Join the club, make me feel better?

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Im like you OP with not having much luck except that my confidence is pretty good. Its just that i dont drink (probably 5 times a year) and im not in a situation where i meet a lot of single ladies. My confidence is from just going to work and going to the gym (thats the main reason i dont drink cause im obsessed with fitness). I seriously recommend going to the gym, and dont worry about feeling weak down there or scrawny everyone started somewhere.
I know im awesome with a capital "A" and thats just cause i feel good about going to the gym.
Im going out nextweekend to a stag doo (is that spelling right) down skegness (another bad spelling) and ill not be taking a no from a girl who i want to get sexytime with. And if they say no they got to be a lesbian theres no other reason:p
OP believe you are awesome and others will see it too:D

EDIT: This thread has inspired me really, if im honest the reason i havent had much luck, is cause i really am happy being single. Ive got my gym 4 times a week and my motorbike, where i go off onto adventures (read getting lost). But for about a couple months i sometimes wonder (dumb i know) but why am i happy being single? So im thinking of having a trial run of having a GF and seeing what its like...do i tell her im taking her for a trial run lol
 
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i'm kind of in the same boat OP. i've had gfs/one night stands/the odd snog here and there, though been single for a good few years now
started the whole internet dating thing and have been on a few dates, but i found myself like a fish out of water when it came to wooing them compliments and sticking the lips on etc. no problems chatting etc but trying to get it on has become kind of alien to me

it's tough but the more exposure to it the better.
i'm sure you've had a lot of good advice on here.
sometimes advice is better given in a song (it may seem harsh but it's the truth as i've started to realise)

good luck, i really hope things start to work out. take it one step at a time.

 
If you have social problems, go out and practice being social, even if it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.

Some people are born social Gods, the rest of us have to practice. It's just like anything else.

Go out, talk to random people. Have a few drinks first, if it will help. You will get laughed at, embarrased, turned down, fobbed off but so what? It's not going to kill you, it may just bruise your ego a little (more).

The more you practice the better you will get at it and all the negative rebutles will happen less and less (although it happens to everyone sometimes).
 
OP i look like I was fed with a catapult when i was a kid and i have a stunning gf. :-) so it's not all about looks. The best thing imo is to make a girl laugh, they love that. Or have a lot of money!
 
squ1bby said:
The best thing imo is to make a girl laugh, they love that.
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Oh I'm sure you're right. But when you're terrified of something, genuinely in the grip of complete and overwhelming fear, how often do you stop to think of something funny?

It's like saying if you were watching a truck speeding towards you, instead of diving out of the way you'd search your mind for something funny to say before you got hit.

Now I know chatting to a girl is not life-threatening, and indeed that must sound really weird to you guys. But imagine you did get that fearful just by standing next to a hot girl. I get tense, I sometimes shake visibly, and making jokes is in all honesty not on the agenda.

In fact I think I have an irrational fear (phobia) of attractive women.
 
FoxEye said:
Oh I'm sure you're right. But when you're terrified of something, genuinely in the grip of complete and overwhelming fear, how often do you stop to think of something funny?

It's like saying if you were watching a truck speeding towards you, instead of diving out of the way you'd search your mind for something funny to say before you got hit.

Now I know chatting to a girl is not life-threatening, and indeed that must sound really weird to you guys. But imagine you did get that fearful just by standing next to a hot girl. I get tense, I sometimes shake visibly, and making jokes is in all honesty not on the agenda.

In fact I think I have an irrational fear (phobia) of attractive women.
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I don't know how much we can help then to be honest. I think we have all got a bit nervous occasionally if that really hot girl talks to you but I have never heard of anyone with a fear this severe.

Do you have any friends that just happen to be girls? I don't know if it's weird but I always find it easier talking to girls rather than boys about problems I might have (I can see just this line being quoted and a joke made out of it). Once you talk to one I am sure it will make the rest easier.
 
Go see a counsellor and get some help or something, this is beyond GD, you don't seem too willing to do what has been suggested (haven't read whole thread so apologise if you have!). Stop dragging it out and change yourself if that is what you really want. Sounds like you have anxiety to me.
 
FoxEye said:
Oh I'm sure you're right. But when you're terrified of something, genuinely in the grip of complete and overwhelming fear, how often do you stop to think of something funny?

It's like saying if you were watching a truck speeding towards you, instead of diving out of the way you'd search your mind for something funny to say before you got hit.

Now I know chatting to a girl is not life-threatening, and indeed that must sound really weird to you guys. But imagine you did get that fearful just by standing next to a hot girl. I get tense, I sometimes shake visibly, and making jokes is in all honesty not on the agenda.

In fact I think I have an irrational fear (phobia) of attractive women.
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Sounds like you need help tbh. Therapy perhaps? Tried Hypnotherapy?

Or do you prefer just to whinge about how hard life is?

And you honestly shake visibly when standing next to a hot girl? pics or it didnt happen :p

hrmm..... whole thing screams huge trollthread to me...



Castiel said:
Remember it only takes one to say yes, so ask them all and the maths with do the rest.

Why love one, when you can love them all.....
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has your wife/partner/gf seen this :p
 
FoxEye said:
Now I know chatting to a girl is not life-threatening, and indeed that must sound really weird to you guys. But imagine you did get that fearful just by standing next to a hot girl. I get tense, I sometimes shake visibly, and making jokes is in all honesty not on the agenda.

In fact I think I have an irrational fear (phobia) of attractive women.
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Are you still putting up another pof profile? It sounds like you might benefit from talking to women through the internets instead of face to face as you seem more comfortable with it. Its true you can only do that for so long but it will help you realise that they are people just like everyone else, all with their own problems. Its always going to be hard taking the first step(i know the same fear, but not on the same level), but as has already been said it will get easier.

Just remember to take it one step at a time and try not to overthink things.

I suppose there are many ways to help yourself out and there have been a lot of good suggestions in this thread so just do what feels easiest. You will have to do something though, as you can't keep going on as you are, it will only get harder.

Just remember you've got no less to offer than anyone else has, you just dont realise it
 
OP, I think you need to get into some situations where you are forced to socialise with girls. Chatting up random strangers is tough and would be even tougher for you. Maybe you need a drastic change - into a job where you have to speak to women a lot during the day? Then you'll be forced to at least communicate, over time you'll stop being nervous around those people because you speak to them everyday. Basically get into situations where you are forced to communicate and then you'll get friends because of that. Then you can ask one of your friends out!
 
Surfer said:
hrmm..... whole thing screams huge trollthread to me...
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If you want to believe that, be my guest.

As for PoF, yeah I'll make another profile. Want to find a camera first and take a few pics.


Anyway, I want to go on a slight tangent here. There are numerous factors that are lowering my self-esteem, and probably rightly so. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Still live at home (with Mum)
2. Still dependent (Mum does cooking, washing), shameful really
3. Low-income (~15.5k) no savings, no car
4. No going out clothes (wear jogging bottoms around the house)
5. A bit of self-neglect (bit of a gut, not been to dentist for 15 years)
6. Academic failure: as a teenager teachers said I was as smart as I wanted to be. Went to uni and dropped out, after woefully underachieving at A-level too.
7. Lack of interests/hobbies besides coming here :p

So, if you were me, what would you work at first? Move out? Get some clothes? Fix my body? Obviously some of these are going to be easier to put right than others. Moving out may not be financially viable. Or I'd end up subsisting in a small flat and being even more miserable.
 
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