This thread has brought back a lot of painful memories.
Yes, I hit back a lot, but I still got picked on daily. That said, my situation was somewhat unique as it wasn't a small group of people, but rather my whole year group as it was simply the 'thing to do'. I've had numerous people apologise to me since school (which goes part of the way to healing the hurt) and when quizzed they still don't know why I had it so hard as in their own words; they knew I hit back, and infact they even liked me as a person. I think my problem honestly was I have too much patience and would put up with it for a while before reacting.
The bullying went on for my entire time at secondary school and I'll definitely say it's affected my negatively. Indeed, I had to deal with it through Primary school in a different county. I don't specifically remember but apparently my mother was often called in as I was always fighting on the school field. I do however, have a memory of one summer holiday behind the school grounds of punching the 'hardest kid in school' in the face and giving him a nose bleed as he was being abusive to a girl's (from my year) younger brother.
Through college and sixth form I became badly depressed (after the bullying had stopped) and I've been fighting that for the last ten or so years. At school, I always fought back, always. I grew up with two brothers and we always fought, I knew how to fight and win. In fact, in my first week at that school I got into a fight with one of the 'hard' kids over something daft and punched him so hard he ran off crying. I had numerous fights during school and always badly hurt the other person for trying. I recall smashing one particular chap's face into a desk in English once as he was irritating me and got in my face when I finally reacted. He swung for me and he got his face smashed into a desk and I really laid into him for it. He was thrown out of the English class (the teacher actually liked me), everyone sat in stunned silence, but the bullying continued the very next day. As I said, it was a year-group thing. By having a fight with a chap from one group, that group would then calm down or seek revenge whilst another group decided it was their turn. Thinking back, the two hardest kids in my year (one was huge) never touched me as they respected the fact I never gave in. I recall a rumour circulating once that the morons in my year spread saying I'd claimed I could knock out the hardest kid (I was always below average in build at school). The chap quizzed me on this one day and I just replied that I had nothing against him personally but the rule applied for everyone equally: if they hit me, I'd make sure they'd be the one coming worse off. He respected me for that. Equally, I remember smashing some chap's face into some lockers as he was getting in my face one day (as I said - thing to do) because I was better at basketball than him. Being the idiot he was, he was trying to hurt me in-game, and afterwards walking to the clothes-room, kept kicking and poking me and I just snapped. Afterwards I remember a chap running up to me saying "I don't know why people pick on you when you can do that." It lasted a week before someone else was at it.
School was hell, and I still don't miss it whatsoever. I still can't understand why I became the 'victim' but I'm proud of the fact I stood up for myself. However, I do still carry the baggage of it, as I have memories of panic-attacks on school mornings and being forced to go in through fear of my dad hitting me if he found out I didn't go; it's terrible. I remember literally screaming and begging not to go in but still being forced. I remember sitting on my own crying in the corner of a playground with another boy claiming I was doing it to seek attention. I remember the girls laughing at me and calling me a freak. They're memories I'd rather not have.
My parents spoke to the school on numerous occassions, but it never worked. I guess the school were just too timid in their reaction. But as I said there's still a lot of baggage. I passed some chap from school in the street about three months ago walking to work and he smirked at me like he used to do at school, and I swear I had to do everything in my power not to go and kill the *******. I was completely shocked at how angry I became.
The only thing that truly stopped the bullying at school for me was when I went through a period of reacting to every little thing. If someone so much as said something jokingly to me, I took it very seriously. One chap who was being an idiot to me one day got a calm warning telling him to pack it in or else and that very lunch time his friend ran up to me and headbutted me in the back of the head as I was talking to some friends. To this day, I still wish and want to break that guy's nose. I mean truly, deeply. I really want to destroy him for it. But at the time, I didn't see it coming and my whole world was spinning. I just about managed enough bravado to stop a fight, but there's no way I could've taken him on at that point. If you've ever had adrenalin hit you so fast you go weak, you'll know what I mean. Honestly, to this day I still regret not being able to hit him back. But as I said, I was getting into fight after fight towards the end of year ten and people just seemed to finally decide it wasn't so much fun to victimise me anymore. But despite that, the damage was done.
You'll have to excuse the ramblings there. It was more cathartic more than anything. I know it's just kids being kids, but that doesn't mean it ever has been or ever will be acceptable. Nor can I forgive those who still see me as 'that kid'. I'll never have the answer to why it happened and God knows I've tried to find one. It seems it's just one of those things. I'm stronger and better than many people for reasons they'll never be able to comprehend.
From my experience, there is no neat cut and dry solution to ending bullying or victimisation. All you can do is teach your kid some wits and to stand up for what's right and hope they're hardy enough to deal with what life throws at them.
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