The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

regulus said:
That's exactly what I'm thinking pal. She harped on about how physically attractive she finds me, which is all well and good, but, well, before I thought it was all about a meeting of the minds. Now it's looking as if she's purely after the Bratwurst. To add prove to that damning revelation, the only words she left me with yesterday is that she's 'sore' and need to recover for our sessions next weekend :confused: . Not a word about meeting up this week at some point, just straight to this coming weekend and getting ready for more sex.

I suppose it's quite obvious now isn't it? :(
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I was in this situation 2 years ago! after 4 nights that was it for me :D
 
Doohickey said:
That's pretty much exactly it. And yeah, we didn't have a good time the last time she came up about 2 weeks ago. Didn't help that I wasn't well, but still. That bad visit just made me think at the time, wow, we're physically together, and I don't feel any better. That was a pretty gutting feeling.

When it boils down to 'is it worth it', it's exactly that. It feels awful to sum it up so bluntly, especially after we've invested so much time and emotion into this so far- especially on her part (her family are Indian, I am not, they did not approve = difficulty initially...). And to add to my 'gutting' feeling, she emphasises how I mean *everything* to her. And while I would do anything for her, I wish I could say the same with the same conviction, if that makes sense. I do love her. But it's not the same as it was, and it's not getting any better...
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Some sort of manly internet based hug is in order because that's basically what iv got (down the bad week of last seeing each other last week and everything).

The meaning everything to her bit really puts me off her, I have no idea why, I like a bit of attention and everything but I really get a sick feeling knowing that she seems to have this idealised vision of me that wont be real if she lived near by. In the same way as you I do love her, but just not in the same fanatical, almost prepared to base my life around you way.

It sounds weird a bit but my solution is to ride it out a bit, I am convinced women sort of convince them selves they are in over the top love when things aren't going as well when men sort of shrug it off. In theory it recovers from troughs when you talk a lot and try to relax when you see each other, but my current experience is its starting to become a lot of effort from both of us to just be in a normal relationship :(
 
The problem with women is Hollywood, they think they're going to get Prince Charming, they might say we want porn stars, but we don't, even if we do that's one aspect of them, not their expectations of every last thing about us being perfect.

**** off you *****es.

Just realised how OT that is compared to the general posts at the moment. But still. xD
 
pingwing said:
Some sort of manly internet based hug is in order because that's basically what iv got (down the bad week of last seeing each other last week and everything).
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Well, I'm kinda glad I posted now, I've rabbitted on to a few other friends about the same thing before and weird as it may be via OcUK but you've made more sense/know what I'm on about more than any of them! Some might say you're saying what I think I want to hear, but I think actually you're just spot on. How long have you both been together? Has it always been long distance?

Oh yeah and *manly hug* :p
 
Doohickey said:
Well, I'm kinda glad I posted now, I've rabbitted on to a few other friends about the same thing before and weird as it may be via OcUK but you've made more sense/know what I'm on about more than any of them! Some might say you're saying what I think I want to hear, but I think actually you're just spot on. How long have you both been together? Has it always been long distance?

Oh yeah and *manly hug* :p
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:D manly hugs are helpful!

I always wonder if other people get in the same situation as most of my friends think I should have walked away by now or its down right selfish that I don't want to live with her. (you can tell which friends I like hanging around more on that set of descriptions)

We've been slowly going nearly 3 years now (there was a break last year for a bit as I wasn't doing to well being unemployed) but I am really against the idea that time together doesn't make a relationship worth while (which is just bad self convincing). We've been doing long distance about half of that time now, since I moved back from Belfast. Its been very frustrating with how its been going because we both generally get along and like each other, just really don't get to share much together any more which is a bit rubbish.

Plus I have a new found hatred for the phone, had months were we spend more time on the phone than actually together. Overall I try not to dwell on these things too much, but I finish uni in a couple of hours (last essay is in at midnight) and I'll be in employment at some point soon so the amount of time we'll be able to spend together will rapidly diminish further unless we can work a sensible solution out.

Reading that back sort of suggests where it will end up going sadly but I still have hope/an interest that it could go the good way.
 
pingwing said:
Plus I have a new found hatred for the phone, had months were we spend more time on the phone than actually together.
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Haha, funny you should mention the phone. I prefer talking on the phone over texting. But I can barely talk to my gf on the phone, well her mobile anyway, because for whatever reason, I echo whenever I speak to her, which is unbelievably annoying. I have no idea why it happens, I have an iPhone 4, she has a Galaxy S2, both decent phones obviously.

So onto texting. She generally prefers texting (anyone) over calling, just a little thing of hers. But texts are getting stale... I mean everyday is the same texts, there's only so much conversation you can maintain over texts. And on top of that, she txts lik dis. Sriously. I have no idea why, she's really intelligent, but she texts in the most awful way possible. For some reason, in the beginning, I got over it, I didn't mind. Put it down to infatuation I guess. I rationalised it, I figured, ok, it doesn't reflect who she really is, therefore I don't care. But I do care. I really do. So texting is no good for me. Oh well. Lol.
 
you're on the willowy path to these girls annoying the hell out of you.

first it's texts, then it's her leaving her stuff everywhere, then it's how she seems to scrape at her bowl when she's eating her cereal and before you know it BAM those little things that attracted you to her in the first place, will end up annoying you just as much as the actual annoying things.

get out.
 
Doohickey said:
Haha, funny you should mention the phone. I prefer talking on the phone over texting. But I can barely talk to my gf on the phone, well her mobile anyway, because for whatever reason, I echo whenever I speak to her, which is unbelievably annoying. I have no idea why it happens, I have an iPhone 4, she has a Galaxy S2, both decent phones obviously.

So onto texting. She generally prefers texting (anyone) over calling, just a little thing of hers. But texts are getting stale... I mean everyday is the same texts, there's only so much conversation you can maintain over texts. And on top of that, she txts lik dis. Sriously. I have no idea why, she's really intelligent, but she texts in the most awful way possible. For some reason, in the beginning, I got over it, I didn't mind. Put it down to infatuation I guess. I rationalised it, I figured, ok, it doesn't reflect who she really is, therefore I don't care. But I do care. I really do. So texting is no good for me. Oh well. Lol.
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Best solution :p

I personally don't mind the mix, but I have found both phone and text to go stale because it's all she does. So I find that she is content sitting at home, watching tv most evenings in the knowledge that she can demand a fair bit of my time thought the phone. Sounds harsh, but we end up repeating our selves a lot, having the same sort of conversations a lot where I generally know the outcome of her stories. The only way I have coped is almost forcing her into situations where its rude for me to text and call her a lot, seems weird but I have found the relationship doesn't happen if you don't have a chance to do things to then talk to each other about and share in.

Should be more demanding of her texts though! No one should use text language, especially with a qwerty keyboard on phones now!

Oh and the echo thing I would blame on her samsung as my iphone doesn't do it (though I do loose connection mid call a lot to her).
 
cm1179 said:
yep. time to practice some ideas with her and enjoy.

do not, whatever you do, talk to her about anything deep or get too involved as you'll mess your head up when it ends. just enjoy it while it lasts.
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Yep. I actually had a go at her today for being so indecisive. Not over 'us', but something totally unrelated. You want to completely confuse her into a total mental standstill, give her two choices. Doesn't matter what. Coke or Pepsi. Chicken or fish. Greece or Spain. Saturday or Sunday. She goes blank.

She got a bit upset over my rudeness and I just laughed at her making her cry in the process.

Now she's on her way over for sex tonight :confused:

I can truly live to a billion years of age, I'll NEVER understand women. Ever.
 
regulus said:
Yep. I actually had a go at her today for being so indecisive. Not over 'us', but something totally unrelated. You want to completely confuse her into a total mental standstill, give her two choices. Doesn't matter what. Coke or Pepsi. Chicken or fish. Greece or Spain. Saturday or Sunday. She goes blank.

She got a bit upset over my rudeness and I just laughed at her making her cry in the process.

Now she's on her way over for sex tonight :confused:

I can truly live to a billion years of age, I'll NEVER understand women. Ever.
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*dons White Knight Armour*

You dirty player!

*takes Armour off*

Bazinga! ;) :p :D
 
regulus said:
You want to completely confuse her into a total mental standstill, give her two choices. Doesn't matter what. Coke or Pepsi. Chicken or fish. Greece or Spain. Saturday or Sunday. She goes blank.
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Redundant post but this made me chuckle.

A few weeks ago in a motorway service station shop I had to ask a rather bewildered elderly gent to choose for me between a pack of regular and peanut M&M's.

I'd been stood there a good couple of minutes trying to decide.
 
Hey guys and girls,

A little help would be great....

I've met this girl, who is seriously good looking imo and certainly great fun to talk too etc and we are going on a date next Friday... I couldn't be happier with that however...


For some reason I can't help but feel like I'm cheating on my ex I know I'm not as she has made it perfectly clear how she feels about me and I'm not in that place any-more but it just feels almost unnatural... is this normal when you have come out of a 7 year relationship?
 
Your memories of dating and going out with a woman have been shaped by your ex for 7 years, of course it will feel odd.

Date number 2 with this new girl will feel a little less odd, 3 more so etc. Enjoy! :)
 
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lucy_bee said:
A few weeks ago in a motorway service station shop I had to ask a rather bewildered elderly gent to choose for me between a pack of regular and peanut M&M's.

I'd been stood there a good couple of minutes trying to decide.
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It's a tough choice, I personally couldn't trust someone who could make such a decision in an instant, both are excellent choices of a M&M's and choosing the wrong one could have disastrous consequences.

I like M&M's and treasure my peanut guy mug...
 
pingwing said:
It's a tough choice, I personally couldn't trust someone who could make such a decision in an instant, both are excellent choices of a M&M's and choosing the wrong one could have disastrous consequences.

I like M&M's and treasure my peanut guy mug...
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It's not a tough choice. I'd just buy both. IT'S ALL OR NOTHING FOR ME :D
 
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