you're older" and "you'll regret it when you're older" are quite funny. I'm not someone who gets offended. So I do find it quite funny when parents say those classic lines.
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Oh don't worry, I'm quite vocal with my opinion when this sort of thing happens.
 
adam cool dude said:
How can it be nonsense until you have done it? Surely someone who has had kids is better to judge than someone who hasn't as they have seen both sides of the coin?

Judging by a lot of comments on here it seems a lot of couple are only together for financial reasons as well and deep down would most likely prefer being single bachelors if they could afford it. Even being in a non child relationship requires giving up your time to be with the other. My partner and I pretty much do everything together. She isn't just a women but also my best friend. We give our time to each other. No different to what we would do with a child.
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Bad judge of character then sorry :)
 
adam cool dude said:
How can it be nonsense until you have done it? Surely someone who has had kids is better to judge than someone who hasn't as they have seen both sides of the coin?

Judging by a lot of comments on here it seems a lot of couple are only together for financial reasons as well and deep down would most likely being single bachelors if they could afford it. Even being in a non child relationship requires giving up your time to be with the other. My partner and I pretty much do everything together. She isn't just a women but also my best friend. We give our time to each other. No different to what we would do with a child.
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What the actual F. Are you suggesting that we have kids of the off chance that we're unaware that we actually want them? What planet are you on?

Nobody is better place to have an opinion on the decisions that my partner and I have made then us. Nobody. It's nothing to do with our financial situation, it's entirely to do with neither of us liking or wanting kids.
 
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the-evaluator said:
What the actual F. Are you suggesting that we have kids of the off chance that we're unaware that we actually want them? What planet are you on?

Nobody is better place to have an opinion on the decisions that my partner and I have made then us. Nobody. It's nothing to do with our financial situation, it's entirely to do with neither of us liking or wanting kids.
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No but to say other people are speaking nonsense who have gone through an experience that you have not is equally as ignorant.
 
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adam cool dude said:
How can it be nonsense until you have done it? Surely someone who has had kids is better to judge than someone who hasn't as they have seen both sides of the coin?
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adam cool dude said:
No but equally to say other people are speaking nonsense who have gone through an experience that you have not is equally as ignorant.
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Childless people are incapable of love? Wow.
 
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