OcUK Dadsnet thread

azazl187 said:
It seems very clear to me that a lot of blokes suffer from a lack of intimacy from the other half.

Infact it seems very common. Why were we not told about this before we got married and had kids?!
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To offer a balanced opinion, my wife and I have been together 21 years and married for 15 years. Both work full time and two kids aged 10 & 7 and we still have time for a sex life that matches our libido. Normal pattern is 2-3 times per week or 5-6 per week when on holiday / off work.

We create an environment that encourages it though, we both have matching bedtimes, the kids NEVER sleep in our bed, on holidays we ensure that the kids always have their own room etc.

Sharing a bit more than I usually would online but I wanted to offer hope that its not all dust and sand after marriage and kids :)

willhub said:
Anyone else's kid just won't eat? Ours is 15 months old and is tallish for his age but still fits into 12 month old clothes because he's a thin or according to the GF "lean" baby. The health visitors and all that ain't bothered and think he's fine but he just won't eat much.

Are all little toddlers this picky with food? Do I need to take him to Cosmo for unlimited buffet?
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My 10 year old is still this way, whereas my 7 year old is literally a dustbin and will eat anything and everything put in front of him. If the health vistors aren't worried, you probably dont need to be either. What percentile is he at for his weight in the little book?
 
ci_newman said:
To offer a balanced opinion, my wife and I have been together 21 years and married for 15 years. Both work full time and two kids aged 10 & 7 and we still have time for a sex life that matches our libido. Normal pattern is 2-3 times per week or 5-6 per week when on holiday / off work.

We create an environment that encourages it though, we both have matching bedtimes, the kids NEVER sleep in our bed, on holidays we ensure that the kids always have their own room etc.

Sharing a bit more than I usually would online but I wanted to offer hope that its not all dust and sand after marriage and kids :)



My 10 year old is still this way, whereas my 7 year old is literally a dustbin and will eat anything and everything put in front of him. If the health vistors aren't worried, you probably dont need to be either. What percentile is he at for his weight in the little book?
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I think it just means that you are lucky enough to be in that extremely rare relationship where your wife matches a blokes libido. We can go away just the two of us for the weekend and leave the kids with the parents and it still won't happen.

It's just a lot rarer for women to have a libido at the same level as a man which very commonly dips lower after children and the menopause.
 
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azazl187 said:
I think it just means that you are lucky enough to be in that extremely rare relationship where your wife matches a blokes libido. We can go away just the two of us for the weekend and leave the kids with the parents and it still won't happen.

It's just a lot rarer for women to have a libido at the same level as a man which very commonly dips lower after children and the menopause.
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Yes it is absolutely an exception, but it doesn't mean it isn't something most people could have if they took the right approach. The way forward is to set it out on the table, have discussions, and set realistic expectations. You'll likely find fundamental mismatches in requirements at this stage, but like anyone wanting to participate in a mutually beneficial partnership, understanding the other parties needs and compromising on both sides almost always leads to long term satisfaction within the partnership.

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I think most of the suffering people go through is likely down to a lack of ability to approach the problem properly.
 
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Zefan said:
Yes it is absolutely an exception, but it doesn't mean it isn't something most people could have if they took the right approach. The way forward is to set it out on the table, have discussions, and set realistic expectations. You'll likely find fundamental mismatches in requirements at this stage, but like anyone wanting to participate in a mutually beneficial partnership, understanding the other parties needs and compromising on both sides almost always leads to long term satisfaction within the partnership.
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We don't live in a perfect world bud. Don't you think that people sit down and have these discussions? It happens all the time but sometimes the other party just is t good at talking and sometimes you make plans but only for the other person to not keep up thier end of the deal. What do you do? Do you leave them for it? What if there are kids involved? It's simply not as black and white as this. Not to mention that people change, you could have been having sex 2 or 3 times a week and then it changes after children and then what do you do? Just give up and disappear? Is that really a reason to leave someone? There are so many different tracks this kind of issue presents and most of all no one talks about it. They just accept their lot and live a bit miserable because of it. Or they go off and have an affair or something which is why I'm sure most people do.
 
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Zefan said:
Yes it is absolutely an exception, but it doesn't mean it isn't something most people could have if they took the right approach. The way forward is to set it out on the table, have discussions, and set realistic expectations. You'll likely find fundamental mismatches in requirements at this stage, but like anyone wanting to participate in a mutually beneficial partnership, understanding the other parties needs and compromising on both sides almost always leads to long term satisfaction within the partnership.

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I think most of the suffering people go through is likely down to a lack of ability to approach the problem properly.
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Tried that once, she found it uncomfortable and probably won't try it again :cry:. I do think my Mrs has got more "prudish", she hardly even wears low cut tops these days, then complains when I mention other ladies:p.
 
azazl187 said:
We don't live in a perfect world bud. Don't you think that people sit down and have these discussions? It happens all the time but sometimes the other party just is t good at talking and sometimes you make plans but only for the other person to not keep up thier end of the deal. What do you do? Do you leave them for it? What if there are kids involved? It's simply not as black and white as this. Not to mention that people change, you could have been having sex 2 or 3 times a week and then it changes after children and then what do you do? Just give up and disappear? Is that really a reason to leave someone? There are so many different tracks this kind of issue presents and most of all no one talks about it. They just accept their lot and live a bit miserable because of it. Or they go off and have an affair or something which is why I'm sure most people do.
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I agree, just didn't see those things discussed and sometimes people really haven't gone through those steps first. I don't think it's something everyone does matter of factly, it's something that comes up more in the heat of arguments/sets in like a resenting rot that is transmitted and received between the lines and then it can be too late.
 
Zefan said:
I agree, just didn't see those things discussed and sometimes people really haven't gone through those steps first. I don't think it's something everyone does matter of factly, it's something that comes up more in the heat of arguments/sets in like a resenting rot that is transmitted and received between the lines and then it can be too late.
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I agree
 
Had our first experience with having a sick kid whilst being sick yourselves over Christmas (our daughter is 4 months old) and it is honestly total rubbish. It just takes so much longer to feel better and recover when you can't actually rest.

On the plus side, she managed to recover pretty quickly cos she could just rest and sleep it off - whereas my wife and I were 5 days in and still struggling massively.
 
Terrible two's are upon us.
Refuses to sit at her high chair, so fussy about food it's unreal, meltdowns everytime you even hint at 'no' and a total pain to put to sleep/keep asleep.

Joys.
 
alchal said:
Terrible two's are upon us.
Refuses to sit at her high chair, so fussy about food it's unreal, meltdowns everytime you even hint at 'no' and a total pain to put to sleep/keep asleep.

Joys.
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Stay strong friend, we are right there at the same point. It feels like she will refuse/rebel against anything suggested by us even if it's quite clearly what she wants as well

Random case in point - we decided to give her a treat on Christmas day by letting her have some ice cream for the first time ever... first spoonful she ate and lit up - "yummy!!!" obviously really liked it, then my wife made the mistake of saying "do you want to have some more?" - immediately switched to "no!!!! no ice cream!!!!" and then eventually screaming at us both and having a complete meltdown about it until we simply gave up. Bloody little monsters :D
 
uncle_rufus said:
Stay strong friend, we are right there at the same point. It feels like she will refuse/rebel against anything suggested by us even if it's quite clearly what she wants as well

Random case in point - we decided to give her a treat on Christmas day by letting her have some ice cream for the first time ever... first spoonful she ate and lit up - "yummy!!!" obviously really liked it, then my wife made the mistake of saying "do you want to have some more?" - immediately switched to "no!!!! no ice cream!!!!" and then eventually screaming at us both and having a complete meltdown about it until we simply gave up. Bloody little monsters :D
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We can't even say N without her face dropping like a stone and tears flowing, food is a minefield, our little terror loves to point to the bananas and wants one but then turns away from it and says no...or she just walks allover with it in her hand and never eats it.

Can't win, ready can't:cry:
 
alchal said:
Terrible two's are upon us.
Refuses to sit at her high chair, so fussy about food it's unreal, meltdowns everytime you even hint at 'no' and a total pain to put to sleep/keep asleep.

Joys.
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Welcome to hell part 26484.

My daughter is very similar. Hasn't eaten much (in comparison to normal times) over Christmas period, flat out refusing to sit in the high chair for meals, always wanting to sit on the bench instead. Not eating her meals in the house but other random foods, today she had 2 whole oranges for tea, yesterday was an untoasted crumpet, a few days ago just a plain wrap bread. But then when we've been out eating she's been fine I think I've managed to get around it at breakfast time I just throw her into the chair with some wheetabix and then make myself busy doing my breakfast or emptying the dishwasher away from her while she's eating it.
 
Azza said:
Welcome to hell part 26484.

My daughter is very similar. Hasn't eaten much (in comparison to normal times) over Christmas period, flat out refusing to sit in the high chair for meals, always wanting to sit on the bench instead. Not eating her meals in the house but other random foods, today she had 2 whole oranges for tea, yesterday was an untoasted crumpet, a few days ago just a plain wrap bread. But then when we've been out eating she's been fine I think I've managed to get around it at breakfast time I just throw her into the chair with some wheetabix and then make myself busy doing my breakfast or emptying the dishwasher away from her while she's eating it.
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She loves her pencils ( more to the point...she like running around with them pointy end up!) Anyway we put one on the table and sometimes it distracts her from fighting the sitting part, sometimes.

I wonder at times if it's because she sits on a small chair at nursery with the other kids for her meals, I'm a big kid syndrome or something.
 
After 4.5 hours at ThinkTank Friday morning we had to do some food shopping in the afternoon.

Someone needed a mid-shop rest.

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Our 9 month old had his first bug/high temperature yesterday. Queue mrs at the panic stations, ready to ring 101 etc. :rolleyes: :cry: Needless to say after some Calpol and sleep he's back to himself.

He wasn't acting himself, his breathing was really rapid as was his heart rate, temp not much over 38. Oh, he projectile vomited all over his bouncy chair, the smell was delicious.
 
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