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[azazl187]

Yeah I quickly learned I couldn't really share those thoughts even with some of my close friends. I'm looking into seeing if there is some kind of suitable support locally. Worst are the broody childless acquaintances who are excited and mean well but if you suggest it's not all magic and euphoria when they're being tigger in your face they look at you as if you said the crown jewels were dog turds.

It's bladdy hard work and the ability, time or energy to do something just for you happens less and less.

For me I think it's a conflict with enjoying my own company and the responsibilities of being a husband/father and not an individual person. I'm not willing to sacrifice that part of me and that often flies in the face of things.

 

[tom_e]

Anyone who makes out the whole process is full of joy is a liar. it's hard. But as much as I miss my free time and spare money, I wouldn't change it

I said exactly that to someone at work today.

He asked me how it was going and I said I'm tired, I'm cranky and I just want to sleep. He was like most people say it's amazing, best thing I've ever done or something along those lines.

And my exact response was, they're liers

 

[The Funktopus]

Yeah I quickly learned I couldn't really share those thoughts even with some of my close friends. I'm looking into seeing if there is some kind of suitable support locally. Worst are the broody childless acquaintances who are excited and mean well but if you suggest it's not all magic and euphoria when they're being tigger in your face they look at you as if you said the crown jewels were dog turds.

Glad I’m not the only that feels this way. My daughter was 2 last August, and I just feel burnt out. She’s due to start nursery in September, only doing half days at her mum’s insistence, and I’m crawling toward that date in a state that metaphorically resembles the Terminator in the original film when he’s chasing them through the printing press.

 

[ik9000]

Glad I’m not the only that feels this way. My daughter was 2 last August, and I just feel burnt out. She’s due to start nursery in September, only doing half days at her mum’s insistence, and I’m crawling toward that date in a state that metaphorically resembles the Terminator in the original film when he’s chasing them through the printing press.

funnily enough that's how my one "crawled" (such as you can call it).

 

[Junglist]

I feel bad that we bunged ours in nursery from about 10 months but we had no choice. She only does 4 half days a week and we work around that whilst working from home but we have to work which feels like working to pay for nursery as the best of times.
To be fair though. She has developed so much since going that I think it's done her the world of good

 

[ik9000]

I feel bad that we bunged ours in nursery from about 10 months but we had no choice. She only does 4 half days a week and we work around that whilst working from home but we have to work which feels like working to pay for nursery as the best of times.
To be fair though. She has developed so much since going that I think it's done her the world of good

my neighbours say the same about their grandchildren: that the ones in nursery seem to be progressing far quicker than the ones staying home with mum

 

[iamtheoneneo]

I feel bad that we bunged ours in nursery from about 10 months but we had no choice. She only does 4 half days a week and we work around that whilst working from home but we have to work which feels like working to pay for nursery as the best of times.
To be fair though. She has developed so much since going that I think it's done her the world of good

I wouldn't feel bad, just make sure your nursery is changing their rooms at the right time. I remember ours was stuck in the second room (from babies) for ages and did limit her learning, luckily once she moved to the next room it was all fine again but for a while it was very frosty with the nursery staff.

 

[ChrisD.]

Just bumped up our boy to two days a week in nursery from the one. He turned 1 last week.

 

[Haggisman]

As seems to be the way we were resigned to it not happening due to my wife having some internal issues from a past ectopic and miscarriages and me being on medication that can affect fertility, boom she's now almost 3 weeks old and seems to save any expulsion of bodily fluids just for me

I. Am. Tired.

Congrats

My other half has hyperemesis, so pregnancy is hell - we weren't even sure if we could manage the second, and unfortunately she had to have a termination a few years ago as the doctors were concerned about possible organ failure (hence an 8 year age gap between ours). I don't think it's something either of us could go through again, so we're definitely done now (snip snip )

3 weeks is still very much in that "oh **** WTAF am I doing with this strange creature who I need to keep alive?!" and purely running on adrenaline and hormones stage, particularly with your first. I remember the second day after we took our oldest home just breaking down in tears thinking how the hell am I supposed to live up to this responsibility! (not having slept for 72 hours probably didn't help )

He's still alive, turned 11 this year, and isn't roaming the streets in some feral gang, so obviously must be doing something right.

It does get easier. Until they can crawl. Then it gets harder again, since you can't just put them down and expect them to still be in the same place when you turn around 2 seconds later

After around 3-4 it does gradually get easier though, as you can start actually communicating and doing things with them rather than having to just guess what's bothering them. I guess until they become teenagers, which I'm definitely not looking forward to!!

Can absolutely sympathise with the tiredness though, it's currently Easter holidays, our childminder has been off for the week, and mum is working nights, so I've basically been soloing them for the week. Doesn't help that the youngest decided to wake up at midnight last night just as I was going to sleep, and stayed awake till 3am and only went back to sleep when I popped him in the bed with me (so I got woken up being kicked in the back every 5 minutes ).

Was planning to chill and play a game for a couple of hours tonight after putting them to bed, but haven't been unable to muster up the energy and have just been sat here watching nonsense on Youtube...

Our youngest turned 3 on Tuesday... well - he had his 3rd birthday - he's not actually supposed to be 3 until 17th July! Born at 26 weeks, 850 grams, he's a proper little miracle (absolute heartfelt thanks to the NICU team at Heartlands)! To go from that to where he is now is just crazy - took him and his bro out for a walk yesterday, he walked pretty much the whole 3 miles cross country, up and down hills in the mud and rain.



No I'm not a giant, yes, I do have normal sized hands!

 

[dl8860]

Our primary school has just had to bring forward the finishing time of after school club from 6pm to 5pm. Might sound like a first world problem, but this is a total pain in the neck, as we both work full time. Being able to do pickup BEFORE 5pm every single day of the week is going to be very difficult to manage. And this is with us both working at home about 60 percent of the time and living nearby.

This has happened because not enough people were using the service until 6pm (and the did a survey to confirm) so it wasn't financially viable. I don't blame the school at all. I just can't actually fathom how every single family in the school (about 130 kids) is happy to pick up before the end of working day hours every single day of the week.

Do that many people work part time? Does EVERYONE have grandparents to help a majority of the time? Do people just wfh but not work after 4.30? Really can't get my head around it.

 

[Minstadave]

Congrats

My other half has hyperemesis, so pregnancy is hell - we weren't even sure if we could manage the second, and unfortunately she had to have a termination a few years ago as the doctors were concerned about possible organ failure (hence an 8 year age gap between ours). I don't think it's something either of us could go through again, so we're definitely done now (snip snip )

3 weeks is still very much in that "oh **** WTAF am I doing with this strange creature who I need to keep alive?!" and purely running on adrenaline and hormones stage, particularly with your first. I remember the second day after we took our oldest home just breaking down in tears thinking how the hell am I supposed to live up to this responsibility! (not having slept for 72 hours probably didn't help )

He's still alive, turned 11 this year, and isn't roaming the streets in some feral gang, so obviously must be doing something right.

It does get easier. Until they can crawl. Then it gets harder again, since you can't just put them down and expect them to still be in the same place when you turn around 2 seconds later

After around 3-4 it does gradually get easier though, as you can start actually communicating and doing things with them rather than having to just guess what's bothering them. I guess until they become teenagers, which I'm definitely not looking forward to!!

Can absolutely sympathise with the tiredness though, it's currently Easter holidays, our childminder has been off for the week, and mum is working nights, so I've basically been soloing them for the week. Doesn't help that the youngest decided to wake up at midnight last night just as I was going to sleep, and stayed awake till 3am and only went back to sleep when I popped him in the bed with me (so I got woken up being kicked in the back every 5 minutes ).

Was planning to chill and play a game for a couple of hours tonight after putting them to bed, but haven't been unable to muster up the energy and have just been sat here watching nonsense on Youtube...

Our youngest turned 3 on Tuesday... well - he had his 3rd birthday - he's not actually supposed to be 3 until 17th July! Born at 26 weeks, 850 grams, he's a proper little miracle (absolute heartfelt thanks to the NICU team at Heartlands)! To go from that to where he is now is just crazy - took him and his bro out for a walk yesterday, he walked pretty much the whole 3 miles cross country, up and down hills in the mud and rain.



No I'm not a giant, yes, I do have normal sized hands!

NICU is my day job, I can only imagine how tough it is as a parent. Glad it turned out well for your little one.

 

[ci_newman]

Our primary school has just had to bring forward the finishing time of after school club from 6pm to 5pm. Might sound like a first world problem, but this is a total pain in the neck, as we both work full time. Being able to do pickup BEFORE 5pm every single day of the week is going to be very difficult to manage. And this is with us both working at home about 60 percent of the time and living nearby.

This has happened because not enough people were using the service until 6pm (and the did a survey to confirm) so it wasn't financially viable. I don't blame the school at all. I just can't actually fathom how every single family in the school (about 130 kids) is happy to pick up before the end of working day hours every single day of the week.

Do that many people work part time? Does EVERYONE have grandparents to help a majority of the time? Do people just wfh but not work after 4.30? Really can't get my head around it.

Only 50% of families have both parents working full time, and of those my guess is that like us they just move their working hours around to suit accordingly. e.g. my wife skips her lunch break and takes the 30mins to do the school pickup instead, then finishes her work at home whilst the kids watch TV / do homework. The alternative is child minders, but they are usually more expensive than school wrap-around care.

[Edit] Actually, both my wife and I finish before 5pm so if we were dependent on wrap-around care, we could still use a service that runs until 5pm

 

[Minstadave]

Yeah I quickly learned I couldn't really share those thoughts even with some of my close friends. I'm looking into seeing if there is some kind of suitable support locally. Worst are the broody childless acquaintances who are excited and mean well but if you suggest it's not all magic and euphoria when they're being tigger in your face they look at you as if you said the crown jewels were dog turds.

Absolutely could not get into parenting with out first and took nearly 2 years to feel even close to normal. Resented the loss of my cushy pre-child life/the loss of sleep and spare time/change in relationship with my wife. Felt angry all the time having been totally chilled all my life. No one talks about this at all or atleast I hadn't come across anything about it. Similar experience with the second but as I understood it better it was more manageable and I was more accepting of the change.

 

[tom_e]

Absolutely could not get into parenting with out first and took nearly 2 years to feel even close to normal. Resented the loss of my cushy pre-child life/the loss of sleep and spare time/change in relationship with my wife. Felt angry all the time having been totally chilled all my life. No one talks about this at all or atleast I hadn't come across anything about it. Similar experience with the second but as I understood it better it was more manageable.

This is partly where I'm at at the minute, I'm finally debt free and earning a wage I'd never thought I would but don't feel like I'll ever be able to properly enjoy it now.

I know I will just in a different way, it would just have been nice to have a couple of years of nice holidays and fancy things inbetween

 

[Haggisman]

NICU is my day job, I can only imagine how tough it is as a parent. Glad it turned out well for your little one.

Based on your location I'm going to guess you don't work in Birmingham, but regardless, thank you for the work you do - I know it must be a tough job, and heart-breaking to deal with, especially for the ones who don't make it.

Absolutely could not get into parenting with out first and took nearly 2 years to feel even close to normal. Resented the loss of my cushy pre-child life/the loss of sleep and spare time/change in relationship with my wife. Felt angry all the time having been totally chilled all my life. No one talks about this at all or atleast I hadn't come across anything about it. Similar experience with the second but as I understood it better it was more manageable and I was more accepting of the change.

Could be interesting to find out if having younger siblings has any effect on how people take to parenting. I have 2 younger brothers and helped my mum out a lot with them when they were younger, so in a way I was used to it (although obviously nowhere near on the same level!)

This is partly where I'm at at the minute, I'm finally debt free and earning a wage I'd never thought I would but don't feel like I'll ever be able to properly enjoy it now.

I know I will just in a different way, it would just have been nice to have a couple of years of nice holidays and fancy things inbetween

It does get better - our youngest is getting his 30 free hours in September, which is going to save us a huge chunk of £, and then even more when he starts school next year.

Holidays etc. are still going to be ridiculously expensive due to being restricted to school holiday peak times, and it's still going to take a good few years before he's independent enough that we're able to have more than the odd few hours to ourselves/each other, but it's still something to look forward to

It would be a lot easier if we had family close by that we could "dump" the kids on for a day or 2 in the holidays, but my family all live hours away, and hers are completely useless.

 

[Minstadave]

This is partly where I'm at at the minute, I'm finally debt free and earning a wage I'd never thought I would but don't feel like I'll ever be able to properly enjoy it now.

I know I will just in a different way, it would just have been nice to have a couple of years of nice holidays and fancy things inbetween

Yeah life never follows a plan, especially once kids are in the mix.

If it is any consolation, whilst I really struggled with the initial years and hated the person I was during them I couldn't be more content and full of love now. It does get better and it is worth it.

 

[Minstadave]

Based on your location I'm going to guess you don't work in Birmingham, but regardless, thank you for the work you do - I know it must be a tough job, and heart-breaking to deal with, especially for the ones who don't make it.



Could be interesting to find out if having younger siblings has any effect on how people take to parenting. I have 2 younger brothers and helped my mum out a lot with them when they were younger, so in a way I was used to it (although obviously nowhere near on the same level!)

No I'm at Peterborough and we don't do extreme prems there, start at 27 weeks and up so very rare to lose a baby. I absolutely love my job. I've done many years at Leicester looking after the 23/24 weekers and it wasn't for me.

I had 2 younger siblings but I couldn't hack the first year or two at all.

 

[tom_e]

Yeah life never follows a plan, especially once kids are in the mix.

If it is any consolation, whilst I really struggled with the initial years and hated the person I was during them I couldn't be more content and full of love now. It does get better and it is worth it.

I 100% know it's just down to the fact I don't like change, I'm ****ing knackered 4 weeks in and loss of that imaginary "what could have been".
Doesn't help that my step daughter has just hit the teenage phase and is very close to living in the shed

 

[Minstadave]

I 100% know it's just down to the fact I don't like change, I'm ****ing knackered 4 weeks in and loss of that imaginary "what could have been".
Doesn't help that my step daughter has just hit the teenage phase and is very close to living in the shed

That's what broke me, no spare time for hobbies, when I tried to do anything it would immediately be interrupted but I just wouldn't stop trying and getting frustrated. It was foolish looking back on it. Once I "embraced the suck" it got better.

Neither of our kids slept more than 45 minutes in the first year, absolutely crushing.

 

[theone8181]

Only 50% of families have both parents working full time, and of those my guess is that like us they just move their working hours around to suit accordingly. e.g. my wife skips her lunch break and takes the 30mins to do the school pickup instead, then finishes her work at home whilst the kids watch TV / do homework. The alternative is child minders, but they are usually more expensive than school wrap-around care.

[Edit] Actually, both my wife and I finish before 5pm so if we were dependent on wrap-around care, we could still use a service that runs until 5pm

While I think covid helped, pre covid I used to finish at 4 30 and pick the kids up around 5ish (place closed at 5.30). Since covid I now finish at 3.30 so occasionally get some time to myself before picking them up. Ours is manufacturing rather than a pure office work. Is there no potential to shift hours (I realise I have quoted the wrong person here).