***The All New OCUK Anonymous Confession Thread!***

Status
Not open for further replies.
Azagoth said:
Sort of a confession. A few years back at an Halloween party in a well known rock-pub/venue around here I sprayed an entire can of 'Deep Heat' onto all the door handles in the male bogs.

Cue, intense laughter by us as one by one random people got up to use the toilet and then about 10 mins after returning started getting all uneasy and looking slightly worried.
Click to expand...

Quality, that'd be hilarious to watch :p
 
All this talk of poop, reminds me of my brother... One day when he was very young he came running down the street with some bloke chasing him and funnily enough throwing his own shoes at him. Once he got inside the house and was "safe" it turned out that this bloke was getting a new garage build and my brother had squatted upon a pallet of bricks and pooed all over them, got caught in the act and legged it.

God only knows why.
 
Skyfall said:
All this talk of poop, reminds me of my brother... One day when he was very young he came running down the street with some bloke chasing him and funnily enough throwing his own shoes at him. Once he got inside the house and was "safe" it turned out that this bloke was getting a new garage build and my brother had squatted upon a pallet of bricks and pooed all over them, got caught in the act and legged it.

God only knows why.
Click to expand...

LOL nub.
 
Skyfall said:
All this talk of poop, reminds me of my brother... One day when he was very young he came running down the street with some bloke chasing him and funnily enough throwing his own shoes at him. Once he got inside the house and was "safe" it turned out that this bloke was getting a new garage build and my brother had squatted upon a pallet of bricks and pooed all over them, got caught in the act and legged it.

God only knows why.
Click to expand...

An old work colleague of mine, while at colleague went for a dump.

While in the process he went to open the window which shattered and badly cut his arm.

Blood all down his arms and top all he could do was immediately pull his pants/trousers up and call for help.

At the hospital they suggested he have a tetnus shot. He had to explain why his pants were so badly smeared before he let them do the injection!
 
Azagoth said:
Sort of a confession. A few years back at an Halloween party in a well known rock-pub/venue around here I sprayed an entire can of 'Deep Heat' onto all the door handles in the male bogs.

Cue, intense laughter by us as one by one random people got up to use the toilet and then about 10 mins after returning started getting all uneasy and looking slightly worried.
Click to expand...

That is absolutely being used soon! Love it :)
 
Here's a "stabby" one for you. Doesn't need to be anonymous cos I (1) think it's funny and (2) don't care who knows. I got a dartboard and darts (real ones) for my 5th birthday, which I opened with my best mate at the time, from next-door-but-one.

As we were playing, he went to add up the scores and retrieve the darts after his turn. For some reason though, this particular time he just "hugged" the board, cupping his face in his hands while literally lying over the entire board.

He completely and repeatedly refused to move away or answer me, so I started getting annoyed. He didn't budge so I told him to shift unless he fancied a dart in the back of the head. Unfortunately for him, he really didn't believe me... :o

I launched the dart at him as hard as I could (only five remember!) and it buried itself firmly in the back of his skull, right up to the nub. He screamed like a girl, danced about, then passed out on the floor. Oops. :p

One trip to A&E, some scans and a painful extraction later, he was back home and on a week's bed rest while his parents watched for signs of impending brain swelling or something. He never did talk to me after that, but yay for the era where kids could be kids and we didn't have to go about our lives wrapped in allergen-free cotton and wool free cotton wool lest we injure ourselves or incur a compo claim :D Those were the days.
 
One time during a school lunch break, we sneaked into the chemistry lab and liberated the Chem. teacher's storeroom keys. The idea was to have a laugh with some alkali metals, namely Potassium, and nothing else. However, my friend decided it would be a novel idea to shut and seal all the windows, turn on the all desktop gas taps and leave the Potassium in the sink. This crude timer was nothing more than a beaker with a huge lump of the metal in the bottom which was then blu-tacced to the bottom of the sink. The tap was then turned on and we ran. About 5 minutes later we heard an almighty woosh, a sound of breaking glass and quite a bit of shouting.

The force of this blast had put every window in the room out, set fire to the curtains and the roof. To top the lot though the chemical storeroom from which we'd liberated the metal was ablaze and the fire brigade's hazmat team had to be called out which in turn called for the entire school to be closed for two days.

We were never rumbled either!

 
When i was in primary school we used to have the last 30mins where the teacher would read us a story, i used this time wisely and pulled both arms into my jumper and down my trousers to investate how the little trooper was doing on that day. There was a lovelyyoung lady i was always sitting next to at the time that didnt have a clue what was going on. :)

however one day just as i was getting to the good bit of the investigation my teacher told me to sit up straight and put my arms back out the jumper. obviously i claimed that i was cold :( (awwww poor little me) she didnt believe this and didnt seem to impressed.

Unfortunatly the little trooper stood to attention for a while after which wasnt to easy to hide. however, i think i got away with it quiet nicely. and as far as i was aware no-one ever knew!!
 
One time during a school lunch break, we sneaked into the chemistry lab and liberated the Chem. teacher's storeroom keys. The idea was to have a laugh with some alkali metals, namely Potassium, and nothing else. However, my friend decided it would be a novel idea to shut and seal all the windows, turn on the all desktop gas taps and leave the Potassium in the sink. This crude timer was nothing more than a beaker with a huge lump of the metal in the bottom which was then blu-tacced to the bottom of the sink. The tap was then turned on and we ran. About 5 minutes later we heard an almighty woosh, a sound of breaking glass and quite a bit of shouting.

The force of this blast had put every window in the room out, set fire to the curtains and the roof. To top the lot though the chemical storeroom from which we'd liberated the metal was ablaze and the fire brigade's hazmat team had to be called out which in turn called for the entire school to be closed for two days.

We were never rumbled either!
Click to expand...

That's quite a contraption you made there :D

Excellent confession
 
Burnsy2023 said:
One time during a school lunch break, we sneaked into the chemistry lab and liberated the Chem. teacher's storeroom keys. The idea was to have a laugh with some alkali metals, namely Potassium, and nothing else. However, my friend decided it would be a novel idea to shut and seal all the windows, turn on the all desktop gas taps and leave the Potassium in the sink. This crude timer was nothing more than a beaker with a huge lump of the metal in the bottom which was then blu-tacced to the bottom of the sink. The tap was then turned on and we ran. About 5 minutes later we heard an almighty woosh, a sound of breaking glass and quite a bit of shouting.

The force of this blast had put every window in the room out, set fire to the curtains and the roof. To top the lot though the chemical storeroom from which we'd liberated the metal was ablaze and the fire brigade's hazmat team had to be called out which in turn called for the entire school to be closed for two days.

We were never rumbled either!
Click to expand...

awesome good effort
 
Rainmaker said:
Here's a "stabby" one for you. Doesn't need to be anonymous cos I (1) think it's funny and (2) don't care who knows. I got a dartboard and darts (real ones) for my 5th birthday, which I opened with my best mate at the time, from next-door-but-one.

As we were playing, he went to add up the scores and retrieve the darts after his turn. For some reason though, this particular time he just "hugged" the board, cupping his face in his hands while literally lying over the entire board.

He completely and repeatedly refused to move away or answer me, so I started getting annoyed. He didn't budge so I told him to shift unless he fancied a dart in the back of the head. Unfortunately for him, he really didn't believe me... :o

I launched the dart at him as hard as I could (only five remember!) and it buried itself firmly in the back of his skull, right up to the nub. He screamed like a girl, danced about, then passed out on the floor. Oops. :p

One trip to A&E, some scans and a painful extraction later, he was back home and on a week's bed rest while his parents watched for signs of impending brain swelling or something. He never did talk to me after that, but yay for the era where kids could be kids and we didn't have to go about our lives wrapped in allergen-free cotton and wool free cotton wool lest we injure ourselves or incur a compo claim :D Those were the days.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a skiing trip I was on when I was a kid (20+ years ago). My friend bought a big knife and was waving it around trying to make me flinch/move. I didn't. He mis-judged and the knife went down my cheek. I went to the mirror and could see a tiny cut, I touched it and then the cut opened and loads of blood gushed out.

A hospital trip and three painful stiches later it was fixed - and I still have a small little action man scar to this day :)

I suspect the next person who hired my ski top was rather alarmed to see blood stains all over it though :)
 
Burnsy2023 said:
One time during a school lunch break, we sneaked into the chemistry lab and liberated the Chem. teacher's storeroom keys. The idea was to have a laugh with some alkali metals, namely Potassium, and nothing else. However, my friend decided it would be a novel idea to shut and seal all the windows, turn on the all desktop gas taps and leave the Potassium in the sink. This crude timer was nothing more than a beaker with a huge lump of the metal in the bottom which was then blu-tacced to the bottom of the sink. The tap was then turned on and we ran. About 5 minutes later we heard an almighty woosh, a sound of breaking glass and quite a bit of shouting.

The force of this blast had put every window in the room out, set fire to the curtains and the roof. To top the lot though the chemical storeroom from which we'd liberated the metal was ablaze and the fire brigade's hazmat team had to be called out which in turn called for the entire school to be closed for two days.

We were never rumbled either!
Click to expand...
What an appropriate user name!
 
Burnsy2023 said:
One time during a school lunch break, we sneaked into the chemistry lab and liberated the Chem. teacher's storeroom keys. The idea was to have a laugh with some alkali metals, namely Potassium, and nothing else. However, my friend decided it would be a novel idea to shut and seal all the windows, turn on the all desktop gas taps and leave the Potassium in the sink. This crude timer was nothing more than a beaker with a huge lump of the metal in the bottom which was then blu-tacced to the bottom of the sink. The tap was then turned on and we ran. About 5 minutes later we heard an almighty woosh, a sound of breaking glass and quite a bit of shouting.
Click to expand...

There is a first for everything, now we have chemistry porn. :D
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom