OcUK Dadsnet thread
- Thread starter Devrij
- Start date
Ha! Not us fortunately.
The day on Saturday went well. A mate came round and then we went out to a bar/restaurant near me - it's massive and almost always empty, so was a good place for the kid to sleep for a few hours. Then when we got home and I tried to get him into bed, all hell broke loose. Non-stop screaming and hyperventilating, thrashing around. He normally goes down for 7pm-7.30pm, but I didn't manage to get him to sleep until almost 9pm and he refused to sleep in his crib/sleepyhead. I had to cradle him for 3 hours!
My wife ended up coming home a few hours early, which really upset her but I think she had a good day off for the most part. He's a baby and they're difficult to control.
The worst part was that I had a work thing on Thursday afternoon, I told my wife I'd be home between 7pm and 9pm. But I completely lost the plot, got the most drunk I've been in years and was very ill overnight and Friday... obviously this set quite a negative tone as we progressed into my solo day on Saturday.
Did you not fancy just leaving him in the crib until he fell asleep. The wife constantly cuddled ours to fall asleep so much so that he wouldn't fall asleep without that routine.
3 or 4v nights of just leaving him on his own max 10 minutes crying andv day 5 he got it and now this to bed awake and falls asleep on his own.
I know some don't like leaving them crying totally understandable.
It was less the crying, more the hyperventilating and choking. He normally goes down very well - although wakes frequently in the night. Seeing as my wife wasn't on hand, I didn't think it prudent to let him lose his mind. He's normally a very happy baby, hardly ever cries, which is why it was so alarming when he lost the plot.
Everyone does their own thing. We tried the controlled crying thing, but frankly we couldn't handle it. Now she's good as gold, has her stories and goes to sleep every night. I'll admit it was a rough couple years until that though!
Riley has completely gone off me the last few days. I come home from work and get told to go away into the kitchen and I'm not allowed to hug her. My wife asked her why she was being mean and she says "I don't like daddy anymore. I don't love him". Brutal!
Not as brutal as my wife and I simultaneously getting her stomach bug on her day off from nursery. So now we are taking turns exploding our guts out while the other one does their best not to chunder on our daughter.
Riley has completely gone off me the last few days. I come home from work and get told to go away into the kitchen and I'm not allowed to hug her. My wife asked her why she was being mean and she says "I don't like daddy anymore. I don't love him". Brutal!
Not as brutal as my wife and I simultaneously getting her stomach bug on her day off from nursery. So now we are taking turns exploding our guts out while the other one does their best not to chunder on our daughter.
You say that from a bias point of view, as you also stated previously that you hit your child.
"When George does something he's not supposed to he gets a smack on his hand. Seems to work so far as he gets older we will most likely change to taking things away from him as punishment."
IMO, encourages incorrect behavior. What is to stop them thinking its OK to hit another child at nursery/school if they do something they do not like?
Congrats bro
Get all the sleep and holidays in while you still can!The smacking is not something I would ever condone, but I have no quarrel as each parent will parent how they do.
I was in a multi story car park the other day and this tiny, angry man with synthol biceps was absolutely scolding his son/step-son for accidentally marking his range rover. When his wife/baby momma whoever tried to say something he shouted "did I say you could talk". I was already looking over but when I heard that I switched it up so much that my wife had to hold me back from throwing him off the car park (exaggeration, but I was really angry and about to smack him one) but she reasoned with me that it would make things worse for the family at home. So I backed away. Still makes me angry, the guy was going to town on the kid (verbally!) and it was an absolute disgrace.
Those here who mention smacking don't sound anywhere near as destructive as that mans verbal abuse. So keep to your own business unless there is immediate danger.
Last edited:
Not judging but there are plenty of ways to work towards this without the crying, everyone is different on this one but only do it if you are both 100% for it.
Your still judging. You think it teaches incorrect behaviour. I don't.
He's good as gold with other children we also teach him to share which he does. If another child takes a toy George just reaches out and asks for it.
It's funny actually if I hold my hand out towards him and he has hold of something he passes it. That includes his dummy.
He will then almost immediately ask for it back.
I initially tried the pick up out down way, but found that he was often half asleep at the point and so picking him up woke him up fully.
Everyone obviously knows what the different cries are so obviously if he was really crying one of us would go on and check on him.
But it was always those little cries with no tears that he does for 10 second then paused then repeats. Not the true crying where something is wrong.
I'm not judging, I've merely expressed my opinion.
Yes, finding the balance is key and adapting it to your situation. In those half sleep times I'd go back into the room ans "sshhh"/pat a couple times so he knew I was still around, then repeat "close your eyes and go to sleep" and leave the room. Go Would do that a million times but consistency was the key
Yep. It's not always black and white and depends on how you educate them.
My Dad was beaten as a child, caned and whatever (raised in India, then a ghetto in Brum) with a really strict upbringing. HE IS THE NICEST MAN IN THE WORLD and wouldn't hurt a fly. He swore he would never raise us the same way and I am extremely proud to call him my dad.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 Mar 2011
- Posts
- 11,146
Just had our first health visitor meeting at home, all good they just go over the standard stuff.
I asked about holding/rocking the baby to sleep etc, as when we had our first everyone tried to encourage us to put him down to nod off on his own. She said they have changed their thoughts on this again and now encourage parents to cuddle their babies more and more to make them feel secure.
Just shows it's best to just do what works for you. The professionals change their minds all the time about how things "should" be done.
Either way 1 and a half weeks old is too early to worry too much about routines, I just didnt want to encourage any bad habits but again it's way to early for that. We are already doing a very basic early evening and night time routine but not worried if it stays from that at all.
Expressing has come to a stop and now fully formula fed which makes my partner much less stressed and she can actually enjoy time with our chaps rather than constantly worry about that aspect.
I asked about holding/rocking the baby to sleep etc, as when we had our first everyone tried to encourage us to put him down to nod off on his own. She said they have changed their thoughts on this again and now encourage parents to cuddle their babies more and more to make them feel secure.
Just shows it's best to just do what works for you. The professionals change their minds all the time about how things "should" be done.
Either way 1 and a half weeks old is too early to worry too much about routines, I just didnt want to encourage any bad habits but again it's way to early for that. We are already doing a very basic early evening and night time routine but not worried if it stays from that at all.
Expressing has come to a stop and now fully formula fed which makes my partner much less stressed and she can actually enjoy time with our chaps rather than constantly worry about that aspect.
This is something I'm still confused by. The no smacking/physical punishment is a pretty new concept in reality and the effect it has on children is unproven. I was smacked as a child, I managed to grow up without hitting kids at school, or having issues later in life. I don't condone beatings, but a light smack to indicate that something is unacceptable (when reasoning/taking liberties away) is not working - leads to a much better disciplined child IMO.
That's fine, we can agree to disagree, but my guess is you are one of few who employ this strategy.
I was also smacked when I was a child, it didn't work and I was pretty poorly behaved until late teens. Maybe no correlation but I see violence as an easy get out.
Exactly statistically, children these days look to be far more likely to grow up to be little bar stewards.
I think the parents tar went too far are the ones to blame for the views on it.
My father only ever have me smacks I never hated him for it just saw it as a punishment if I did anything properly wrong. I didn't get smacks for things like not eating my dinner for instance that was sit at the table until you do eat it.
But things like swearing I got a telling off then if I carried on a smack.
What is your background out of interest, how many kids, ages and did you hit them?
Congratulations!! It's taken ages for it to sink in with me, and only really has properly recently as I can now feel him moving around in my wife's belly...which is the most surreal thing ever (I don't know how our better halves deal with an alien growing inside them). The first scan is a great moment too
We've ended up doing the course in two big chunks, so halfway through but met a good bunch of people, very informative (if a little selective with information) but mainly good to meet others in the same situation locally.