Parenting question: Crying newborn

LordSplodge said:
This. If the child is fed and clean and well then let it cry. To do otherwise is only making a rod for your own back.
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DO NOT do this.
The kid is 10 days old for christ's sake. At that age they don't cry just to be mean or to annoy you. They cry because they need something. If that need happens to be the comfort of it's mother's arms then give it.

My little one didn't start sleeping out of our arms for about 4 weeks. After that, he wouldn't go to sleep unless being held but was fine to be put in a basket after he was asleep.
 
swaddling,


along with a gentle rocking of the moses basket/cot/cardboard box you have him in will work wonders.


if that fails nuke it from orbit, only way to be sure


edit- please don't try nuking your child from orbit, i don't fancy being held liable for doling out bad parenting advice alternatively join mumsnet
 
SAM81 said:
Thanks all for the advice.

I should clarify, he seems to sleep fine through the night (obviously wakes for feeds and nappy changes but goes back to sleep pretty much straight away).

Its more in the day, after feeding when he is clearly tired. He will happily fall asleep in our arms then as soon as he is put in the basket seems to sense it and goes crazy.

Didn't think about this being classed as a medical thread so if so please close it down
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My daughter did exactly the same thing, As soon as she went into her moses basket she started crying. We tried just about everything; heartbeat sounds, white noise, bought books and the doctor thought it might be colic and prescribed us infant gaviscon (That also didn't really work and made her a bit constipated) we also thought that she didn't really have colic at all.

In the end at about 5 months she started sleeping during the day no bother(slept well at night just like your boy) and looking back we wish we just let her sleep on us, As with all things it will pass and you will look back with fondness of how difficult it was and hopefully how it has changed for the better
 
Rilot said:
DO NOT do this.
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Ok, third rewrite: Hopefully the OP has support from family and friends as a newborn is hard work. Whilst ten days isn't the time for leaving a baby just to cry and cry there will come a time when the child will figure parents come running the moment it squawks. That will happen sooner than the parents expect.

I'm not going to advocate denying love of your child but setting appropriate boundaries is going to be something that needs doing both for the development of the child and relationship with its parents.
 
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LordSplodge said:
Who's going to take parenting advice from a hardware forum anyway?
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Why give advice that you then suggest is wrong yourself.
Our daughter was similar to the OP, at night she would sleep okay, during the day was constantly crying.
It is adaption to a brand new environment. i would suggest make sure her sleeping room, with the moses basket is reasonably dull, low light levels, warm but airy, swaddle, and let her fall asleep upon you.
Skin to skin and all that while awake, but that heartbeat sound is so reassuring for the neonate.

Later you can let the child cry it out, much later, first three months do whatever is required to help the child sleep and nap.
 
SAM81 said:
My fear is that constant picking up whilst crying will create a pattern and we'll have problems further down the line at 6 months.
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It's natural to worry about the future, but you have to ask yourself whether these 'problems' you are writing about trying to avoid will be problems for the child or problems for you. Parenting is sometimes about being utterly selfless.
 
D.P. said:
It's crazy that they know when you are standing and when you are sitting. Watching a lot of TV while standing these days.:D
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I've seen a tendency for parents to stand with their babies, but I didn't know why and hadn't really thought about it. So I've learnt something today, which is good.

But now I'm wondering about details. Is it height that the baby is going on? I don't see why that would be relevant. Is it movement? Your torso would move more when you're standing, but surely not enough to be relevant. Heartbeat, maybe? It would be a little higher when you're standing.

Hmm..maybe it is movement. Not simply from standing, but from a tendency to move your upper body (and thus the baby) a bit more when standing.
 
10 days too early for self-settling IMO. Settle him yourselves and then put him down, sometimes you have to pick them up again but hopefully you will get to the stage where you can cuddle and drop in this way, sometimes leaving a hand there for a while to reassure them.
 
hilly said:
You're fine, it's not a "medical thread" as no medical advice is being given out, it's just parenting skills.

Good luck with fatherhood and I hope the little nipper settles down soon! :)
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Someone suggesting take two ibuprofen for a headache is less likely to lead to problems than some of the the "advice" being given on here but would get locked. :rolleyes:

It is a 10 day old baby, Xordium had it right the OP should be asking advice from their midwife or similar not a bunch of random people on a computer forum.

I am no expert (so speak to one) but surely a baby does not cry for no reason.
 
My son was like this, would sleep in his cot at night but only nap on me or my husband.

Loads of people told me I was making a rod for my back or spoiling him etc so I spent many days trying to get him to nap on his own, I spoke to the health visitor who asked me a simple question do you mind? I didn't, I loved him snoozing on me, cuddles,watching telly. Yes I had to be super organised and make the most of his wake time to get jobs done but it was lovely. Then at 5 months he decided his cot was comfier than me. I miss nap time.

As long as his sleeps at night you'll be fine. Remember, no 20 year old needs to cuddle their parents for a nap ... It's not a life time habit you are creating.
 
Congrats on your newborn. :cool:

10 days do not worry at all about bad habits the poor little thing cannot see properly let alone form a habit. ;)

You need to get to the bottom of what is causing the crying, it could be absolutely anything.

Different material with the blankets.
A new teddy or other comfort blanket etc
Lighting
Heat

Forgot to ask are you breastfeeding or bottle?

At 10 days mate they should sleep like a baby as they say! ;)
 
Vanquish-Storm said:
Someone suggesting take two ibuprofen for a headache is less likely to lead to problems than some of the the "advice" being given on here but would get locked. :rolleyes:

It is a 10 day old baby, Xordium had it right the OP should be asking advice from their midwife or similar not a bunch of random people on a computer forum.

I am no expert (so speak to one) but surely a baby does not cry for no reason.
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At 10 days old, the world is enough of a reason. That sounds flippant, but it's not if you try to consider how things are to a newborn. You've gone from a watery, dark, tiny, moving, muffled but constantly quite noisy organic world to a dry, airy, bright, stationary inorganic world that varies from silent to noisy with harsh noises and above all else it is incomprehensibly huge, vast beyond any hope of understanding. It's an alien and frankly terrifying world you've suddenly been pushed into with no way back. You can't even keep yourself alive in it. You can't even move much or with much co-ordination. You're screwed and you're going to die in an alien world that's so overwhelmingly big! But you're saved by huge giants who love and protect you and take care of you, so that's OK. But...but...what if they're not always there? How can you sleep in safety if they're not there? It's only been a few days - maybe they'll be gone when you wake up! Panic!

But expert advice would also be a good idea. It's probably caused just being 10 days old, but maybe there's some other cause. Probably not, but expert advice is a really good idea.
 
Vanquish-Storm said:
It is a 10 day old baby, Xordium had it right the OP should be asking advice from their midwife or similar not a bunch of random people on a computer forum.

I am no expert (so speak to one) but surely a baby does not cry for no reason.
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We must have seen at least half a dozen health visitors in the first year with our boy taking him to get him weighed and whatnot and you know what, the advise we received was different all the time.

To get a balanced view on things I've found it's best to get advise from lots of sources including other parents.
 
IMHO 10 days is a bit too young to leave crying, bad luck, my kids owe me thousands of hours of sleep, the money spent meh who cares but the sleep loss is tangible.
 
As said a baby dont cry for nothing, they are primeval so to say and only require the essential basics, ie food water warmth and comfort. Something is getting your little ones goat up?

Edit

Are you breastfeeding? I ask this because we had trouble with our little one, as in it just was not enough food for her.
 
We've got a newborn (well, 20 weeks tomorrow !)

I would not leave him crying now, let alone at 10 days old. He has just been born and the reason he is calm in your arms is for all sorts of reasons, not least because he feels warm and safe and secure. Remember, he spent 9 months curled up warm inside your partner. All the sounds are different now, think how intimidating it must be. He cries to tell me he wants something, be that a feed, a change, or just comfort and reassurance.

Everyone does their own thing, you do what works for you, but we didn't do the whole 'let them cry it out' thing.

Incidentally, for settling, we used to 'pre heat' his crib with a hot water bottle - obviously taking it out before we put him down !!! - as then he crib was warm like us holding him. Allowed a much better transition, and stopped him waking when put down. The other thing is a Grobag (Brilliant, literally brilliant) which is just basically a baby sleeping bag. We also use white noise, and that has also worked wonders.
 
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Have you contacted the midwifes. Again they are in the best position to advise you as after all a 10 day old is quite the fragile creature and this is not just about you getting the right advice it's about you been seen as a family and supported as the last thing your and your partner need at this time is worry, indecision and conflict of opinion.

I think it is fair to say you won't create bad habits at this time. What you need to do is to form a family bond. From what you are describing it doesn't sound like you little one is breastfeeding and if they are then falling asleep (not in your arms obviously!) then that is all fine and natural. Just remember throughout history most people have grown up in a big family in a small room - none of this modern isolation stuff - it is natural do want that contact especially when you've gone from comfort and warmth into sensory overload and a very unfamiliar world. The time you start giving it 10 mins to see whether the crying stops and peters off to a whimper is more like the 2 month mark not at the moment at all.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent but something you do get the hang of quite quickly is differentiating between the different cries. I guarantee that within a few months you will know whether stuff needs to go in or has come out.

However, the fact you say your little one is getting tired at the end of feeding and is then crying in the day when lying down means you do need a chat about what to expect and just support and reassurance.

I haven't read every response but have you tried:

Lining the moses basket with one our your partners unwashed t-shirts?
Roll up a soft towel in a J shape the upright part supporting the back and the loop part between the legs to stop the knees rubbing together as they lie on their side?
Roll the towel into a U shape upright parts either side the loop hooked under the things to stop the legs spreading apart as they go all a bit froglike on their backs?
Stroke forward from the soft fontanelle (top front head) towards and over the eyebrows.
Gentle and softly pat their bum when the are on their side at about 1 per sec whilst slowly and very gently patting the head - this simulates the heartbeat and takes them back to a better time.
Swaddle them.
Is the little one being winded adequately?

All the best but do speak to your midwife you shouldn't have to hit a computer forum to find out this stuff in all fairness. Oh, and whilst I remember I do my standard message to new dads - if you've got them a special toy or blanket buy a spare or two now for when they chuck all over it - that way you don't have hassle and can just wash it without the angst of them not having it for half a day.
 
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