On The Wagon... then in 'ere!

Brenn47 · 29 Jan 2017 at 21:38

I was only a few hours ago telling my mum I find sobriety pretty boring!

I know I can't drink in moderation as I'd just sink back into drinking daily.

robfosters · 29 Jan 2017 at 21:42

Brenn47 said:
I was only a few hours ago telling my mum I find sobriety pretty boring!

I know I can't drink in moderation as I'd just sink back into drinking daily.

May I ask what your diet was like when drinking heavy please?

Brenn47 · 29 Jan 2017 at 21:56

When drinking heavily I mainly didn't eat, just had another whisky till I forgot I was hungry. But when I remembered to eat it was bacon and egg sandwiches mainly. Not a great diet and more that likely the reason I ended up collapsing and in hospital. Not my finest moment.

Good luck by the way Rob, I can sympathise with you just how bad an electrolyte imbalance makes you feel!!!

phonemonkey · 3 Feb 2017 at 11:01

Brenn47 said:
I know I can't drink in moderation as I'd just sink back into drinking daily.

Hold on to that idea. If you're a drinker like me, and you've identified with my drinking in the past, then you can never return to 'normal drinking'. My choice then, and perhaps yours too, is to drink in the way I was drinking until it kills me, or to learn to live a happy sober life.

It's not easy, and sometimes it is boring, frustrating etc but remember what happened the last time you took a drink, because that's what awaits if you pick up that first drink. The ITU visits, the yellow skin.

Good luck.

phonemonkey · 5 Feb 2017 at 14:13

I really hope your absence isn't a sign you've picked a drink and are back on the merry go round Brenn47.

strumpusplunket · 10 Feb 2017 at 13:24

phonemonkey;30473054 said:
I really hope your absence isn't a sign you've picked a drink and are back on the merry go round Brenn47.

Yes, I echo this. Sounds like you've been having a torrid time, Brenn47. Hope you're doing okay. The OcUK Cuisine board is rooting for you!

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 13:18

Fell off the wagon last weekend and made myself VERY ill, ended you peeing blood for 3 days and stuck in bed for a week. Really thought it was going to be another hospital visit but was desperate not to be a burden on the NHS for my own stupidity. I felt albsolutely dreadful, all mixed in with blood in my pee which was slightly/highly concerning.

Spent my week in bed planning my sobriety or it will kill me.

Lokai · 11 Feb 2017 at 14:16

Brenn47;30493489 said:
Fell off the wagon last weekend and made myself VERY ill, ended you peeing blood for 3 days and stuck in bed for a week. Really thought it was going to be another hospital visit but was desperate not to be a burden on the NHS for my own stupidity. I felt albsolutely dreadful, all mixed in with blood in my pee which was slightly/highly concerning.

Spent my week in bed planning my sobriety or it will kill me.

I don't imagine we will be seeing too many more posts from you Brenn

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 14:30

That had crossed my mind.

StonedPenguin · 11 Feb 2017 at 14:39

wez68;30448509 said:
Quick post here ,not judging anybody at all ,just telling my story !!
Right where do I start !!,ok I met my ex many years ago ,fell in love etc ,had a few good years ,then things took a downward turn ,noticed the excess drinking ,late nights etc ,there was always an excuse etc ,fast forward a year ,we split up .
Foolishly got back together 2 months later ,then she dropped the bombshell ,she was pregnant ,it wasn't mine ,I decided to take the child on as my own .

Once the child was born ,things took a rapid turn for the worse, ultimately ending with me getting her removed from my house by the police and into custody for the night, with me telling the police explicitly that she would not be allowed back into my house !!
The following day I received a phone call from the police ,informing me that after her release from custody ,she had tried to rob the local off licence with a knife she had stolen ,telling the owner to give her a bottle of vodka and 20 cigarettes !!
She was arrested ,and went to court and was given a 2 year sentence, she had lost her job earlier in the year (she was an accountant on a very good wage ,she was fired for abusing the company credit card, she told me she had been made redundant ,I found the letter telling the truth months later !!)

Upon her release ,she was put into a bail hostel ,along with a junkie ,3 weeks later ,they both smashed the bail hostel up ,cut their tags off and went on the run ,was found 3 days later ,and put back in prison for the remainder of the 2 year sentence.

Upon release I applied for a residency order for the child ,this was granted ,as she was seen to be unfit to care for him .
The child ,my son ,has since been diagnosed with Dyspraxia ,most probably caused by his mother drinking whilst pregnant, he is now 9 years old ,and has had no contact with his mother since he was 4 , I have been as open about everything as possible with him ,and one of the first things he said to me when I told him about the situation ,was (Why didn't you kick her out earlier !!!)
Im not looking for sympathy or anything else over this post ,it is what it is , but the facts are this , a young woman has lost her son ,her job ,her driving licence ,her health etc ,all through drink !!
Take care everyone

Wow :/

phonemonkey · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:07

Brenn47;30493489 said:
Fell off the wagon last weekend and made myself VERY ill, ended you peeing blood for 3 days and stuck in bed for a week. Really thought it was going to be another hospital visit but was desperate not to be a burden on the NHS for my own stupidity. I felt albsolutely dreadful, all mixed in with blood in my pee which was slightly/highly concerning.

Spent my week in bed planning my sobriety or it will kill me.

It IS killing you. And soon by the sounds of things. How much further do you want alcohol to take you? My sponser describes alcoholism as a bus. We don't have a choice in riding the bus, but we can choose which stop we get off at, and we don't need to go to the end of the road. It sounds like you're running out of time to choose getting off anywhere other than the very end.

Cal. AA tonight. Someone will collect you and take you to a meeting. What do you have to lose? Let's face it, you're own will and ideas on the subject have brought you here. Are you now really willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking?

robfosters · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:19

If you keep trying to do this yourself Brenn, I don't think you will live much longer. You need proper help. Personally, I think you could do with residential rehab. Somewhere to rehab where alcohol is an impossibility to get hold of and you have round the clock support.

I know I've had problems myself, but I have got it under control. I was only drinking around 50 units a week anyway, you must be getting through hundreds in a few days to make yourself that ill.

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:26

phonemonkey;30493925 said:
Are you now really willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking?

Yeah, the blood in my pee wasn't good at 4am, a major wake up call, I already knew I had Acute Kidney Injury but it didn't mean a lot, now I know my kidneys are in a pretty bad shape.

Interestingly I wasn't drinking the most in the small village, the cashier in the village shop said there were people drinking a litre of spirits a day, everyday. :eek:

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:31

robfosters;30493954 said:
If you keep trying to do this yourself Brenn, I don't think you will live much longer. You need proper help. Personally, I think you could do with residential rehab. Somewhere to rehab where alcohol is an impossibility to get hold of and you have round the clock support.

I know I've had problems myself, but I have got it under control. I was only drinking around 50 units a week anyway, you must be getting through hundreds in a few days to make yourself that ill.

I'm OK, I wasn't drinking everyday, just binge every few weeks for a few days. Residential rehab isn't available on the NHS.

I had a word with my parents about going down to theirs for a few weeks, they said no.

phonemonkey · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:44

Brenn47;30493975 said:
Yeah, the blood in my pee wasn't good at 4am, a major wake up call, I already knew I had Acute Kidney Injury but it didn't mean a lot, now I know my kidneys are in a pretty bad shape.

Interestingly I wasn't drinking the most in the small village, the cashier in the village shop said there were people drinking a litre of spirits a day, everyday.

You've had 'major wake up calls' before mate and drunk again, make it mean something this time. If you don't plant the seeds and look after them there's no crop to reap come harvest. You want the harvest but haven't yet sown the seeds. As Rob says perhaps look at some residential rehab, and definetely check with your Dr before stopping altogether.

Truly I understand the overwhelming feelings you're probably going through just now. For me when I was still drinking but knew I had to stop it was fear, embarrassment, bewilderment, anger and frustration. Even a little grief, I thought my life was over, I'd never have fun again. I know what an utterly horrible place it is to know you have to stop drinking but to feel unable to stop. I remember standing for 20mins at a time staring at the alcohol on sale at my local co-op, engaged in a mental battle; do I pick up, don't I?

When the desire to stop drinking became greater than the desire to drink, I put down the bottle. My life has become better, not perfect but better, I'm reliable, healthy, trustworthy, and use the phrase 'I've done' more than 'Im going to' these days. My relationships have improved and I don't fight my own head anywhere near as much. I have a peace with who I am I have never had before.

If you want what I have, come get it. AA has shown me I have the choice; I can drink and die, or live and try to be happy.

phonemonkey · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:48

Brenn47;30493988 said:
I'm OK, I wasn't drinking everyday, just binge every few weeks for a few days. Residential rehab isn't available on the NHS.

I had a word with my parents about going down to theirs for a few weeks, they said no.

Just saw this. Are you kidding pal? You're not ok, you're dying. You don't 'just binge for a few days' you've drunk yourself into physical health problems.

I know its scary but deluding yourself about the severity of your situation won't help you get sober.

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 16:57

phonemonkey;30494028 said:
You don't 'just binge for a few days' you've drunk yourself into physical health problems.

My problem is I forget how bad I've been and think "I'll drink one last time, it wasn't THAT bad" .. then the one last time turns into 2 or 3 day bender and I end up bed bound and vomiting every few minutes. Not good.

phonemonkey · 11 Feb 2017 at 18:37

Brenn47;30494050 said:
My problem is I forget how bad I've been and think "I'll drink one last time, it wasn't THAT bad" .. then the one last time turns into 2 or 3 day bender and I end up bed bound and vomiting every few minutes. Not good.

You established that weeks ago. You knew weeks ago that you had a tendency to quickly forget how bad it had got, and where you'd go back to if you had even one drink. So what do you NOW to try and make sure you don't forget again, to try and make sure you don't fall prey to that trick again. I go to meetings to deal with the same memory problems you have because like you I recognise that I tend to forget how bad it got, and I want to stay sober so I attend meetings to get that reminder.

Brenn47 · 11 Feb 2017 at 19:06

How does AA meetings stop you picking up the bottle?

phonemonkey · 11 Feb 2017 at 19:20

Brenn47;30494490 said:
How does AA meetings stop you picking up the bottle?

By reminding me how rubbish life was when I drank, and how good it is now. By reminding me that no matter how far I fell there's still further to fall if I pick up a drink and by reminding me that no matter how much I may wish it that was otherwise my drinking is a one way elevator going down. The stories others share at meetings do there things for me.

They also give me hope, when I see people 30 years sober and happy. They make me feel I'm not alone like I thought I was and the people I've made friends with offer sober company outside of meetings and shoulder to lean on when I'm feeling weak.

All of these things help me stay sober.