OcUK Dadsnet thread

[RoboCod]

What happened to the mum?! Up and leave? I find she makes matters worse in a lot of cases in my house. I arrive to an absolute crazy house when I get back from work but as soon as I go about the bedtime routine like some crazy efficient robot everything calms down and then kids are sorted in minutes. I'm not really sure how she ends up so out of time and control of the routine, it's not like she is with them all day, she picks them up from her mum's at around 5 but by the time I'm home at around 6 she is already losing her mind

She's long term ill and hasn't been at home for a while now.

I hear you. I think women are much more driven by emotion and hormones in their decision process when it comes to childcare. Maybe that can make the decision process more... Discombobulated? Or perhaps appear irrational to us simple men beings. I think there's a lot of societal pressure on mum's and this can feed into the typical mum guilt. What's hard is to not let disagreements on upbringing become an argument about who is right and who is wrong because really none of that matters. What matters is that everyone gets a good night's sleep, for example.

Something that irks me is what seems to be this push (by women "experts" mostly) that everything must be "baby led". Sure, let them tell you what food they want etc, but teach them they can't just have chocolate. Sure, comfort them when they cry at night, but teach them they can't get their own way every time and come in your own bed just because they want it. I hate the phrase "baby knows". Baby knows **** all. Children know what they want but adults have to teach them (and of course give them) what they need.

I'm massively generalising above, of course. All people are very different.

Have you spoken with your partner properly about her behaviour? Have you considered that she could be struggling mentally and physically and this can be the reason she appears to struggle with what should be menial tasks so much? Not making excuses, just throwing ideas out there.

 

[azazl187]

She's long term ill and hasn't been at home for a while now.

I hear you. I think women are much more driven by emotion and hormones in their decision process when it comes to childcare. Maybe that can make the decision process more... Discombobulated? Or perhaps appear irrational to us simple men beings. I think there's a lot of societal pressure on mum's and this can feed into the typical mum guilt. What's hard is to not let disagreements on upbringing become an argument about who is right and who is wrong because really none of that matters. What matters is that everyone gets a good night's sleep, for example.

Something that irks me is what seems to be this push (by women "experts" mostly) that everything must be "baby led". Sure, let them tell you what food they want etc, but teach them they can't just have chocolate. Sure, comfort them when they cry at night, but teach them they can't get their own way every time and come in your own bed just because they want it. I hate the phrase "baby knows". Baby knows **** all. Children know what they want but adults have to teach them (and of course give them) what they need.

I'm massively generalising above, of course. All people are very different.

Have you spoken with your partner properly about her behaviour? Have you considered that she could be struggling mentally and physically and this can be the reason she appears to struggle with what should be menial tasks so much? Not making excuses, just throwing ideas out there.

I know exactly what you are saying and your generalisation is not far from the truth for most.

The problem is that many people male and female do not have the capacity to see things in such a logical way and approaching such subjects results in ultra defence.

Tried and tested so many times that it's just best to adjust towards supporting them rather than getting them to see your point of view.

I'm sorry to hear of your partner's health. You seem like a great Dad who has lots of time for his kids. I wish you the very best.

 

[RoboCod]

I know exactly what you are saying and your generalisation is not far from the truth for most.

The problem is that many people male and female do not have the capacity to see things in such a logical way and approaching such subjects results in ultra defence.

Tried and tested so many times that it's just best to adjust towards supporting them rather than getting them to see your point of view.

I'm sorry to hear of your partner's health. You seem like a great Dad who has lots of time for his kids. I wish you the very best.

Thanks, we're just lucky. I've been off work since November on compassionate. Full pay, no holidays, same benefits. I'd happily be a full time stay at home Dad forever more if we could though, it's the best job .

Hope things pick up for you at home too!

 

[dl8860]

Put in place a regimented routine and set boundaries that my 3 Yr old will understand. Without mum around he can't act up and play us off one another either. He now knows what to expect and the repercussions if he steps out of the boundaries. I'm quite the fan of the Tonies boxes too. I read him a book and then leave him to pick his own spoken storybooks on his Tonie box whilst I leave him to it to go and do jobs downstairs/feed cats/check little one/make my own dinner/*insert any other excuse to leave him in his room here*. I'll tell him I'll pop back to check on him in X minutes and always make sure I do so he doesn't feel abandoned but lately he's usually nodded off by the first round now anyway. Not having mum about definitely makes it easier though as he'd create more by crying for her, knowing that she'll willfully come running. I found that making his room a more inviting place for him has helped a lot too. He's in to his lego avengers so the bedroom was dutifully decorated as such. It just seemed to do the trick in making him excited about bed time.

/snip
/cheapbrag


As for my 1 Yr old, I've carried out the controlled crying routine. It took just 2 nights before he had quite clearly grasped that I wasn't ever far away and that he wasn't being abandoned. I can now lay him straight down with a bottle, say night night and walk out of his room. He usually sleeps right through to morning. This is learnt behaviour, as opposed to teaching him that if he shouts enough he can sleep in my bed.

Both children sometimes still come in to me if they won't settle back off but that's parent life isn't it, you pick your battles. In comparison, our bed time routine used to be non-existent, chaotic and an outright battle where one of us would always give up and end up laying next to child until they drifted off.

Sounds/looks like you've got it nailed there, fair play.

Hope things improve for your wife/gf

 

[ChrisD.]

@RoboCod that room looks brilliant, will use it for inspiration when I do my boys room properly.

And sorry to read about your situation.

 

[Devrij]

My experience is certain words that are not "child friendly" seem to be the easiest they pickup.

I recall first hearing them while my daughter, 2 at the time, was struggling to get a shoe on. It was perfect context tbf.

To anyone saying it's as simple as training bad behaviour out, I agree to an extent, but my daughter's 6 now and is a force to be reckoned with. Sometimes she'd rather I set fire to everything she holds dear than give in. You gotta be careful not to make threats you don't actually want to go through with!

 

[Django x2]

The whole regression thing is BS. I don't know why people expect kids to be different to you and I. Or are you telling me you religiously whack your head on the pillow, drift off, and jobs a good 'en? You'll have nights when you have niggles, pains, cramps, things on your mind - you'll have times where you lay awake for hours and others you'll power on through. Sometimes you wake fresh, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you go to bed early only to find out you wake up ready to start the day and it's only 2am.
The only thing they need before bed is a fully tummy, clean pyjamas, to be well rested during the day (midday nap for 2hrs) and if they are teething/otherwise suffering, a banana and calpol. The banana helps the calpol slow release.

And don't run in at the minute they make a noise, for the reasons I stated in my first para. They are just peeved they woke up, and it'll take 10-15mins to settle. The more practice they get at self-settling, the less you will have to do.

Perhaps because it's a scientifically studied recognised phase(s) of a childs development. You have to remember, a child can get tired looking at a colour sponge for 30 seconds. Unless you are on the retarded spectrum, that doesn't apply to most adults.

 

[RoboCod]

@RoboCod that room looks brilliant, will use it for inspiration when I do my boys room properly.

And sorry to read about your situation.

Thanks, I can email you the template for the city scape if you want it? I didn't project it on the wall or anything to be exact. I just eyeballed it and used a pencil, spirit level and frog tape to paint the different parts in stages.

Sounds/looks like you've got it nailed there, fair play.

Hope things improve for your wife/gf

Thank you for the sentiment, appreciate it.

 

[RoboCod]

If your kids are yet to have chicken pox, ill tell you now, stock up on virasoothe. Wonder stuff!

 

[JamesH85]

Yeah we've just been through the same thing(twin boys aged 3). So we got virasoothe and piriton, neither were scratching much and they seemed to be totally normal through the full thing. Oh and original head and shoulders for bath times too!

 

[gort]

Our 18 month old boy had chicken pox recently. Got a load of spots but didn't manifest in to much and 10 later they were mostly gone an he didn't seem to have much of a reaction to them.
I've never had it and I'm guessing as I didn't get it this time round I have some level on immunity.... until it mutates!

 

[Diagro]

Second baby due in July.

Need go make room for it...

So looks like the office which is my PC / 3d printer room needs to be emptied, decorated and made ready.

Sucks really... but children come first.

So... I decided to do the following over the next few months:
1. Hire storage unit close by.
2. Empty garage of junk into a skip / store important stuff off site.
3. Engage a builder and conservatory person to build a 3.3x2.8m lean to outside, to connect kitchen outside door to garage back door.
4. Raise garage floor to meet house floor level
5. Board and plaster garage and basically turn it into a room.
6. Move office stuff back into house into new garage room, gaining a much bigger office space.

Estimated cost is around £15k... so not cheap.... but a darn site cheaper than moving house. Plus we like the area. Been in the house for 14 years. It was passed to my wife by her grandparents who at the time moved to sheltered accommodation.

They have since both passed, and my wife is very attached to the house due to the memories.

Not got much time to do all this... going to be busy!

 

[chroniclard]

Second baby due in July.

Need go make room for it...

So looks like the office which is my PC / 3d printer room needs to be emptied, decorated and made ready.

Sucks really... but children come first.

So... I decided to do the following over the next few months:
1. Hire storage unit close by.
2. Empty garage of junk into a skip / store important stuff off site.
3. Engage a builder and conservatory person to build a 3.3x2.8m lean to outside, to connect kitchen outside door to garage back door.
4. Raise garage floor to meet house floor level
5. Board and plaster garage and basically turn it into a room.
6. Move office stuff back into house into new garage room, gaining a much bigger office space.

Estimated cost is around £15k... so not cheap.... but a darn site cheaper than moving house. Plus we like the area. Been in the house for 14 years. It was passed to my wife by her grandparents who at the time moved to sheltered accommodation.

They have since both passed, and my wife is very attached to the house due to the memories.

Not got much time to do all this... going to be busy!

Converting our garage to an office/utility area was best thing we did. Never used it for a car anyway, just junk. Now have a nice 2 desk office for myself and Mrs. Think it cost us a similar ball park.

 

[Diagro]

Converting our garage to an office/utility area was best thing we did. Never used it for a car anyway, just junk. Now have a nice 2 desk office for myself and Mrs. Think it cost us a similar ball park.

I look forward to it.

May still need to hire an off site storage unit though for all the other bits, but that's not too bad.

 

[SixTwoSix]

Realising my social anxiety is still lurking there in the background as my 5 year olds birthday party tomorrow looms on the horizon. Got about 10/12 kids coming over, about half parents staying, some leaving kids with us for a few hours. I know it's all going to be hectic and the time will fly without realising it, just socially awkward outside of my main friendship group and struggle with small talk with other parents.

I think best bet is go and play with kids for a few hours and run the games

I am excited for my son though, for obvious reasons this is the first proper birthday party he's had while being aware of what's going on.

 

[chroniclard]

Realising my social anxiety is still lurking there in the background as my 5 year olds birthday party tomorrow looms on the horizon. Got about 10/12 kids coming over, about half parents staying, some leaving kids with us for a few hours. I know it's all going to be hectic and the time will fly without realising it, just socially awkward outside of my main friendship group and struggle with small talk with other parents.

I think best bet is go and play with kids for a few hours and run the games

I am excited for my son though, for obvious reasons this is the first proper birthday party he's had while being aware of what's going on.

Yeah focus on kids is what I did or pray for parties where you can dump your kid and run.

 

[SixTwoSix]

Yeah focus on kids is what I did or pray for parties where you can dump your kid and run.

Luckily so far since my lad has been in reception, my wife has done the birthday party duties, however can't see a way to swerve tomorrow

 

[theone8181]

Luckily so far since my lad has been in reception, my wife has done the birthday party duties, however can't see a way to swerve tomorrow

Just think of all the yummy mummies .

 

[chroniclard]

Just think of all the yummy mummies .

My kids friends mums were all scrubs.

 

[Matt-Page]

Second baby due in July.

Need go make room for it...

So looks like the office which is my PC / 3d printer room needs to be emptied, decorated and made ready.

Sucks really... but children come first.

So... I decided to do the following over the next few months:
1. Hire storage unit close by.
2. Empty garage of junk into a skip / store important stuff off site.
3. Engage a builder and conservatory person to build a 3.3x2.8m lean to outside, to connect kitchen outside door to garage back door.
4. Raise garage floor to meet house floor level
5. Board and plaster garage and basically turn it into a room.
6. Move office stuff back into house into new garage room, gaining a much bigger office space.

Estimated cost is around £15k... so not cheap.... but a darn site cheaper than moving house. Plus we like the area. Been in the house for 14 years. It was passed to my wife by her grandparents who at the time moved to sheltered accommodation.

They have since both passed, and my wife is very attached to the house due to the memories.

Not got much time to do all this... going to be busy!

Hi,

I had to do similar when my second child was born, I was relegated to the garage during lockdowns which was cold and miserable. I turned half of my garage into an office and its now a nioce place to work. I was/am pretty new to DIY but learnt as I went along and had some help from my brothers. I did a build thread here if your interested in getting some ideas, etc.

Project: Garage Office/Workshop Thread

I'm gonna use this as a bit of a project thread. Mainly for me to keep a log of it, but thought a few on here would enjoy reading through it. I have little DIY knowledge so all of this is a bit of a learning curve for me. I work full time and have hobbies/kids so finding time to do it is...

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