**The Mental Health Thread**

These are all good updates, if not positive then at least not negative :)
Spring will hit soon and you'll have more gardening jobs than you know what to do with. I'm already pulling out hundreds of bulbs that have started to sprout and take over (Spanish Bluebells)
 
The last 8 weeks have basically been pure hell internally. I haven’t vocalised it with friends and family and tbh have been trying to hide as much as possible. Faked it through Christmas. Isolated for new year.

A lot came out today when I popped to see my mum and step-dad. Having run into the ex and her new bf earlier today for the first time and having not seen her for 6 months a lot hit like a brick. Despite hating her and certainly never wanting her back I still can’t seem to move on and miss her and my old family life terribly. Guess I’m just too old fashioned for a disposable world.

Still stuck in my head. Still unable to let go. Depression kicking my ass hard. Too many bad thoughts and plans in place including how, where and what my last words will be in writing and messages. Just all in a complete feeling of rejection and failure with no positivity. Work has gone to hell because of my mental health. Pretty sure my time there is limited. No new social connections and feel a burden to friends after all this time. Over a year on and I find myself still in the same place I was.

I’m a shell of who I used to be. I really just don’t see the point. I liken myself to someone in physical pain where out is the right option and the end is a considered relief. Mental pain is misunderstood and it is so consuming with no relief or remedy.

First time I have written this out. Sorry to be the one without a positive update.
 
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ShadowMan said:
The last 8 weeks have basically been pure hell internally. I haven’t vocalised it with friends and family and tbh have been trying to hide as much as possible. Faked it through Christmas. Isolated for new year.

A lot came out today when I popped to see my mum and step-dad. Having run into the ex and her new bf earlier today for the first time and having not seen her for 6 months a lot hit like a brick. Despite hating her and certainly never wanting her back I still can’t seem to move on and miss her and my old family life terribly. Guess I’m just too old fashioned for a disposable world.

Still stuck in my head. Still unable to let go. Depression kicking my ass hard. Too many bad thoughts and plans in place including how, where and what my last words will be in writing and messages. Just all in a complete feeling of rejection and failure with no positivity. Work has gone to hell because of my mental health. Pretty sure my time there is limited. No new social connections and feel a burden to friends after all this time. Over a year on and I find myself still in the same place I was.

I’m a shell of who I used to be. I really just don’t see the point. I liken myself to someone in physical pain where out is the right option and the end is a considered relief. Mental pain is misunderstood and it is so consuming with no relief or remedy.

First time I have written this out. Sorry to be the one without a positive update.
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First of all I wish you the very best.

You mentioned not moving on. Would speaking to the GP about your mental health help? He would be able to prescribe antidepresants for instance as well as stuff for anxiety and you can self refer for talking therapies as well. Speaking to the GP though will open up a load of different options.

If you hit crisis point though please call a crisis number and explain how things are. I think you can call 111 option 2 to speak to a mental health advisor (not entirely sure it is option 2).
 
I appreciate it. I have already had 6 months of therapy. From talking therapy to counselling and CBT. It helped in places with anxiety. Didn’t touch the depression other than I don’t show it as much. Taught me how to hide it.

I’ve been to GP. They offered meds but I won’t take them. I don’t want to mask how I feel and was hoping to deal with it.

In the end I’ll deal with it my way. I don’t want to do anything as I know it will affect those who care but most of the time I just don’t see the point. When at a stage when even your children aren’t a reason is when it is bad and whilst I love them more than anything for once I want to be selfish and think of myself first and just stop hurting.

Again. I don’t want anyone to worry or feel bad. I’m fully cognisant and logical. I’m aware of how I feel. I know it’s wrong but it’s a struggle.
 
ShadowMan said:
I appreciate it. I have already had 6 months of therapy. From talking therapy to counselling and CBT. It helped in places with anxiety. Didn’t touch the depression other than I don’t show it as much. Taught me how to hide it.

I’ve been to GP. They offered meds but I won’t take them. I don’t want to mask how I feel and was hoping to deal with it.

In the end I’ll deal with it my way. I don’t want to do anything as I know it will affect those who care but most of the time I just don’t see the point. When at a stage when even your children aren’t a reason is when it is bad and whilst I love them more than anything for once I want to be selfish and think of myself first and just stop hurting.

Again. I don’t want anyone to worry or feel bad. I’m fully cognisant and logical. I’m aware of how I feel. I know it’s wrong but it’s a struggle.
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This might not mean much but I really admired your observations of your experiences in 'The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread'. Your reflections were positive (as much they can be given circumstance), practical, and had a "keep on keeping on" tone about them which I really liked.

Keep on keeping on :)
 
ShiWarrior said:
never been to Andy's Man Club myself but feel free to give me a call mate ,im sure any of the mods would would be happy to talk too
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I appreciate that the offer is there :)

AMC seems to work for me though, gives me a routine of getting out of the house every week for something other than work, and is a structured way to tell people about my problems (or lack thereof) that week, and equally a reason to find something good about my week to tell them about, no matter how small or inconsequential.
 
ShadowMan said:
I appreciate it. I have already had 6 months of therapy. From talking therapy to counselling and CBT. It helped in places with anxiety. Didn’t touch the depression other than I don’t show it as much. Taught me how to hide it.

I’ve been to GP. They offered meds but I won’t take them. I don’t want to mask how I feel and was hoping to deal with it.

In the end I’ll deal with it my way. I don’t want to do anything as I know it will affect those who care but most of the time I just don’t see the point. When at a stage when even your children aren’t a reason is when it is bad and whilst I love them more than anything for once I want to be selfish and think of myself first and just stop hurting.

Again. I don’t want anyone to worry or feel bad. I’m fully cognisant and logical. I’m aware of how I feel. I know it’s wrong but it’s a struggle.
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re: meds, lets assume that they do mask your feelings, what is the down side if (from what you've written) you seem to be at the bottom? Sounds like your only way is up from here and I'd rather you try meds and get a bit better than not try them and stay in this frame of mind. I'm sure your friends and family feel the same.
 
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