Join the club, make me feel better?

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Surely you can find loads of women on pof. just done a basic search after looking at your profile and within 35 miles of me (bristol) there are LOADS of hot women!! loads of stunners!!
 
Last year i was like this. Then one day i woke up, slapped myself (mentally) and decided "**** it." I'm going to a club tonight, and i'm going to talk to some women. IF they shun me, so freakin what? I'm unlikely to ever meet them again...life goes on...

First night went well.

I know you've said about your difficulty in talking to people.....I get scared in crowds/rooms with strangers (even only 1 or 2) ....so think how i felt at a club.....

Just tell youself....Tonight i'm going out, and i'm going to have a laugh, and if i meet some women, WOOHOO.

If not, life goes on, try again tomorrow/next week (but no longer than that)
 
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Morba said:
Surely you can find loads of women on pof. just done a basic search after looking at your profile and within 35 miles of me (bristol) there are LOADS of hot women!! loads of stunners!!
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If I was single I think I'd sign up! Had a little look myself and there's girls my age galore! Crazy!
 
The only way i can think is to get out to the bars clubs ect and meet women! the only way bud! get a few muckers together aand hit the streets! alcohol and women is a match made in rohypnoheaven, i mean heaven!
 
Join a gym if you're worried about a puny or rotund body.

If you don't fancy the clubbing route take up an activity where females are present, be it a martial art, ballroom dancing or whatever and voila! you have some new female friends (probably quite fit) and some common ground to chat about.

They're only people like us (apart from being bat**** insane a week a month) so you should be able to take it from there.
 
ryujinjakka said:
I think for starters you need to work on your self esteem more than anything.
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This. One thing that is usually attractive to women, is self confidence (Not arrogance). First thing you need to do is feel good about yourself, don't put yourself down. Second, you need to put yourself into situations where you can interact with women. In my experience, you don't have to have the looks of a model, or the wit of a playboy. Show a little confidence and just be yourself.
 
Only advice I can give is: stop over thinking things.

Switch your nogging off, drink some liquid courage and find someone to talk to in a bar/club.

However, there is nothing wrong with liking your own company but if you feel the need to socialise a little. The local watering hole and/or nightclub is your best bet. :)

Kind regards, hope you score op. :p
 
Practice dude. Start conversations with random girls (eg if you're waiting for the bus, ask if she saw your bus go by before you got there) just to get used to it and to develop your social skills (learn to ask interesting questions that set you apart for instance, like "where is the one place youd love to go, and why" give you a lot of info about a girl). The trick is to treat it like a game. If it goes wrong, which it might at first, just start over with a new girl. You just need to start taking action. Once you're ready, there are plenty of dating sites to find a nice chick your age.

As for useful books, I actually changed everything after reading "The Game" by Neill Strauss, which although I wouldn't use it as a guide, opened my eyes to a mindset that allowed me to pick up women, and a community that taught me how and gave me feedback. Very handy, and it's a good read.
 
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I think if you've made it to 30 without getting any it's time for hookers!

and on the plus side they probably wont want to look you in the eye either (unless you pay extra for a good one, but that's not an issue for you win/win \o/)
 
May be try a session with a hypnotherapist to give you some techniques to relax and feel confident. I never had a problem putting it about but it worked miracles for me getting me driving again after an accident and I could see it applying to almost anything where you have a block.
 
Dude, before starting to think about women you should really get the self esteem issues sorted first.

If you can't love yourself it's difficult to convince someone else to.
 
Alcohol.

Hell, it did for me! (As in, me being very drunk, not her! All the time.) I didn't try any pick-up stuff, I just swanned around being my drunken self and it would appear that the other half found me quite endearing. :D

FoxEye -- I have exactly the same social issues as you. I don't like new groups and I find it exceptionally difficult to engage in conversation with new people (and even friends, a lot of the time). My brain just stonewalls. I can't think of a single thing to say or discuss unless it's about a specific topic that I have in-depth knowledge or appreciation of. Then I just start rambling about crap that they have no interest in. So I just don't talk. Seems the better option to me.

I also have the same problem with eye contact. I've been practicing for years and gotten a little further, but still can't maintain it for more than a few seconds. It feels DEEPLY uncomfortable. Almost threatening, in a way.

So, a lot of the time down the pub I just end up cradling my drink and staring at the floor or table. I know it's not right in terms of being in a social situation. In my own little bubble I'm fine there with my thoughts, just having a drink and drifting along inside my own head, but others think I'm upset or moody or something.

Around new people I tend to be extremely offensive, but that's just my sense of humour. Due to that I usually "click" REALLY well with certain people, but go down in flames with others within minutes. Just the way I am.

So I'm very similar to yourself in terms of that, except I justifiably loathe the ugly fat piece of crap that I actually am. I put on a massive amount of weight over the course of about 4 years and it's destroyed me both physically and in terms of self esteem. I don't like looking in mirrors and, hell, I barely even enjoy going outside. But I'm working on it. Lost about 2 and a half stone, but still have around 4 to go.

Of course, after that I'll have to deal with the extra skin etc. that'll no doubt be left, so I'm left wondering whether I'll EVER be truly happy with who I am. Believe me, you're a decent looking bloke and certainly not fat.

If you lived anywhere near me I'd take you out for a drink (no homo). Perhaps our combined awkwardness could cause some kind of dimensional rift.
 
Go see the brass, they will sort you out. Take a nice little trip to the dam, amazing what you can get for 50 euros.
 
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