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[RaohNS]

Need some advice, if any possible! lol

My daughter is 21months tomorrow, she's always been an iffy sleeper tbh. But last few months we've been able to put her to bed round 7-7:30 at night. We put her in her cot when she's sleepy and just walk out. She then sleeps through till round 6-7am.

Now we are into week 3, and this lovely sleep pattern has gone haywire! She going down later now, round 7:30-8 (not a problem) but we can no longer leave her to drift off in cot, we have to stay by her side till she nods off otherwise she creates holy hell! And this sleeping through until the morning has gone as well. She now wakes 2:30-3am every morning and is taking easily at mos 3 hours to go back to sleep. We've tried things to get her back off, food/warm milk, letting her sleep in our bed and nothing seems to help her drift off fairly quick etc.

So im looking for advice, does anyone have anything we could try, as now the lack of sleep for both of us is really getting to us.

Been there... Done that. Never again. Put down, ready story night night kiss and leave the room. If still crying after 30mins go up repeat kiss, cuddle put down. Bed time now. Walk out. Will soon get tired.

My daughter was a nightmare. Imagine 2am wakeup and having to do squat session holding baby for an hour constantly... No thanks.

You could if you wanted always just potter about upstairs so she can hear you and hopefully get some comfort.

 

[maun]

My advice, which you may want to ignore as some will say it's not nice, would be to lay her in bed, kiss her goodnight, and leave her to it. She's going to scream because she's learned that doing so makes you stick around. So if you can do it without feeling guilty, do it.

We had to do it with ours around the same age. He'd throw merry hell, we'd check on him every 15 minutes or so to make sure he was actually alright, and eventually he'd calm himself down. The objective is to get them used to getting themselves off to sleep.

Before bed it's a pretty firm regime of dinner, play, bath (use Johnsons Bedtime stuff), book, bed. I would say don't even entertain the idea of going up to them, talking to them, getting them out of bed, and NEVER let them in your bed!

It might sound cruel to some, but he goes to bed at 7pm and if we don't have to get up for work at 6.30, he'll sleep in to 7 or sometimes 8.

thank you for taking time to reply BigDannyO, but got to say that that method isn't for us. We've tried it a few times in the past, but it was just counter-productive for us (purely our opinion) she'd just cry/cough and get so upset that she never calmed down at all.

We do have a bedtime routine we stick to (and have done for over a year) when its gone 7 we take her to her room, read books to her and generally don't interact with her. she'll then show signs of being tired and we just put her in her cot etc.

Again RaohNS thank you for the advice, but personally (and i Know my OH feels the same) we just don't feel comfortable doing that. We haven't really needed to rely on doing that as when she has woken in the past (usually for drink or dream) we've seen to her then walked out (3-4 minutes at most) It just seems atm she's gone backwards about 12-15months lol

Hope I haven't caused any offense RaohNS & BigDannyO with both methods, as it is a valid method to do, its just not one we are comfortable doing

 

[BigDannyO]

thank you for taking time to reply BigDannyO, but got to say that that method isn't for us. We've tried it a few times in the past, but it was just counter-productive for us (purely our opinion) she'd just cry/cough and get so upset that she never calmed down at all.

We do have a bedtime routine we stick to (and have done for over a year) when its gone 7 we take her to her room, read books to her and generally don't interact with her. she'll then show signs of being tired and we just put her in her cot etc.

Again RaohNS thank you for the advice, but personally (and i Know my OH feels the same) we just don't feel comfortable doing that. We haven't really needed to rely on doing that as when she has woken in the past (usually for drink or dream) we've seen to her then walked out (3-4 minutes at most) It just seems atm she's gone backwards about 12-15months lol

Hope I haven't caused any offense RaohNS & BigDannyO with both methods, as it is a valid method to do, its just not one we are comfortable doing

No offence taken, we're all struggling along! Please don't think I'm trying to preach, as obviously I don't the workings of your house.

But you say your routine starts after 7 when you take her up to bed. Our routine (which I'm not saying is better, just something to consider!) starts from dinner time at about 545 onwards. It's a long-term battle plan, with the intention of gradually bringing him down to a point where he's ready to go at 7. And literally, doing exactly the same thing every night. Children thrive on routine.

Also think about this... when she's crying in bed, after you've fed her, watered her, bathed her, cuddled her, kissed her good night... there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She's crying because she know's you'll come. She'll keep escalating until you come. You need to play that game. And if you do go up to see her, 3-4 minutes is (again my opinion only) far too long. Get in, lay her down, straighten her out, kiss her and leave. 30 seconds tops.

 

[LizardKing]

thank you for taking time to reply BigDannyO, but got to say that that method isn't for us. We've tried it a few times in the past, but it was just counter-productive for us (purely our opinion) she'd just cry/cough and get so upset that she never calmed down at all.

With controlled crying you have to stick to it for a few days, they will get it but i can appreciate how torturous it can be, your not just dealing with your child screaming but your mrs also going bat poo crazy!

You can try leaving her for 5 min, go in lie her back down & say good night (nothing more) and leave, then leave her for 7 minutes and same again. Gradually increasing the time between each visit. Use an alarm clock otherwise those minutes will feel like hours!

The trick is to give them zero attention for the noise (and that's all it is at the end of the day) they create but also reassuring them you are still around.

Alternatively you can try the sitting by the cot until there at the stage they are drifting off but giving them zero attention (not even eye contact), gradually leaving earlier each night

Controlled crying is the only one that worked for both of mine, probably the hardest parenting I've done in the 7 years they've walked this planet but they both sleep extremely well now.

 

[Steedie]

Controlled crying was the only thing that worked for us. Up until 10 months old he'd wake up every 2 hours without fail. We did 1 week of controlled crying, luckily that's all it took but it was the hardest thing I've ever done, absolutely broke my heart to hear him so upset and thinking what he must be thinking as to why we're not going up to him.

But after a week, he slept right through, every night. He's now 22 months and he sleeps 12 hours minimum right through every night and has done since about 12 months, can't remember the last time he woke during the night, and if he does he goes right back to sleep himself.

It's a horrible thing to have to do, but it really does work

 

[BigDannyO]

It's a horrible thing to have to do, but it really does work

Agreed, it is absolutely heartbreaking, and goes against every instinct you have as a parent. But if you can hold out it really is the best for the little one and for you in the long run.

 

[Maloney]

With our girl, we had to partake in controlled crying for the best part of her first 6 months in her own room. She's two in a week and still wakes up occasionally in the night. The past two nights it's been 3/4am, but most of the time, telling her to go back to bed works. Other times a bottle of milk helps. Usually she's fine though, and goes to bed between 7-8 when she feels tired.

Sometimes she's the one to tell us that she wants to go to bed!

She has got into the habit of having a good old play (running around singing and banging stuff against a hard surface mostly) after we put her to bed, but she ends up sorting herself out in the end. We had to put her into a bed as she would climb out of her cot!

I hated controlled crying, but without it, I don't know what we would have done.

 

[Steedie]

Guys,

Anyone else have experience with that terrible two stage? How did you manage it and best deal with it?

Our son is two next month and has recently discovered that he can throw proper tantrums and boy does he like to do it. Full scale melt downs at the worst moments, over nothing. He's going through a lot at the moment bless him, just started nursery, in the process of moving but we've had to move back to each of our parents for 6 weeks so he doesn't see me as much and is in unfamiliar surroundings which I imagine is making everything 10x worse.

He's always been such a good boy before this, I know everyone says that about their kids but he really was. I can't remember the last time he'd cry out in public or kick off unless he was in pain/ill. But the complete opposite now

Any tips?

 

[fatiain]

Guys,

Anyone else have experience with that terrible two stage? How did you manage it and best deal with it?

Our son is two next month and has recently discovered that he can throw proper tantrums and boy does he like to do it. Full scale melt downs at the worst moments, over nothing. He's going through a lot at the moment bless him, just started nursery, in the process of moving but we've had to move back to each of our parents for 6 weeks so he doesn't see me as much and is in unfamiliar surroundings which I imagine is making everything 10x worse

Any tips?

My eldest had a terrible two tantrum in Tesco, full on screaming, kicking crying, the full works. I got down next to him and joined in. He stopped.

He's finding and exploring boundaries, make sure you enforce the boundaries!

 

[Steedie]

My eldest had a terrible two tantrum in Tesco, full on screaming, kicking crying, the full works. I got down next to him and joined in. He stopped.

That's brilliant I might have to give that a go

 

[fatiain]

That's brilliant I might have to give that a go

It was most satisfying! Although I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out tbh, got some really strange looks from other shoppers.

 

[subbytna]

Took my twins Alex and Lewis to a fancy dress birthday party....kinda upstaged the birthday girl but I laughed anyway

Meet my wee Super Mario Brothers

 

[Steedie]

Brilliant!

 

[Syla5]

Guys,

Anyone else have experience with that terrible two stage? How did you manage it and best deal with it?

Our son is two next month and has recently discovered that he can throw proper tantrums and boy does he like to do it. Full scale melt downs at the worst moments, over nothing. He's going through a lot at the moment bless him, just started nursery, in the process of moving but we've had to move back to each of our parents for 6 weeks so he doesn't see me as much and is in unfamiliar surroundings which I imagine is making everything 10x worse.

He's always been such a good boy before this, I know everyone says that about their kids but he really was. I can't remember the last time he'd cry out in public or kick off unless he was in pain/ill. But the complete opposite now

Any tips?

The most difficult part of it all is feeling socially unaccepted because its your child making all the noise and you feel like everyone is looking down on you.

End of the day pretty much every child goes through many phases where they will have tantrums or find the best way to publicly humiliate you!

While dealing with it is difficult you should rest assured that pretty much all other parents (there's always the odd 1% who claim their child is amazing 100% of the time!....no they are not you are just BS'ing!) understand what you are going through and are not judging you in anyway. I know when I see other parents struggling through the terrible two's stage the first thought in my head is "thank god its not me any more" followed swiftly by "I know exactly how you feel mate".

Tips wise, not so many other that don't give in to the child's every whim as this will make matters a lot worse. Be stern but fair, and remember most of the waffle I have said above. You are not alone.

 

[Schizo]

(there's always the odd 1% who claim their child is amazing 100% of the time!....no they are not you are just BS'ing!) .

Guess im in the 1%,my daughter has never ever thrown a strop or had the terrible 2's.

She is kind,polite and has manners and does things when asked first time,she respects me as her father and i respect her as a well behaved daughter (she is 9).

But back to the terrible 2's,all i can say is be firm and strong,ignoring them might make matters worse,it will go in time im sure and you just need to try different approaches when he chucks a paddy.

 

[enigma27]

Guess im in the 1%,my daughter has never ever thrown a strop or had the terrible 2's.

She is kind,polite and has manners and does things when asked first time,she respects me as her father and i respect her as a well behaved daughter (she is 9).

But back to the terrible 2's,all i can say is be firm and strong,ignoring them might make matters worse,it will go in time im sure and you just need to try different approaches when he chucks a paddy.

My kids are similar.

My daughter (now 4) never had terrible tantrums.. both our kids slept through in their own rooms from about 3 months and both love their sleep. My boy who is 14 months will happily get up at 8.30.. have a nap at 11.. then another at 3 then in bed at 7.30 and sleep 12 hours plus.

My daughter was the same.. we just gradually removed the morning and afternoon naps as they got bigger to give them more time to burn their energy.

I think its one of the most important things with kids.. they eat and build up energy... they need an outlet to get rid of it... make them tired and they will go to sleep.

 

[Syla5]

Guess im in the 1%,my daughter has never ever thrown a strop or had the terrible 2's.

My kids are similar.

My daughter (now 4) never had terrible tantrums.. both our kids slept through in their own rooms from about 3 months and both love their sleep. My boy who is 14 months will happily get up at 8.30.. have a nap at 11.. then another at 3 then in bed at 7.30 and sleep 12 hours plus.

My daughter is also really well behaved, polite and respectful, does things when asked, she's 8 now, almost 9. 7 years ago during the terrible twos phase I have no distinct memory of her being a terrible two'er, but then you don't save and vividly remember all the not so great stuff.

Terrible two's does not just mean tantrums and stropping in public. Living with an Ofsted Outstanding child minder I have experienced so many children over the years go through this age range. The behavioural change is part of development and learning. Funnily enough it coincides with the time in life where toddlers really start to understand self, and their ability to impact the world around them with simple behaviour, and also the age where they learn to lie.

There have also been may times where I have experienced first hand parents saying their children are perfect angels, and then seeing said parents and children outside of the minding setting totally ignore behaviour that is a perfect example of terrible two's.

 

[ci_newman]

Guys,

Anyone else have experience with that terrible two stage? How did you manage it and best deal with it?

Our son is two next month and has recently discovered that he can throw proper tantrums and boy does he like to do it. Full scale melt downs at the worst moments, over nothing. He's going through a lot at the moment bless him, just started nursery, in the process of moving but we've had to move back to each of our parents for 6 weeks so he doesn't see me as much and is in unfamiliar surroundings which I imagine is making everything 10x worse.

He's always been such a good boy before this, I know everyone says that about their kids but he really was. I can't remember the last time he'd cry out in public or kick off unless he was in pain/ill. But the complete opposite now

Any tips?

I suspect the issue is probably stress / tiredness related rather than being "terrible twos". He probably needs to get back in a stable environment and a proper routine in order to settle down again.

IME, kids only throw tantrums when they are over-tired or stressed.

 

[Tosno]

Guys,

Anyone else have experience with that terrible two stage? How did you manage it and best deal with it?

Our son is two next month and has recently discovered that he can throw proper tantrums and boy does he like to do it. Full scale melt downs at the worst moments, over nothing. He's going through a lot at the moment bless him, just started nursery, in the process of moving but we've had to move back to each of our parents for 6 weeks so he doesn't see me as much and is in unfamiliar surroundings which I imagine is making everything 10x worse.

He's always been such a good boy before this, I know everyone says that about their kids but he really was. I can't remember the last time he'd cry out in public or kick off unless he was in pain/ill. But the complete opposite now

Any tips?

I guess you already know... It's because he's been put into the day orphanage, already hard enough but unfamiliar surroundings as well, he has mental and emotional pain, that's why he is crying out.

 

[Rannoch]

Calpol and teetha sachet.

Calpol saved me 1000s of sleep hours