The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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just because she's going out with other blokes, doesn't mean she's happy enjoying it.
in your head, you're probably picturing her messing around with these lads, maybe in a sexual way.
maybe she is, maybe she isn't. it doesn't matter. what matters, is time heals and you deal with things your own way.
unless you're just gutted that you haven't been able to do what she is because you have no options? if so. sell out, get wasted and get it out your system but it's not the answer in all honesty.
in your head, you're probably picturing her messing around with these lads, maybe in a sexual way.
maybe she is, maybe she isn't. it doesn't matter. what matters, is time heals and you deal with things your own way.
unless you're just gutted that you haven't been able to do what she is because you have no options? if so. sell out, get wasted and get it out your system but it's not the answer in all honesty.
I can't do this. Seriously.
3 weeks we've been broken up now and I know she's been going with other guys.
Honestly, apart from manning up how can I get over this? I'm absolutely torn.
You might not think it will make you feel better, but do exactly what she's doing.
Go out and meet some new girls, being in the company of other females will make you feel a lot better.
When i split with my ex, i was gutted, didnt want to do anything, the only thing that helped get through it was to go out and spend time with other people and just have a good time.
trust me it works
I can't do this. Seriously.
3 weeks we've been broken up now and I know she's been going with other guys.
Honestly, apart from manning up how can I get over this? I'm absolutely torn.
Seriously, you can.
Your mind will be imagining her doing all sorts of things with all sorts of people. Chances are she won't be. A lot of the time the fears we imagine are much worse than reality.
Get yourself out, get meeting people. Don't go do anything silly and get some disease but just talking to someone, even purely out of non-lustful intent, you'll find that as the conversation progresses and she's interesting (pretty helps too
) you'll remember what it feels like to forget, if only for a little while.It'll get better hon.
I can't do this. Seriously.
3 weeks we've been broken up now and I know she's been going with other guys.
Honestly, apart from manning up how can I get over this? I'm absolutely torn.
I'm going to make some assumptions here so forgive me if I'm wrong, I don't know your back story, plus I'm subconsciously (not so much) giving advice to myself, but the point still stands.
She would have slept with other guys before having ever met you, and if you two hadn't have met, she would probably be sleeping with someone else right this instant. Thus really the issue here is a sort of possession mentality, and that's quite normal in a relationship. It's quite easy to assume some sort of control over each others lives once together, you 'belong' to one another, she's MY girlfriend or MY boyfriend. But really all relationships do is create a non-verbal agreement not to sleep with anyone else and be trustworthy. Once that relationship ends you have no say over what that person does, and rightly so, you are your own person as are they.
The main thing that hurts after breaking up with someone (after the initial event) in my opinion is jealousy, which would ultimately lead to resenting that person, and as once said, "Resenting someone is like drinking poison and waiting for that person to die" or something like that . You're probably worrying she's moving on first, she's going out socialising, she's happy, that she might 'belong' to someone else now. But just realise you never had her in the first place, you merely shared a part of your life with someone which has come to an end, as does everything. The only thing to do now is to start making new memories and focusing on a new part of your life, maybe sharing it with someone new.
Self-therapy man, helping myself by helping you.
"Well that's that chapter closed in my life, The Ex has brought the last of my PC stuff back, we had way too long a hug at the door and she's left. That's it then.
Bye bye.
Agh. Don't know what to say dude
it's not so much that. it's the fact that us being blokes throw ideas around of them ****ing like porn stars combined with the mix of intimacy and it's a horrible feeling, especially the first few weeks and for it to happen at this time of year, with the miserable weather/dark nights really doesn't help. i was going through a similar thing myself nearly 2 yrs ago.
i am going to assume that 99% of blokes feel like this. unless it's just me
"Well that's that chapter closed in my life, The Ex has brought the last of my PC stuff back, we had way too long a hug at the door and she's left. That's it then.
Bye bye.
Do you want the 'one door shuts and another one opens' speech or the 'every cloud has a silver lining one' or shall I link you to the thread where the OP has just had a stroke and can barely type and try and tell you there's folk with a lot more to worry about?
In reality, there's nothing anyone can say or do that will ease what you're feeling right now. It's worse than awful.
Find something that gives you the merest hint of comfort. Find it, and cling onto it, cherish it and feed it whatever it needs to continue giving you that tiny little glimmer towards the other end of all this.
If you haven't done already, go have a bloody good cry first.
No need for speeches, it wasn't really put up for that, more just closure as I've gone on about it enough on here. I suspect that'll be the last thing for now unless something unexpected whacks me upside the head.
I think I've done enough of the latter.
I think I've done enough of the latter.
No need for speeches, it wasn't really put up for that, more just closure as I've gone on about it enough on here. I suspect that'll be the last thing for now unless something unexpected whacks me upside the head.
I think I've done enough of the latter.
The first part of my post wasn't particularly serious
Closure is a good place to start, until something inevitably creeps under the radar and takes you unawares. Deal with those gremlins as they come and you'll be back to some kind of normalcy quicker than you think.
This is quite an important part, certainly for me.
When you're with someone you obviously create memories together based on places you've been and things you've done as a couple and these memories become important, cherished and also help bind the relationship as a shared experience.
The second the relationship ends, those memories are all you have left and because they've become so important and you want to cling onto them so much, they're thrown into sharp relief without the backdrop of the relationship itself.
Getting out there and creating some new memories is paramount in starting to build that buffer between the end of the relationship and the 'now' so the sooner you can do that, the sooner you will start to get on with the new you, sans fille!
Give it time...
Nah, seriously, good for you. Do what you can to keep it on the up and up
Any of you guys have a misses who tries to use sex as a weapon?
Take for example last night, had abit of an arguement then she turns round and said's "i guess you dont want to anything tomorrow"? WTF....!? what has that go to do anything about this arguement. There has been plenty of times we had bickering and brought up the line "forget about doing stuff tonight" as though it's a reward.
Take for example last night, had abit of an arguement then she turns round and said's "i guess you dont want to anything tomorrow"? WTF....!? what has that go to do anything about this arguement. There has been plenty of times we had bickering and brought up the line "forget about doing stuff tonight" as though it's a reward.