Office romances

Sundance said:
Fair play to him. Standard lad behaviour tbh :p

However, if your girl is prepared to sacrifice your relationship for a guy like that, she isn't worth sticking with (unless for casual pasty smashing) :p
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How about this then?

You are going through a VERY rough patch in your life, and it has had a detrimental effect on your relationship.

Over time, things would get better, you would work through your stuff and the two of you will live happily forever after, as getting through the rough patch strengthened your relationship.

Only this doesn't happen, as during the rough patch, when being the partner you should have been wasn't possible, some guy tempted your gf away from you.

You weren't intentionally being a bad partner, but at the time, you could see why she could be tempted away. If that other guy hadn't stuck his nose in, 6 months later everything would be fine.
 
krooton said:
How about this then?

You are going through a VERY rough patch in your life, and it has had a detrimental effect on your relationship.

Over time, things would get better, you would work through your stuff and the two of you will live happily forever after, as getting through the rough patch strengthened your relationship.

Only this doesn't happen, as during the rough patch, when being the partner you should have been wasn't possible, some guy tempted your gf away from you.

You weren't intentionally being a bad partner, but at the time, you could see why she could be tempted away. If that other guy hadn't stuck his nose in, 6 months later everything would be fine.
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That is rather unfortunate, but you can't blame another man for your own misfortune.
 
Nitefly said:
That's just it though, depending on what they are doing they might not be at fault! If another man has charmed her away, you either weren't paying attention or weren't exciting enough for her.
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Not really if another man has charmed her away he has still crossed a line that is not crossed in normal decent society. Were we still living in a time when getting a woman was as easy as sending a raiding party into the next village to round up some women then fair enough but generally I would have though that most people these days have better manners than that.

Also "weren't paying enough attention"? What is this girls boyfriend supposed to do? Go into his girlfriend's work every day to make sure OP isn't trying it on?
 
krooton said:
How about this then?

You are going through a VERY rough patch in your life, and it has had a detrimental effect on your relationship.

Over time, things would get better, you would work through your stuff and the two of you will live happily forever after, as getting through the rough patch strengthened your relationship.

Only this doesn't happen, as during the rough patch, when being the partner you should have been wasn't possible, some guy tempted your gf away from you.

You weren't intentionally being a bad partner, but at the time, you could see why she could be tempted away. If that other guy hadn't stuck his nose in, 6 months later everything would be fine.
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I have to say a good partner should see and respect the issues you are having. My gf stayed with me and was very supportive when my dad died despite me being a far from perfect partner and it certainly strengthened our relationship. It would take a pretty ****ty partner to leave someone because they are going through a rough patch.
 
gropingmantis said:
Not really if another man has charmed her away he has still crossed a line that is not crossed in normal decent society.
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But that's just it, what line?

At worst, you could say that this man has valued his own happiness more than another. But it's not malicious. Would you want a promotion ahead of your work colleague? Of course you would!

Also "weren't paying enough attention"? What is this girls boyfriend supposed to do? Go into his girlfriend's work every day to make sure OP isn't trying it on?
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Err no, just, like, be a decent attentive and caring boyfriend.
 
krooton said:
How about this then?

You are going through a VERY rough patch in your life, and it has had a detrimental effect on your relationship.

Over time, things would get better, you would work through your stuff and the two of you will live happily forever after, as getting through the rough patch strengthened your relationship.

Only this doesn't happen, as during the rough patch, when being the partner you should have been wasn't possible, some guy tempted your gf away from you.

You weren't intentionally being a bad partner, but at the time, you could see why she could be tempted away. If that other guy hadn't stuck his nose in, 6 months later everything would be fine.
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Sometimes cheating can be beneficial to the relationship as it allows you to see how important the partner really is. It, paradoxally, can reinforce and strengthen your relationship. Do you not think?
 
Don't screw the crew!

I had an office romance once, it was kept pretty much under wraps... horrible when it was over....luckily I wasn't there for long.

I'd stay away - especially if she's taken, although at the end of the day it would be her judgement call and conscience... if her/her relationship is weak enough for her to stray then.... *shrugs*

BB x
 
Ahleckz said:
Sometimes cheating can be beneficial to the relationship as it allows you to see how important the partner really is. It, paradoxally, can reinforce and strengthen your relationship. Do you not think?
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No? What logic is that? If they succumb to the temptation once then they are more than capable of doing it again. We humans aren't particularly good at learning from our mistakes
 
krooton said:
How about this then?

You are going through a VERY rough patch in your life, and it has had a detrimental effect on your relationship.

Over time, things would get better, you would work through your stuff and the two of you will live happily forever after, as getting through the rough patch strengthened your relationship.

Only this doesn't happen, as during the rough patch, when being the partner you should have been wasn't possible, some guy tempted your gf away from you.

You weren't intentionally being a bad partner, but at the time, you could see why she could be tempted away. If that other guy hadn't stuck his nose in, 6 months later everything would be fine.
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Every relationship is different, so I can only speak from personal (limited :p) experience.

When I've been in rough patches my gf has always told me how she felt, and I know that she would always end it with me before being "tempted" away or anything like that. I suppose I'm lucky in that sense.

I'm really bad sometimes at saying how I feel, but I'm lucky to have a gf that will always tell me if I've been a nob etc, so thankfully we can always make up before it gets out of control.
 
Nitefly said:
But that's just it, what line?

At worst, you could say that this man has valued his own happiness more than another. But it's not malicious. Would you want a promotion ahead of your work colleague? Of course you would!
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Getting a promotion over your colleague is not the same as stealing someone's partner, that is more like stealing a colleague's job resulting in them getting the sack. Nice.
 
Nitefly said:
But that's just it, what line?

At worst, you could say that this man has valued his own happiness more than another. But it's not malicious. Would you want a promotion ahead of your work colleague? Of course you would!


Err no, just, like, be a decent attentive and caring boyfriend.
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I suppose it depends if they are looking for a relationship or just trying to get their end away. If the former and the relationship works well then overlapping is certainly more justifiable than the latter which is basically just being a dick for being a dick's sake.
 
krooton said:
Of course you can, he should be civilised enough not to try his luck with a woman in a relationship.

Clearly I'm some sort of Zeta-male. :p
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Let's be honest, your example was loaded as it give the original boyfriend a fairy tale ending. You never know that to be the case. How do you know that original boyfriend and the girl wouldn't have broken up 3 months later, whilst new man on the block would have a happy and life long relationship? We don't. We all go on what we know and try to make the best decisions at the time.

Providing that man 2 wasn't being malicious or taking undue advantage of the situation, then I don't see how he can be called uncivil.

Granted, if man one has had a car crash and is in hospital for 6 months, and 'mr. caring and considerate shoulder to cry on' decides he is going to fulfil the Mrs' needs whilst he is out of action, then damn straight he's a jerk!


Ahleckz said:
Sometimes cheating can be beneficial to the relationship as it allows you to see how important the partner really is. It, paradoxally, can reinforce and strengthen your relationship. Do you not think?
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Haha so you DID cheat on her then! Wicked man! :p
 
Sundance said:
Every relationship is different, so I can only speak from personal (limited :p) experience.

When I've been in rough patches my gf has always told me how she felt, and I know that she would always end it with me before being "tempted" away or anything like that. I suppose I'm lucky in that sense.

I'm really bad sometimes at saying how I feel, but I'm lucky to have a gf that will always tell me if I've been a nob etc, so thankfully we can always make up before it gets out of control.
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My experience is actually being the one "stolen".

With a girl, hadn't been happy for months, broke up with her multiple times, but always ended up being guilted back in to the relationship. Was planning on breaking up with her after she got her ACCA as I didn't want the stress of a break-up impacting her final years results.

A new friend is introduced to the group, and we get on like a mad house on fire. Stupidly so. She decides she wants me. Me having been so unhappy for so long decides to put myself first (for once) and I dump my gf for this new one.

It lasted 6 months and she left me for her ex (lol, karma).

Did I feel guilty for dumping her for a mutual friend? Yes.
Was the mutual friend wrong in pursuing me? Yes.

Sure, if she hadn't, I would have ended it in 4 months any way, but how it ended would have been completely different and not resulted in months of fallout amongst a large social circle.

People should respect other people's situations and keep out.
 
krooton said:
My experience is actually being the one "stolen".

With a girl, hadn't been happy for months, broke up with her multiple times, but always ended up being guilted back in to the relationship. Was planning on breaking up with her after she got her ACCA as I didn't want the stress of a break-up impacting her final years results.

A new friend is introduced to the group, and we get on like a mad house on fire. Stupidly so. She decides she wants me. Me having been so unhappy for so long decides to put myself first (for once) and I dump my gf for this new one.

It lasted 6 months and she left me for her ex (lol, karma).

Did I feel guilty for dumping her for a mutual friend? Yes.
Was the mutual friend wrong in pursuing me? Yes.

Sure, if she hadn't, I would have ended it in 4 months any way, but how it ended would have been completely different and not resulted in months of fallout amongst a large social circle.

People should respect other people's situations and keep out.
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Hold on, you just introduced an entirely new element there! Dumping for a mutual friend, now that is pretty shady :p

Other than that, it only seems bad move with the benefit of hindsight. If you weren't happy then jumping ship was probably the right move... although perhaps you were better off treading water for awhile before jumping on-board the ship next door!
 
Also - going for a friend's girlfriend is an absolute no go. Really shady.

If you broke up and then got together than fine, but yes, she was a bit of douche there. Can't believe you went to one of her 'friends' :o

Now the judge has become the judged :D
 
krooton said:
My experience is actually being the one "stolen".

With a girl, hadn't been happy for months, broke up with her multiple times, but always ended up being guilted back in to the relationship. Was planning on breaking up with her after she got her ACCA as I didn't want the stress of a break-up impacting her final years results.

A new friend is introduced to the group, and we get on like a mad house on fire. Stupidly so. She decides she wants me. Me having been so unhappy for so long decides to put myself first (for once) and I dump my gf for this new one.

It lasted 6 months and she left me for her ex (lol, karma).

Did I feel guilty for dumping her for a mutual friend? Yes.
Was the mutual friend wrong in pursuing me? Yes.

Sure, if she hadn't, I would have ended it in 4 months any way, but how it ended would have been completely different and not resulted in months of fallout amongst a large social circle.

People should respect other people's situations and keep out.
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Well as it was a mutual friend, yes, that does make it more complicated, and puts more of the blame on the friend.

It's a tough call, I'd probably would've done the same as you :p Your past gf was going to feel bad either way. The alternative is that you left her right after her exams, when she is feeling better, only for you to crush her spirit again :D She would also probably work out that you were holding out breaking up purely because of her exams, which would probably make things worse in the long run.
 
Nitefly said:
Also - going for a friend's girlfriend is an absolute no go. Really shady.

If you broke up and then got together than fine, but yes, she was a bit of douche there. Can't believe you went to one of her 'friends' :o

Now the judge has become the judged :D
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Not her friend, our friend. Well technically it was a friend of our friend, we'd only known her for 3 months. She didn't hate herself (like my gf at the time did) and loved Eddie Izzard, I was tricky not to pass up, but I still feel bad about it. :p

The whole mess is why I am against the whole concept of going for someone in a relationship. Fallout can be pretty bad.
 
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TommyV said:
personally I'd steer clear out of respect, in my eyes there is an unwritten 'guy code' by which you don't do such things, I go by that because I don't want it ever done to myself.
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This is the thing. Don't do unto others yadda yadda yadda, which i agree with.

As has been said, if she flirts with you in a "i want you" sort of way then she aint being very respectful to her bf, and she could also do the same to you further down the line (if she dumps him for you).

If its just playful flirting where nothing is likely to come of it then fine.
 
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