I've driven a number of Bentley Turbos and I never ever managed to get the cruise control to work on any of them, I'm know how to work it as I managed it on a Continental R but never a Turbo.
The seats were also quite temperamental on some of the cars but perfect on others, the heaters were lovely!
I suspect (and hope) that it's just down to the electrical connections to the box. Unfortunately, the test tool is a fairly obscene price and I don't know a garage with one that's a) near us and b) wouldn't charge the money involved in a small war to use it!
The car sounds like a disaster if I'm quite honest.
Seems like you've sunk hundreds of hours into an old, inefficient ugly car that seems determined to just keep breaking.
Just my 0.02 naturally.
Hey, we're all entitled to our opinion! I would just point out though that these cars are very reliable if you maintain them. This one suffered from a bit of neglect, so we're just getting over the fixing of those problems. The only bits of rot in the body are now gone, the underside of the car is spotless, running gear all running perfectly....
Even at it's lowest ebb (when that split vacuum hose in the engine bay caused the idle speed to drop low enough that the fuel pump shut off) it never failed to complete a journey. Took some creative thinking on how to keep the revs up when coming to a junction, and caused a few panicky moments when it did shut off and the power assistance on the steering and brakes disappeared, but it always made it.
As for 'old, inefficient, ugly' - not exactly prehistoric (23 years old), not all that inefficient (I did 18mpg on a run with the engine not set up right, the A/C on full tilt, and not exactly sparing the whip), and while you'd hardly call it classically beautiful - it's no Jaguar E-Type - it does have a certain gracefulness about it IMO.
But as I said - you're entitled to your opinion. I don't agree with it one iota, but you're entitled to it