Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

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Richdog said:
Yes, but only because at no point have you ever been in the position to recieve and answer hundreds of messages over an extended period of time, so your well-intentioned but misplaced principled idealism still burns bright. :p
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MisChief said:
I remember having this discussion in this thread a few months ago about replying to say you're not interested etc. What is the point?

If it was me, I'd rather be ignored than for someone to reply and tell me they're not interested. It's like them saying "I'm too good for you. Move along now"

I've replied in the past to say I'm not interested or not my type, but I've had people replying back to ask why etc and trying to make conversation. Wasting my time even more?

How many messages did you receive a day? Perhaps if you received 15+ messages a day then you wouldn't be thinking the same? Even if it's just copying and pasting "sorry, not interested." it will still annoy the hell out of me having to repeat it so many times in a day.
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this. I would be well annoyed if people replied with 'look mate, get the hint, you just aint for me now jog on'. I think no reply is a good enough hint :p
 
Richdog said:
Yes, but only because at no point have you ever been in the position to recieve and answer hundreds of messages over an extended period of time, so your well-intentioned but misplaced principled idealism still burns bright. :p
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I wouldn't call it misplaced, I was always brought up to not ignore people when I was talked to. I don't see it as a bad trait and it's not likely to change any time soon.

MisChief said:
I remember having this discussion in this thread a few months ago about replying to say you're not interested etc. What is the point?

If it was me, I'd rather be ignored than for someone to reply and tell me they're not interested. It's like them saying "I'm too good for you. Move along now"

I've replied in the past to say I'm not interested or not my type, but I've had people replying back to ask why etc and trying to make conversation. Wasting my time even more?

How many messages did you receive a day? Perhaps if you received 15+ messages a day then you wouldn't be thinking the same? Even if it's just copying and pasting "sorry, not interested." it will still annoy the hell out of me having to repeat it so many times in a day.
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15+ messages would take me about 15-20 mins to reply to, hardly a lot of time out of my day to give them an idea why they didn't appeal to me. It's constructive, and if the majority replied to their messages it would help them build up a picture of a reoccurring theme. i.e. if a lot people reply with saying they are not interested because the profile was poorly written and came across as sarcastic etc, then the person knows that re-writing their profile might yield better results in the future etc. Giving them no feedback leaves them in the dark and wondering why...

But that's just me :)

paradisiac said:
this. I would be well annoyed if people replied with 'look mate, get the hint, you just aint for me now jog on'. I think no reply is a good enough hint :p
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There is a difference between a nasty reply like that and a constructive reply though. That reply you made up has no feedback, "not for me" could mean anything, bad profile, didn't find you attractive, anything, so you're still none the wiser.

If they came back and said, "look, I don't find you attractive" at least I know it was my looks and not how I came across in the content of my profile. It wouldn't annoy me that they don't like the way I look, it's their opinion.
 
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ljt said:
I wouldn't call it misplaced, I was always brought up to not ignore people when I was talked to. I don't see it as a bad trait and it's not likely to change any time soon.



15+ messages would take me about 15-20 mins to reply to, hardly a lot of time out of my day to give them an idea why they didn't appeal to me. It's constructive, and if the majority replied to their messages it would help them build up a picture of a reoccurring theme. i.e. if a lot people reply with saying they are not interested because the profile was poorly written and came across as sarcastic etc, then the person knows that re-writing their profile might yield better results in the future etc. Giving them no feedback leaves them in the dark and wondering why...
But that's just me :)
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that's what friends and GD are for :p
 
ljt said:
I wouldn't call it misplaced, I was always brought up to not ignore people when I was talked to. I don't see it as a bad trait and it's not likely to change any time soon.
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Yes, because you can't see it from the perspective of someone who actually receives tons of messages. Until you do, and are faced with having to reply to them all over a long period of time, many of which are probably more inevitably more yawnsome than watching paint dry, then granted, your view probably won't change.
 
Giving 15-20 mins of my time to people who would most likely just think "yeah whatever, bitch" after being told that they're not good enough for me basically is not something I'd want to do.

You can help 1, 2, or maybe 10, 20 people. Who's going to help the rest?
 
MisChief said:
Giving 15-20 mins of my time to people who would most likely just think "yeah whatever, bitch" after being told that they're not good enough for me basically is not something I'd want to do.

You can help 1, 2, or maybe 10, 20 people. Who's going to help the rest?
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is anyone good enough for you? :p

like I said. this sort of critique should be gotten from friends, family or some internet forum :p not from people that aint interested.

and lets be honest, if their profile is the best written piece of work ever, their interests are perfect for you, but they are just pig ugly, how are you going to say 'well from reading your profile and interests we are a great match. unfortunately, after seeing your pics I want to vomit so please, just leave, leave now'
 
MisChief said:
Giving 15-20 mins of my time to people who would most likely just think "yeah whatever, bitch" after being told that they're not good enough for me basically is not something I'd want to do.

You can help 1, 2, or maybe 10, 20 people. Who's going to help the rest?
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A rare nugget of common sense. As you say they will either think: "yeah whatever, bitch", or will continue to reply to your messages in some vain attempt to convince you otherwise. Either way, it's not worth the hassle from any practical perspective.
 
Richdog said:
A rare nugget of common sense. As you say they will either think: "yeah whatever, bitch", or will continue to reply to your messages in some vain attempt to convince you otherwise. Either way, it's not worth the hassle from any practical perspective.
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That would be the last thing I think of if they replied saying they found me unattractive, I wouldn't try and message them again either. I'm more inclined to think that if I don't get a reply, because in my view ignoring somebody is rude.
 
Sometimes you don't have to be unintentionally spiteful to help someone. Ignoring someone is enough for them to take a hint. How do you think by telling them they're unattractive is going to help them? Should they go for plastic surgery or something to make them more attractive?
 
ljt said:
not in my eyes no
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so, say you sent out 50 messages. 49 ignored you and 1 messaged back, she was really pretty, really nice and seemed keen. you would feel confident and happy yes? maybe some of the other 49 didn't get your message yet, or had soo many they didn't have time to reply. could be a million reasons, but may not be down to you not being good.

now, say you sent out 50 messages, 49 replied with 'im sorry, your proper ugly, you have no style, your profile looks like it was written by a 2 year old.' but 1 messaged back. she was really pretty, really nice and seemed keen. surely the replies from the other 49 would have knocked your confidence so hard the 1 that didn't reply would seem a wasted effort.
 
Richdog said:
So possibly in summary; you require them to effectively massage your ego and explain why they are rejecting you so that you can cope with it better.
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everyone likes acknowledgement and ego massaging. but by being told how unsuitable you are for them, and possibly any other woman isn't something for me :p
 
MisChief said:
Sometimes you don't have to be unintentionally spiteful to help someone. Ignoring someone is enough for them to take a hint. How do you think by telling them they're unattractive is going to help them? Should they go for plastic surgery or something to make them more attractive?
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No, but it would give me a definitive answer so I'd be satisfied. If the reoccurring theme was that everyone I messaged replied saying I was unattractive then I'd know when I was beat and knock dating on the head, which by default is what I've done now.

paradisiac said:
so, say you sent out 50 messages. 49 ignored you and 1 messaged back, she was really pretty, really nice and seemed keen. you would feel confident and happy yes? maybe some of the other 49 didn't get your message yet, or had soo many they didn't have time to reply. could be a million reasons, but may not be down to you not being good.

now, say you sent out 50 messages, 49 replied with 'im sorry, your proper ugly, you have no style, your profile looks like it was written by a 2 year old.' but 1 messaged back. she was really pretty, really nice and seemed keen. surely the replies from the other 49 would have knocked your confidence so hard the 1 that didn't reply would seem a wasted effort.
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Perhaps I'm missing the point? But telling me I'm ugly would only confirm what I already believe in my case, it couldn't knock my confidence any lower as it's something I already believe, if one replies saying she likes me in either of those scenario's then great, but I'd prefer the second scenario because at the very least I'd know my suspicions were correct.

Richdog said:
So possibly in summary; you require them to effectively massage your ego and explain why they are rejecting you so that you can cope with it better.
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It would be if I had an ego to "massage" I hardly call wanting to be called ugly as equal to wanting my ego massaged....
 
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ljt said:
-Perhaps I'm missing the point? But telling me I'm ugly would only confirm what I already believe in my case, it couldn't knock my confidence any lower as it's something I already believe, if one replies saying she likes me in either of those scenario's then great, but I'd prefer the second scenario because at the very least my suspicions were correct.
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but by not replying does it not also confirm your case that maybe you are going after the wrong people?

if everyone replied with reasons why they weren't acceptable, it could tip someone with low self esteem over the edge. its better to not know and live in hope, than have everyone telling you how god damn ugly and pathetic you are :p

of course, not something I have to worry about ;)
 
well I have 2 profiles on POF. both with pretty much identical pictures. 1 with my actual profile, the other with just well, ramblings and stuff about how the profile isn't important. guess what. 75% or more that viewed my 'real' profile and didn't message, messaged on the other one. shows how fickle they are :p
 
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