**The Mental Health Thread**

secretspy said:
@joelk2 is the situation between you two something you think you can resolve yourselves or could you both maybe benefit from counselling? Appreciate it's difficult in the current times but I think some places are doing things online.
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i think i would be fully open to the idea but im not sure she would.

im really hoping time will heal but its an awful situation to be in for me emotionally.

Im hoping that im overthinking it all. by im a mess at the moment.
 
joelk2 said:
i think i would be fully open to the idea but im not sure she would.

im really hoping time will heal but its an awful situation to be in for me emotionally.

Im hoping that im overthinking it all. by im a mess at the moment.
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Without wanting to sound harsh, it depends on whether you're both wanting to resolve the issue /save the marriage (if it's at that stage) and what you're willing to try, in order to do so. It might be worth asking her if she's willing to try?

Sometimes time heals but sometimes it has a habit of making things worse because the issue just builds and builds.

Sadly I saw this with my sister and brother in law. he was willing to try counselling and they went but she wouldn't be open about stuff (she's been like that her whole life) it's been 3 years since they separated and they still have the same arguments. It's very toxic at times and my sister has become very bitter from it all.

I hope you are able to get things sorted and know that, however you're feeling, there is a whole group of us online that you can rant/talk to :)


@helpimcrap eeeeeshhh it makes me shudder just thinking about a tattoo over a metal plate lol
 
joelk2 said:
i think i would be fully open to the idea but im not sure she would.

im really hoping time will heal but its an awful situation to be in for me emotionally.

Im hoping that im overthinking it all. by im a mess at the moment.
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@secretspy lol.

@joelk2 A friend is a counselor and currently working over the phone in the current situation. The benefit of a counselor is they offer alternative viewpoints and considerations that can require an open mind. Even a closed mind can be helped as it can reinforce some ideas and then train them to use them to consider other views. I hope you can get it sorted. I don't if I'm allowed, mods please remove if not, but something to consider and the person is very good from what I have been told:

http://ginomai.org.uk/
 
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5 days since i last posted in here, things are very much the same. im still sad most days. ive tried getting my wife to talk about the situation and how is best to fix it but shes still angry with me so isnt making the effort. im trying my hardest to keep it together but most nights im led awake and all i can do is think.

ive always been someone whos not been scared of anything but ive come to realise that my biggest fear is potentially right in front of me which is losing the ones i love the most.

i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy!
 
Is she angry at something you've done or angry at the way you've responded to something she's done? You can tell me to sod off :) it's just difficult to give any advice without knowing who's in the wrong!
 
Hang in there @joelk2. We are thinking of you.

If you've been a naughty boy, is there anything you can do to show her you are making an effort? Buy her favourite perfume, flowers, cook her fav dinner etc? I am no means an expert in women but they can be funny beings when they feel unloved / wanted.
 
fobose said:
Hang in there @joelk2. We are thinking of you.

If you've been a naughty boy, is there anything you can do to show her you are making an effort? Buy her favourite perfume, flowers, cook her fav dinner etc? I am no means an expert in women but they can be funny beings when they feel unloved / wanted.
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ive not been naughty, i have never and would never be unfaithful to my wife. to the extent that being in a strip club on a stag do makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

was just a stupid comment i made in a message to a female colleague. - i must add that nothing was meant by it and the conversation had never eluded that it did.
 
Hmmm, unfortunately some people take a while to get over a situation like that, particularly if their self confidence is already shot.

I'm not even sure you can explain your way out of that one, it would likely just dig a deeper hole. It sounds like you've already said your piece and all you can do is wait it out.

What I would say is I'd be a bit more careful about messaging female colleagues anything that could be taken in the wrong way! Regardless of how good a friend they are.
 
joelk2 said:
was just a stupid comment i made in a message to a female colleague. - i must add that nothing was meant by it and the conversation had never eluded that it did.
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Oh dear... I would suggest allowing her some time and space then if that's the case. As above, you'll end up digging a bigger hole otherwise (plus if you keep discussing it, it's just going to keep opening up that wound again)

I wouldn't go for the obvious gifts like perfume and flowers. Whilst women do generally like those things, if you've had an argument involving something like this, it just seems like the stereotypical gift and lacking in thought. (Not saying this doesn't work at all but if I was in that position and still feeling angry, it wouldn't make a difference to my mood lol)

I think you need to focus on showing her how much she means to you etc. Helping out with chores around the house, cooking dinner etc would be a good start (If you don't do those already)

I think you'd need to do this slowly though, she needs time to calm down

If you have some post it notes you could write some happy memories and stick them in random places where she is likely to find them I.e. something funny that may have happened when you were first dating and getting to know each other.

Might seem lame but it's a bit more meaningful
 
Cheers chaps. I already did a lot of chores anyways but when she told me to do them generally. I've been doing them a lot more and without being prompted now.

I want to give her time and am prepared to I just want to know if we're heading in the right direction. It's been about 4 weeks since the incident. 2 weeks of zero communication and 2 weeks of being civil. It's just not good for my health. I'm working 9-5 home and working on the gsrden, doing the chores and cooling dinner and trying to spend time with my daughter's.

The weekends is the same. I'm exhausted from work and the garden, I'm not sleeping due to the situation and it's really hitting me hard.

I've never felt so low (I've had some pretty awful times in my life too) but this tops them all by miles
 
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@joelk2 Have you thought of maybe trying counselling yourself? at least to help with your own mental health.

Sadly from the sounds of it this is something that is clearly going to take time and although you want to know where things will go from here, you need to try and remain patient.

They say words can never harm you but they do. There are things people have said to me that I will never forget. Even if I have several people telling me the opposite and that the other person is wrong. Those words are deeply routed because it hit a nerve and it was something that I have self confidence issues with.


I'm guessing it must have been something pretty bad for her to not even speak for 2 weeks :/
 
secretspy said:
@joelk2 Have you thought of maybe trying counselling yourself? at least to help with your own mental health.

Sadly from the sounds of it this is something that is clearly going to take time and although you want to know where things will go from here, you need to try and remain patient.

They say words can never harm you but they do. There are things people have said to me that I will never forget. Even if I have several people telling me the opposite and that the other person is wrong. Those words are deeply routed because it hit a nerve and it was something that I have self confidence issues with.


I'm guessing it must have been something pretty bad for her to not even speak for 2 weeks :/
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You'd have thought so. My words were. "what's a pretty girl like you upto this weekend"
I didn't mean anything by it. Nothing was meant by it. Im not attracted to this person. Was just being friendly. I appreciate it doesn't come across like that and that's the mistake I made.

I've never thought of counselling myself but I've never been in a position like this. I'm normally a happy guy. As far as I saw it I had a great life. Wife who I adore. Children i love to bits. House & decent job (well one I enjoyed at least). What more could one ask for.

I think like you say I do need to be more patient. It's just the uncertainty. I can't help but think the worst.
 
If I'm being honest, that comes across a tad flirty however you spin it. Paying someone a compliment on their looks whilst showing an interest in what they're up to.

Are you absolutely certain you have no feelings towards that colleague? Even ones you're trying to suppress? It's ok to be attracted to other adults, in fact it's quite normal as long as you don't act on it.

Playing devils advocate, if you found your wife messaging a dude with "what's a handsome fella like you up to this weekend?" what would your initial reaction be?
 
I mean there are worse things you could have said but yeah I can see why your wife would be upset by it. Let me guess, is this female colleague by any chance younger, no kids, single?

As mentioned before if your wife is already feeling self conscious then the throw away comment to your colleague is going to have blown that even wider unfortunately. Out of interest why did you say that? As Ayahuasca mentions, it is quite a flirty comment to make.

Maybe try the counselling yourself, it might help to properly get some things off your chest and they might be able to offer some advice on how to move forward with things.
 
Ayahuasca said:
If I'm being honest, that comes across a tad flirty however you spin it. Paying someone a compliment on their looks whilst showing an interest in what they're up to.

Are you absolutely certain you have no feelings towards that colleague? Even ones you're trying to suppress? It's ok to be attracted to other adults, in fact it's quite normal as long as you don't act on it.

Playing devils advocate, if you found your wife messaging a dude with "what's a handsome fella like you up to this weekend?" what would your initial reaction be?
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I understand that's how it comes across, I assured her there is nothing to it and can honestly say that there isn't.

If it was the other way around I'd be annoyed for sure but I don't think to this extreme? I'm

But no. Not attracted to this person at all.

secretspy said:
I mean there are worse things you could have said but yeah I can see why your wife would be upset by it. Let me guess, is this female colleague by any chance younger, no kids, single?

As mentioned before if your wife is already feeling self conscious then the throw away comment to your colleague is going to have blown that even wider unfortunately. Out of interest why did you say that? As Ayahuasca mentions, it is quite a flirty comment to make.

Maybe try the counselling yourself, it might help to properly get some things off your chest and they might be able to offer some advice on how to move forward with things.
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Younger yes, engaged with a step daughter.

I was genuinely just being friendly, I don't know why I chose those words though, it was a mistake for sure.
 
Big out the blue burst of Anxiety like feeling today been like it since lunch time. Feel rough sweating lots and really dry mouth. I think dropping my steroids might be the cause so will return to previous dose tomorrow and see how it goes. I hate how this sometimes just happens almost instantly with no warning when you have been doing ok for a while. Bloody horrible illness it’s truly the worst thing I have had to deal with.

Hope everyone is doing best as they can.
 
I think "frazzled" is a term I would use for myself and a lot of people I know right now. All my team are working stupid extra hours with the whole working from home thing. I've also done almost every weekend for the past 3 months and I think I'm hitting burnout. I think I just want to go stack shelves, drive a forklift or do something less stressful now, I have suddenly flipped into really hating my job and I know it sounds ungrateful given that I know people would kill to be in my situation.
 
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Anyone else have issues actually getting help and support when you need it?

I've had serious trauma as a child which was used as leverage for custody and legal reason rather then treated. Now as an adult, I'm a full time carer and parent and I actually need to get my mental health together. It's having such a significant impact I've been hospitalised several times due to basically having a resting hr of 110 and stupid blood pressure, chest pain, memory loss panic attacks etc.

I was referred after months if not years to mental health services only to be fobbed off after I said "I'm willing to wait until the pandemic is over" and they discontinued any form of support before it even started. Then trying to get help from my GP i used the website that I couldn't complete as it's classed as urgent and needed to call, I called to be told to use the website or call the next morning for for advice on the phone.

You get no time at all to try and diagnose issues, evaluate treatments and medications.
 
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