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Not even at 2 years old yet (22months). Got a full blown attitude to deal with. Absolutely no respect for being told no. Anyone got any advice? Climbing onto the TV unit, drawing on walls, does what she wants and she doesnt understand any punishments enough not to repeat it.
If my eldest is doing something he shouldn't be, I don't tell him what not to do I tell him what he should do. And always be consistent. If you've said it once, don't let them do it again. It just confuses them. And that is our fault.
Say he's using his toy broom on the radiator or walls I tell him to keep it on the floor, and give him time to process, and comply. Then I explain to him why using it on the radiator causes banging which we don't want. And then he knows what banging is and can be commanded too. Always positive attention. Kids are not bad, they just behave how they want because everything is new and they are learning every second.
My wife raises her voice, repeats commands etc and it's harder for her. I'll tell my boy, and sometimes hell ignore and carry one but I will never repeat myself, I'll ask him if he heard what daddy says, usually he has and takes another few seconds to process, might do the bad thing one more time, but he has listened and he will then stop.
I'm not disciplining him, I'm just trying to educate him.
I would never shout at my son. I'd never want to tell him off unless he's done something intentially not nice.
At this age though it's all from us and the people they are around, it's not themselves.
Good luck, keep strong, stay positive and consistent. Hope this helps.
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@NVP How old is he out of interest?
My other half loses her temper with our 9 month a lot. Which is understandable with the exclusive breast feeding. We all get fed up from time to time, which is fine. However, she does seem to express the frustration regularly towards him, which concerns me as I'm sure it will just rub off on him. I always curb my enthusiasm in that respect and just talk to him calmly. Funnily enough, he seems to settle for me more easily and for longer periods than her. This results in her getting down because she thinks she's then a bad mother (or at least, "not as good a parent"). Typical woman, turning back about herself lol
. Men are so simple, women and emotions and hormones, particularly around babies... Nightmare. She's more work than the boy sometimes. She soon forgets that he just doesn't understand when he's wailing about something and it's not his fault when he's thrashing about and won't sleep.
My other half loses her temper with our 9 month a lot. Which is understandable with the exclusive breast feeding. We all get fed up from time to time, which is fine. However, she does seem to express the frustration regularly towards him, which concerns me as I'm sure it will just rub off on him. I always curb my enthusiasm in that respect and just talk to him calmly. Funnily enough, he seems to settle for me more easily and for longer periods than her. This results in her getting down because she thinks she's then a bad mother (or at least, "not as good a parent"). Typical woman, turning back about herself lol
. Men are so simple, women and emotions and hormones, particularly around babies... Nightmare. She's more work than the boy sometimes. She soon forgets that he just doesn't understand when he's wailing about something and it's not his fault when he's thrashing about and won't sleep.He'll be 2 in a couple of weeks, but I've pretty much had this attitude to raising him since day one. My dad was the nicest man in the world! And I wish to be the same for my boys. If I could be a tenth of him then I know I'll have raised two lovely boys.
Yes, trust me women do lose it and we have to keep them in check. My wife is a pshycologist who specialises in children, so she's fully aware of that behaviour being negative, but it's so overwhelming and constant that even she forgets at times.
Of course its hard for them, but I'm pretty sure it's worse for us
haha
Yes, trust me women do lose it and we have to keep them in check. My wife is a pshycologist who specialises in children, so she's fully aware of that behaviour being negative, but it's so overwhelming and constant that even she forgets at times.
Of course its hard for them, but I'm pretty sure it's worse for us
hahaMy three year old intentionally does things she knows she shouldn't. She'll run off and shut the door, and when I come in she is inevitably holding something she knows she's not allowed. Like NVP I focus on what she should be doing, but I do set a boundary "Riley if you do that one more time, I'm going to take that away" and then follow through. You just gotta be careful you don't threaten a consequence you don't want to enact. My wife is all "straight to bed with no stories" or "I'll call nana and she won't come over to see you" which I think is completely the wrong choice for a number of reasons, but any time I try to discuss it, she gets defensive and turns into a martyr. She does have to handle her all day during the week so I appreciate its easy to pick up bad habits to help you get by though. As a result, she never gets any peace though because if I say no, Riley runs off to her for the inevitable compromise.
Definitely discuss strategy with the other half to avoid that.
Getting on for a year later and still having the same problems. Most of the time his naughtiness is just generally being silly (getting up, laughing, running off, climbing on top of people) but he's also started being violent at times, lashing out if he doesn't get his own way. He is then shut in his room and has his emotional breakdown after which normally OK. During that time he also makes a bunch of shallow promises about how he'll never do it again and will be the 'goodest boy who ever lived'. It's almost got to the stage where I feel like the quickest route for him to get to sleep is to just make him really upset :/
I guess my main worry is how long this has been going on for, bedtimes can be quite stressful and it wears my wife down a lot (especially now we have a 3 month old as well). Bedtime is usually 30-90mins so when it is on the longer end of that spectrum it basically disrupts the whole evening and delays our supper so we eat quite late etc.
I'd say about the last 2.5 years have been difficult to varying degrees, prior to that there was a decent period where you could just read him a few stories and he'd get into bed without too much fuss. He will be starting year two in September and you kinda expected this sort of stuff would all be sorted by now, when I was that age I'm pretty sure I had enough maturity for going to bed etc.
I'm not sure I agree with prisoning them in their room but I'm saying this without judgement as my kids are too young for any form of discipline yet.so I have no idea how things will get.
But it sounds to me like the methods you have been trying are not working and perhaps it may be time to try another approach. What that is I'm not really sure, maybe completely change his bedtime routine and try to reprogramme the bedtime behaviour on a blank slate.
Not sure I'm afraid, good luck and stay positive.
Edit: re reading your first post can i ask how his excitement levels are before he starts his bedtime routine etc? Sounds like perhaps excess energy, or over stimulation before bed. Perhaps, again it's Purley speculation about what you sai, trying to help you figure it out
But it sounds to me like the methods you have been trying are not working and perhaps it may be time to try another approach. What that is I'm not really sure, maybe completely change his bedtime routine and try to reprogramme the bedtime behaviour on a blank slate.
Not sure I'm afraid, good luck and stay positive.
Edit: re reading your first post can i ask how his excitement levels are before he starts his bedtime routine etc? Sounds like perhaps excess energy, or over stimulation before bed. Perhaps, again it's Purley speculation about what you sai, trying to help you figure it out
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I feel pretty lucky with our daughter. She hasn't been perfect and she too has had issues with being told off. Telling her off hasn't always worked and she even got to a stage where she would hit us, or something near her or even herself. As soon as this happens she would be told off again, but now I just use the stairs tactic. I know she doesn't like being away from us and it makes her upset, so if she's naughty and doesn't listen, I tell her she will have to go and sit on the stairs. This now works 90% of the time, and the times it doesn't work, well she gets put on the stairs. Usually comes back in crying, apologies and we explain why we put her there.
ETA: She's 3
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Mine are much older now. But I found that giving an ultimatum and counting to five worked. For example the ultimatum would be "When I get to five then you'll go to your room for an hour" or "When I get to five then you'll lose an hour playing with your [favourite toy]". The key is to absolutely follow through with what you've said will happen if you get to five. It takes a while but once they learn there will definitely be a consequence if you get to five then I found mine stopped whatever it was by four at the latest. But never give an ultimatum that you won't, or can't, follow through. It has to be consistent so that they know if they continue the behaviour then there will absolutely be consequences.
It may not fix it instantly but it will over time. Even now my teenage kids know I am serious once I've given a warning and start counting.
Soldato
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We used to threaten our now almoat 4yr old with toys being taken away or binned. He knew we rarely followed through so now we have a reward chart on fridge. One sad face and he gets no treat or reward at the end of the week. He's been doing very well since then but still has a meltdown once in a while.
Soldato
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Had our 2nd late last week! Totally new experience juggling 2 isn't it. But so far it's going well enough and our first loves his new brother!
Having ye olde dummy debate, yay or any? We used one with our first and had no issues taking it away when we felt the time was right, he mostly just had it for naps and would pop it back on the side after.
Having ye olde dummy debate, yay or any? We used one with our first and had no issues taking it away when we felt the time was right, he mostly just had it for naps and would pop it back on the side after.
We don't like dummy's, we feel children become to attached to them.
There has been a decent amount of research done about pacifiers in general. My wife was against using them at all, I just trust her judgement as she's the one with a degree in early years child care.... Heh
We know a family who have a child in year 2. Who on every Facebook photo has a dummy in his mouth.... Supposedly he's seen walking around shops with it in his mouth, won't sleep without it.
Imo, that's ridiculous...
Soldato
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I agree with that. Luckily our first wasnt too hooked, like I said it was just a nap thing. I was dead set against it at birth but it was my partner who had to deal with the day to day and it did help her massively so I let go and sort of agreed in the end. I think that was down to us just not letting him have it out of that situation otherwise I guess the above can easily happen.
I'd like to say we will see how we get on without it this time, so far it's been fine but already juggling the pair of them, and all the tasks around looking after the newborn, it would just make aspects easier.
We only used a dummy when my first was in nicu but that was to intice feeding as he was 3 months prem. We'd give him the dummy when we would feed him via tube (through his nose, poor monkey), so he'd learn to suck when his tummy was filling up. Once on the breast he didn't need it, but it helped him learn.
Other than that I don't think there is a need.
My new one sucks his thumb though, and settles himself so I can see the appeal, but I think it will be a hard habbit to break.
Other than that I don't think there is a need.
My new one sucks his thumb though, and settles himself so I can see the appeal, but I think it will be a hard habbit to break.
