Let's hear some funny jokes!
- Thread starter Sniper123
- Start date
Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: I reckon he's an accountant.
James: No way, he's a stockbroker.
Chris: He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Chris: Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Chris: And what is that exactly?
Suit: I'll try to explain by example............Do you have a goldfishat home?
Chris: Er...mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in apond. Which is it?
Chris: It's in a pond.
Suit: Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chris: As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: Well then it's logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chris: As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Suit: Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married.
Chris: Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Suit: Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris: Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not xxx very often?
Chris: Me? Never!
Suit: Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris: How's that then?
Suit: Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chris: I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
James: I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chris: Yep ! He's a logical scientist!
James: What's that then?
Chris: I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: Nope.
Chris: Well then, you're a *******
Chris: I reckon he's an accountant.
James: No way, he's a stockbroker.
Chris: He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Chris: Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Chris: And what is that exactly?
Suit: I'll try to explain by example............Do you have a goldfishat home?
Chris: Er...mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in apond. Which is it?
Chris: It's in a pond.
Suit: Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chris: As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: Well then it's logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house?
Chris: As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Suit: Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married.
Chris: Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Suit: Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris: Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not xxx very often?
Chris: Me? Never!
Suit: Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris: How's that then?
Suit: Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
Chris: I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
James: I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Chris: Yep ! He's a logical scientist!
James: What's that then?
Chris: I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: Nope.
Chris: Well then, you're a *******
Soldato
- Joined
- 24 Nov 2002
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- 16,378
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A blonde girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
A guy was driving into Dublin looking to buy a few bits and pieces for the house but got lost, so stopped to ask a local for directions.
"Excuse me mate, do you know if there's a B & Q in Dublin?"
"No mate, but I know there's two D's in Drogheda."
"Excuse me mate, do you know if there's a B & Q in Dublin?"
"No mate, but I know there's two D's in Drogheda."
Associate
- Joined
- 3 Mar 2004
- Posts
- 1,312
- Location
- West London
divine_madness said:
Seriously, this "oh now I get the joke and will explain the punchline" was only funny the first time someone did it a few times months ago
Associate
- Joined
- 30 Sep 2004
- Posts
- 1,038
- Location
- Colchester, Essex
Heisenberg is driving down the road one day and gets pulled over by a policeman. The cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am."
Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
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