Office Farts (how do you sneak them out)

Sp00n · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:06

If I have to do it, I have to do it, but I don't make a big deal of it, it doesn't turn in to a competition and I carry on with my day.

paradigm · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:06

AHarvey said:
Is it just me that doesn't do this? I also don't find it very funny in public. I've just never seen the humour behind it.

There's always one :rolleyes:

Everyone farts, it's natural, stop being a wuss.

Vonhelmet · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:07

Go to the toilet, you damn dirty apes!

ntg · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:08

AHarvey said:
Is it just me that doesn't do this? I also don't find it very funny in public. I've just never seen the humour behind it.

That's because there is no humour behind it.

Apparently most posters in this thread don't have office toilets. I wonder what they do when they feel the need to defecate..do their colleagues follow suit to that as well?

DJMK4 · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:10

kgi said:
That's because there is no humour behind it.

Of course there is.

Skidder · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:10

kgi said:
That's because there is no humour behind it.

Apparently most posters in this thread don't have office toilets. I wonder what they do when they feel the need to defecate..do their colleagues follow suit to that as well?

It's people like you, that people like me, cup and release at.

WobblerJW · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:12

its better to let rip than to let it build up inside

i work with a bunch of guys that is bad as each other so we have no shame but one of the wifeys that works there complains a lot about us

The IPB · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:12

kgi said:
That's because there is no humour behind it.

Apparently most posters in this thread don't have office toilets. I wonder what they do when they feel the need to defecate..do their colleagues follow suit to that as well?

You seriously go to the toilet to fart?

MuttsNutts · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:12

kgi said:
That's because there is no humour behind it.

Apparently most posters in this thread don't have office toilets. I wonder what they do when they feel the need to defecate..do their colleagues follow suit to that as well?

OMG Office Banter its a way to get through the day with some fun.
Or do you talk by the water cooler sipping tea with Tarquin and Cuthbert
Oh Tally Ho Chaps

tombrr · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:13

Milkybk said:
I like to press against someone so they can feel me do it.

...ROFL!

Rizo-UK · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:14

Can't beat a good fart in the office! Even better if you can keep a straight face whilst everyone is working out where that god awful stench has come from

Deadbeat · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:15

Working in a lab, it's easy to slip away to a quiet corner and ease it out. People just assume it's a dodgy combination of chemicals down the sluice.

kgi said:
That's because there is no humour behind it.

There is humour, you just don't get it. Fact: farts are funny. Crass, sometimes inappropriate, but funny.

DJMK4 · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:15

I can actually perform farts on command

It requires me to lie on my front and put my bum up in the air, allowing me to suck in air and release.

May look stupid, but at the same time it provides some lolz

I discovered this when I was a kid (not doing anything gay btw).

The IPB · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:16

DJMK4 said:
I can actually perform farts on command

It requires me to lie on my front and put my bum up in the air, allowing me to suck in air and release.

May look stupid, but at the same time it provides some lolz

I discovered this when I was a kid (not doing anything gay btw).

So this is the male version of a queef is it.

Sp00n · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:18

DJMK4 said:
I can actually perform farts on command

It requires me to lie on my front and put my bum up in the air, allowing me to suck in air and release.

May look stupid, but at the same time it provides some lolz

I discovered this when I was a kid (not doing anything gay btw).

You probably shouldn't do that in an office environment, you might get some funny looks.

DJMK4 · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:18

Dkore-DeX said:
So this is the male version of a queef is it.

Nope, as there is no bum sex involved.

I cant believe I found instructions on the web for this just then

1) Get a pillow and a soft surface.
2) Place your ear on the pillow with your head turned sideways.
3) Put your butt up in the air, bringing your knees as close up to your head as possible. This relaxes your anal opening.
4) Once you're relaxed enough, you should feel a strange sensation...this is air traveling into your colon (intestines).
5) Through practice you will be able to do this by just sitting down.
6) Force the air back out...aka Fart!

Sp00n · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:19

DJMK4 said:
Nope, as there is no bum sex involved.

Apparently you don't know what a queef is :x

Simian · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:19

In the lift, preferably crouded with a couple of the guys from my department, and a couple of others from 'The Other' department, going at least 3 floors... sneek it out and say, in my most sincere voice, to no one in particular...

"Can you smell Pasties??"

My guys now know and don't inhale!!.. but 'The Others'... te-hee

DJMK4 · 27 Jan 2011 at 13:20

Sp00n said:
Apparently you don't know what a queef is :x

Yeah, its vaginal flatulence, usually caused by sex with the vagina

He was suggesting I was doing the male version (sex with the bum).

This is not correct