**The Mental Health Thread**

jumpy said:
I wrote a long post in response to #45 https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/posts/31225530/ mostly relating to an ex who suffered mental health problems. Decided to delete it as it probably wouldn't be too much help for the thread title. Besides, most of what I have to say has already been said on here in the past.

Basically if you're ill, or think you are, go get help, but you have to want it and don't expect a 'cure' overnight, but a long road to successful management.

If you're thinking of getting involved with a potential partner who has a serious mental health problem... just don't. It will be better for you and them. For so many reasons you have very little idea of what you're getting yourself in to. Move along. Kind of harsh but that's my view. ymmv
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It is harsh, but I can sorta agree. But does that mean those with mental illness conditions are not allowed to try and find someone to share their life with? Sadly for me, the combination of us both, meant it was never going to work, and her issues were fair greater then I could deal with, not to mention her pathological lying. I think it was the lies that made it even harder. As she really did believe a lot of what she told me.

Anyhow, there are many with varying degrees of suffering that have really understanding and very supportive partners and for those in this thread that have such a thing - this is how lucky you really are and should but sadly it not seen use that to try and become stronger. Its hard, its really hard. I know all too well.
 
I don't actually know if I'm depressed or just a very lateral and inquisitive thinker but the more I have learnt over the years the less magic life has become. I think you need a myth of some kind in your life as a driving force. Something to keep you sane because atheism hasn't made me feel that great so far, yet there is no way I could con myself into thinking another way.

My wife and I have friends who have just had a baby, they are both Catholics and attend church at least once a month. I envy them in many ways, they seem to be living in the moment and everything in their life has a sense purpose. They are both from big families where God watches over and births, deaths and marriages is what life is all about.

I feel very under pressure at the moment and started to think I might be depressed. My wife is coming to the end of child bearing age and we have to decide what to do. I know that having a child would give me a purpose but at the same time I have this overwhelming feeling that I would just be passing my predicament onto someone else. A child will give my life a purpose, but what is the child's purpose?

I have thought about going to the doctor but I don't know what the point would be. My rational is that antidepressants might make the days go over easier but in the end reality is still there. I see humans as cursed really, self awareness has woken us up from the mechanical process of evolution to see it subjectively. Knowing this makes having a child literally like playing god for me. I'd be asking someone to live a life in full knowledge their life will undoubtedly be filled with many painful moments and in the end futile.

It seems more humane not to put someone else through all this. Life has some good stuff in it of course, moments of distraction, but would I recommend it to someone who has never tried it. I'm not so sure anymore.

Rationalising all of this is definitely getting me down and I don't feel these fears are easy to talk about with my wife. But it has to happen. Week after next we have a mini break planned and I plan to drop the bomb when we have some quiet time to ourselves.
 
talking about it is key @MookJong It's not easy on you or your partner, they can easily think that your depression means that you aren't happy with them and your life together, when in reality is just that it wouldn't matter who you were with, it's you that is the problem not them. You have to reassure her that it's not her or your life together that makes you feel that way. You also have to give them time to process it.

Don't think that everything is depression though, there are many mental health problems out there that have nothing to do with depression and personality disorders are very common. Sometimes any depression is because of the disorder.

Speak to a doctor about it as well, they are trained and very understanding.

The most import thing to remember is that speaking to someone is only going to help. Or you can carry on as you are plodding through life feeling down about things.
 
iv-tecman said:
It is harsh, but I can sorta agree. But does that mean those with mental illness conditions are not allowed to try and find someone to share their life with? Sadly for me, the combination of us both, meant it was never going to work, and her issues were fair greater then I could deal with, not to mention her pathological lying. I think it was the lies that made it even harder. As she really did believe a lot of what she told me.

Anyhow, there are many with varying degrees of suffering that have really understanding and very supportive partners and for those in this thread that have such a thing - this is how lucky you really are and should but sadly it not seen use that to try and become stronger. Its hard, its really hard. I know all too well.
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I never had anything in my life harder than looking after my ex when she was having serious difficulty. Not because I couldn't be bothered with it (though at times it was very demanding and stressful) but mainly because it was so hard to see her like that and be unable to help in any meaningful way to make it better or go away. That's what you're supposed to do for someone you love, right?
Ultimately the relationship failed after almost a decade. For other reasons not just the mental health pressures. In the end she left me (left a crappy note and just up sticks with her stuff, not so much as a goodbye) after all the time I stood by her, she couldn't cope when things got hard for me on the work front during the 2008 crash when the construction industry fell apart. I understand how she felt about the instability there, because it's how I felt about it. But there you go.
One thing in my deleted post was that whatever I have to say that can come across as particularly negative is just a product of my own experiences. And even then I stayed where perhaps I should have let go altogether.
Doesn't really change my standing orders to not get mixed up in that again though ;)
 
I'll be honest, I just want to be able to talk to someone about it.

Someone who isn't patronizing, all of the 3 psychiatrists and 2 mentors have all been like that and have kind of put me off going to the NHS for that sort of stuff.
My problem is, no one in my circle of friends, or family will understand and just call it attention seeking. I have tried a couple of times before and it kind of just gets batted off.

Now, if it was what they say, after years it still wouldn't be causing me issues right?
 
It is a highly complex issue to discuss as the impact on individuals can be very different and often things one might associate with mental health can also be unrelated. I have suffered over the years, mainly from anxiety/depression related problems, but they can be mild to heavy and for me working with a medical practitioner has always solved the problem...until next time. Often my anxiety does not always show itself consciously in my mental outlook, it can often be a physical thing that exposes it. For example my last occurrence showed itself in hives all over my arms and neck. That is bad enough and creates mental issues as a side effect but when it started I was not feeling obviously depressed or anxious, but my body indicated that was not the case.

The issue for most people with mental issues is how quickly you can spiral into deep depression because you fear and focus on the negative, it becomes your way of life and impacts those around you. People around you usually won't get it, it's a bit like the menopause in that women around women with it, who are not there themselves, just don't seem to get it or understand or worse, make allowances for women experiencing it. Then when it hits them, they start coming to said person and apologising, seeking help and advice and using lines like "I never knew what it was like, how bad it could be, how much it would effect me".

That is mental health summed up. Until you have been there you will have little to no idea that rational thought and actions are something you simply loose. This is why lines like "get confident stupid" (the great Tory McLure) make little sense and why people around you saying "shake yourself out of it" probably should be burned at a stake. The worst thing you can do is enforce positivity on those suffering as you then become a problem or dismiss them as lacking back bone.
 
Rilot said:
I gave up drink a few years back. I can't remember the last time I had a beer. Gave up the tabs around the time my son was born. Weed will exacerbate my anxiety (and is illegal) so that's out.
I game. I fly drones. I take prescription meds. I vape.
I'm just about managing to hold down a job at the moment but it's not easy.
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I've cut alcohol right down recently.

It can turn me into a complete tool and I'm pretty much all or nothing which ends up with me feeling terrible for a few days minus a shed load of cash. I've also had a few miserable episodes after binges which aren't fun. Too much alcohol makes me talk to myself when I'm hung over which is worrying. :p

I've also got myself into some very scary/stupid situations when drunk so just don't want to go there anymore. I'd like to give it up completely but don't think that will happen.

All I do now on social get togethers is go out with a small amount of cash and no main account bank card so I can't get blitzed or do stupid things. There will still be the odd exception, eg: Christmas :)
 
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QlimaxUK said:
what happened to the no medical thread rule?

or is mental health not considered 'medical' by this forum?


#controversial

:eek:
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Not the same.
Medical threads consist if:
"Hi, I've got a really bad pain in my head that has been constant over the last month and I often have to be sick".
Answer: "Don't bother with the GP, drink some camomile tea and do a bit of acupuncture and that should cure it".

This is a thread about how people feel and how they individually overcome it.
 
There is still some stigma with mental health which is sad. Talking about it more is the only way to overcome that stigma. Also, being honest with yourself and others around you if you suspect you are suffering is paramount too. Speaking up and reaching out, otherwise it could be quite likely no one would ever really know. That's harder than it sounds, when like above, so called professionals don't even seem very helpful.

My cousin hung himself a few years ago. Not long after that, his uncle did the same. Not one year later, his dad (uncles brother) also took his life through overdose. Not one of these men made their demons known, no one really saw it coming.

Speak out, people want to hear your thoughts.
 
Meh, some people may but I’ve found in the workplace you get those who don’t want to know and see it as an excuse used by many.

Once worked at a place that dealt with some vulnerable younger adults and had a manager come out with “What’s wrong with all these ******* youngens these days with anxiety and depression”, granted he may be lacking understanding if he’s never had a mental illness, but I just thought to myself could you at least be a little less ignorant and apply some thinking as to why it’s becoming more and more common, particularly in the younger generations.
 
A latecomer to this thread, but thought I'd share my experiences. Not particularly looking for sympathy, more a little empathy really;

I've been a sufferer of depression, anxiety and OCD since my early teens. The times I've had therapy or counselling, the counsellor has brought it back to by childhood and the pretty harsh bullying I experienced at school growing up.

My depression manifests itself in medium-to-extreme levels of self-criticism and lack of self-worth, and ultimately in very low self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm told I'm a good looking. 'nice guy' but meeting females has always been a struggle, and keeping them too.

My anxiety manifests itself in worrying about almost anything and everything, no matter how inconsequential it may seem to others. I have a 'defence mechanism' of always thinking about, and preparing for the worst in a given situation (such as recently my company announcing redundancies and assuming I'd be among them) somehow 'steeling myself' so that I'm ready should it happen, and if the outcome is not as bad, then so much the better. It also comes out in my lower moments as 'bad things always happen to me', 'just my luck' etc.

My OCD ties into both of the above, and it takes the form of significant checking that doors, windows etc are locked, that plugs and sockets are off and unplugged, and things are where I can remember I left them, such as if I don't remember where I left my house keys if I left them at home, I'd worry that they were actually there and not lost.

I re-iterate that I'm not particularly looking for sympathy, just sharing my own experience. To a fair extent I'm what would be called a 'functioning' depression sufferer; I can usually get through the day-to-day routine of work, paying the bills etc though force of will, but social things can be hard; conversely sitting at home alone at the weekend is also one of the hardest things. Since moving house in the summer to a strange (small) town I've found myself going out on my own to try and find people to talk to (or women) rather than relaxing at home. I've been through a fair bit this year; the end of a long-term relationship, buying my first house on my own and surviving a round of redundancies at work, also not really having a proper holiday because of a) finances and b) it being no fun to go anywhere alone.

I have had good times this year, don't get me wrong, but from reading this thread, I can empathise with the thoughts of others that as time goes on, it can be harder to experience joy in one's life...
 
Ayahuasca said:
Meh, some people may but I’ve found in the workplace you get those who don’t want to know and see it as an excuse used by many.

Once worked at a place that dealt with some vulnerable younger adults and had a manager come out with “What’s wrong with all these ******* youngens these days with anxiety and depression”, granted he may be lacking understanding if he’s never had a mental illness, but I just thought to myself could you at least be a little less ignorant and apply some thinking as to why it’s becoming more and more common, particularly in the younger generations.
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Why is it necessarily workplace people that have to know? Directing your thoughts at someone who can truly listen and perhaps help must be more important to you?

Anyhow, suffering in silence is allowing the ignorant people to continue being ignorant, they're either afraid or just unwilling to understand. The more the issue is spoken about and normalised in society, the sooner the ignorant people will dissappear. The problem with that, I suspect, is the ignorance will only die out with a generation. If you allow new generations to shy away from being open and hide their issues in shame, the problem will continue to have a stigma in future.
 
A lot of people feel bad about taking medication for mental health problems. I've always said that taking medication for your mental health is no different to taking medication for diabetes, or a high blood pressure. The stigma is what stops people from speaking about it, or seeing a doctor. Both genders have their own hurdles to jump when it comes to talking about mental health too. For women it's 'that time of the month' for men they 'need to man up' etc etc etc. It's very unfortunate. We have to change our approach and our view on mental illness as a society.
 
Medication should only be taken short term and really only for those who are suffering serious life altering side effects due to their mental health. I have known people on medication for multiple years by recommendation only to suffer other physical medical issues as a result. Obviously everybodies mileage will vary, but for depression, PTSD etc I would always push the GP to go the therapy route ASAP. Especially as waiting times can be weeks or months and even longer than that to find the right level of service.

I've had some serious lows for various reasons over time, but have learnt to deal with myself. Therapy and medication can only take you so far. The hard part is seeing yourself from afar, how that affects your life and whether you want to change it or not. I don't think it ever goes away, even when you're happy and fulfilled, life is tough and the smallest thing can break you back down to square one. The trick to learn is how to let that just be a moment of your life, not a definition of who you are and keep moving on.

 
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