OcUK Dadsnet thread

[fez]

Yeah id say it's absolutely essential if anyone wants a nice balanced and calm household. People just need to realise there is no neglect involved. A warm house with caring parents certainly isn't neglectful. No one is being mean by establishing a routine.

Get past the first few nights and you never look back.

Ours has slept 10-12hrs a night, every night since she was 6m old. It allows adults to have the evening to decompress and it gives the child the best opportunity to recharge and develop.

Yeah, its a weird idea that babies waking up a lot in the night, screaming and not getting as much sleep is better than a week or so of them having to scream for 20 minutes total before settling. We have had plenty of evening where one of them takes a good 2.5 hours to finally properly go to sleep so its not cruel to make them cry for a bit to ultimately help them get into a happier and healthier routine.

Thats ignoring the effect on the parents of **** sleep for months.

 

[t2na]

Yeah id say it's absolutely essential if anyone wants a nice balanced and calm household. People just need to realise there is no neglect involved. A warm house with caring parents certainly isn't neglectful. No one is being mean by establishing a routine.

Get past the first few nights and you never look back.

Ours has slept 10-12hrs a night, every night since she was 6m old. It allows adults to have the evening to decompress and it gives the child the best opportunity to recharge and develop.

Yeah, completely agree.

It's not a magic silver bullet. There are still nights where our daughter will wake up and need us from time to time because of teeth or being unwell etc. but 90% of the time we put her to bed at 7pm and she sleeps happily until 6.15-6.45am.

It also just takes a huge weight off your shoulders not going to bed anxious every night wondering what time they're going to wake up!

 

[ci_newman]

Yeah, its a weird idea that babies waking up a lot in the night, screaming and not getting as much sleep is better than a week or so of them having to scream for 20 minutes total before settling. We have had plenty of evening where one of them takes a good 2.5 hours to finally properly go to sleep so its not cruel to make them cry for a bit to ultimately help them get into a happier and healthier routine.

Thats ignoring the effect on the parents of **** sleep for months.

It's been a lot of years since I've had to worry about sleepness nights (kids are 11 & 8) but from recollection the problem with the "cry it out" method is that it's vastly misunderstood and parents take it totally the wrong way and just simply ignore them completely, not following it like this:

All you do is let them cry for 2 mins.. Walk in. Put them down. Don't say a word..

Cry for 3 mins.. Repeat.

4 mins.. Repeat.

5 mins repeat..

 

[fez]

It's been a lot of years since I've had to worry about sleepness nights (kids are 11 & 8) but from recollection the problem with the "cry it out" method is that it's vastly misunderstood and parents take it totally the wrong way and just simply ignore them completely, not following it like this:

Which is strange because a 2 minute google would explain it to you and you would think that something like this where you are essentially leaving your baby to cry would make parents want to do it right.

I know there are different variants to it ie. how long you leave them before comforting them and there is a "nuclear" option of just leaving them to it but yes, perhaps a better name would help.

 

[theone8181]

Bit of a current topics one for you lot, do you let kids figure out santander isn't real or do you tell them? That may sound weird, but my daughter is in year 5, and I think we should tell her before she goes to secondary school as I've read a few stories about kids getting bullied over it.

 

[tom_e]

Bit of a current topics one for you lot, do you let kids figure out santander isn't real or do you tell them? That may sound weird, but my daughter is in year 5, and I think we should tell her before she goes to secondary school as I've read a few stories about kids getting bullied over it.

Wait a minute...Santander isn't real!? Then who's got my money!

We had similar thoughts with my step daughter before she went into secondary, we did mention it but obviously as the little know it all that she is she said she already knew anyway

 

[Irish_Tom]

Bit of a current topics one for you lot, do you let kids figure out santander isn't real or do you tell them? That may sound weird, but my daughter is in year 5, and I think we should tell her before she goes to secondary school as I've read a few stories about kids getting bullied over it.

I applaud your efforts at teaching finance at such an early age, but I wouldn’t leave out one of the largest highstreet banks.

Seriously though, there’s plenty of time until she gets to secondary school, I’m sure she will know by then.

 

[RobDogDog]

Famous last words my friend!

Over Christmas when I am off work we are going to sort out the spare bedroom so we can split the twins up and sleep train them. One is generally good but the other is a bit of a terror at times. Hard to sleep train one when the other is in the room though. The good one sleeps through most of the screaming but sometimes doesn't and either realises he would like a whinge or that he just wants to watch the show or perhaps have a chat with his parents.

Honestly, sleep has to be the biggest determiner of how manageable babies/children are. When they are sleeping well your life is 10x easier because you are well rested as well.

Our two have had hand, foot and mouth for the past week and my partner caught it too. I probably have it but with no outward signs other than being a bit fatigued. The problem is, there is always an excuse for babies not sleeping well. I have persuaded my partner to start sleep training. At 8 months they are certainly old enough for it.

Our two got hand, foot and mouth about two months back. It wasn't fun. Then I got it and it felt like I had full on flu.

We've got twins too and sleeping is interesting. One sometimes sleeps for 9-10 hours, where as the other will sleep for 4-5 and then goes berserk unless we put her on the bed (we don't even have to be on it). When they both sleep well, my word it's heaven. You forget what a good nights sleep is with young twins lol.

 

[fez]

We've got twins too and sleeping is interesting. One sometimes sleeps for 9-10 hours, where as the other will sleep for 4-5 and then goes berserk unless we put her on the bed (we don't even have to be on it). When they both sleep well, my word it's heaven. You forget what a good nights sleep is with young twins lol.

Yep, I don't know about you but I think far too often "my god this would be easy if we only had one!". Sorry to the rest of you

Our two got hand, foot and mouth about two months back. It wasn't fun. Then I got it and it felt like I had full on flu.

Its not been too bad honestly. My partner loved the ear thermometer though so whenever there is a hint of them having a temperature she is there probing the poor buggers. Both ours really dislike calpol as well which doesn't help. They haven't been sleep as well but outside of that, just a bit subdued, clingy and grumpy. I think they got off quite lightly.

 

[theone8181]

Stupid autocorrect . I keep thinking its hard to ask if they believe as they might then realise.

 

[t2na]

Its not been too bad honestly. My partner loved the ear thermometer though so whenever there is a hint of them having a temperature she is there probing the poor buggers. Both ours really dislike calpol as well which doesn't help. They haven't been sleep as well but outside of that, just a bit subdued, clingy and grumpy. I think they got off quite lightly.

Our daughter recently decided she wanted to start using the ear thermometer herself so would hold it to our ear / her ear and go 'beep beep'. Adorable - until she broke the sodding thing. Now we need to buy another one that actually works (and keep the broken one so she can keep using that...)

In terms of calpol, ours also really didn't like it until she was around 12 months or so? Once we could give it to her with a spoon rather than syringe. We tended to put it in her bottle if we knew she really needed it.

Now she's fine with it, she'll have it from a syringe or a spoon (pretty sure she'd drink it from the bottle if she could) and will constantly ask for 'more'.

 

[jeffk]

Bit of a current topics one for you lot, do you let kids figure out [Santa] isn't real or do you tell them? That may sound weird, but my daughter is in year 5, and I think we should tell her before she goes to secondary school as I've read a few stories about kids getting bullied over it.

We let our kids figure it out for themselves. The worry was that if we told our elder child, he would use it as a weapon against his younger brother.

Having said that, our 7-year old is pretty convinced that Santa isn’t real due to “inconsistencies in the story”. He’s going to be a hoot at sci-fi conventions when he’s older…

 

[theone8181]

We let our kids figure it out for themselves. The worry was that if we told our elder child, he would use it as a weapon against his younger brother.

Having said that, our 7-year old is pretty convinced that Santa isn’t real due to “inconsistencies in the story”. He’s going to be a hoot at sci-fi conventions when he’s older…

It's getting there lol. My daughter asked my last night if santander eats all the mince pies that people left out he'd explode .

 

[dlockers]

Our daughter recently decided she wanted to start using the ear thermometer herself so would hold it to our ear / her ear and go 'beep beep'. Adorable - until she broke the sodding thing. Now we need to buy another one that actually works (and keep the broken one so she can keep using that...)

In terms of calpol, ours also really didn't like it until she was around 12 months or so? Once we could give it to her with a spoon rather than syringe. We tended to put it in her bottle if we knew she really needed it.

Now she's fine with it, she'll have it from a syringe or a spoon (pretty sure she'd drink it from the bottle if she could) and will constantly ask for 'more'.

Not the Philips one surely? I think it's actually a pro trip to let them use them. I took her to the docs once and she behaved so well because she was super familiar with the process. She was a bit nervous but when nurse got the thermometer out she turned her head and leaned in lol.

 

[Priapus]

This is super important. I may have even posted in this thread closer to our daughters birth as it was something I struggled with.

For our partners, they're growing these little creeps in them. It literally feels like them and they have several months of feeling this thing move around inside of them, Our first interaction with them is when they get into the world. My underlying thought when I first saw her was "I don't know you and I don't love you... Who TF are you?!". I felt beyond rubbish. I thought it was all stemming back to where I never wanted kids and I thought it was where I was just a selfish individual.

People are very quick to keep these feelings close to their chest in fear of being labelled as something unsavoury but lets face it. As dads we are very much back-up dancers for the first few months. Our role is to support our partner cause the babies sure as **** don't want to know us and how can you love something that doesn't want to be comforted by yourself?

I went on a bike ride with my friend who has 2 daughters. Must've been a few weeks after our daughter was born. I explained how I felt and he just laughed it off "Oh boy... I've been there". That conversation made me feel so much better. I wasn't some monster incapable of loving their own child. It was a pretty normal experience.

I'd say for myself the 6-7 month marker was when things just clicked. My emotional feeling towards her went into hyperdrive and I became obsessed. It was at that point something in my brain went "holy ****... I love being a dad... why didn't I do this sooner?". The mental flick is something I wasn't prepared for. Suddenly I want another one. Never saw it coming.

Parenthood changes you, no doubt about it. I'm different to how I was 19 months ago and I bet I'll be a different beast in another 19 months, we are all on a crazy, tiring but damn crazy, journey.

I resonate with this so very much. When my son was born; I thought "Hey cool little dude is here" And both my wife and I agreed we didn't love him yet - because she isn't that maternal and I didn't spend 9 months with him growing inside me.

But at the 7-9 month mark, like you it clicked. He is now 18 months old, and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him in this world. I love him more than anything - it's a different love. We're even packing up our whole lives here to move to the UK so he can grow up in a better environment and more importantly, around all of his family.

We also decided we would only have one. That was 8 months ago. But we are slowly talking about another one now. Did not think that would be the case at all. But here we are.

We did get super lucky with the whole sleep thing. We kept him in a routine from as young as possible. Every night, we put him to bed at 7pm - regardless of how awake he seems and 9.5/10 he will just go to sleep himself - and won't wake up till 5/6am - been like that for the most part since he was 6 months.

 

[t2na]

Not the Philips one surely? I think it's actually a pro trip to let them use them. I took her to the docs once and she behaved so well because she was super familiar with the process. She was a bit nervous but when nurse got the thermometer out she turned her head and leaned in lol.

I think it's a Bauer one? Genuinely impressed that she managed to break it. It still beeps so she can still play with it.

And yeah, we figured the same. As soon as she started playing with it and using it herself it became so much easier to take her temperature or let the docs take her temp.

 

[Priapus]

Took us less than a week of crying it out.

All you do is let them cry for 2 mins.. Walk in. Put them down. Don't say a word..

Cry for 3 mins.. Repeat.

4 mins.. Repeat.

5 mins repeat..

We never got past 7 minutes. By that time she was asleep.

Sucks hearing them wailing a bit but once it's done you end up with a child who sticks to the routine and makes bedtimes simple. Ours turned 5 and she's never once wanted to sleep in our bed. Routine is key to everything.

I'd have no doubt been a bit crap at routine cos I have a laid back nature but my missus is so good at the parenting stuff that we made an angel. Touch wood lol.

100% this. Our son has routines for

- Brushing teeth,
- Breakfast, lunch and dinner,
- Sleep

We don't struggle putting him to sleep - he lays in his cot, tosses and turns a bit, drinks his juice and within 10 mins, is out like a light.
As soon as we are out of routine, for whatever reason (Has happened once or twice this year) - it throws it all off and he can be a bit of a pain.

Our current struggle at the moment is getting him off the dummy.(He is 18 months) He doesn't use it a lot and only moans for it every so often. But he uses it for bedtime mostly.

 

[ddoubleep]

Bit of a current topics one for you lot, do you let kids figure out santander isn't real or do you tell them? That may sound weird, but my daughter is in year 5, and I think we should tell her before she goes to secondary school as I've read a few stories about kids getting bullied over it.

Has she figured out the Tooth Fairy? Surprised that by Y5 one of the kids in the class with other siblings haven't told and spread it around the class. Let them enjoy magic before goes to Secondary school. The bullying kid probably got coal every year!

 

[willhub]

I need to moderate how often Super Simple Songs and Ms Rachel are on the telle, I'm picking up a new York accent for "circle", Mancunian accent for "oh no" and a Yorkshire accent for "no" on its own.

 

[uksoldierboy]

Running on 2 hours sleep in over 48, works been incredibly busy and I've just came home to take over from the wife.. give me strength