What have I lost?
Everything that really mattered, people talk about soul mates in a romantic way but if you have someone who you spent every waking moment with, who knew you better than you knew yourself what else could it be.
I never believed in love at first sight, but love at first talk? that's another thing entirely, imagine meeting someone for the first time and you just click, the first 4 hours just disappear because you are just talking, a person that within the first 48 hours you have shared everything with, i'm not just talking the normal stuff but everything, even down to what porn you like and your deepest darkest desires, no fear of recrimination, no fear of being judged, you never have to hide anything from her ever in 21 years she knows you so well that not only can she add new book lists, films, TV to your todo list but also picks out porn for you and points out women she knows you will think are hot.
Even with all this valentine talk and all the romantic stuff on TV and Film I don't think in practice many people have that.
Where your wife is your best friend.
And that is a sad thought
Every MMORPG I ever played she played with me and not because she wanted to follow me around she always played her own class and method, she was in one of the early teams for Unreal Tournament before the arthritis really kicked in, she was an amazing sniper, we never let anyone know she was female, back then mic's were not a given thing.
We had our own team on counterstrike before it became Go.
We did live action roleplay Vampire, Mage, Werewolf she made all our costumes.
She always found something new for us to do, a game to try, a show to watch or a rare old B movie only available on VHS.
She ran a Science Fiction club.
Yes we had our fights and some of them were real yelling matches, when you have two people who are both stubborn and both frustrated as hell at the cards dealt you each become each others target.
It is a sad thought when I think that not many people in the world ever had that level of connection and the main reason I think that is because so many people I meet tell me "it will get better" "time will heal"
Really?
you know that for a fact, you spent 21 years with your perfect partner who matched you in every way possible?
Like I have said before.
I keep myself distracted, I work on projects and turning the house into my perfect man cave, I play games and listen to audio books not because I am enjoying them but because if I stop distracting myself then I am lost, I am broken and nothing may ever change that, life will never be the same, I am pretty damn sure that I will never meet anyone like her again and a future without her is bleak and deadened.
Please everyone, if you have anyone you care for make sure they know EVERY damn day, make sure you don't wait for valentines day, make sure you don't wait till next year for a holiday, there is a lot people can do together that costs very little, spend time with those you love because...
The one certainty in life is one day, it could be tomorrow or in 20 years will be the last day they exist and the worst thing to have is regret.
What happens to me will happen to me, but you all or most of you still have that person or could make it happen NEVER take love and friendship for granted.
