Is it all a bit boring?

Get outdoors, nothing is better than going for a walk, when the sun is out go somewhere quiet and sit in a field for a few hours and watch the world, the little things make the world seem better.

Got into photography when I was a bit down with everything and now i find my camera a great tool for connecting with the world in a strange way, it's made me appreciate things and how they connect, especially wildlife, I'm mad about birds now, never thought I'd say that! Can't wait to go out and photograph them after work/weekdays, it's the little things.
 
Congratulations, you've worked out that life is ultimately pointless. I had a tough time for a few years when I came to that realisation, but I've since accepted it and now just try to entertain myself as best I can.
 
Orangeade said:
(Very Tolstoy...)
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Interesting that you should refer to Tolstoy who after years of soul searching eventually took comfort from his religious beliefs

Orangeade said:
I've toyed with the idea that maybe a family or something might help
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I have heard this more than a few times from folks who have pursued an career and not developed any life outside work, (not quite your situation, I know), albeit folks in their late 30's/40's
Having a family is not a golden ticket, although can be a great comfort
I always wanted kids and got what I wanted, but I can honestly say beyond the age of around 7 or 8, I've found it to be the most unrewarding experience, and I often question whether having them was a good decision

Many/most people derive fulfillment in their lives through their relationships to other people, whether that's an intimate relationship or something less close
I see you talked about lots of socialising - seems to me that you don't seem to be getting much out of it (?)

So you need to either change your mental approach, or change your external world - simple
 
Experiences OP, create more experiences. Life is about experiences, connections and memories. What you have realised is that owning "stuff" isn't fulfilling, they are very meaningless.

Use your money to go and do things, maybe speak to some friends about doing an extended trip to some part of world where you can snorkel in crystal blue tropical waters, explore caves, visit remote locations and taste amazing food. These things will make life worth living.
 
Get yourself on one of those dolphin spotting holidays. You may find a porpoise.
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There is no absolute fix for this problem everything is fleeting and pointless when you look at the age of the universe. But there are ways to make things much better right now. You are in a very very lucky position compared to most people in the world.

My suggestions are:

- Find a way to help support someone achieve their goals, this could be financial support or giving your time / effort to lend them a hand or expertise. Or time with a charity or organisation that makes a difference.
- Take up hiking and peak climbing then when you get good, go to the Alps and climb really high stuff.
- Look up the Wim Hoff Method and start to practice it.
- Reduce your work hours and get a dog.

I'm 41 and if I could retire tomorrow I wouldn't be bored for a minute.
 
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Pipe & Slippers said:
Interesting that you should refer to Tolstoy who after years of soul searching eventually took comfort from his religious beliefs



I have heard this more than a few times from folks who have pursued an career and not developed any life outside work, (not quite your situation, I know), albeit folks in their late 30's/40's
Having a family is not a golden ticket, although can be a great comfort
I always wanted kids and got what I wanted, but I can honestly say beyond the age of around 7 or 8, I've found it to be the most unrewarding experience, and I often question whether having them was a good decision

Many/most people derive fulfillment in their lives through their relationships to other people, whether that's an intimate relationship or something less close
I see you talked about lots of socialising - seems to me that you don't seem to be getting much out of it (?)

So you need to either change your mental approach, or change your external world - simple
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Yes, Tolstoy nearly drove himself mad with the thoughts of purpose and point. I think it probably does boil down to religion giving a meaning and context beyond the physical gratification that can be sought.

Interesting perspective on the children front thanks for sharing, I can see how that could happen. And again without a proper context or framework it's probably just a plaster though I think maybe it's something I should be aiming more for.

And very astute for the socialising element. You are right, a lot of it is very hollow (driven by environment in which I operate). I think having a meaningful relationship again would help a lot (would also lead to the children element hopefully). Maybe I did not get over my previous person who broke up with me. Maybe this is what is driving a lot of that angst. Which would imply that I would need to mature up a bit...
 
Don't be too harsh on yourself - you are still relatively young!

Another word on the kid front - most blokes i know were ambivalent about having children, and pretty much went along with their partner's desire to have kids (of course women have a ticking clock on that one). Just 'cos I now question my decision to have children, doesn't mean that they can't be a very fulfilling part of someone's life. However, if you want children after being not fussed, you have to question whether you are looking for a golden ticket to happiness...some sort of shortcut

I'll share a personal story here...when my second marriage ended (yes, I know, I still cringe), I went for counselling
What I thought I wanted was some answers as to where it all went wrong and a bit of direction
However after about 6 sessions, I realised that sometimes there are no answers to be had, and no-one was going to tell me what to do
Moving forward with my life all had to come from me - it's my life and I have to live it, just as you have to live yours, and what I've found is there are no shortcuts

You have to find meaning to your own life, in whatever form that takes
 
I stopped reading at the bit that started "i,m not young, just left my 20's".....nothing worse than unjustified self pity.
 
With attempt to add some actual input...

I think life is most enjoyable when you are invest energy into something rather than merely consuming:

Nitefly said:
I think these feelings are at least in part generated from a lifestyle that overly relies on 'passive consumption' rather than 'enjoyment by creation'.

By 'passive consumption', I mean seeking entertainment and stimulation through means that require very little input (in all senses) from you. The most obvious example is sitting there watching TV but really this extends to most video games, which are mostly a walk through of somebody else's creation. Or even using the forums... that's very low input. There is nothing wrong with this sort of entertainment. In fact, it probably forms a 90% of most people's 'diet of entertainment'.

By 'enjoyment by creation', I mean seeking entertainment and stimulation through means that does require input from you to create the opportunity to harness that sort of enjoyment. Most obviously this could include something like, say, creating something artistically, but really I'm talking about things that can be as basic as just going for a walk and looking at the trees. You spend the energy and time to go and see the trees and, somehow, this makes it more rewarding. OK, so looking at trees is not exactly the most stimulating of activities, but I'm talking about: exercise, making arrangements to see friends, making a model railway, building a PC, getting into wood work, playing an instrument, calling your family for a catch-up (yes, really).... etc.

All of those 'enjoyment by creation' activities bind you to the 'now' and are, I think, more likely to procure a sense of self-satisfaction and connection to the world than entertainment by mere 'passive consumption'. The more distinct those activities are from 'passive consumption', the better. I find that I will always be more satisfied or 'rounded' if I have made the effort to go for a walk in the woods than if I have sat around and watched a film.

Literally making this up on the spot, I imagine that most people would be best off with at least 40% of their entertainment being 'enjoyment via creation'. Perhaps assess your own balance and see if it needs adjusting?

If you were to break everything down from an absolute consumer's perspective, then there really isn't any point to anything at all and the only way to gain satisfaction is to have more. More games. More gadgets. More food. More sex. More friends. More more more more. All of it, now. And if not now, then what is the point? I'm absolutely terrible at thinking this way! It is really most unhealthy and lazy.

Instead, we are all responsible for creating our own sense of purpose and worth within the boundaries of 'mere reality'. I think the secret to it all, probably, is learning and choosing to enjoy the less bombastic things in life and choosing entertainment and stimulation that requires active inout. Part of this also requires choosing to be courageous in spite of your anxieties and doubts.
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Bassmansam said:
I would only have kids if I was financially well off enough that kids would not affect/make life harder. E.g. can pay for childcare and still do all hobbies/social/holidays stuff I currently do.
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What you'll find in reality is that you and/or your partner won't want to use childcare to that extent, i.e. have someone looking after kids in the evenings/weekends all the time. IMO maintaining all hobbies/social/holidays and having kids are mutually exclusive, unless you do very little of the former. You won't realise it now, but if you have kids you'll discover stuff like:

  • Holidays are restricted because you can't just book time off work and go off whenever you fancy due to schools
  • Babies will be awake needing attention during hours you are normally doing leisure activities and/or sleeping (meaning you need to sleep at other times)
  • You can't just go out for meals/cinema/drinks/whatever with your partner of an evening, you have to arrange childcare which might not always be feasible.
  • Even if you used your wealth to fund on-call childcare you'll reach a point where at least one parent isn't comfortable leaving their children with others all the time. If you jet off as a couple for a couple of weeks holiday abandoning your kids they might get upset
  • Evenings get disrupted, before I had kids I thought it would just be a case of putting kids ot bed then do whatever I want after that
 
@HangTime yea i think what i was trying to say is i’ll never have kids. I think i am far too selfish and it would stress me out not being able to do what i want when i want. Add in the the financial burden and general worry about them and i just couldn’t do it.

Maybe if i was a millionaire and didn’t have to work then maybe i would do it but i don’t see that happening any time soon :D
 
Dear OP. Whenever I feel like what you're portraying, I watch the film Schindler's List.

To be forcefully removed from your home. To be split up from your family. To know that your older relatives would be killed and you would be forced into meaningless slave labour in appalling conditions; it certainly makes you grateful for having free will and walking in the sunshine.

I recently read The Body book by Bill Bryson. There's stuff in there about your body warding off attacks from yourself all day, every day. You need to be grateful/lucky for just being alive.
 
If your job is a thinking job, as most are now, hobbies on the physical side where you make something will provide mental benefits that aren't obvious. You will struggle to master skills and that has positive impacts there is immense satisfaction from making something even if you could have bought it more cheaply. Also being part of teams whether it's sport or volunteering is very different to working and working in teams. I had a job that provided a lot of satisfaction in my 20's with a healthy social life with friends and work colleagues but joining a rugby club again and playing gave me something entirely different. If you can afford everything you might want then consumerism becomes unfulfilling and you need to find ways to challenge yourself with things you can't buy. Sport and hobbies provide this and support that hunter gatherer bit you think is missing.
 
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