Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

[paradisiac]

Ughh this guy is now asking me to go out on Sat night. Seriously, how can I politely decline again? He knows I've got nothing planned... So what excuse can I come up with this time?

I can't just say, "I'm sorry to keep declining you.. I'm happy to go out as friends but I don't want a relationship"... he might turn around and say "I don't want a relationship either, I'm just asking you to go out as friends"... then it'll be awkward

can you not take some mates, that will let him know you only see it as a friends thing and take the hint?

e: sorry that made sooo much more sense in my head

what I meant to say was. can you not say you and your mates are going out bowling/cinema/pub/meal......and they are welcome to come along or something.

not sure that makes any more sense. I apologise for my ramblings.

 

[DannyDan]

seriously though, damn. way too soon. I seem to get them messaging, first 3-4 messages are good and seem normal, then they start making it really difficult, they never ask things, they expect me to keep thinking of stuff to keep the convo moving. is this normal?

When it gets to that stage I just ask to meet. Might aswell find out whether they're worth the effort of thinking up messages

 

[paradisiac]

When it gets to that stage I just ask to meet. Might aswell find out whether they're worth the effort of thinking up messages

yeh, this is one part im a bit clueless on, the timing of throwing in the meeting up. the thing is, im away most of august, so pretty much screws up when I can meet them.

 

[Kemik]

Why are you wasting 10 minutes of your time thinking of something to write to them <-------- Here lies your problem.

If you get to the bottom of their profile and haven't thought of a single interesting thing to write, leave it for another time or don't bother?

Not really madness, could be a number of reasons for them being on the site (number one reason: the ego stroke).

I usually think of interesting topics to talk about, it's just asking it without it sounding like an interview. Maybe I over think things!

 

[paradisiac]

I usually think of interesting topics to talk about, it's just asking it without it sounding like an interview. Maybe I over think things!

I find a quick question in the first message to get a reply, and then slowly roll out the questions in future messages. going in too soon ends up with nothing to talk about later.

woah go me dishing out advice. this is wrong I remember when I was billy no dates

 

[grudas]

With some girls my massages are sometimes 2-3 words.. i havent actually asent a single message yet dunno why.. but i did receive some.. one girl im chattinh with who is not my type in anyway but then again i dont look at her as a potential date has sooo much to say.. we are chatting about 4-5 things at once!

Others are short but they are trying to keep the convo rolling.. one girls didnt seem to be god at it so whenshe messaged me one worded message back i just read it and ignored.. but she messaged me again a day later and we have been in a convo for a few days now!

 

[agnes]

I seem to go through stages with POF... One day I will contact several girls at once, go really well. Then I let it dwindle down simply because I don't have the time to keep constant conversations going with several people at work. Then kind of just leave it at that

Just too busy to consider dating at the moment. Bad times.

Either way, getting on REALLY well with a girl I met out in Reading and just as well with another from POF. Both stunning and really fun to be around with. However. One is moving to 'Merica for a month and the other lives a hour and a half away

 

[ljt]

So what is the etiquette for first messages? Is it just a simple “hello, how are you” type affair or do you go asking multiple questions based on their profile?

 

[paradisiac]

So what is the etiquette for first messages? Is it just a simple “hello, how are you” type affair or do you go asking multiple questions based on their profile?

hello, hows are you?
something interesting (but short) ideally about a shared interest
a little question about something relating to their profile



that's the format I have been using since my pic updates and I would say 3/10 return the message



e: the thing im finding now though, is when conversation with one person starts dying out, one with another begins. so either women sense this (maybe my attitude changes when I get fresh interest) or im just lucky.

 

[grudas]

3/10? :O not that good

 

[ljt]

hello, hows are you?
something interesting (but short) ideally about a shared interest
a little question about something relating to their profile



that's the format I have been using since my pic updates and I would say 3/10 return the message



e: the thing im finding now though, is when conversation with one person starts dying out, one with another begins. so either women sense this (maybe my attitude changes when I get fresh interest) or im just lucky.

Cheers, I've sent a couple of messages, so I'll see how that goes, one of them was to someone who supposedly clicked the "yes" on the "meet me" function, so hopefully I'll get a reply.

How long do you give them to reply before chalking them up as not interested? Does POF tell you if they read/delete your messages or are you left in the dark?

 

[Raymond Lin]

Ughh this guy is now asking me to go out on Sat night. Seriously, how can I politely decline again? He knows I've got nothing planned... So what excuse can I come up with this time?

I can't just say, "I'm sorry to keep declining you.. I'm happy to go out as friends but I don't want a relationship"... he might turn around and say "I don't want a relationship either, I'm just asking you to go out as friends"... then it'll be awkward

Say you just made plans with me

 

[MoNkeE]

Slight profile update. Realised that so many girls seem to stick "livin 4 da weekend, luv gettin smaeshd wiv my m8s!!!11" on their profiles that I should probably mention I'm not a massive drinker I tend to save getting smashed for special ocassions

 

[paradisiac]

3/10? :O not that good

is 3/10 not good I thought I was doing well as before it was like 1/20 thing is though, I have been sending out less messages as I tend to receive the first messages now. although most are along the lines of 'hi hun, howz you xx'

 

[paradisiac]

Slight profile update. Realised that so many girls seem to stick "livin 4 da weekend, luv gettin smaeshd wiv my m8s!!!11" on their profiles that I should probably mention I'm not a massive drinker I tend to save getting smashed for special ocassions

my hatred for you is dropping

but yes, POF is full of girlz that think drinkz and clubbinz the bestest thing in the world EVA!!

 

[MisChief]

can you not take some mates, that will let him know you only see it as a friends thing and take the hint?

e: sorry that made sooo much more sense in my head

what I meant to say was. can you not say you and your mates are going out bowling/cinema/pub/meal......and they are welcome to come along or something.

not sure that makes any more sense. I apologise for my ramblings.

Well I eventually came up with some lame excuse..... I said I'm trying to spend more time with parents and not be out and about too much!
Although I do have good reason for saying it tbh...

Say you just made plans with me

No, that's next week dah-lin.

 

[agnes]

So what is the etiquette for first messages? Is it just a simple “hello, how are you” type affair or do you go asking multiple questions based on their profile?

I always read the profile and go from there.

If they are short and sweet, I ask why, if extremely long, I make a joke about reading for the past 20 mins.

Also, many times you will notice little convo starters. The fact you read the profile is a big plus. Simply because of all the meat head copy and paste users.

 

[paradisiac]

Well I eventually came up with some lame excuse..... I said I'm trying to spend more time with parents and not be out and about too much!
Although I do have good reason for saying it tbh...

that works too and from all your other posts you do seem like a bit of a party animal that needs to go out less hehe

im in a predicament, well I say predicament, what I mean is, favourite number one is out the picture, she turned out to be a schlaggg.......so second in line jumped up the pecking order, but now a new arrival has come one the scene, and well, she would be my new favourite, but well, she seems like a female me. she likes everything I like, she has the same feeling about things I do, and well, she is just me but with womens bits now, I put in my profile, obvs not 100% serious, that no one wants to date themselves but well yeh, would it be weird to date someone you thought was an attractive (well obvs not as attractive as me ) female version of yourself.

 

[MoNkeE]

Jesus Para you don't have over complicate things! Just go clap dem cheeks and enjoy yourself brah!

 

[paradisiac]

Jesus Para you don't have over complicate things! Just go clap dem cheeks and enjoy yourself brah!

haha im a complex soul my biggest issue is im too friggin nice (Well apart from to you, oh and of course mischief ) so don't want to lead people on when there is no chance in hell it will go anywhere. need to man up I guess and be more spontaneous.


im on fire, even my ex (well actually 2 of them) are flirting with me over text :-/ what the hell