News on Wife (reason for being away for a day)

I have something like 26 TV series to watch now, see Paola was so ill most of the time that we really had to limit what we did, even watching a 1 hour show would tire her out, a lot of series were put on the back burner in case she ever felt better or had energy.
 
I went on a long walk tonight visiting a lot of the places I used to take Paola, walked the dogs (separately because they are too hectic together).
Burnt some of the last old documents and boxes.
The Dialysis company is coming on Monday to remove 80+ boxes of fluid and medical equipment.
Stair lift company is removing the stair lift we rented.
Bank has closed down her account.
DWP has been advised and accounts updated, benefits changed.
Funeral Director from local family owned business (who buried my dad 45 years ago) are coming on Tuesday morning.
Mediquip should arrive on Friday to remove other items.
I completed Assassins Creed Origins last night.

I think that I accomplished a lot.

Still feel like hell but I did something.
 
Trappi$t said:
How old are you Calranthe?

Are you young enough to allow time to heal things, and have a life again in the future?

If so, then this I hope would give some cause for optimism, as would not having someone you care about suffering and in pain. I'm sure to the layman this will sound sick, but I recently lost my father to cancer, and in the end I was actually grateful he passed so quickly, sparing him the agony and misery he was in.

I hope you can build a new life again, and make your wife proud. I hope things work out and you get the karma back for all the care and effort and dedication you gave for your wife.
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I am 48, I plan to reply to all the messages in this thread, take up all the offers of contact and advice in the coming week.
For now I am trying to get the house in order, preparing for the people to fetch the medical equipment.

I will give more details once I have them.

Thank you.
 
Can anyone recommend any series like scrubs as in good quality comedies but with a bit of depth and serious undertones, I do not even mind if it is a cartoon, actually any ideas on things to watch that will keep me distracted.
 
Okay okay now you would think life would give me a break, just a tiny one, I mean stuff happens and we deal.
Today I went for an colonoscopy (stick the camera up the butt) because my Red cell count is low, well wait for it...
It looks like I have bowel cancer, samples have been taken place has been marked with dye so that surgeons can have at it.
They did an emergency CT scan of my body just in case it has spread, hopefully we caught it early.

But seriously ??
 
I guess I am getting use to dealing with bad news and mortality, it may not be cancerous, it may not have spread, it may have been caught early there is a good chance that everything I just said is right and true, unfortunately it is just a waiting game now, waiting for the CT results which unlike on TV shows can take 2 weeks, I do not know how long it takes to get results back from the samples but they have my phone number.

Yes I will fight this.

Funeral details are in.
We are having a small service at carmountside cemetery, leek road, none religious, I will be doing the service after all, I know her best, if anyone is to speak about her it should be me, 10th December at 12, from there anyone who wants to come back to our house for a quite chat and food, that will happen.

We are not going with flowers because Paola never agreed with that, they die to quickly, anyone who wants to do something instead send a donation in Paola's name to https://www.animallifeline.org.uk/wp/ a local charity we have had all our dogs from.

I am just going to get on with doing what needs to be done.

Thank you all.
 
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rebel rebel said:
I'm sorry to hear of your health problems, hopefully it's nothing. I'm still waiting to hear if I'm having a kidney removed before I go on the transplant list, like you say these things take ages to sort.

Good luck for the funeral, a lot of people request no flowers for the same reason, I think a donation to the animal shelter is a nice touch. I will donate next week when I have some funds.

*I think the shelter address needs a .UK at the end because without it goes to a shelter in New Jersey and with it's a shelter in Staffordshire.
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Thank you and yep I edited it :)
 
its bowel cancer, I am going into hospital on the 20th will be in for 7 days, they are also concerned about a nodule in my lung it may be nothing but with bowel cancer they have to keep an eye on it.
 
Thank you, I am now sorting out buying PJ's and all that kind of thing that I only ever got for Paola, she spent a lot of time in hospital, me well apart from a hernia I've never spent time in hospital.
 
JBod said:
I wish I'd had a chance to meet and chat with Paola, I would have loved to give you guys a tour of our studio. Calranthe - If you ever find yourself in Los Angeles drop me a trust and I will happily give you a behind the scenes look at making VFX for Marvel movies and VR/AR app/game development, I'd be honoured to hear more Paola stories.
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Once all this is sorted I may take you up on that, Paola always wanted to visit the USA and I want to visit those places that she couldn't.
 
I just published Paola's story on Amazon Kindle, it is a short story with the title Paola A warrior's Soul. it does come up if you search for it yay!. set it as the lowest price possible .99p you can't set it to free but I can give anything it makes to charity. just wanted to get her story out there before I go into hospital, it is also available for free on my website (http://deviantedge.org ) if anyone does read it (i've been told its actually okay) and you have an amazon account then reviewing on amazon can be done even if you don't buy it from there. would just help her story get out to more people.
 
It just seems like its really messed up luck, we lived in three different locations during Paola's illness and the last 2 are really up to the specifics of quality.

They say the nodule in the lung could just be a nodule in the lung they have a lot of people that just live with it and it never goes bad, they want to check on that every 3 months.
 
Paola's funeral went well today, everyone was amazed at how well I did taking the service myself.
I just feel disconnected from everything feel like nothing matters even though I know that it does.
Tomorrow I go for my first appointments before going in on the 20th.
 
I want to thank you all for all the advice and help, to think this all started with me thanking OCuk for all the help and hardware over the years, being offered a tour of the shop which we both would have loved and then 3 days before we went for the Saturday visit Paola had what we now know was a silent heart attack, she was more broken up about not being able to go for the visit than having a heart attack.

But that was Paola for you never one for sitting around.

In 5 days I go into hospital and so I wanted to post this before I do, Yes I know my outlook is good, will know more tomorrow at my consult appointment with the surgeon, results for the MRI should be in.

I know that this news and what I am facing has interrupted the natural grieving process, even though that process is different for everyone,

I know that getting over this will be hard, it may be impossible, no I am not talking about the cancer, I am talking about the loss of Paola, for 20 years she was my life, because I quit my job and became her primary carer we spent 18 hours a day together with no breaks, no real exterior friends or hobbies that took us away from each other, we were both geeks and nerds before it was fashionable, we did everything together.

She was my first Girlfriend

I always told her that I was happy as long as I lasted one day longer than she needed me.

I can not describe the physical pain of loss and how every moment of my life is torture without her, I am happy that most of you will not understand that physical hurt that comes from someone that close being torn away from you.

How sunlight feels less bright, how colours feel faded and all those things from food to gaming that I used to gain enjoyment in mean nothing to me at all.

Last week at my pre-op assessment they talked about the slight risks of surgery and when they mentioned the very minor chance of death all I could think was "so the worst case scenario is I'll either no longer be in pain or depending on your beliefs I will be with my wife".

I have no real life friends or close family and my neighbour has already said he will take on my dogs if anything happens to me.

This isn't me giving up, I will be fighting this cancer, I have my bag packed, I have my tablet so I can listen to audio books, play games (I have the tablet edition of Baldur's gate 2 and Planescape torment) and watch netflix (I've transferred the first 4 series of American Horror Story, last 3 series of misfits and 30 movies I never got around to seeing while Paola got worse), I also have the four graphic novels by Scottie Young "I hate fairyland" which are excellent from what little I read of the first one, I also am taking the entire first release series of comics (20) of Shogun Warriors which Paola bought me, they are in near mint condition and an often overlooked Marvel series (earth 616) that came out 1978 4 years before the first Transformers and that kind of thing it even features the fantastic four.

If I don't get to post again before I go in then once again thank you all, hopefully once I get home after all this is done I can take up some of your offers to visit, I miss having movie night or gaming night.
 
Had a few scares this week, they were concerned it may have spread to my liver but the operation is going on as planned on Thursday I will try to keep people informed. Thank you for all the amazing support.
 
Hello, I am back home, I was scheduled for the operating theatre as second patient morning (20th) the patient before me had compications so they moved me to second slot afternoon and the person in front of me well a 1 hour op he/she is still on the table, it happens after all I could be a complication when I have it done, they will contact me tomorrow with a new date (because I need to fast for so long and take that stuff that moves things out of you really fast It can't just be next day) so I am here for a little while longer.
 
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