Soldato
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Who paid for the wedding 
How To Get Hubby To Pay His Way
- Thread starter SpellowHouse
- Start date
Soldato
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@SpellowHouse What was this bad patch you refer to? Arguments?
What does his spending appear to be like? Does he drive a flash car and wear expensive clothes?
When they go out does he buy drinks?
Just trying to build up a better picture of the guy.
What does his spending appear to be like? Does he drive a flash car and wear expensive clothes?
When they go out does he buy drinks?
Just trying to build up a better picture of the guy.
Soldato
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Yea, it's leaving him.
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What happened was that he moved in but didn't take on anything. Sis was used to paying for everything so she just sort of avoided the issue until it has now become a real problem. He avoids any sort of coop payments at all. She pays for the holidays, by the way.
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I think he was about to leave her. She has a daughter from a previous and to say they don't get on is the understatement of the year. Fortunately the daughter moved out after that episode so things are settled now..... er, if that's a good thing. In fairness to him, my sis' relationship with her daughter is weird. She is far, far too friendly with her.
Yes he does have an expensive car. He recently decided he wasn't using his car enough (he has a work car too) so he sold it, but then gave in and bought an even more expensive one. I believe he paid around £40000 for a second hand porsche. He always claims he gets loans. I don't think sis believes him any more. He is so secretive about money. But the problem is she can't actually force him. This is a sort of abuse really, but like I said before, she has a history of being abused, she just has that sort of personality. She lets the problem go on and on becuase as long as she can pay the bills she sees that as the path of least problems.
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Soldato
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This is crazy. I feel sorry for your sister. Does she love him or want out of the situation?
She's facilitated the scenario.
Can't believe let a partner move in and not establish finances.
To me this whole scenario sounds just crazy. Just fact someone doesn't want to help should be enough for divorce.
Mind boggling to me this.
Soldato
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Ditto. We have 1 bucket of money, everything goes into it. We both take out of it.
Simple system and it's worked for 20+ years now.
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I agree. It is beyond comprehension to me. This is why I raised the point to see what people would say. It's just completely nuts. To me it's like ignoring a credit card bill. It's only going to get worse.
Not sure I do. Seems like she's let it happen. Like allowing a kid to do exactly what they want with no ramifications.
If my partner just decided didn't want to help with bills etc but could? Well, I doubt the relationship would make the month.
Soldato
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It depends how far down the road you are. I think i'd give mine more than a month. Ha
We have a shared pot and our own.
Anything house/joint comes out of shared. And anything else comes out of our own. I'd never take out of the shared account for a new bike part for example.
Soldato
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He's a really nice guy. Just refuses to be straight with the finances.
But yes, she is a terror for letting problems slide. She needs to sort this because she is not making any long-term financial progress. At this rate she is going to hit retirement age and have absolutely nothing (other than the house of course).
There are times when you have to put your heart aside and make decisions with your brain, but she has always refused to do that. She will dither on the fence for year after year rather than make a decision.
I suppose in a sense it is like dealing with a partner that is a gambler or drinker. You don't want to face the truth, but the sooner you do, the better the outcome.
She need to front it up with him - Don't take no for an answer - It needs discussion.
What if she told him she wasn't paying the bills next month - What would he do? She either needs to stand up to him and discuss it like an adult or walk. Doing nothing and expecting things to change is just ridiculous.
Skirting round the issues/trying to be nice about it has long since passed - Front it up, tell him unless he opens up about it, whatever the issues are, then if nothing comes of it - she needs to walk for her own sake.
What if she told him she wasn't paying the bills next month - What would he do? She either needs to stand up to him and discuss it like an adult or walk. Doing nothing and expecting things to change is just ridiculous.
Skirting round the issues/trying to be nice about it has long since passed - Front it up, tell him unless he opens up about it, whatever the issues are, then if nothing comes of it - she needs to walk for her own sake.
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She thinks she loves him, which for her is the same thing. I actually don't believe she does, but that's another matter altogether. It is very easy to confuse love and need.
Refusing to make any contribution to their finances is not 'nice guy' behaviour.
It's ****head/gambling addict behaviour.