How would you feel?

Ripper said:
Fair enough I didn't expect such a strong reaction against me, guess I'm in the wrong then. Suppose i'll have to try and get my head round it, cheers :)
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It's not that we're saying you're some kind of ****, it's just that like you say, you need to get your head around it. Turn it around and think like it was you wanting to go on holiday with two male and two female friends of yours. How would you feel if she gave you **** about it? It wouldn't be fair, would it?

I used to be the same, I grew out of it by losing a girl that I loved to bits which broke my heart, I just wish I'd grown out of it before that happened. Don't let it go the same way with you.

Put it this way.

If she's going to cheat, there is NOTHING you can do to stop it.

If she's not going to cheat, and you act like she is, you WILL push her away and lose her.

You have nothing to lose by letting her go and everything to lose by making her stay or making her feel guilty about it. Go and apologise to her before it turns into a situation you won't get out of :)
 
scorza said:
I agree with the OP. I don't believe it's possible for straight guys to be just "friends" with girls. One or both of them will try and get off with her during the weekend unless they're gay. Girls know this and use it to make us jealous, or in the worst case, to break up with us.
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That's usually true in the case of spending lots of time with a girl, just the two of you, but in a group? That's ridiculous. Are you saying I want to bone every one of my female friends? All of them?

JBuk said:
she may of course just get typsy , let herself go a bit and do something she would regret
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That is a trust issue with the girlfriend, not other people. 'Getting tipsy' is no reason to cheat.

JBuk said:
what has that got to do with saying if her trusted her the guys would be rapists?


trusting someone does not mean they will be faithful
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What aren't you getting? If you trust someone, you don't think they will cheat. He specifically mentioned the trust issue being down to the people she's going with. If she's trustable and won't do anything, that leaves it as a one way thing. Which we call rape here.
 
Mohinder said:
It's not that we're saying you're some kind of ****, it's just that like you say, you need to get your head around it. Turn it around and think like it was you wanting to go on holiday with two male and two female friends of yours. How would you feel if she gave you **** about it? It wouldn't be fair, would it?

I used to be the same, I grew out of it by losing a girl that I loved to bits which broke my heart, I just wish I'd grown out of it before that happened. Don't let it go the same way with you.

Put it this way.

If she's going to cheat, there is NOTHING you can do to stop it.

If she's not going to cheat, and you act like she is, you WILL push her away and lose her.

You have nothing to lose by letting her go and everything to lose by making her stay or making her feel guilty about it. Go and apologise to her before it turns into a situation you won't get out of :)
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Cheers mate thats a good post. To be honest after reading the replies of this thread it has helped and I can see I'm being a ****. Like you say I guess there's nothing I can do if she ever was to cheat on me (but I honestly know she wouldn't, which is why its a bit difficult to understand why I feel like this).
 
Speaking from experience, you don't trust her and if you're feeling this way you shouldn't be together.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, I'm just saying what I think.
 
JBuk said:
what has that got to do with saying if her trusted her the guys would be rapists?


trusting someone does not mean they will be faithful
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:confused:

either you trust her or you don't. Of course it doesn't mean she will be faithful. I don't get your point.
 
Mohinder said:
That's usually true in the case of spending lots of time with a girl, just the two of you, but in a group? That's ridiculous. Are you saying I want to bone every one of my female friends? All of them?
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Tell me you haven't thought about it.

Perhaps want was the wrong word, but the sort of guy who would go on a camping trip with other people's girlfriends when the boyfriend wasn't going will most likely wants to imho.
 
Ripper said:
Cheers mate thats a good post. To be honest after reading the replies of this thread it has helped and I can see I'm being a ****. Like you say I guess there's nothing I can do if she ever was to cheat on me (but I honestly know she wouldn't, which is why its a bit difficult to understand why I feel like this).
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It's just insecurity, it can happen to anyone. There's nothing wrong with having insecurities, we all have them, but letting them affect other people instead of dealing with them yourself will ruin all your relationships until you get over it.

Like I said before, the thing that snapped me out of it was losing someone I loved, and you don't want that to happen to you. :)
 
Mohinder said:
That's usually true in the case of spending lots of time with a girl, just the two of you, but in a group? That's ridiculous. Are you saying I want to bone every one of my female friends? All of them?



That is a trust issue with the girlfriend, not other people. 'Getting tipsy' is no reason to cheat.
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i dont know even what your arguing over now :confused:

Psyk said:
Saying you trust her but you don't trust the people she's going with is basically accusing them of being rapists.
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i replied to that "lol wut"


trusting her but not trusting the guys is nothing like accusing them of being rapists, thats just ludicrous
 
Mohinder said:
It's just insecurity, it can happen to anyone. There's nothing wrong with having insecurities, we all have them, but letting them affect other people instead of dealing with them yourself will ruin all your relationships until you get over it.

Like I said before, the thing that snapped me out of it was losing someone I loved, and you don't want that to happen to you. :)
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This man speaks the truth. It's the reason my recent ex split with me. You realise too late and even then the damage is done.
 
scorza said:
Tell me you haven't thought about it.

Perhaps want was the wrong word, but the sort of guy who would go on a camping trip with other people's girlfriends when the boyfriend wasn't going will most likely wants to imho.
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Hang on a minute. Take a step back and get some perspective.

These lads might have been friends with this girl since they were kids, has it not occured to you that they're going camping with their mates, as opposed to 'with other people's girlfriends'?

You're making ****ing harsh judgments on people you've never met here.

On a purely physical level you're right, I'd bone probably 3/4 of my friends, but people don't operate on a purely physical level, I have plenty of friends who basically aren't even in consideration in a sexual manner because for as long as I've known them they've been attached.

Not everyone's a scumbag. In fact most people aren't. It'd do a lot of people some good to remember that in regards to their other half.
 
scorza said:
Tell me you haven't thought about it.

Perhaps want was the wrong word, but the sort of guy who would go on a camping trip with other people's girlfriends when the boyfriend wasn't going will most likely wants to imho.
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It's not just his girlfriend and some guy, there's a whole group of them. And I'm sure you wouldn't say no to going on a camping trip with your friends just because you heard one of their boyfriends wasn't coming.

Edit:

To the original poster, don't worry about it. Or at least try not to. It's fairly normal to go away in a mixed sex group and you should be able to trust her to spend time without you.
 
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scorza said:
Tell me you haven't thought about it.

Perhaps want was the wrong word, but the sort of guy who would go on a camping trip with other people's girlfriends when the boyfriend wasn't going will most likely wants to imho.
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you must be really insecure to think things like that.
 
Mohinder said:
Hang on a minute. Take a step back and get some perspective.

These lads might have been friends with this girl since they were kids, has it not occured to you that they're going camping with their mates, as opposed to 'with other people's girlfriends'?
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I know, that's a helluva lot of sexual frustration if one of them is indeed madly in love with this girl and has been since they were kids.

Mohinder said:
You're making ****ing harsh judgments on people you've never met here.
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I generally find that the safest judgement, I'm rarely surprised.
 
scorza said:
I know, that's a helluva lot of sexual frustration if one of them is indeed madly in love with this girl and has been since they were kids.
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But if he trusts her, what's the problem?

Are you accusing this poor stranger of being a rapist again?

scorza said:
I generally find that the safest judgement, I'm rarely surprised.
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I think you may find you're rarely surprised because of making that judgment and having that attitude, not the other way around. You need to lighten up.
 
Mohinder said:
You replied to someone saying about trusting her 'but she might get drunk'... that's a lack of trust.
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no, my origional point was that i disagreed to the below quote

Psyk said:
Saying you trust her but you don't trust the people she's going with is basically accusing them of being rapists.
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I understand what your point is but he may trust her 100% and she may well be 100% faithful and trustworthy , but things can change and he could be worried one of theses guys could be influential enough to get her knickers off

maybe i just dont see it as black and white as others
 
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