Relational issues...

Honest opinion? let her get wrecked...dont do it at a house party! what a rubbish idea, go see a good commercial dj like Deadmau5 or something and let her enjoy her night out! She wont appreciate it as much been stuck in a house with sub standard speakers. Maybe thats what you want tho... Just make sure her mates give her small amount to start with and if she needs more then she can have it. Also tell her to have a trusty bottle of water in her handbag to sip on but i'm guessing her mates will know the score!
 
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[TW]Fox;17431260 said:
Not really. The best long term partners are likeminded people. For some, the idea they'd use drugs means there is simply no point carrying on.
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I think he was coming from the other angle of being 'open-minded' and/or 'liberal' in regards to trying drugs, etc.
 
[TW]Fox;17431260 said:
Not really. The best long term partners are likeminded people. For some, the idea they'd use drugs means there is simply no point carrying on.
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I will nitpick your post now. ;) Heard of opposites attract?
 
I wouldn't want to be with someone who tried drugs, potential slippery slope even if it is 'recreational', there are better ways to spend your time than breaking the law.
 
Seems to be a lot of 'Relational' :/ threads lately.

Even if you took out the whole part about drugs, I would still say get rid. After 4 years of being together you don't just up and leave to London because you're committed to the relationship. Move on to someone a bit more mature, she sounds pathetic in my opinion.
 
There's opposites and then there's being diamaterically opposed. People are not magnets; we need someone compatitable with our own moral and ethical judgements so that we can safely and adequately raise a family. Having someone however, with a different taste in music or fashion can bring vibrancy and character into the relationship - no-one really wants a perfect mirror-image of themself as a partner; that would be boring.

Trying drugs like this could just be a thing she needs to do as part of her growing up. You don't afterall, just wake up one day and find yourself mentally an mature adult despite having passed an arbitary birthday. If she wants to try and she's doing it both safely whilst keeping her head on her shoulders than let her be. If she becomes a stranger because of anything that succeeds the initial curiosity then I'll advise you let go and move on OP.

From what I've read, I don't personally feel that this has anything to do with a shift in moral judgements and more everything to do with curiosity. If she's fundementally altering her inner-self, then you have a right to be concerned and worried. However, if it is just curiosity, just let her get on with it and grow in her own way. If it turns out it was a massive mistake, then be there for her and help her make sense of it all.
 
It would go something like this

"You want to what?"
Naa sorry love, you start taking drugs and you can do one, don't expect me to be around if you think even trying that **** is a good idea"
(she takes the drugs anyway)
"Get your gear and get the **** out"
 
I'd not bother trying to keep her OP. I say that with respect. I have experienced this first hand and let her walk. No regrets at all. I disagree with some of the comments. I think you DO have some say or atleast input in whether she does drugs. It's not like she is asking you if you are ok with taking up netball, this is drug use, a potentially life changing event for both of you. Anyone who thinks the OP is controlling I think is a bit harsh. He has a right to give feedback on the situation. I would say to simplify things, tell her you are not happy with her doing it, and then she has a choice to make. When she tells you she won't do it, she's lying and will do it. If she says she will do it anyway, then atleast she was polite enough to tell you straight, in which case you can call it a day there and then. Either way the fact she has a desire to do them is enough to be a major issue right now. I'd walk away.
 
If she wants to try it that bad she will, with or without your consent.
Telling her what she can't do will no doubt **** her off. Who wouldn't?

Scenarios:

1: You let her, she will/won't get addicted.
2: She'll take it anyway and will/won't get addicted.

It's at that point you make a decision, not now, you can't possibly know the outcome from this. Taking it recreationally can mean a lot of things also, it all depends how much how often too.
However, good on you for trying, if you've tried then it's now in her court, all you can do is wait. There's not much else you can do without being an idiot about it!


[TW]Fox;17429527 said:
Relationships are a partnership and if one is happy to do things the other finds uncomfortable, why are they bothering?
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Now you've made me go on a rant! :p

This is what I don't like about some relationships, you cannot account for all possible scenarios that may make each other unhappy and then having to give in and not do it.(or do it if that is the case). I'm not stupid to say everything is okay, cheating for one example is obviously unacceptable.

Personal experience has made me not stand for this much, being in a relationship from yesterday's being single suddenly does not relinquish me from being able to do what I want, it all depends though. Often people say this is childish behaviour but they don't really think too deply about it and come out with that. Last time I couldn't do what I want I was a child.

Then again, my experience of relationships are rather jaded and ruined because I was in exactly the ones where simply seeing my friends, going out, wanting free time, doing anything by myself was unacceptable by my partner, amongst a list of other things. So you can't really blame me too much ;)

That's the problem with some relationships, they don't know each other well enough to know what they are like. Which results in arguments later on about things they've been doing all their life. Accepting who they are beforehand is of most importance.

But like I said before, apples and oranges and all that, it isn't all the same for everything, some pathetically laughable and some serious.
 
Drug her and lock her in your basement blind folded and then after 24 hours go and explain to her that drugs are bad :D

Disclaimer:

While every effort is made to ensure that this advice conforms with all applicable legal requirements, I do not warrant that it is normal behaviour, socially acceptable or an everyday activity, or commit to its consequences. You agree that by taking tihs advise it shall not be seen as the provision of legal advice, and therefore I am not liable in any way for its use.

In no event shall I be liable for any incidental, indirect, consequential or special damages of any kind, or any damages whatsoever, including, without limitation, those resulting from loss of special cuddles, loss of nights out, console time, good times or your relationship, whether or not advised of the possibility of such damage, arising out of or in connection with the use of this advice. :D
 
Morning guys,

Again thanks to those of you with useful input and help/ Like I said I've told her I'm not bothered about being there whens he tries it... though, she didn't accept that answer and said she'd think over whether she wants me there or not. I think she knows I'm not going to be there disapproving and looking after her (unless it all goes bad) and that I'll get nicely drunk. So I don't know if a small part of her wants me there...either way, that questions in her court now.

Regarding her moving out, like I've said this was a career decision, when she moved away she assures me there were no problems with our relationship. She told me from the first year or so that her jobs will be based around London, Paris etc and I have no problem with that.

Having slept on it, I have no issue with her trying things. It's the same as whens he did the worlds highest bungie... I was worried for her, but I was obviously less worried than I am now.

I'm worried that she will become an addict more than anything. Some of you say I should let her go and carry on... but do you really just let go and potentially allow someone you love to ruin their life? No is the answer to that in my books. I'd say only one of her house mates does drugs regularly, and thats every 2 weeks or so. The others are more casual, maybe once every 1 or 2 months. She said she would be inclined to do it less often than those. She's not a party animal, every weekend isn't and excuse to go out and get trashed, and so I don't think she'd sit at home on a quiet weekend and just get out of her face.

This threads really helped me think about, and see, more than one point of view. Thanks for the advice so far guys :)
 
Psy-Blade said:
Morning guys,

Again thanks to those of you with useful input and help/ Like I said I've told her I'm not bothered about being there whens he tries it... though, she didn't accept that answer and said she'd think over whether she wants me there or not. I think she knows I'm not going to be there disapproving and looking after her (unless it all goes bad) and that I'll get nicely drunk. So I don't know if a small part of her wants me there...either way, that questions in her court now.

Regarding her moving out, like I've said this was a career decision, when she moved away she assures me there were no problems with our relationship. She told me from the first year or so that her jobs will be based around London, Paris etc and I have no problem with that.

Having slept on it, I have no issue with her trying things. It's the same as whens he did the worlds highest bungie... I was worried for her, but I was obviously less worried than I am now.

I'm worried that she will become an addict more than anything. Some of you say I should let her go and carry on... but do you really just let go and potentially allow someone you love to ruin their life? No is the answer to that in my books. I'd say only one of her house mates does drugs regularly, and thats every 2 weeks or so. The others are more casual, maybe once every 1 or 2 months. She said she would be inclined to do it less often than those. She's not a party animal, every weekend isn't and excuse to go out and get trashed, and so I don't think she'd sit at home on a quiet weekend and just get out of her face.

This threads really helped me think about, and see, more than one point of view. Thanks for the advice so far guys :)
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The chances of her becoming addicted to MDMA are extremely slim. The most likely scenario is this becomes a gateway onto other drugs which do have a more addictive side. One night of MDMA and she won't want to touch for at least another week. You feel like utter **** afterwards, she will also reach a point where she won't want anymore on that night. However, other drugs, especially like Mephedrone (MCAT), are extremely moreish and people can easily clear 4-5g's in a night and carry it throughout the weekend.
 
SubFocus said:
The chances of her becoming addicted to MDMA are extremely slim. The most likely scenario is this becomes a gateway onto other drugs which do have a more addictive side. One night of MDMA and she won't want to touch for at least another week. You feel like utter **** afterwards, she will also reach a point where she won't want anymore on that night. However, other drugs, especially like Mephedrone (MCAT), are extremely moreish and people can easily clear 4-5g's in a night and carry it throughout the weekend.
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Yeah, I've read up on MDMA and this was my first indication that I was worrying about something I didn't understand. So I looked it up more and found out that its not really that addictive. We've talked about other drugs and she said that she has no real interest in doing most of them, she dislikes the idea of coke and she hates the idea of heroin so that's definitely a good thing.
 
Paul11 said:
i would say that the experience also largely depends on what crap is mixed in with it

a major part of the problem is that it is illegal and therefore of irregular quality mixed with all kinds of stuff that the dealers put in
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pretty sure MDMA is the pure crystals so not mixed with anything
 
Psy-Blade said:
I've decided to let her try it
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LUL, you sound like her father or something.

If she does it, prepare for a depressing week afterwards, it brings a whole new meaning to monday blues.
 
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