Jokes you've made up

[KizZ]

So what did one snowman say to other snowman?



























































Smells like carrots.

 

[BloomerzUK]

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?




Nail it's other hand to the floor.

 

[KizZ]

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?




Nail it's other hand to the floor.

Animal cruelty

 

[salami1212]

im going to exchange a rather rude word with fish..

a man had trouble with his 2 sons.. they always swore.

so he went to a doctor (dnno why) and asked why his kids always swore and how to stop them..
he said "whenever my kids swear i just beat the fish out of them"

so the next morning, his 2 sons came down for breakfast.. the dad asks "what do you want for breakfast"
the son says "fishin cornflakes please"

so the man beats the fish outa the kid.. the other son comes in and sees his brother on the floor..
the dad asks what the son wants for breakfast

the son replies "i aint havin no fishin cornflakes"

*runs and gets a taxi*

 

[FincH]

So what did one snowman say to other snowman?



























































Smells like carrots.

You complete gay. I was going to put that :9

Even had it typed out.

See:

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Can you smell carrots!

Earlier I went into B&Q and one of the members of staff asked if I wanted decking...

















So now I have a nice place to sunbathe :/


What did one pineapple say to the other pineapple...

















Nothing, pineapples don't talk you idiot.

 

[Otacon]

Nothing, pineapples don't talk you idiot.

Needs a single syllable insult really. Like 'tool'. Or 'nob'.

 

[Al Vallario]

It's a rather shocking insight into the sense of humour of the average OcUKer that the majority of these jokes are old and the rest are just dire...

 

[theo]

Q: How do you catch a rabbit?
A: Make a noise like a carrot
(for some reason, it's a lot funnier when you're drunk )

it's not a bad thing that i'm literaly lmao at this joke

but like others i'm one of the more situational person, i could try though...

'humour is relative...'

except on the internet'


dont worry i'm out the door...

 

[Bes]

So what did one snowman say to other snowman?
Smells like carrots.

Piracy is bad mmmkay?

 

[yermum]

Yesterday our 9 year old son was looking at things in our neighbourhood on Google Earth and found the local motorbike centre.This is the true conversation with his dad:

Jack: I've just found that motorbike shop near Waddesdon

Dad: What Onyerbike?

Jack: No, on Google Earth.

 

[Mat]

The only joke I ever made up was when I was about 4 and my parents still humiliate me with it...

"What did the kite say to the dragon?"

"Fly away"

lol

 

[KizZ]

Piracy is bad mmmkay?

 

[pinkacidbootson]

Where do bees go when it rains?


They get on the buzz.


Made it up today at work. A bee landed in a patch of water and got all wet, so it couldn't move much. This led to someone asking "where do bees go when its raining?". I had a quick think about this daft question, and came up with this superbly un-funny joke

 

[johnson]

I actually did make one up....

Which way do ants go?
anticlockwise

good eh

 

[locutus12]

I actually did make one up....

Which way do ants go?
anticlockwise

good eh

replacing the F word with truck ? (hopefully allowed) (my friend made this up so he claims, hes from Georgia. it made me cry with laughter when i first saw it)

Mr Smith went to his doctors to pick up his wifes test results,

the Doctor came out looking worried and said:

"we have a problem, we have two mrs smiths and we dont know which ones your wife, whats worse is that one has Elzhiemers and one has AIDS"

looking stunned, Mr Smith asked:

"how do i know which one my wife has?"

The Doctor replied:

"oh thats easy, drive her out 20 miles and leave her, if she comes home dont Truck her."