Slapping Your Children

Burnsy2023 said:
I personally think that when I become a parent, I would not rule out smacking as part of a toolbox of options for discipline. I would expect it to be for extreme circumstances and used only perhaps a handful of times in a lifetime but I personally believe that context is the most important thing.

I would consider smacking something that doesn't cause anything more than very transitory stinging but does reinforce a point that has been made repeatedly verbally and ignored. I think that if it's used anything more than very rarely it loses the shock factor which is why I believe it is an important tool. I think that any risk of this causing a detrimental effect would be offset by other parenting techniques. Smacking should always be considered and controlled. It's not something I would consider off the cuff.
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I hope for your future children, you never hit them. And regardless of my reputation in this backwater, i urge you to please look into the huge amounts of negative effects associated and the overwhelming studies that show this.

I originally was all for smacking my children, then i learned of the damage it causes and the complete sign of weakness it is in an individual. I never have and never will.
 
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LateX'Dog said:
If you exert your limb in a manner to do harm to a child, that is child abuse. You can sugar coat it and dress it up it what ever way you want. If you smack your child, you are abusing your child.
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nope, children have varied personalities like adults do

some children can be reasoned with and can be shown the correct behaviour with words
other children need to be chastised gently, in a non abusive way, to help them in their own way to understand right from wrong

effective parenting & discipline involves knowing how to deliver your message
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I personally think that when I become a parent, I would not rule out smacking as part of a toolbox of options for discipline. I would expect it to be for extreme circumstances and used only perhaps a handful of times in a lifetime but I personally believe that context is the most important thing.
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I made the decision not to smack my children long before we thought about having any - and I stand by it now, years into parenthood. It's really not that difficult, in fact the thought's never entered my head. Like most parents we have moments of despair - kids can do that to you. But to settle it with a smack is just wrong. Children, believe it or not, can be quite reasonable if you talk to them.

My parents did smack me as a kid. And I remember how it made me feel. I don't want my child feeling the same way.
 
Rilot said:
My order of discipline:

Tell not to do something
Explain why I don't want them to do something
Warn that if they continue to do it, there will be consequences
Threaten consequences that can be followed though on (take away TV time, slap on the legs etc. Using something you can't follow through with - such as not going to disneyland this year - is counter productive)
Follow through with consequences

I do use a light slap on the bottom or legs as a last resort. Not enough to leave a mark or actually hurt but enough to shock. I've only had to do this twice in 10 years though. Normally raising my voice is enough.
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I don't have kids but this is my thoughts on the subject really. It should never be used as a first resort but I'm not against it either.

In my opinion there is a very large difference between smacking/slapping a child and child abuse.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I personally think that when I become a parent, I would not rule out smacking as part of a toolbox of options for discipline. I would expect it to be for extreme circumstances and used only perhaps a handful of times in a lifetime but I personally believe that context is the most important thing.

I would consider smacking something that doesn't cause anything more than very transitory stinging but does reinforce a point that has been made repeatedly verbally and ignored. I think that if it's used anything more than very rarely it loses the shock factor which is why I believe it is an important tool. I think that any risk of this causing a detrimental effect would be offset by other parenting techniques. Smacking should always be considered and controlled. It's not something I would consider off the cuff.
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Is it also acceptable to use a light hit which doesn't cause anything more than very transitory stinging an acceptable method of dealing with your wife? If not, why is that unacceptable yet doing it to a child is? I struggle to see any situation where hitting a child is the best course of action.
 
bazaarboy said:
other children need to be chastised gently, in a non abusive way, to help them in their own way to understand right from wrong
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There isn't a child on the face of this earth that if born into a non violent upbringing, would ever require CP. Every single thing a child does is cause and effect.

If they are hungry, bored or tired, these are the times they are almost 100% likely to play up. Just use your brain...
 
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LateX'Dog said:
I hope for your future children, you never hit them. And regardless of my reputation in this backwater, i urge you to please look into the huge amounts of negetive effects associated and the overwhelming studies that show this.

I originally was all for smacking my children, then i learned of the damage it causes and the complete sign of weakness it is in an individual. I never have and never will.
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I hope I never need to smack my children and I think there is a very real chance I will never deem it necessary, but I don't feel I should discount the possibility.

Domo said:
My parents did smack me as a kid. And I remember how it made me feel. I don't want my child feeling the same way.
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I got smacked as a child twice in my entire childhood. I fully support my mum's decision to do that, I crossed the line and I needed to have a boundary enforced.

LateX'Dog said:
Well no, if i smacked you around the face, you could get me arrested for abuse. What makes a child any different?

They are not some kind of sub human species that are outside humanity.
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And this is why context is so important.
 
Domo said:
I totally disagree with hitting children. Furthermore I cannot stand parents who yell at their kids.
It's not necessary.
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It's not necessary....and I think one should instead...???

I know parents that don't raise their voices, never mind a hand, to their children...ever. Their children are very naughty, very often, as a result. Some are out of control and know no boundarys.

The parents that know how and when to discipline their children, and they're all different in their approaches, but their armoury includes shouts and smacks, have the better behaved children.

A guy a work with, a New Zealander, was, frankly, beaten frequently as he grew up. And his friends were. (Lived a rural life.) Some of the stories he's told me about being hit with planks of wood shocked me. He's one of the most level-headed, sensible, peaceful, moral, people I know.

At the moment I'm punishing my 8 year old for his behaviour by banning him from the xbox for a week. Punishments seem to be along those lines nowdays. I'm sure someone, somewhere, would say I'm permanently damaging him psychologically, or something, for doing this.

I'd genuinely like to know how tribes in the middle of the jungle, disconnected from the rest of the world, teach their children right from wrong and what, if any, punishments they deploy when the lessons don't work.

I have smacked before. And it's had the desired effect at the time, but afterwards I always feel like I've failed the child. The same, to a lesser extent, can be said when I raise my voice. I fear it teaches them that the way to adjust someone elses behaviour, to get what you want, you ultimately have to yell or hit them. It's always been a concern of mine and why I try to limit shouting/smacking as much as I can. But it does happen and despite being a father of eight years (three children) I'm still on the fence and open to ideas.
 
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RDM said:
Is it also acceptable to use a light hit which doesn't cause anything more than very transitory stinging an acceptable method of dealing with your wife? If not, why is that unacceptable yet doing it to a child is? I struggle to see any situation where hitting a child is the best course of action.
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Adults and older children have the ability to make a choice and understand the consequences. If my child constantly wants to touch a hot stove and refuses to listen to me, would I consider a smack for their safety? Yes I would.

I think it's important for parents to enforce boundaries and I hope that good parenting and words of advice will suffice in the vast majority of situations.
 
LateX'Dog said:
So to enforce a boundry you beat someone? :eek:
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To enforce a boundary my mum smacked me. The shock of her doing something out of the ordinary showed me that I had crossed a line and I never did it again. The force wasn't the important thing, it was the fact that she used a technique that I didn't expect and that showed that I had gone too far.

I totally support that.
 
Dimple said:
Have you read what you wrote?
How can there be a flaw when it concerns the life of a 2 year old?
Death v life - choose.

You really are a silly billy.
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My son climbed outside of his bedroom window and onto the window sill facing down to the patio. When i caught him (less then 2-3 secs), i felt no need to beat him. But he could have died and he was 2 years old.

Why smack him?
 
Burnsy2023 said:
Adults and older children have the ability to make a choice and understand the consequences. If my child constantly wants to touch a hot stove and refuses to listen to me, would I consider a smack for their safety? Yes I would.
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Removing them from harm would work a lot more effectively so why hit them?

At what age does it no longer become acceptable to hit a child to make a point?

Burnsy2023 said:
I think it's important for parents to enforce boundaries and I hope that good parenting and words of advice will suffice in the vast majority of situations.
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As a parent I completely agree with you consistent boundaries are incredibly important, hell as a teacher I agree with you too. But that is completely unrelated to the need to hit a child.
 
Nothing wrong with a smack as children don't understand reasoning the same as an adult.
It's a nice threat to have, but I have seldom had to use it.

The threat is enough, which is kind of a win - win situation IMO.

No smack, required and kids that realise there IS a line that shouldn't be crossed.
 
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