**The Mental Health Thread**

I'm fed up of this now. It's not that lockdown is hard - I like staying inside and avoiding people. But I'm struggling to motivate myself to work and I wish I wasn't house sharing. My housemate is constantly bending distancing rules against our wishes, so today his girlfriend came over and helped him clean his room (:rolleyes:). It's not a massive deal as she's stayed inside for months but I feel very disrespected that they just bull**** me and creep around.

Just sick of staring at these 4 walls and my own brain I guess.

Yadda said:
I'm going to join a support group of some kind, for carers.

The last couple of weeks have been hell with very few "good days" and a few bad nights thrown in. I've had to deal with some terrible scenes and very difficult situations alone with my poor mother, and I don't have an outlet. Friends and family are rarely in touch (scared, feel awkward?) and when they do ring, they don't get it. They mean well but there's only so many times I can hear "stay strong", "you're doing great". They don't know what else to say (and I don't blame them for that). I'm running on adrenaline/shock and I need an outlet that understands this hell.

Edit: I feel less stressed now thanks to music, browsing the forum for a while and good dose of CBD. Onwards an upwards (I'll be joining a group though. I can't go on like this and still be an effective carer.)
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At the risk of sounding redundant - you ARE doing a great job and do try to stay strong. If talking here can be an outlet, we're here for that. Talking with other carers who can share experiences and advice, and really understand your angle, sounds very healthy.
 
Having big swings at the moment .
My gf is the main downward force.

She suddenly developed a condition where she basically cannot do anything. Just after buying a house. Literally a month.
An issue in her arms and separately in her knees

She's now on ssp. Which is about to make life very tough with mortgage.
If this doesn't get better, well, she'll never work again.

I'm basically a carer at 34 now. And it's tough. I mean, I don't feel there's anything to look forward to. I'm just living day to day. I don't feel much excitement or anticipation for anything.

I make time for stuff on my own. And in those times I'm kind of happy. Like going to beach (on my own) But coming home is no fun.
I don't even know what to talk about anymore.

My Poor gf obviously has it worse. She was very active and outdoorsy. Now she can't walk more than 100m without pain, can't use her arms.
Some days she's miserable, some days she's positive.

At the moment I can't see any holidays, camping, kayaking, days out, even having friends round. Anything.

Depression runs in my family, and it's always been a fight to keep it back, it's been ok for years, a few 'down' days here and there. but can definitely feel it creeping in.

Sorry just wanted to vent. Don't really feel there's any advice that can be given.
 
LuckyBenski said:
I'm fed up of this now. It's not that lockdown is hard - I like staying inside and avoiding people. But I'm struggling to motivate myself to work and I wish I wasn't house sharing. My housemate is constantly bending distancing rules against our wishes, so today his girlfriend came over and helped him clean his room :)rolleyes:). It's not a massive deal as she's stayed inside for months but I feel very disrespected that they just bull**** me and creep around.

Just sick of staring at these 4 walls and my own brain I guess.


At the risk of sounding redundant - you ARE doing a great job and do try to stay strong. If talking here can be an outlet, we're here for that. Talking with other carers who can share experiences and advice, and really understand your angle, sounds very healthy.
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Thanks LB, I appreciate the kindness. Yes, I think a support group will help a lot. This is a very specific kind of experience so like myself prior to May 2019, most people can't relate to it at all. I need to do something now because I sense a wall up ahead and there's no way I'm running headlong into it.

Sorry to hear you're beginning to struggle with some aspects of isolation. Motivation can be a struggle but a solid routine helps a lot. Do you plan your day's work, rest and food periods or play it by ear each day?
 
@Yadda sounds a good idea to join a group and I hope you find something soon that offers you the support you need :)

@LuckyBenski are you getting outside in the sunshine whilst you can? That does take the Mick with your house mate, he should have some common decency and consideration that he doesn't live alone. I now go and see my mum but I won't touch anything, I get her to open the door for me and I take my own water and food. She will also scrub down the downstairs toilet before i arrive so that we aren't using the same one.

@413x I'm sorry to hear that about your gf. Has she had any tests done to find out the cause? I remember being told by one of our suppliers that his friend's child had similar and doctors struggled to find the cause, putting it down as arthritis in the end. They went elsewhere and it turned out it was some type of bacteria and now the child is back to normal. Obviously it could be any number of things but I hope your gf gets some answers/resolution soon :)

Whilst I was on furlough I started to go for a quick half hour walk around the park and it did help (especially as hardly anyone was around!) When the lockdown was relaxed a little and more people ventured out I didn't go as often. Then there were 6/7 reported incidents of men approaching women (some who had kids with them), grabbing women, following them home in their car etc. At least 4 different blokes were involved so I then stopped going out completely, other than to collect shopping. So far I've only heard of one arrest but he's now out on bail. It did start to get to me a little but now each weekend I've been going to my mum's to do her garden so the few hours outside doing that has helped :)

I do miss just hanging out with her when she's looking after my brothers kids and taking them to the park or walking around the shops. Normally in July we would be taking them to Chessington but hopefully next year we can do that :)

I do enjoy my own space etc but I am having more moments recently where I think "it would be nice if I was living with a partner right now". (I miss hugs lol)

For now I'm working and exercising during the week and spending weekends at my mum's or here doing chores/watching tv. From next week my colleague will be back off furlough and we will be doing part time shifts so I'll get to have a 4 day weekend each week until our revenue picks up again. I'm going to make it count though and really try to tackle a few more things :)

(Quite handy really as this weekend I've felt absolutely shattered and unmotivated to do much :p)
 
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Yadda said:
Sorry to hear you're beginning to struggle with some aspects of isolation. Motivation can be a struggle but a solid routine helps a lot. Do you plan your day's work, rest and food periods or play it by ear each day?
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It's a blur really. I tend to have a few tabs of personal stuff going on my work PC, so end up spending work time being less productive. Or so it feels. Then end up taking shorter breaks to make up for it, just when I get hungry. I'd like to be more focused on work time so I can switch off with a clear conscience. Just hard to keep to routines and to-do lists for me.

@secretspy exercise has dropped right down as I wasn't feeling any fitter. When lockdown started I was doing some light exercise during work calls most days, to compensate for not walking to work. Giving myself weekends off might help motivate me to start again during the week.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing with your mum! I understand my housemate misses his girlfriend but they've got no awareness of how to... Sensibly make rules for themselves. Sorry you're having reports of dodgy male behaviour though, that's crap if it stops you feeling able to go out :(
 
@secretspy Thanks. I always enjoy reading your and LB's posts. They are a tonic and I wish I could be more like you both.

LuckyBenski said:
It's a blur really. I tend to have a few tabs of personal stuff going on my work PC, so end up spending work time being less productive. Or so it feels. Then end up taking shorter breaks to make up for it, just when I get hungry. I'd like to be more focused on work time so I can switch off with a clear conscience. Just hard to keep to routines and to-do lists for me.
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I find it very difficult to get any satisfaction from work or rest if there are no boundaries between the two, and it's satisfaction that breeds motivation.

(I'm not a therapist as you can probably tell :) - it's just something I picked up and works for me.)

Thanks again, take care both.
 
Draeger said:
Hi all, does anyone live with a partner who has OCD?
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My wife would probably say she does! I am quite a particular person and find it hard to let things go (mainly with neat and tidiness), over the years I am getting better and try not to get too obsessed with everything. I find having distractions help me greatly, at the moment I have some decorating to do but I do have a habit of finding jobs for myself. Some things I have slowly lost my obsessions with over the years such as; repeatedly cleaning and washing my hands (I still wash them a lot but far less), re-stacking the dish washer after someone else has loaded it (incorrectly ;) ), everything has a 'place' and I have to tidy up after someone else has 'helped' me clean up. I am sure there are lots of different types of OCD though.

Just reading a lot of these posts, sorry to hear a lot of you are suffering :( Sometimes just talking about it without expecting a solution helps. I have a friend at work who I put aside a lot of time for (outside of work mainly) to mainly just be there and listen.

My brother went through (and is still going through) a very long drawn out divorce (2 young kids involved) which I was quite the rock for him for the first 9 months but then I found it really hard to be there for him as he kept on making situations worse (knowingly, which made it hard for me to support him after some of the scenarios). I am back in his support network now but it put me in a bad place mentally last year. I had a lot going on myself at the time with work and not long being in to my new house and getting used to the idea of a very large mortgage etc.

Sometimes, time can heal :)
 
After 2 days (at least) of eating only snackey something-on-toast meals and cereal, she ate a proper hot meal tonight! (Steak pie, spuds, carrots, cauli & gravy.) :)

Still in bed mind, and I had to cut it up small and feed it to her, but she ate it all, and she's managed to drink more today, too (again, with me as glass & head holder/coordinator).

Hopefully she'll start picking up again over the next few days like she has done before.

Managed to slice my finger open good & proper on a tin of tomatoes yesterday. Rushing like a fool. It opened up like a circle and the fatty layer was sticking out like an elastic strand from an old, frayed bungee cord. Just what I needed. Anyway, I managed to bend my finger into a position where the wound was naturally closed, stuck some tissue paper on it and taped it up tight (so I had a completely bent forefinger for around 24hrs). Had a look just now and the edges have taken to each other, thankfully, and the wound is now closed. Phew.
 
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Great news. After a hellish few weeks spent mostly in bed unable to do anything for herself, my mother is up and dressed, sat downstairs in her chair having just scoffed an egg mayo sandwich without my help.

Nurse Yad is as happy as a sandboy. :)
 
secretspy said:
Aww that's great news @Yadda :)

I've been feeling a bit meh the last few days but seeing the sunshine today has helped :)
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Thanks. :) Yes, it's great having her up & dressed again. She was back in bed by 7pm but it's a vast improvement over previous weeks. I'm convinced there's more than one thing going on with her and I'm concerned that by putting everything down to her memory problems, they're missing something else. I have at least persuaded them to lower one of her meds (bisoprolol) because her fatigue had become noticeably worse since it was raised a few weeks ago (some nights she looked so whacked that I didn't know if she'd survive until morning).

Hopefully her energy levels will now improve and this gives the Docs a nudge to investigate other avenues along with her memory issue. Unfortunately I think it'll be a struggle because they are very keen to pass her on to the memory clinic and are reluctant to consider other possible issues, insisting that they've done all they can. It's a PITA to be honest and a fight I could do without but I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and plod on. :)

I've been making the most of the down time (relatively speaking) during her good spell and spent yesterday evening relaxing with a couple of beers. It was needed and long overdue and I feel much better.

Anyway, what's this about you feeling meh? I hope it's passed.
 
After a challenging few weeks of difficult situations at home and run-ins with other people, from now through the weekend I'm winding up the drawbridge and will focus purely on matters within the house. No Doctors, no shop security, no feckless thickos. Just my mother and me, nice and safe.

I need to examine my own behaviour and figure out what I can do to prevent what seems to be an endless string of conflict. People are ****ing me off far too often and it can't all be their fault. If I don't sort it out then I'm going to end up in big trouble one of these days.
 
Yadda said:
Thanks. :) Yes, it's great having her up & dressed again. She was back in bed by 7pm but it's a vast improvement over previous weeks. I'm convinced there's more than one thing going on with her and I'm concerned that by putting everything down to her memory problems, they're missing something else. I have at least persuaded them to lower one of her meds (bisoprolol) because her fatigue had become noticeably worse since it was raised a few weeks ago (some nights she looked so whacked that I didn't know if she'd survive until morning).

Hopefully her energy levels will now improve and this gives the Docs a nudge to investigate other avenues along with her memory issue. Unfortunately I think it'll be a struggle because they are very keen to pass her on to the memory clinic and are reluctant to consider other possible issues, insisting that they've done all they can. It's a PITA to be honest and a fight I could do without but I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and plod on. :)

I've been making the most of the down time (relatively speaking) during her good spell and spent yesterday evening relaxing with a couple of beers. It was needed and long overdue and I feel much better.

Anyway, what's this about you feeling meh? I hope it's passed.
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Fingers crossed your mum's energy will improve now that the dosage is being reduced :) and also good that you had a chance to relax a little. It's important you take care of yourself too

I'm feeling a little better now thanks. Think it's just tiredness and stress getting to me. Now that lockdown has eased slightly and I can visit my mum, I'm seeing the things that she still needs help with I.e. her garden and there is so much to do its overwhelming. She can't afford to get people in at the minute and despite her having 4 children it seems I'm the only one willing to help :rolleyes:

I just want to get to a point in the not too distant future where she doesn't have the stress of it all, I don't have the stress of trying to help her and we can just spend time together doing normal things rather than having to use that time to gardening etc.

I guess I've also been feeling a little lonely at times too. I just miss having a partner to cuddle up with and with lockdown and not being able to even hug family, it's made it a little harder

I'm trying to use the current situation though as I time to focus on me a bit more and spend a day at the weekend helping my mum lol.
 
I've never struggled with mental health, and neither have my family as far as I'm really aware of. But the last few weeks I've felt at my lowest, constant stress, anxiety, always feels like my heart is pumping on full, can't sleep and when I do I'm getting horrible dreams. My partner and I are both very likely to be loosing our jobs in the next few weeks (have already received likely redundancy paperwork in the post), we just lost several thousand pounds on a house sale fall-through, and we're due to have a baby in 4 weeks. My prospects of future work are now non-existent as my industry has collapsed, literally no idea how we're going to pay for our rent, bills, baby bits etc. That on top of lockdown, social isolation, hundreds of miles from both our families. I just don't know how to stop feeling so horrible or what to do. Lowest point in my 31 years so far, at a time I should be so excited for a new adventure.
 
I have something on my phone to remind me when I unlock my phone, it says:
Stop hating yourself for everything you aren't and start loving yourself for everything you already are.

I had it on there because I struggle a lot with feeling worthless - not helped by people constantly being picked ahead of me despite glowing reports from people I've worked with on a temporary basis. Some of it is my bipolar traits and some is them I'm sure. I try not to be a pain but at some point I feel like I will explode. A ticking time bomb if you will. I know when I get to that point I will have to walk away and get a coffee, then come back.
 
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Hi All,
hopefully thi is the right section. Ive never had what id call depression before, ive had some rough patches in my life but im currently in a relationship issue which i think has made me depressed?

for the last month things have been rocky at home with the wife for reasons id rather not get into. i love her more than anything!

during this time ive had very little sleep due to worry, whenever i get to sleep its either bad dreams which i wake myself up from to escape or its good dreams which i wake from bringing me back to reality.

im mentally exhausted due to the sitatuion and lack of sleep, and physically exhausted as im landscaping the garden. I feel physically sick all day and im ready to bust into tears at the drop of a hat.

my 2 duaghters are keeping me going through all this. their faces bring joy to my heart!
 
@joelk2 Have you tried talking to your wife about how you are feeling? Suffering in silence is not a good thing and I honestly think talking about it with your partner so she knows how you feel can help! Some of the reasons you might be feeling this way could be due to the reason you don't want to discuss but maybe you feel that way as you are no longer 'connected' with your wife's on an emotional level etc.

helpimcrap said:
I have something on my phone to remind me when I unlock my phone, it says:
Stop hating yourself for everything you aren't and start loving yourself for everything you already are.
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I like this, I think I need this on my phone!
 
fobose said:
@joelk2 Have you tried talking to your wife about how you are feeling? Suffering in silence is not a good thing and I honestly think talking about it with your partner so she knows how you feel can help! Some of the reasons you might be feeling this way could be due to the reason you don't want to discuss but maybe you feel that way as you are no longer 'connected' with your wife's on an emotional level etc.
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i have had a talk with her i broke down, it was awful. but it was a talk about the situation we're going through.

she didnt speak to me for 2 weeks which was the worst 2 weeks of my life, she will speak to me now a little bit but its not great.

ive only spoken to 2 people about this with is a mate and her mother (shes been great through it all and has really been my rock)
 
You all have my sympathy, I lost both my elderly parents recently the frustrating thing was that due to covid I couldn't visit and the funerals are very difficult, short and don't go too close to people.

I think the whole covid thing with social limitations and no real sign of an end is really starting to bite now.
 
@joelk2 is the situation between you two something you think you can resolve yourselves or could you both maybe benefit from counselling? Appreciate it's difficult in the current times but I think some places are doing things online.

@Slam62 am so sorry for your loss :( can't even imagine how hard it must be to have a funeral in the current times and not be allowed contact etc with people.

I agree though that this whole virus and lockdown is starting to bite. I've been in a cba mood for over a week now and I think it probably is from lack of getting outside. I did several hours of gardening at my mum's on Sunday and felt so much better for it - gave me a dose of vitamin D and I got a good workout from it lol

I've not been out for a walk since May I think. Not only does my town have to deal with random creeps hassling women but now there is a man/men going about pleasuring themselves in public :(

(By the way completely appreciate this lockdown is required, am not disputing that, just starting to hit home a bit that it kinda sucks being alone in all of this lol)
 
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