**The Mental Health Thread**

I haven't posted in here for a while. Because I'm fairly sure I'm more mental than any of youse. Not sure you can comprehend the depths of my madness.

Anyhoose, I will keep this fairly light.

I used to be a massive gamer, and dedicated a lot more time than I should have to it. It gave me goals, purpose (funny how I open this thread again and the first post I see, the first sentence I see, is about not having purpose), of a limited sort - but it was enough.

These days I kind of almost avoid playing games. Not because I don't enjoy them, but because of how they can give what you might call false hope. False joy.

So I load up a game, as I did tonight, and enjoy the hell out of it for a couple hours. Really great game. Super engaging story. Great characters. I'm truly loving it.

Then I finish my session and quit the game.

And then, bam, super downer. It's like I suddenly realise that IRL I have no purpose. No goals. No exciting journey. The story isn't engaging, in fact the story is boring as hell. I'm just wasting every single day that comes along.

And **** that hurts. The game makes me feel (something), maybe joy, maybe some glint of a real emotion. Then I realise I have none of that stimulus in my real life.

So the only thing I feel after quitting the game is pure emptiness and a crazy kind of panic that I don't know what to do next? I've quit the game and now what do I do?
 
FoxEye said:
So the only thing I feel after quitting the game is pure emptiness and a crazy kind of panic that I don't know what to do next? I've quit the game and now what do I do?
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It's not an uncommon feeling - it's why "Life on Mars?" (which muses exactly what you're talking about) is such a relatable and popular 'sad song'. I battle with those emotions myself, quite frequently.

I think these feelings are at least in part generated from a lifestyle that overly relies on 'passive consumption' rather than 'enjoyment by creation'.

By 'passive consumption', I mean seeking entertainment and stimulation through means that require very little input (in all senses) from you. The most obvious example is sitting there watching TV but really this extends to most video games, which are mostly a walk through of somebody else's creation. Or even using the forums... that's very low input. There is nothing wrong with this sort of entertainment. In fact, it probably forms a 90% of most people's 'diet of entertainment'.

By 'enjoyment by creation', I mean seeking entertainment and stimulation through means that does require input from you to create the opportunity to harness that sort of enjoyment. Most obviously this could include something like, say, creating something artistically, but really I'm talking about things that can be as basic as just going for a walk and looking at the trees. You spend the energy and time to go and see the trees and, somehow, this makes it more rewarding. OK, so looking at trees is not exactly the most stimulating of activities, but I'm talking about: exercise, making arrangements to see friends, making a model railway, building a PC, getting into wood work, playing an instrument, calling your family for a catch-up (yes, really).... etc.

All of those 'enjoyment by creation' activities bind you to the 'now' and are, I think, more likely to procure a sense of self-satisfaction and connection to the world than entertainment by mere 'passive consumption'. The more distinct those activities are from 'passive consumption', the better. I find that I will always be more satisfied or 'rounded' if I have made the effort to go for a walk in the woods than if I have sat around and watched a film.

Literally making this up on the spot, I imagine that most people would be best off with at least 40% of their entertainment being 'enjoyment via creation'. Perhaps assess your own balance and see if it needs adjusting?

If you were to break everything down from an absolute consumer's perspective, then there really isn't any point to anything at all and the only way to gain satisfaction is to have more. More games. More gadgets. More food. More sex. More friends. More more more more. All of it, now. And if not now, then what is the point? I'm absolutely terrible at thinking this way! It is really most unhealthy and lazy.

Instead, we are all responsible for creating our own sense of purpose and worth within the boundaries of 'mere reality'. I think the secret to it all, probably, is learning and choosing to enjoy the less bombastic things in life and choosing entertainment and stimulation that requires active inout. Part of this also requires choosing to be courageous in spite of your anxieties and doubts.

Sorry for the waffle!
 
Nitefly said:
Instead, we are all responsible for creating our own sense of purpose and worth within the boundaries of 'mere reality'. I think the secret to it all, probably, is learning and choosing to enjoy the less bombastic things in life and choosing entertainment and stimulation that requires active inout. Part of this also requires choosing to be courageous in spite of your anxieties and doubts.

Sorry for the waffle!
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Waffle is good. None of us are all-knowing gurus. Waffle is how we make sense of the moment.

I think as well as somehow exercising the creative instinct more, in my case there is also a need for more collaboration, certainly more interaction with other people.

So I've (often) thought to myself, "Instead of playing games, why don't I just code something? Sure it'll be basic and crap, but it'll be creative."

And then I immediately thought, "But if you code it on your own, and it's consumed by someone like yourself sitting by themselves, how does that help? There are already tons of people making games by themselves and people playing by themselves, and this isn't any heathier/better. But sure, you'd have made something, and learned something, I guess."

And that me has a point. What I (also) need is to do more stuff with other people. Which people I'm not sure :p What stuff I'm not sure :p Probably now is also the worst time to come to that realisation :p

All this requires of me is to overcome my crippling fear of other human beings :p
 
FoxEye said:
All this requires of me is to overcome my crippling fear of other human beings :p
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You've mentioned this a few times over the past few years. Have you sought out any help for your social anxiety? It's not something you can fix on your own when it's that deep for years on end. It could perhaps be the result of another condition.

I don't think I've met anyone who struggles socially that is happy or even content. The two seem to go hand in hand as you simply can't go through life trying to hide away from others and not being able to communicate with people effectively.

I know two people who left it until their 40's to seek help with their issues and both were diagnosed with high functioning autism. It helped them come to terms with who they were, why they had always struggled and a suitable path forward to try and alleviate some of their issues.

Edit: Not saying this would be the case for you but it could be worth sitting down with a couple of psychiatrists to get their thoughts. I've avoided using psychologists as they can be very hit and miss depending on their qualifications.
 
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Ayahuasca said:
You've mentioned this a few times over the past few years. Have you sought out any help for your social anxiety? It's not something you can fix on your own when it's that deep for years on end. It could perhaps be the result of another condition.

I don't think I've met anyone who struggles socially that is happy or even content. The two seem to go hand in hand as you simply can't go through life trying to hide away from others and not being able to communicate with people effectively.

I know two people who left it until their 40's to seek help with their issues and both were diagnosed with high functioning autism. It helped them come to terms with who they were, why they had always struggled and a suitable path forward to try and alleviate some of their issues.

Edit: Not saying this would be the case for you but it could be worth sitting down with a couple of psychiatrists to get their thoughts. I've avoided using psychologists as they can be very hit and miss depending on their qualifications.
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When you say struggle socially do you mean people who avoid socialising full stop or just feel a little anxious initially when in social situations? I'm in the latter camp depending on what kind of person I'm with, if its someone i have common interests in then im fine. If not then it can be a bit of a struggle..
 
I think I'm kind of struggling.
But nothing serious.
It's always a symptom of Xmas holidays, worse with lock down.

Also think it's not having any tangible goals.
Got house last year.. What's next?
Maybe it's not being able to book a holiday?
Maybe it's not having much excitement in job?
Maybe it's lock down?
My knees health issue that's under control now, but always in the mind.
Gfs issues no longer being able to do the stuff we used to do because of her health issues - think this is a big one.

Think it's lots of little things.

I know I'm struggling as I'm finding it harder to do stuff I enjoy. Like going for bike rides. One of those things I always like when I go ,but the weather/motivation just puts me off. I think not having anyone to go with makes it easier not to go.


If I could achieve one thing this year it would be to meet people who want to go biking, kayaking etc.

Just a vent
 
Bassmansam said:
When you say struggle socially do you mean people who avoid socialising full stop or just feel a little anxious initially when in social situations? I'm in the latter camp depending on what kind of person I'm with, if its someone i have common interests in then im fine. If not then it can be a bit of a struggle..
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It becomes a problem when you start avoiding pretty much every social situation you can, nearly everyone has some anxiety in new social situations.

If you don't have any mental health disorders, then continuous exposure to new social situations is one of the main methods for improvement. However, this is why it's worth getting professional help as exposure therapy can make you worse, for example, if you're autistic.

If you're in the former camp then you need to get to the root cause of why socialising causes you unnecessary stress, leading to avoidant habits and behaviours as it can stem from a whole host of things.
 
413x said:
Think it's lots of little things.
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I think this is the big issue for me at the moment. The lockdown has slowly killed almost everything I really enjoy in life which makes me ******* angry when I see so many people not giving a **** about COVID and essentailly delaying my return to a normal life.

I work from home and my social life is through my hobbies. I can't climb because the local wall is closed and its winter so all the outside rock is soaking. I can't go out MTBing because you are not supposed to travel for exercise and the only local riding is utterly waterlogged and I don't want to ruin it for the sake of leaving it alone in the depths of winter.

I get very down when I can't exercise properly.

Basically the UK is a really really **** country in winter if you can't get out and do anything and you are an outdoor person.
 
Ayahuasca said:
It becomes a problem when you start avoiding pretty much every social situation you can, nearly everyone has some anxiety in new social situations.

If you don't have any mental health disorders, then continuous exposure to new social situations is one of the main methods for improvement. However, this is why it's worth getting professional help as exposure therapy can make you worse, for example, if you're autistic.

If you're in the former camp then you need to get to the root cause of why socialising causes you unnecessary stress, leading to avoidant habits and behaviours as it can stem from a whole host of things.
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Well if im with friends i'm not anxious or if i to a gig for example and i'm round like minded people i am fine. But with certain family members who I have little in common then that can be a problem and can lead to awkward situations at times.
 
Ayahuasca said:
You've mentioned this a few times over the past few years. Have you sought out any help for your social anxiety? It's not something you can fix on your own when it's that deep for years on end. It could perhaps be the result of another condition.

I don't think I've met anyone who struggles socially that is happy or even content. The two seem to go hand in hand as you simply can't go through life trying to hide away from others and not being able to communicate with people effectively.
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This is most definitely the same conclusion I have arrived at. It is most likely impossible to be happy living in isolation. Maybe a few can, maybe not. But in my case I don't think it's possible - or desirable. And some part of me has always known this; it's just added to the anxiety, knowing I'm on the wrong path.

I know two people who left it until their 40's to seek help with their issues and both were diagnosed with high functioning autism. It helped them come to terms with who they were, why they had always struggled and a suitable path forward to try and alleviate some of their issues.

Edit: Not saying this would be the case for you but it could be worth sitting down with a couple of psychiatrists to get their thoughts. I've avoided using psychologists as they can be very hit and miss depending on their qualifications.
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Interesting. I didn't realise there was a distinction. My brother did psychology as part of his degree and the stuff he came out with was amusing at times.

I've not seen any form of mental health worker since uni. That and once in primary school is the only experience I have with them. The primary school thing was really odd. The school brought them in, I was asked to do a bunch of cognition tests, like putting things in categories. I never had any feedback from it.

The counselling at uni was short-lived and didn't help.

Psychiatrist eh - I'll do some Googling.
 
fez said:
I think this is the big issue for me at the moment. The lockdown has slowly killed almost everything I really enjoy in life which makes me ******* angry when I see so many people not giving a **** about COVID and essentailly delaying my return to a normal life.

I work from home and my social life is through my hobbies. I can't climb because the local wall is closed and its winter so all the outside rock is soaking. I can't go out MTBing because you are not supposed to travel for exercise and the only local riding is utterly waterlogged and I don't want to ruin it for the sake of leaving it alone in the depths of winter.

I get very down when I can't exercise properly.

Basically the UK is a really really **** country in winter if you can't get out and do anything and you are an outdoor person.
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Same.
I still take my bike out as luckily I'm near enough to the hills and woods I don't have to drive.
The cold and wet make it much less fun though. And much more dangerous when you're alone

It's a tad concerning how reliant I am on exercise. Its certainly a concern for the future
I wasn't a happy person when I was off exercise (outdoor) for months. Makes me wonder what I'll be like in old age, or if health gives out.
I guess you adapt
 
FoxEye said:
Literally only here on this forum. Which probably doesn't count :p
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Nothing else at all?

I'm not a big socialiser..well I have a cap.
And I'm selective about it.

But I'd definitely feel worse if I didn't do it at all.

Pre covid I'd see people physically once a week (Dnd session in pub)
And play board games virtually with some friends from back home about once a week.
Then have random meetup.com events. Like MTBing or surfing once or twice a month

Thats my limit, I've had to work at it to find these groups, and it's a bit like dating, you get a lot of trash.

But to see no one? To interact with no one 'live'? Can't be healthy

It's not so much socialising I hate. I hate socialising with acquaintances.
 
Finally got an appointment through Mindsmatter for some CBT, end of January. By the time that comes around I will have been on the waiting list for 7 months!!! Dread to think what state some people would be in if they were close to the edge, i'm certainly hoping some sort of prioritisation has been in effect.
 
The announcement yesterday really hit me hard - As i know it has everyone else too.

Kinda just want to have a ramble about some stuff - Because in my tangled mind I don't really know what to think anymore, my OCD and anxiety are driving me nuts.

I have everything i've ever wanted, a family, my lovely other half, our own house. Yet, I still feel, espically right now just so empty. No motivation for anything, all I want to do is just have a cuddle and lay there in almost like a haze state in my own head. The longer I sit here and think, the more confused I get. I almost feel like i'm not good enough for what I have. Yet I want to try, but I can't because the thoughts of actually doing it scare the life out of me, rinse and repeat.

It just seems so stupid that I can't somehow snap out of it.
This heavy head feeling I seen to always be carrying. I want to talk, but I can't because I can't describe it, I want to tell my best friend but again, I've tried and just confused them while doing so.

Just feel pants - Inside. Everyone thinks i'm OK on the outside - but inside it feels like i'm one more crack away from just falling apart.
I try to be OK, to support my family, and be there for everyone else too. It feels like i'm slowly losing it, each day is a grind of my own self hurting thoughts try to break stuff by getting me down.

I go to sleep hoping that everything will be better by tomorrow, yet I wake up with the same thoughts aboiut stuff going wrong, or whatever else puts me on edge.
I sit there with inevitable hope that i'll make everyone else happy, yet i'm broken inside. The only thing what makes me smile is coming home to my girls, and wrapping my arms around them, otherwise there is not warmth in my chest.

I've tried medications before, about 5 different ones and they all made things not much better. CBT helped a bit, but really struggled to open up in that way.

I look at how my dad was growing up - he had worries but he was always so strong in getting rid of them - even my own. Yet, I can't even deal with myself - But everyone else needs me too, for support, but it feels like my ship it letting a bit of water in with everything going on around me.

The thing is, I can't even point point what is wrong with me. I don't even know.
I miss being me. I miss feeling something other than what i'm feeling right now.

Sorry for the wall, probably doesn't make sense, hopefully it makes me feel a little better getting it off my chest.
 
Ayahuasca said:
ADHD is hellish when it's like that. I had a friend at school who was incredibly intelligent but he couldn't focus on anything for longer than a few minutes. He started taking Ritalin and it only made things worse as it changed his personality (became super irritable, agitated and constantly on edge) and he soon went off the rails, not spoken to him for years but I hope he's doing okay.
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Sad to hear.

On Elvanse currently but doesn’t seem to be working on it since august.

I was deemed intelligent in school and had extra lessons to fullfill my potential.
It’s when I reached college when I hit my downward slope.

I couldn’t just blend in doing the bare minimum and succeed like I had in the past.

/

Last week or so spending a lot of time in bed. Breakfast then back to bed terrible.
I usually wake up early around 7s but haven’t been physically getting up and starting my day until like 12.

Mentally I’m not as stressed but I think it’s more because I’ve put things to back of my mind.

Dropped out of CBT, they’ve been trying to contact me I’ve just not had the drive or energy to get back to them. Don’t feel it was helping anyway.

Hope everyone has a better 2021!
 
I was diagnosed with depression probably two years or so ago now. My mental health (or lack of) was starting to effect my home life big time, so plucked up the courage to go and see the doc after not really knowing what was going on with myself and just burying my head in the sand.

Was on anti depressants for a good few months maybe even close to a year, and tried CBT for a couple of session. But they really did nothing for me at all, so stopped going, I had no chance up calls or anything. Eventually I stopped taking the meds as I felt so much better in myself, probably more due to the fact that I actually knew what was wrong and how to deal with it.

But since starting a new job at the start of October 2020, I'm constantly putting to much pressure on myself to perform (thinking I should know more than I do, and questioning myself as to whether I'm the right persion for the job etc) and impress during my 6 month probation period. Which is just causing more stress for myself, and ended up in A&E just before Xmas with chest pains. Fortunately the hospital said that there was nothing wrong with my heart, and said that it was probably just muscular. But after doing some further reasearch online (probably the worst thing to do), I think the chest pains may have been caused by stress/ anxiety from the new job.

So not generally in a great place at the moment, as I don't know how best to deal with things right now and don't want to let my new employer down!?
 
@dhill Sounds like talking therapy might be a good shout for you right now? Just something than can help you talk through what you're feeling and deal with it a little better.

Some larger employers offer some services (run by 3rd party organisations) that may be available to you if you can't get anything through the NHS or privately?
 
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