I appreciate the advice, but I'm already trying to move on and forcing change by leaving is part of that. It's madness to stay where I am. I don't deserve this and I never did.
I'm trying very hard to focus on what I can do now, because I agree what's done is done. But, I also need space to process what's happened. You can probably tell I'm angry about it. That's a normal part of grieving. What I need is time and change. This is why I'm doing the working-holiday.
I'm just really not looking forward to bleakness of the job hunt when I'm back. I'm secretly hoping I'll get a stroke of good luck and things will just... work out. But, I know that's probably a pipe-dream and I'm going to have to endure being out of work again and the "you're just not good enough" undertones of rejection.
Short of going back to get a masters (irrelevant as I don't know what job I want), I've tried all I can to improve myself on paper. The problem is going to stem from not-knowing. Depression takes that away from you too, so there is a chance I'll have some clarity when I get away, but just in-case it doesn't I have to be prepared.
When I sit to apply for jobs, not only do I not know what to look for, or where to start, I'm confronted over and over with roles that either sound empty and utterly soul-destroying (profit for profit's sake... **** the people) or which make demands of experience that I simply cannot meet. It's bleak and for someone in a dark-place, it's crushing.
"Why do you want this job?"
"Because I want to get paid."
It would be much better if I could say:
"Because this is what I want to do."
Not knowing what I want combined with having a not so unreasonable desire to have a job that I don't mind getting up to do everyday is the problem. When I find them, I'm usually knocked back at the first hurdle as I don't come near the requirements. It's an employer's market out there.
For all purposes I'm still trying to get on the ladder. Your opinions of agency would definitely be more valid once you're on that ladder. Until then, it's a grind and a stroke of luck to get on it.
Maybe I'll stumble across something that's perfect for me when I'm back. But then, that will be chance.