If you could change an event in your life what would it be ?

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Acme said:
I just go for it these days. If they're a good friend they'll find a way to let you down easy and stay friends with you.
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I always did,just not this one for some reason.
Then I found out she was always wanting me to ask but by then she got married and is unhappy ever after but will not leave him as she is afraid of losing her house and what her family think of her getting divorced etc.

Oh well.
 
Would do things differently when I left my previous employer, up to and including maybe not leaving. I'd have probably come out of it better compensated and I would not accept my current job which turned out to be a bait and switch, and whilst it pays more is fairly dead end at the moment.
 
Most of my important decisions in life have been bad ones.

Got a lot of regrets. Mostly hesitation and just not making decisions fast enough.
 
You shouldn't have regrets. I don't think I'd change anything, unless I could go back with the knowledge I had now which benefited me financially.
 
Not an awful lot. I've definitely coasted through the last 10 years though. I like a quiet life, but I do worry I will regret it. Just hit 41, will be mortgage free this year but started hitting some health issues which are physically debilitating and its scary.

Feels like I really need to have a plan now and not waste any time. I really don't want to be sat at a desk for the next 20 years, probably mid life crisis territory but I think if I hit 60 and I've just been doing more of the same I'll regret that.

My parents are getting old, I've never been on holiday with them as adults and due to my Dad owning his own business and working 6 days a week, we really didn't have any family holidays growing up. I really need a great holiday with them before one of them vanishes for good.

So building good memories with my parents I think is the biggest regret, suddenly they are old and time is running out :(
 
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If I could choose just one single event in my life to change, it would be my parents divorcing. Had they not divorced, my brothers and I would have had far better childhoods and a better upbringing overall. That isn't to say I blame my parents for my own failings. I just think we'd have all been happier and more successful if we'd stayed whole. I don't often think about the ramifications of my parents divorce. I don't let it bother me. But sometimes I can't help thinking about how life could be much better if my parents stayed together.
 
EVH said:
Success is a mindset.
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Absolutely, and a lot of people will blame some other factor.

On another forum the question came up, "have computers ruined your life?". Many people said yes, but the most honest response was, "no, I ruined my life. A computer was just one of the tools I used to do it".
 
Robbod said:
Something else that does make me wonder how things would have turned out is what would have happened if my parents had decided to move from Lincolnshire in 1997 or 1998 instead of 2003.

If they had moved in 1997 my sister would have just finished her GCSE`s and in 1998 she would have been half way through her A levels and i would have been in the final 2 years of junior school.

Moving at this time would have undoubtedly have had a negative effect on herself with moving away from friends at that age and having to change schools or maby having to go to college instead.

Whereas for myself i would have been able to learn from her mistakes and improve and overtake her.
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So it seems like you've lived life in your sister's shadow, and that's been miserable for you. It's easy for us on a forum to laugh at you for wallowing about it, but if you've been downtrodden the whole time by parents, other family, etc. always lauding your sister while you struggled a bit in comparison, then I sort of get it.

But you are 31, not 13. The only person to solve this in your head is you, have some respect for yourself and stop blaming things on her. Proper happiness can only come of your own doing. If she went bankrupt you might feel better about yourself for a day, but it wouldn't actually improve your life.

Stop telling yourself you're too old too change, stop pretending the only thing holding you back is her success and the fact you felt like you weren't as good, start thinking about yourself.

You are the problem here, not her. Some people would have been spurred on by a successful sibling, rather than allowing themselves to be held back. You are the one that needs to change, not her.
 
Without seeing the guys sister, as the old saying goes TTIUWP....

Genetics aside, do we really expect more from her?


On another note, its your choice to live in your sister's shadow, and that shadow you're trapped under would suggest shes got her own gravity..
You need to sort your own **** out, stop blaming others and take some responsibility...
 
Imagine being as bitter as OP. Talk about dumping YOUR life problems on someone else. All your doing is tricking the brain into thinking you have no ability to be better...
 
dl8860 said:
So it seems like you've lived life in your sister's shadow, and that's been miserable for you. It's easy for us on a forum to laugh at you for wallowing about it, but if you've been downtrodden the whole time by parents, other family, etc. always lauding your sister while you struggled a bit in comparison, then I sort of get it.

But you are 31, not 13. The only person to solve this in your head is you, have some respect for yourself and stop blaming things on her. Proper happiness can only come of your own doing. If she went bankrupt you might feel better about yourself for a day, but it wouldn't actually improve your life.

Stop telling yourself you're too old too change, stop pretending the only thing holding you back is her success and the fact you felt like you weren't as good, start thinking about yourself.

You are the problem here, not her. Some people would have been spurred on by a successful sibling, rather than allowing themselves to be held back. You are the one that needs to change, not her.
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It has effected me all of my life.
 
If you live your life comparing everything you have to other people you won't lead a remotely happy life.

Wishing your sister was less successful so you can feel better about yourself is weird.

You could (presumably) always have it worse than you do now.
 
Robbod said:
It has effected me all of my life.
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So you've said, and I've expressed some empathy towards that.

If your main concern is your own happiness then it's on you to make it happen. Make one change today for the better and go from there. Get at it.
 
Robbod said:
It has effected me all of my life.
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Have you considered some therapy?

I'm sure it's not unusual for the lesser successful sibling to feel some resentment to their better performing sibling(s), but it sounds like that time should have come and gone and you've not been able to let it go, so would strongly suggest you seek some help to overcome this.
 
Semple said:
Have you considered some therapy?

I'm sure it's not unusual for the lesser successful sibling to feel some resentment to their better performing sibling(s), but it sounds like that time should have come and gone and you've not been able to let it go, so would strongly suggest you seek some help to overcome this.
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OP sounds depressed. I would support this idea. Coming on a forum with hardly any posts and talking about this deeply personal issue shows a dire need to be heard. This is not something that will be solved in a thread or with "be better, do better" posts or whatever it was somebody just said. OP needs long-term support and counselling, to my mind. Coming here is start, though this isn't the best place to talk about it online, too many embittered and negative posters here, or attention-seekers vying for the next opportunity to get a lol-response in.
 
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