Parenting question: Crying newborn

[D.P.]

Totally agree. My kids were picked up when they cried, and they have grown up to be confident happy outgoing kids. Its not some kind of a game, babies don't need to be "trained", you should show them some love.

In the OPs case the baby has only been out the womb for a few days. They wont be able to see properly, and when they do open their eyes the light will be quite a shock, likewise with hearing and smell, it is going to be sensory overload for a good while.

If the baby is crying and wants a cuddle, then give it a cuddle, I would say it heartless and cruel not to. You've got something else you would rather be doing?

The idea of leaving a bay to cry itself to sleep is really quite out dated now so I don't know why people still mention it. There is actual scientific evidence to suggest it is harmful to development. Many appearances to child rearing from the past are just not valid with today's understanding. It wasn't that long ago that babies would be given morphine and other drugs to keep them quiet. We wouldn't think of doing that now a days.



One of the evening classes I went to was run by a researcher in this field. Their analogy was like a car with an oil warning light on. The car is not trying to manipulate you, you are not spoiling your car by getting an oil change, it is just a simple sensory feedback. The car is not thinking. babies crying are not thinking, they just have a sensory input that is causing them stress, their crying is their alarm because they don't have the ability to talk.

A babies cognitive ability is far more limited than most people would guess, far less than your house pets. Peek-a-boo is a such a fun game because to a baby when you put your hands over your face you disappear out of existence to them only to spontaneously appear out of thin air later. They have no concept of object persistence.

 

[leaskovski]

Sounds like someone has a baby that likes cuddles. At 10 days old, you can't really do controlled crying, its just too early. How was the birthday? Was it assisted in anyway, I.e. the old toilet plunger? Baby's head might still be a little sore.

 

[elmarko]

You can't spoil a newborn with love, but you can very much **** it up by doing the opposite. This is pretty basic stuff, to be frank.

This pretty much.

All studies on the matter I've read seem to warn of some pretty serious potential psychological consequences of leaving babies to "cry it out".

For a good reason or not the baby is in emotional distress.

 

[kitch9]

ThanIt's tough at first all for the advice.

I should clarify, he seems to sleep fine through the night (obviously wakes for feeds and nappy changes but goes back to sleep pretty much straight away).

Its more in the day, after feeding when he is clearly tired. He will happily fall asleep in our arms then as soon as he is put in the basket seems to sense it and goes crazy.

Didn't think about this being classed as a medical thread so if so please close it down

As a father of 8 month old twins my advice is to do whatever it takes to get them to sleep. Baby should be sleeping a lot at this point and he needs it so do whatever it takes to facilitate it.

Over the next few months gradually implement a routine that baby can take comfort in and get a sense of what happens next.

Patience and repetition will get you there. Stick to the routine And life will get easier.

 

[neodude]

A good swaddle is the key.

You think you've got it bad? Try twins!

 

[kitch9]

This pretty much.

All studies on the matter I've read seem to warn of some pretty serious potential psychological consequences of leaving babies to "cry it out".

For a good reason or not the baby is in emotional distress.

You certainly should not leave a newborn to cry it out, but once they hit 6 months or so we found that the controlled crying technique (Going to crying baby every 15 minutes without picking them up) worked wonders very quickly.

Having twins made us more ruthless than we probably would have been because sometimes you simply can't deal with both at once.

 

[Edrof]

I think the reason why lots of people still recommend letting them cry is twofold: it does 'work' for some babies, and it's much less effort for parents who are not willing to be selfless. That last bit is my nice way of saying lazy and selfish.

 

[CREATIVE!11]

Apparently harvard have published a journal stating a hypothesis that babies cry to stop couples copulating because they are too tired to do so.

It's a survival technique by the baby to ensure they get the most attention and have the highest chance of survival. Because another child would lower that chance.

Thoughts OP?

U getting some nookie? or you dry as the sahara?

 

[kitch9]

Checked into this thread this morning, the consensus seems to be leaving him to cry it out isn't the right action. It's good to hear that most don't think the baby will be learning any habits right now, which was our main concern

As for the posts suggesting we take this up with our midwife/health visitor, we will, but I think the practical experience of the multiple first time parents on the forum is absolutely invaluable; the advice here is excellent.

Honestly - I've never googled as many things in my whole life as I have in the first week of being a parent. However I honestly wouldn't swap it for anything, nothing beats having him fall asleep on your chest in the evening.

Didn't get round to trying swaddling yesterday but we'll try that today. Thanks again for all the advice

Swaddling is a bit old school and not needed mate. My two spent 8 weeks in neo natal and swaddling was a massive no no with the nurses.

Look out for signs of reflux. (Smacking lips, arching back and non stop crying are amongst the signs, if he has that and it's not treated it'll make your life hell.)

 

[Edrof]

Apparently harvard have published a journal stating a hypothesis that babies cry to stop couples copulating because they are too tired to do so.

It's a survival technique by the baby to ensure they get the most attention and have the highest chance of survival. Because another child would lower that chance.

Thoughts OP?

U getting some nookie? or you dry as the sahara?

I like you.

Swaddling is a bit old school and not needed mate. My two spent 8 weeks in neo natal and swaddling was a massive no no with the nurses.

One of the problems is that the advice from health visitors and midwives changes every now and then. Sometimes you can swaddle, sometimes you can't; sometimes you can let your baby sleep on its front, sometimes you can't. Oh, and don't forget that breast feeding is absolutely best - even if circumstances not under your control dictate that you can't breast feed in which case you should feel bad and think of yourself as a bad mother.

 

[kitch9]

I like you.



One of the problems is that the advice from health visitors and midwives changes every now and then. Sometimes you can swaddle, sometimes you can't; sometimes you can let your baby sleep on its front, sometimes you can't. Oh, and don't forget that breast feeding is absolutely best - even if circumstances not under your control dictate that you can't breast feed in which case you should feel bad and think of yourself as a bad mother.

I've found it depends when they were trained, the neo natal girls were mostly young with recent education so were following latest guidelines. The other reason is that my twins were well packed in the womb and were both breech so had to have regular hip X rays, the specialist there said it was a no no also as it restricts hip movement and development.

Babies like to kick.

 

[D.P.]

Swaddling is a bit old school and not needed mate. My two spent 8 weeks in neo natal and swaddling was a massive no no with the nurses.

Look out for signs of reflux. (Smacking lips, arching back and non stop crying are amongst the signs, if he has that and it's not treated it'll make your life hell.)

You shouldn't swaddle the legs tightly, but keeping the arms under control is harmless and mostly beneficial.

We use swaddle sacks so the legs are free to kick about as much as she wants but the arms are neatly tucked in and her body has a little compression to remind her of being in the womb.


With tight swaddling of the legs there is a risk of hip displaysia amongst some genetically predisposed babies.

also you don't need to swaddle unless the baby takes comfort from it. IF they are happy unswaddleded then they can be left that way.

 

[danoliver1]

My girlfriend is a Dr, a paediatric clinical psychologist tobe precise and she says its physically dangerous to let the child cry itself to sleep it increases the risk of cotdeath. Babies dont cry for no reason they need the physical attatchment of being held to feel safe and loved. Just hold them till there asleep then put them down.
It could also another issue such as reflux, trapped wind etc

OP if you need any professonal advice email me your questions and i will ask the Doc's advice for you no charge.
Or speak to your community midwife there only a phone call away.

 

[nantucket66]

Our little man is 8 weeks old on Thursday. What a journey! We're still learning everyday. Best 8 weeks ever!

First off congratulations. I'd just want to echo everything that has been said so far in terms of believing you can't spoil a newborn baby.

Warmth, comfort, cuddles and security is what they want in our limited experience (and being close to a beating heart as well). Swaddling worked for us, then an Auntie bought us some Grobags - amazing!! Definitely worth get a couple.

If they're fed, warm, clean, it could be gas, colic, the need for a big poop, the list goes on. If he's twisting he absolutely loves being put on his changing table, chills him instantly and he loves music.

 

[danoliver1]

I wouldnt swaddle a newborn again increases cot death risk through overheating also can damage babies hips, use grobags instead for sleeps.

 

[Malt_Vinegar]

Mrs says...
10 days old, 10 minutes crying before comforting (if you can bear it)..
Its a pain in the butt, but he/she is too young to be left longer at this stage.
Even now we dont leave him more than 10 mins and ours is almost 16 months. He very rarely crys at night anymore unless he has a real reason, and generally you can tell by the cry how "serious" he is!

 

[thepharcyde]

I feel your pain chap,you're not alone. Got an 19mth and another due end of next month. At least your baby is sleeping at night, we had that luxury after 8mths. Congrats by the way.

 

[Brutal biff]

Sorry if this has been mention before but try and give the baby something to cuddle with the mothers sent like a top or jumper she's been wearing

This tip was given to us by our midwife and it worked for our little un

What you have to remember no child is alike you basically have to find what works best for you and baby welcome to the roller coaster ride of perant hood

 

[areksnumbr1sxylady]

Put it up for adoption.

 

[areksnumbr1sxylady]

. He very rarely crys at night anymore unless he has a real reason, and generally you can tell by the cry how "serious" he is!