I always enjoy a debate with people who have different views to my own — it makes me challenge my way of thinking and forces me to refine my beliefs. If everyone involved can accept and admit their own biases, then it makes for a more honest debate. I'll reiterate what I said earlier though, just because someone holds a bias one way or the other, it doesn't necessarily make them wrong. The sad thing is, most political discussion these days descends into a mud-slinging match where anyone on the right is labelled Nazi and anyone on the left is labelled Communist (don't get me started on the "Nazis were left wing thing
). What's worse is that this polarisation has infiltrated real politics, especially in America.
I agree that you have to keep watch for extremists on both sides — there was an interesting debate on here about Nazis vs AntiFa during the whole Charlottesville riots (but that was far right vs far left, not an example of what I was just talking about above).
Going back to your points about identity politics: the first thing I would do is stop watching Good Morning Britain.
I appreciate that's a flippant remark, but it has a reasoned basis; just like newspapers have a clear bias, so to do these programmes. With the likes of Piers Morgan as an anchor, GMB positions itself towards a certain audience and the editorial team pick news items or guests that will keep that particular audience watching. Even with Susana Reid as a counter to Piers Morgan, she doesn't necessarily "balance" the show. I always think of BMG as "The Daily Mail" of breakfast TV.
Equally, social media provides a great platform for vocal minorities to get their message out but they're still just that; a minority. They may be shouting louder, but that's because most people have got better things to do with their time. I pay no more credence to these "ultra feminists" than I do to the EDL for example. I don't know about you, but I have more immediate things in my life to worry about. I'm not going to not get on a tube for fear of an Islamic terrorist blowing me up, just as I'm not going to worry about a mob of gender-neutral people chasing me down the street for being a white male.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't challenge those extreme views and it also doesn't mean that your fears aren't real but equally, we shouldn't let the fear of those views take over our lives.
You say that identity politics makes you "the privileged oppressor...the bigot...the misogynist even if you're not one" but that's only true in the eyes of the tiny but vocal minority and it certainly doesn't define you. If you've never been called any of those things personally, have you had any experiences where people holding those views have directly impacted you? Or is it just what the media and social media have been telling you that's got you concerned?