The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Mr Gimp said:
When you've given up a life you had for the one you love to start a new future together, how do you cope without that person when you're still in love with them but they not with you?
My dreams, my ambitions, my future was all with her, and now I have nothing. I feel lost, unloved, unwanted and find no solace in my old interests at all. I thought I had hit my lowest being unemployed for so long, but at least I had her support and love. I can't cope without her.
I'm supposed to be strong, but I just want to stop thinking and feeling anything any more. Happiness is dead to me. Life has no beauty. I cannot stop crying. I am truly broken.
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You're in the same position that I was in a few years ago. You will get over it eventually, but you need to accept the fact that it takes time.

What did I do to pick myself back up again?

Work - I was temping a lot to try and find out what I really enjoy doing and start to build a proper career. Work helped me build confidence and better social skills.

Appearance - improved my diet and did more exercise, lost 2.5 stones. My new look meant more confidence and increased self esteem.

Family - spending time with family isn't such a bad thing. Family is forever, they're there for you no matter what (unless you have a ****ed up relationship with your family).

Friends - I had pretty much no friends at the time of the breakup. I neglected all my friends when I was in a relationship (big big mistake). I've spent the last few years trying to make new friends and improve my social skills.

Hobbies - I seem to have taken up 'shoe collecting' :o I tried to take up photography but now my DSLR is just gathering dust because I'm too busy with work and other stuff... :(

Life isn't just about girlfriends and relationships. There are other things you can focus on to help you take your mind off her while you pick yourself back up again.
 
MisChief said:
Friends
<snip>
Family
<snip>
Hobbies.
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Oh yeah, I was in that position a few years ago and these are the secret to being content. Having my own house the way I want it helps as well.

Friends - fortunately I've never been one to ignore friends when in a relationship so I still have great, close friends. :)

Family - My niece and my sister are awesome, I love spending time with them and taking my niece out. :D

Hobbies - Taking up piano was the best thing I ever did. I get so much out of learning new stuff and going to amateur pianist get-togethers and I've met loads of awesome people. I'm thinking of taking up something like Fencing as well to help get fitter.

Thing is, I'm pretty happy with my life the way it is now and am thinking I'd really struggle to get involved with anyone again right now as it'd take away time I'd be using to enjoy myself or get stuff done. :confused: I'm no adonis but I've actually turned down 2 offers in the past year because of the perceived threat to my lifestyle. I really regret one of those decisions though if I'm honest. :o
 
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Pwned by my ex ex girlfriend. This is the one that moved to Germany with work. I mentioned it here a while back.

When we met to say goodbye, she was FAT. And I mean, I didn't wanted to be seen with her in case random people thought she was my girlfriend (no offence meant to fatties. Write me letter if you wanna complain. Email in trust (I won't read it)).

Saw her this morning for coffee as she was in London for the day with business. My oh my. Baby last all the fat and rocked a lean little bod. She's dating a trader from Deutsche Bank who most likely pull in a month that I do a year. She sure hinted enough.

My love life right now consist of a lame F. buddy, two angry ex-dates and another Match potential that just knocked me back.

After coffee and organic salads (which I paid for), she was picked up in a car and driven to meet him for lunch

I took the train back to work :(

:p

True story though
 
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regulus said:
Pwned by my ex ex girlfriend. This is the one that moved to Germany with work. I mentioned it here a while back.

When we met to say goodbye, she was FAT. And I mean, I didn't wanted to be seen with her in case random people thought she was my girlfriend (no offence meant to fatties. Write me letter if you wanna complain. Email in trust (I won't read it)).

Saw her this morning for coffee as she was in London for the day with business. My oh my. Baby last all the fat and rocked a lean little bod. She's dating a trader from Deutsche Bank who most likely pull in a month that I do a year. She sure hinted enough.

My love life right now consist of a lame F. buddy, two angry ex-dates and another Match potential that just knocked me back.

After coffee and organic salads (which I paid for), she was picked up in a car and driven to meet him for lunch

I took the train back to work :(

:p

True story though
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Ha! Gutted :D :p
 
I made the biiig biiiig mistake of falling in love with my best friend. We'd been faffing around for the last two years tip-toeing around the whole relationship issue.
We finally hooked up like a month ago properly but it all went pear shaped very quickly. She went very weird and I tried to rescue at least the friendship. We seemed to be figuring out how to be friends again but she knew I was struggling terribly and understood I felt like a complete reject after caring so dearly for her for so long.

Last night we went for a night out with friends and BAM! she has a new toy boy to show off right under my nose, not two days after I thought we'd straightened out our friendship. I was gobsmacked and I lost the plot entirely. I completely understood that we were over in terms of a relationship, but I thought that it was possibly the most insensitive thing ever for her to kick me like that when I'm down by bringing a new guy out so soon. I told her in no uncertain terms what I thought of her and said some truly terrible things. It's very probable that we will never speak again.

I feel absolutely crushed though. Not only did I lose the person I love but I lost my best friend too. I just feel empty, like a massive chunk of my life has been torn apart. It's made all the worse because circumstances dictate that we are in close proximity with each other 5 days a week for large parts of the day and this is entirely unavoidable. I'm lost, and haven't felt this low in a long time. What's the cure for a broken heart?
 
cork-spotters said:
I made the biiig biiiig mistake of falling in love with my best friend. We'd been faffing around for the last two years tip-toeing around the whole relationship issue.
We finally hooked up like a month ago properly but it all went pear shaped very quickly. She went very weird and I tried to rescue at least the friendship. We seemed to be figuring out how to be friends again but she knew I was struggling terribly and understood I felt like a complete reject after caring so dearly for her for so long.

Last night we went for a night out with friends and BAM! she has a new toy boy to show off right under my nose, not two days after I thought we'd straightened out our friendship. I was gobsmacked and I lost the plot entirely. I completely understood that we were over in terms of a relationship, but I thought that it was possibly the most insensitive thing ever for her to kick me like that when I'm down by bringing a new guy out so soon. I told her in no uncertain terms what I thought of her and said some truly terrible things. It's very probable that we will never speak again.

I feel absolutely crushed though. Not only did I lose the person I love but I lost my best friend too. I just feel empty, like a massive chunk of my life has been torn apart. It's made all the worse because circumstances dictate that we are in close proximity with each other 5 days a week for large parts of the day and this is entirely unavoidable. I'm lost, and haven't felt this low in a long time. What's the cure for a broken heart?
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Sounds like a unrequited love finally realised and then rushed to be hung out to dry. :>

Why can't you avoid her?
Why can't you ignore her?

Clearly from what you have said, she never felt the same way about you.

Glue that heart back together, there are better people out there. <I'm still searching, but not given up yet>
 
to the last two situations posted up here, there's a simple solution, **** 'em! and i mean in a metaphorical sense.

and particularly to the one who went from friend to relationship and it ended in tears, don't whatever you do, be that 'shoulder to cry on' when her life hits the skids. once you are known as a door mat, that's all she'll ever look at you as.
 
Gzero said:
Sounds like a unrequited love finally realised and then rushed to be hung out to dry. :>

Why can't you avoid her?
Why can't you ignore her?
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I don't really get your first statement.

We're in the same uni course, albeit final year, so stuck with her till May :(
We also share the same group of friends so now that's in a heap too. So ya, I got myself in a mess. I'm not going to let her make me lose my friends though, she's had enough control up till now.

I am however completely blanking her. Have told her to never contact me again, removed her from skype/phone/google chat and have unsubscribed on facebook so I never have to see another of her posts. She has to realise I'm not going to be her emotional crutch when she couldn't give a flying **** about me.

Thanks for the sensible words though guys and lady. I went out with my other main group of friends last night (was arranged before the above mess came to a head) and it really did help. I'm just really glad I didn't make the mistake of blanking other friends when a girl gets involved. About the only mistake in the book I didn't make, tbh!
 
Ugh, I think it's 6 weeks since the breakup now and I still miss her like crazy.

I was the one who broke up with her and now I'm thinking what a stupid ******* **** I was. Why did I do it when I miss her this much? Seriously wtf was I thinking. Ugh.

My ex has recently decided to cut all contact with me aswell but I wanted us to remain friends but she just couldn't do it and blocked/deleted me from everything.

This other girl I've been out with since started off really good and I liked her, it's not that she's done anything different I just seem to start really disliking her for no reason at all, I think it's because I'm so caught up on my ex. Everything about her is starting to annoy me.

But we've gotten close and if I was to just stop talking to her out of the blue she'd start to question me and I don't want to deal with it.

Ugh I don't know where to go with this.

Seriously, so much frustration.
 
cork-spotters said:
I don't really get your first statement.

We're in the same uni course, albeit final year, so stuck with her till May :(
We also share the same group of friends so now that's in a heap too. So ya, I got myself in a mess. I'm not going to let her make me lose my friends though, she's had enough control up till now.

I am however completely blanking her. Have told her to never contact me again, removed her from skype/phone/google chat and have unsubscribed on facebook so I never have to see another of her posts. She has to realise I'm not going to be her emotional crutch when she couldn't give a flying **** about me.

Thanks for the sensible words though guys and lady. I went out with my other main group of friends last night (was arranged before the above mess came to a head) and it really did help. I'm just really glad I didn't make the mistake of blanking other friends when a girl gets involved. About the only mistake in the book I didn't make, tbh!
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It means that you unconsciously fancied her, which you eventually did make a move on, but for her it was just a "he seems nice? ok lets try" then she backed out of that thinking, messing you around for a month.

Everyone has break ups at University (the same as at work), even with those they have to work closely with (you are not the first person!). BUT remember you are at University for yourself, the only person who matters there is you! No one should get in the way of your studies!

Good to hear you have your head back on. :)

You haven't made any mistakes, just learned a few life lessons about how to approach other people.
 
Do you all think becoming good friends first before the dating is better than just jumping into the dating?

My ex we met up from pof and we had a good 8 months together, but we both grew apart and here i am 8 months after the break up ready to start again.

This new girl who am i seriously close with, and used to work with, we do pretty much everything a couple does apart from the norm hanky panky stuff (:p) but after her ex screwed her around she has serious issues dating again, bah, women :( so complicated
 
quickshot89 said:
Do you all think becoming good friends first before the dating is better than just jumping into the dating?

My ex we met up from pof and we had a good 8 months together, but we both grew apart and here i am 8 months after the break up ready to start again.

This new girl who am i seriously close with, and used to work with, we do pretty much everything a couple does apart from the norm hanky panky stuff (:p) but after her ex screwed her around she has serious issues dating again, bah, women :( so complicated
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Everyone has a different approach. My shortest-lived relationship was someone I just started dating without really knowing them before. Everyone else I've been friends with beforehand. Depends how fussy you are really.
 
quickshot89 said:
Do you all think becoming good friends first before the dating is better than just jumping into the dating?

My ex we met up from pof and we had a good 8 months together, but we both grew apart and here i am 8 months after the break up ready to start again.

This new girl who am i seriously close with, and used to work with, we do pretty much everything a couple does apart from the norm hanky panky stuff (:p) but after her ex screwed her around she has serious issues dating again, bah, women :( so complicated
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oh yeah, one girl i used to like was the same :) she just needs time i guess, or she simply doesn't like you and you're "friendzoned" i went on and asked the girl i liked and she simply said she can't see me as her partner. Moved on from there and left her as a friend, and tbh quite happy with the decision, not sure if im even attracted to her anymore lol.
 
Mr Gimp said:
When you've given up a life you had for the one you love to start a new future together, how do you cope without that person when you're still in love with them but they not with you?
My dreams, my ambitions, my future was all with her, and now I have nothing. I feel lost, unloved, unwanted and find no solace in my old interests at all. I thought I had hit my lowest being unemployed for so long, but at least I had her support and love. I can't cope without her.
I'm supposed to be strong, but I just want to stop thinking and feeling anything any more. Happiness is dead to me. Life has no beauty. I cannot stop crying. I am truly broken.
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This is exactly how I feel. :(
 
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