I'm going to build a space station

Cap'n Iamdjdz and weapons officer Lokkers, If the position is vacant I would like to man the rail-gun. I presume space-station OcUk is equipped with a rail gun?

Unfortunately AcidHell2 is our rail gun operator (or fortunately depending on how you rate him at the hands of such a gun) and as such this position is taken, please contact me asap suggesting your new position.

We've had our first death on the station.

Our red shirts work extremely hard in the day to day running of the station's security, I hope that the specific deceased red shirt is named in the near future, as their anonymousity makes it hard to contact their earthly family, if indeed they have one. I am sad to hear of the death and will work hard to ensure that risk is limited on further voyages.

Please could the pilots make sure that they reset the ship controls to default settings after all periods of flight to further reduce risk of pilot error.

CAPTAIN ......

THERE'S **** EVERYWHERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regrettably the toilets on deck Q have been shut for a number of days and I would urge people to use the 'rapidlift' system to go to another deck to use the toilet, rather than doing your 'duty' in the corridors. As well as being messy and smelly this may also cause the 'goody eggs' to have a suitable nourishment and I'm sure the cleaning staff want to get about their business efficiently and properly, rather than having to call in security experts.

On another note, Brian Stuart has been appointed Head of Judicial Systems at this traumatic time, and I would like to wish him the best of luck in his new post.

Any other requests or news would be extremely appreciated.

Your Captain,

iamdjdz


Crew lists updated.
 
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Erm everybody we have a slight problem upon returning from hull repairs and entering the hanger i found myself face to face with a large mob of the Goodies.

I'm now trapped in what appers to be one of the rubbish chutes after diving in here and shutting the opening behind me. I estimate about 33 Goodies not counting the three I managed to take out with my darts.

I recommend depressurising the Hanger deck I believe I have created an airtight seal around the part of the chute im trapped in using a combination of my Jeans, some spit and several elastic bands.

Please Hurry I don't believe the chute covering will last much longer under the Goodie Offensive.
 
Dear All,

You may have noticed the lights flickering recently, not to worry but I've just been testing the Mega-laser of Death on nearby asteroids. Unfortunately we may have an angry alien race attacking us soon as one of my underlings mis-aimed and blew up a colonised moon on the starboard bow.

Anyway, the news is good - the Mega-laser of Death kills things!

Sincerely,
Platypus - Mega-laser of death Commander.
 
I have now cleaned the toilets using Mr Muscle.

I have also liased with the science officer and designed a protein re-sequencer where human waste can be turned into quite edible food.

I hope the crew enjoyed their marmite this morning.
 
--- Engineering Note 332 ---

I apologise for the bright, non-flickering illumination on the lower engineering decks we are experiencing at this time.

Efforts are being made at this time to ensure each bulb flickers correctly and is only illuminated 30% of the time, even when on only casting light equivalent to that of a small AA operated torch.

I am also investigating the recent fatal accident and will compile my thoughts and results on the matter soon - as well as any engineering improvements that can be made.
 
To: Captain & Security:

It has come to my attention that one of our new Hot Alien Chicks, “Bouncy”, is missing from her quarters. A search of the entertainment areas has been carried out, there is no trace of her.

Can Security please initiate the missing persons procedure.

Commander Massage
 
Just remember it is only 30 seconds until he'll asphyxiate. I'm afraid we may well have a second death on our hands.

[edit]D DECK? HOW DID HE GET THERE FROM THE HANGARS??

DEVIL!!
 
To: Captain & Security:

It has come to my attention that one of our new Hot Alien Chicks, “Bouncy”, is missing from her quarters. A search of the entertainment areas has been carried out, there is no trace of her.

Can Security please initiate the missing persons procedure.

Commander Massage

This has been noted and a team has been sent out to aid your search.

Maccy
Head of Security
Onboard phone no: 77-999
 
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