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Have you considered taking some time off?
**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
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- mental health
Have you considered taking some time off?
Yeah I think I need a sabbatical to be honest. Just need to get current projects out of the way first. I had 4 days off earlier in the year but it didn't really help tbh.
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Noticed my trousers getting looser recently. Weighed myself today and turns out I've lost 1 1/2 stone in the past 6 weeks. 
Worrying and feeling down really has some big impacts I've never experienced before.
I wasn't big to start with, 12stone but I've been that weight since my teens and am 35 now.
Worrying and feeling down really has some big impacts I've never experienced before.
I wasn't big to start with, 12stone but I've been that weight since my teens and am 35 now.
Soldato
Part of it could be all the outside work you are doing too @joelk2. I put on 1lb this week. I am finally 10 stone.
Are you able to meet with friends so you can get out the house and take your mind off things?
Are you able to meet with friends so you can get out the house and take your mind off things?
i was a regular gym goer doing jiu jitsu and have been using a gym of some description for years. always stayed the same weight though.
id be able to meet with friends of course but any time i have free i spend with my girls as they are my world and i hate being away from them (especially as doing the garden means ive missed out on time with them of late)
I’m in a very good place at the moment, better than I have been in years. A few observations of myself, which may be helpful for others... not sure!
I accept that there will always be a suite of completely contradictory truths in my life. Rather than viewing this as my life being in disorder, I just accept that it’s different parts of me voicing different things and really there is a whole chorus of voices, none of them knowing what is actually best for me... so it’s all just down to making choices.
Broadly speaking, I chose to enjoy my choices. I have historically found that whatever choices I make, I would always pine for the benefits of the alternative - making myself dissatisfied with all options. In other words, I have dropped needless pining and accepted that all paths have pros and cons. Only by dropping that mentality have I found that I can genuinely enjoy (without effort) the whopping great big pros in my life.
I have stopped wanting everything all of the time. A lot of dissatisfaction has stemmed from wanting to control and have everything I could ever want; mostly sexually (a common problem with men) but also materially and in terms of general ‘control’. It’s really a very childish behaviour, even if it ties in with adult desires.
I’ve accepted that even in a perfect world with everything in order, there will always be some element of dissatisfaction or anxiety. Worrying and solving problems gives me a purpose so there is part of me that is always going to seek out issues when really there are none, but there are merely different paths. Having different paths is not an inherent problem.
Sometimes you just have to say “**** it”. Living life as a perfectionist is a miserable life. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Stop trying to be a god because you will end up crushed with the responsibilities and diligence of a god. Being a perfectionist is really quite detrimental and in many ways childish.
As a result of accepting the above, I feel like I’ve stopped ‘frantically bumping into things desperately trying to make myself happy’, have actually grown and become far more satisfied with myself. It’s funny that by keeping your extremities and anxieties in-check, you can actually look up and see how great the big picture actually is.
I accept that there will always be a suite of completely contradictory truths in my life. Rather than viewing this as my life being in disorder, I just accept that it’s different parts of me voicing different things and really there is a whole chorus of voices, none of them knowing what is actually best for me... so it’s all just down to making choices.
Broadly speaking, I chose to enjoy my choices. I have historically found that whatever choices I make, I would always pine for the benefits of the alternative - making myself dissatisfied with all options. In other words, I have dropped needless pining and accepted that all paths have pros and cons. Only by dropping that mentality have I found that I can genuinely enjoy (without effort) the whopping great big pros in my life.
I have stopped wanting everything all of the time. A lot of dissatisfaction has stemmed from wanting to control and have everything I could ever want; mostly sexually (a common problem with men) but also materially and in terms of general ‘control’. It’s really a very childish behaviour, even if it ties in with adult desires.
I’ve accepted that even in a perfect world with everything in order, there will always be some element of dissatisfaction or anxiety. Worrying and solving problems gives me a purpose so there is part of me that is always going to seek out issues when really there are none, but there are merely different paths. Having different paths is not an inherent problem.
Sometimes you just have to say “**** it”. Living life as a perfectionist is a miserable life. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Stop trying to be a god because you will end up crushed with the responsibilities and diligence of a god. Being a perfectionist is really quite detrimental and in many ways childish.
As a result of accepting the above, I feel like I’ve stopped ‘frantically bumping into things desperately trying to make myself happy’, have actually grown and become far more satisfied with myself. It’s funny that by keeping your extremities and anxieties in-check, you can actually look up and see how great the big picture actually is.
What do you do?
IT in a global organisation. I was thinking of making a sidestep but tbh I think I just need to get my mortgage paid and then get out of the industry altogether.
It's a common thing these days and I know many people re-evaluating their careers. You can earn well, but it can be relentless and boy do you have to give up your pound of flesh for it.
Breaking away from being materialistic was one of the best things I ever did. I never really want stuff anymore. I mean I just treated myself to something new but it took 3 weeks to justify whether it was really worth it and wasn't bothered either way. I quite like a reasonably minimal lifestyle.
I hate the stress of feeling like you're missing out on the latest things but thankfully that's not an issue for me.
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Caporegime
That’s a great post @Nitefly there are things there we can all be more conscious of, mental health issues or not
I know going out and exercise isn't the cure all panacea that it's sometimes made out to be but I went for a long walk today and it did me a world of wonder. I'd notice that things were bothering me and my behaviour was very different than normal. For example, I was 'arguing' in some threads today when normally I actively avoid drama and the like on message boards etc and generally things were bothering me that normally do not. After my walk I came back with a clear head and had some clarity I've been lacking recently.
Soldato
I feel the same way. It feels like living at work, and hard to switch off overnight. Even some weekends I've found myself working. I'm acrruing a lot of overtime. I have found taking long weekends every month using the built up overtime is the best way for me to switch off work for a few days. I am looking forwrd to 3 weekdays off and the weekend at the end of the month.
The thing that's really driving me nuts is that I dream about work most nights. Its like water torture, hah!
I thought converting one of the spare rooms into an office would help with demarcation which it has to a point but I'm now at the point of investigating how I can get dreamless sleep aside from getting blind drunk (not a good idea and I also find solutions to problems tend to come to me overnight).
Time off is tricky at the moment as we have so much on but yeah that's a good idea, I'll see if I can slip in a few long weekends after the current stint. Good luck with switching off!
If it ever gets really bad and I think I'm about to go over the edge then I'll just quit. A good few years ago I decided I wanted to save enough to let me take a year or more off work if I really wanted to. So there's that and I count myself lucky having an escape plan.
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Soldato
How do you go about keeping your mind off things that are causing you stress or making you feel anxious?
Soldato
Personally I try to reframe the conversation and see it from all different angles. I find I get too focused on one thing or method and it is not a good thing.
Try making it into steps. I.e. 1. Do this first.... 2.then do this.
With each step add in a couple of potential options and think about how you get to the end goal if you have one.
Everyone is different and this sometimes works for me, and if not I have a think. Sometimes asking advice and being direct with people can be good, but bear in mind if you are too direct it can indirectly offend.
Well, there’s a few things to bear in mind:
Worrying about things that haven’t happened (or the consequences of things that have happened, but the subsequences have not fully resolved) gives you the full experience of the bad thing (or the ‘bad consequence’) actually happening... without it actually happening. It’s like ghosts; being scared of them gives you the full terrifying experience that ghosts are actually real, when they are not. Remind yourself that it’s completely wasted energy and ridiculous.
Anxiety is often like romantic obsession. You have an emotional feedback loop (worry/love) that keeps reliving itself and won’t end, either because it’s satiating or otherwise addictive. I don’t mean to be dismissive, but you do have to sort of shut that process down and say “this is a feedback loop”. I find that if I deliberately act as if there isn’t a problem, the obsessive / repetitive feedback loop is interrupted and suddenly... there isn’t a problem (or more accurately, it goes back to proportion). How ridiculous that such agony can be cured by what is effectively a ‘glitch correction / restart’!! Have a think about how you would act if you weren’t worried, then brazenly act that way. Try not to think about it to much - see if there’s a difference.... or don’t, as when you stop worrying, you won’t notice that you have. But we all worry a bit from time to time, no biggy.
Similarly, the most stupid thing with these problems is that being aware of them tends to make them worse. A ridiculous thing I have done in recent times is wake up and worry that I will feel anxious. I mean, how arse backwards is that?! If you keep checking your ‘emotional barometer’ you give it a disproportionate power over yourself. So you really do have to force yourself to just ‘get on with it’. That’s not being dismissive, it’s just a genuine solution to being paralysed by worrying.
Just.... **** it. Let go. You can’t control everything. You’re not a god. Let the chaos unfold!! It’s really rather liberating. Bring it on, mwahhaha!
Just some thoughts to chew on
Interesting look on it.
In my situation I'm having tremendous trouble sleeping. If I'm having a bad dream (always about my situation) then I wake up in a panic and teary. If I'm having a good dream I seem to wake myself up to get back to reality. The best night sleep I've had since may was 6 hours and I can't remember anything about that sleep.
In my situation I'm having tremendous trouble sleeping. If I'm having a bad dream (always about my situation) then I wake up in a panic and teary. If I'm having a good dream I seem to wake myself up to get back to reality. The best night sleep I've had since may was 6 hours and I can't remember anything about that sleep.
Sounds troublesome. An obvious suggestion but have you tried exercising more and eating less? If you do just a long walk (~2 hours) a day and eat light for a couple of days, you will find yourself quite sleepy by the end of the second day.
Edit - also, cut caffeine.
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I haven't but only due to the fact I've already lost 1.5 stone in 6 weeks which for a 12 stone guy whose been 12 stone for the last 17 years no matter how much or little food or exercise ive had I wouldn't wanna lose any more.
I've done a lot of outside DIY of late so some could be that but I'm a regular gym goer when not in lockdown so not sure that DIY would have an effect.
I've been off caffeine a while (4 weeks) to try and help, literally just water and squash.
Maybe cut the squash out too? most contain aspartame. You could add some fruit to give your water some flavour
Have you tried an app like Headspace? Technically I think you're meant to use it during the day as the first part says about sitting in a chair, but I've used it several times whilst lying in bed and always found I managed to nod off before the 10 mins is up lol
The last decent sleep I had where I actually felt well rested and refreshed was April 2014
(I only know thst because i remember where I was lol) i had a semi decent sleep a couple of weeks ago, i dreamt of my dad and it was a happy dream Otherwise i often have to really drag myself out of bedHavent no,Maybe cut the squash out too? most contain aspartame. You could add some fruit to give your water some flavour
Have you tried an app like Headspace? Technically I think you're meant to use it during the day as the first part says about sitting in a chair, but I've used it several times whilst lying in bed and always found I managed to nod off before the 10 mins is up lol
The last decent sleep I had where I actually felt well rested and refreshed was April 2014
Will give it a shot though. Got 3.5hrs in last night.
Potential impeding devastation and all the hassle that goes with. Just can't think positive.
Caporegime
How's it going with the wife Joel? From the above post I'm assuming you aren't on speaking terms yet?