OcUK Dadsnet thread

[t2na]

Hi all, I don't yet have kids but my wife and I considering trying soon - dumb question but is there a good time of year to have children e.g. To avoid kid being the youngest in school year (i understand that's August 31st in England?) or to gain advantages with childcare?

I would continue working full time, and wife 30 hours with both having flexible jobs, so would need paid for childcare.

I appreciate this is looking like a very practical assesment of the issue, and timing conceiving might not work!

Our daughter was born at 7pm on August 31st last year so she's pretty likely to be the youngest in her year...!

I think others have said it but you can't really plan it, sometimes these things take longer than expected and other times they don't. We weren't really expecting to get pregnant so quickly when we decided to have a kid, we just felt that we wanted to have a baby so stopped playing it safe. We have friends who have tried for 6+ months before getting pregnant, it's different for everyone.

 

[Axeboy]

Got to agree, not much point in planning

Monster 1 took us a few years of trying, thats when we really did want. Monster number 2, as Im not exactly young, I said to my wife Ill give it a few months only, and yup, Bingo, straight away

 

[Haggisman]

How did you work it out? Forgive me for the dumb question...

They are eligible from the start of the term following their third birthday, until they start school.

Terms start:

1st Jan
1st April
1st September

School usually starts the September following their 4th birthday.


So examples:

Born between 1st Sept 2019 - 1st Jan 2020

Turn 3 before 1st Jan 2023
Get the following terms free:
1. Jan 2023
2. April 2023
3. Sept 2023
Turn 4 at some point
4. Jan 2024
5. April 2024
Start school Sept 2024

Born between 1st Jan 2020 - 1st April 2020

Turn 3 before 1st April 2023
Get the following terms free:
1. April 2023
2. Sept 2023
3. Jan 2024
Turn 4 at some point
4. April 2024
Start school Sept 2024

Born between 1st April 2020 - 1st September 2020

Turn 3 before 1st September 2023
Get the following terms free:
1. Sept 2023
2. Jan 2024
3. April 2024
Turn 4 at some point
Start school Sept 2024

Edit: should have been third birthday, not first

 

[Brackish]

Just stick in and hope for the best!

 

[dl8860]

Although many do, I really don't like the idea of aiming for a September baby to be the eldest in the year. I prefer to look it at the other way, where you say a baby born on 31st August who will be the youngest in their year, although younger than their peers, will effectively be a whole 'year' ahead of one born on 1st September. It's a whole year less of pottering around a nursery classroom where you're chucked in with tantruming 3 year olds, and of course parents paying a packet for it too.

My eldest is Spring born and doing great at school. My second is a September baby and the though of him being in nursery until almost 5 doesn't feel right.

Also maternity wards are rammed in September as everyone else has the same notion, our 2nd ended up an emergency c-section that shouldn't have been due to lack of beds.

I like Spring birth because then you can get them fun outdoors stuff for their birthday and the house isn't too cold when they are tiny.

@Brackish has the right idea

 

[t2na]

Although many do, I really don't like the idea of aiming for a September baby to be the eldest in the year. I prefer to look it at the other way, where you say a baby born on 31st August who will be the youngest in their year, although younger than their peers, will effectively be a whole 'year' ahead of one born on 1st September. It's a whole year less of pottering around a nursery classroom where you're chucked in with tantruming 3 year olds, and of course parents paying a packet for it too.

My eldest is Spring born and doing great at school. My second is a September baby and the though of him being in nursery until almost 5 doesn't feel right.

Also maternity wards are rammed in September as everyone else has the same notion, our 2nd ended up an emergency c-section that shouldn't have been due to lack of beds.

I like Spring birth because then you can get them fun outdoors stuff for their birthday and the house isn't too cold when they are tiny.

@Brackish has the right idea

The point about the house being cold when they're tiny is really good.

Our daughter was just over 3 months old at Christmas and we live in an old Victorian terrace that's hard to keep warm at the best times let alone when heating costs 350 quid a month. We ended up buying the sleeping bags that are designed for temps between 12 deg and 16 deg because the rooms were freezing regardless of how much we ran the heating.

 

[Brackish]

The sleeping bags are a godsend. We have used them on both our kids and can't fault them. Well worth the money.
I found that my youngest struggled in the summer but was fine in the winter. Now she's nearly 2 she seems to like bare feet and the cold! Strange animals these kids. My son loves to be warm, sits with a blanket on in summer.

 

[alchal]

The sleeping bags are a godsend. We have used them on both our kids and can't fault them. Well worth the money.
I found that my youngest struggled in the summer but was fine in the winter. Now she's nearly 2 she seems to like bare feet and the cold! Strange animals these kids. My son loves to be warm, sits with a blanket on in summer.

Sleeping bags are brilliant until they don't want to go to bed and refuse to lay still as you attempt to get them in the bag for sleepy time.

Sleepy time?
NO!

Cue Benny hill music as we run around trying to get her to the sleeping bag for sleep followed by her best impression of a wriggly worm and plenty of muscle, our lass has even thrown in the towel a few times, the face on the little ones face as she knows she's gotten away with it is funny yet bloody frustrating.

 

[Junglist]

Just got past level 1 as a dad.

What a wild year it has been but I feel I've gone a complete 180. Never wanted kids but now we have one (and we only want one) I've no idea what I'd do without her and it feels like I'm just living to give her the best opportunities

I was warned that becoming a parent changes how you view life. I didn't believe it but it's true. Never been more aware of my own mortality.

 

[azazl187]

Just stick in and hope for the best!

That it doesn't work....

 

[azazl187]

Just got past level 1 as a dad.

What a wild year it has been but I feel I've gone a complete 180. Never wanted kids but now we have one (and we only want one) I've no idea what I'd do without her and it feels like I'm just living to give her the best opportunities

I was warned that becoming a parent changes how you view life. I didn't believe it but it's true. Never been more aware of my own mortality.

I've got a 5 year old and a 9 year old. I wouldnt change that for the world now but after a fair old stint of having young kids I can say I'm starting to yearn my pre children life more than ever .

For example, if someone says to me they are bored I become insanely jealous!! I would love to have the time to be bored! Wow what a feeling that would be!

 

[Junglist]

haha I'm very much in the phase of thinking everything she does is amazing and no other child has ever done it. She's eating beans with her hands and trying to put socks on. Not succeeding but trying.

Child prodigy confirmed

 

[ik9000]

Our daughter was born at 7pm on August 31st last year so she's pretty likely to be the youngest in her year...!

I think others have said it but you can't really plan it, sometimes these things take longer than expected and other times they don't. We weren't really expecting to get pregnant so quickly when we decided to have a kid, we just felt that we wanted to have a baby so stopped playing it safe. We have friends who have tried for 6+ months before getting pregnant, it's different for everyone.

Got to agree, not much point in planning

Monster 1 took us a few years of trying, thats when we really did want. Monster number 2, as Im not exactly young, I said to my wife Ill give it a few months only, and yup, Bingo, straight away

Took us years. Like 7 years or so. A few miscarriages was as close as we got. Covid hit and we got a little silver lining from seeing how friends had to handle children during that. We thought "thank **** for that", "bullet-dodged" etc. We'd stopped "trying" and were increasingly happy with our independence, particulaly as age trundled on and energy levels noticeably started to wane. We were about to call time on the whole thing and stop any pretence of "seeing what happens" with both of us starting to use protection again. We had a meal out and agreed to try for a few months more just so we could say we'd given it one last shot before stopping altogether, both thinking "fat chance anyway". The great cosmic joke that is life decided to throw a curve ball and we conceived within a few weeks. Following a rocky pregnancy with some horrible setbacks, one little bundle of chaos made it and is now wreaking havoc in his own inimitable charming way. He's great and obviously we will do our best for him, but there are times when I miss being unencumbered with the responsibilities and time/money commitments that he brings, and which seem to increase each week. :s

Make sure you want them and take sensible precautions if you don't. If you really do want them and it's not happening then give it time, and agree to have seasons where you go all-out (or should that be all-in?) and other times where you don't and just have fun together to keep the spark alive. If and when they do arrive, be prepared to get none for a long while. The exhaustion is like nothing else.

 

[tom_e]

As seems to be the way we were resigned to it not happening due to my wife having some internal issues from a past ectopic and miscarriages and me being on medication that can affect fertility, boom she's now almost 3 weeks old and seems to save any expulsion of bodily fluids just for me

I. Am. Tired.

 

[ik9000]

I've got a 5 year old and a 9 year old. I wouldnt change that for the world now but after a fair old stint of having young kids I can say I'm starting to yearn my pre children life more than ever .

For example, if someone says to me they are bored I become insanely jealous!! I would love to have the time to be bored! Wow what a feeling that would be!

Mine's not even at school and I feel like this. I had adjusted to not having one and the change has not been and still is not easy to navigate.

 

[azazl187]

Mine's not even at school and I feel like this. I had adjusted to not having one and the change has not been and still is not easy to navigate.

It isn't as natural for some of us as it is for others. It's a very real thing. Stick with it and at the very least you will be beaten into submission so much parenting will become second nature.

Not all people are built to "enjoy" having children. I'll be one of the first to say that the pressures and relentless chore of it massively outweighs the joy of it.

Can't say that to most though as they recoil like you are some sort of monster.

Keep your chin up, it's still early days for you and mums are much better at it than us at preschool age

 

[ik9000]

As seems to be the way we were resigned to it not happening due to my wife having some internal issues from a past ectopic and miscarriages and me being on medication that can affect fertility, boom she's now almost 3 weeks old and seems to save any expulsion of bodily fluids just for me

I. Am. Tired.

Congratulations! Keep going, it does get easier. Those first 4-6 weeks are crazy. Enjoy every moment, every nightime feed with them curled into your shoulder while you binge watch TV (with the subtitles on) etc. It goes SO quickly and thank goodness we took loads of photos and videos. If you're like us you will want them to look at in future.

 

[ik9000]

It isn't as natural for some of us as it is for others. It's a very real thing. Stick with it and at the very least you will be beaten into submission so much parenting will become second nature.

Not all people are built to "enjoy" having children. I'll be one of the first to say that the pressures and relentless chore of it massively outweighs the joy of it.

Can't say that to most though as they recoil like you are some sort of monster.

Yeah I quickly learned I couldn't really share those thoughts even with some of my close friends. I'm looking into seeing if there is some kind of suitable support locally. Worst are the broody childless acquaintances who are excited and mean well but if you suggest it's not all magic and euphoria when they're being tigger in your face they look at you as if you said the crown jewels were dog turds.

 

[robj20]

Had a huge scare with George recently he woke up one morning claiming he couldn't see and that his head hurts.
He was fine a few minutes later.

His epilepsy doctor recons it was a seizure in the night and not really to worry about it.
A&E didn't seem concerned either, bit were to make sure he gets a scan of it happens again, apparently he's not to have them too often as he's already had more than most ever do.

Emily at age 2 has pretty much surpassed George in everything now, apparently she's way ahead in everything for her age so it's nice to have one we don't have to worry about at all.

 

[Junglist]

Yeah I quickly learned I couldn't really share those thoughts even with some of my close friends. I'm looking into seeing if there is some kind of suitable support locally. Worst are the broody childless acquaintances who are excited and mean well but if you suggest it's not all magic and euphoria when they're being tigger in your face they look at you as if you said the crown jewels were dog turds.

I felt that way. For the first 4-6 months or so I thought something was wrong with me as I had no bond and didn't have any sort of paternal feeling. Then something changed. I don't know what the catalyst was or what caused it but it felt like overnight I just had this feeling I can't even put into words.

Anyone who makes out the whole process is full of joy is a liar. it's hard. But as much as I miss my free time and spare money, I wouldn't change it