The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[malachi]

Oh and be careful of online dating the majority of woman my age actually think 3 kids who are "Their world" is a really attractive thing they have zero hobbies apart from Bakeoff. Oh and you need to look and be built like a Hollywood Actor with the bank balance to even a get a look in to even meet the perceived awesomeness of themselves. Dream on ladies dream on.

Lol, Im sure they get ignored anyway because they need to compete against women who are 15 to 20 years younger than them. Which plenty of men in their late 40's or 50's are going for.

 

[SPG]

Never though of that, the idea of me rushing around after a 25year old is pure hassle. Unless she is one of those types who likes a country pub, doesn't mind camping and can go without a hairdryer/shower for a week unless its a small stream. Then yeah sounds good to me. Guess that has limited the field

 

[malachi]

Never though of that, the idea of me rushing around after a 25year old is pure hassle. Unless she is one of those types who likes a country pub, doesn't mind camping and can go without a hairdryer/shower for a week unless its a small stream. Then yeah sounds good to me. Guess that has limited the field

My brother is 45, his wife is 25. The are married and have 2 kids together. They joys of being a man, we don't have much of an expiry date compared to women

I'm only 33 but I probably ended up like him. Then again, the last girl I was seeing and my current cuddle buddy are 5 years older than me......Perhaps I was wired wrong lol

 

[DJMK4]

Last week has been painful I don't think I can cope with women anymore. Just going to stay single. Best way to not get hurt

 

[Captain]

Last week has been painful I don't think I can cope with women anymore. Just going to stay single. Best way to not get hurt

What happened?

I've been single for ages now, cba with dating, it's hassle I don't need or want.

 

[ci_newman]

Last week has been painful I don't think I can cope with women anymore. Just going to stay single. Best way to not get hurt

What happened?

I've been single for ages now, cba with dating, it's hassle I don't need or want.

You're single, he's single... it wouldn't be the first Overclockers romance

 

[TheMeekon]

Saw my ex after exactly 6 weeks of no contact (split up since Jan)

I was stood in the entrance of Lidl texting, looked up and she was outside coming in. I panicked turned and walked fast further into Lidl hoping to loop round and get out. She must have seen me as well as she didn't come in.

I've had some really bad points over the last 6 weeks and this feels like day 1 again.

I didn't want what she wanted and theres others issues but I just can't let her go in my head. It's torture knowing she is with someone else as well, especially as he seems really good for her. In the crazy on and off relationship we had I always knew and told her she'd meet someone right for her and I'd still be plodding a long like this.

I've tried going on a few dates but no attraction, they always look different to their pics or my standards are too high. Feel really rubbish after a date that goes nowhere.

I've read a lot of this forum and I've seen people go through it. The thoughts and words saying they'll never get over it and will never meet anyone. I've seen people finally meet someone and be even happier. I do like to believe that for myself but it seems so complicated for me and I've tried for so long.

I'm not bad looking and pretty successful in some ways but I rarely fancy people and I'm always comparing people to my ex's personality which I loved. I've been on probably close to 30 dates in 3 years. I'm stuck between this is normal or my anxiety is playing a part.

I'm seeing a counselor but a rant her seems to help. I miss ex so much but I wish I could accept it's all done now and move on.

 

[Tefal]

Last week has been painful I don't think I can cope with women anymore. Just going to stay single. Best way to not get hurt

come to the dark side

 

[russell664]

come to the dark side

This guy...

My ex decided to randomly message me yesterday, completely out of the blue. Odd.

She said she was sorry about telling me to die in a ditch (Ironic as I ride a bike really) - this was almost 3 years ago. Not really sure how I feel about it, i'm glad that she is doing well, equally, I wish she didn't talk to me.
It's strange how someone can bring up emotions you have not felt for a long time.

I mean, I haven't had a date or anything in those almost 3 years - so women are almost an alien concept to me.

 

[NewGamer11]

Saw my ex after exactly 6 weeks of no contact (split up since Jan)

I was stood in the entrance of Lidl texting, looked up and she was outside coming in. I panicked turned and walked fast further into Lidl hoping to loop round and get out. She must have seen me as well as she didn't come in.

I've been on probably close to 30 dates in 3 years. I'm stuck between this is normal or my anxiety is playing a part.

6 months? The turning around or crossing the street is like something I would have done!

Maybe you are trying too hard to find someone else. I think the best thing would be to have a break from dating and give yourself time to get over this woman. You obviously have no problem finding someone else. I don't think I've been on 30 dates in my whole life!!

 

[ChrisD.]

I'm seeing a counselor but a rant her seems to help. I miss ex so much but I wish I could accept it's all done now and move on.

Are you going on dates and then comparing them to your ex? Early on I always put my ex on a pedestal and it really did not help with moving on. Instead of thinking about how much I missed her or how nice she was (she's stunning tbf, so it was always difficult) I tried not to think about it and started thinking more of myself and what I have to offer to women and what my ex was missing out on. I soon got over it because I was concentrating on my life rather than thinking of her all the time.

It is difficult, but there isn't much you can do apart from wait, but in the meantime try and stay positive and think of it as an opportunity to try new things in life and turn yourself into a better person, be it new hobbies, getting fit, doing things you've not tried etc.

 

[Narj]

What happened?

I've been single for ages now, cba with dating, it's hassle I don't need or want.

Some friends are trying to set me up at the moment - she's nice and all but all I can think about with getting involved now is the amount of compromises it involves. I don't think I'd want someone moving in again, either.

All I want to do these days is spend time enjoying my sports & hobbies, spend time with friends and family, watch Netflix and play computer games. Can't even be bothered with FWB now.

 

[Ayahuasca]

Say goodbye to your T levels with that lifestyle

 

[Narj]

Say goodbye to your T levels with that lifestyle

Nah, I do two "extreme" sports so I'm fine.

 

[JamesM]

It's happened more often because in my eyes anyway, we appear to have become two completely different people with not many interests (and lack of money doesn't help) over the time we have been together.

This is a prime example of why I think I have these thoughts..

She works shifts with the NHS and I work in a estate agency, run by my father. I fully understand that she has a harder time at work then me yet she clearly believes I sit on my arse all day doing nothing. This then provokes the "I've been at work and yet I'm doing the cleaning" attitude in the evening when we have both been at work. Yet she forgets that i'm the one who had to get the kids ready in the morning, take them to school, pick them up, feed them, entertain them, etc. However because there are some toys on the floor and the kitchen work surface has crumbs on it, the house is a crap tip and I must not care about it.

However me being me, I don't see this as a competition, whether she's been at home all day off work, whether she's done the kids run in the morning or afternoon, I don't expect her to have done anything because well why should I? If I came home and the house was a mess (and our definitions of a mess vary greatly) then i'd simply do bits and pieces here and there. What I don't do is feel the need to storm around the house cleaning in order to make a point and proceed to be an arse for the next few days because well, I had to tidy things up as no body has done anything.

I just think, I can't be bothered with this hassle

Guess you could call this an update..

Called enough on things, told her we needed to talk tonight and then she started waffling on about how the house wasn't clean and tidy when she got in again and I just thought, I can't do this anymore. Once she had finished I just thought sod it and told her I wanted out. Was sick to death of hearing her go on about how hard she has things working the hours she does whilst forgetting that i'm also working and getting the kids ready and picking them up and doing dinner, etc, etc and that after this time, I wasn't sure whether I still had feelings for her because of the constant negativity.

No fight from her, turns out she feels the same. From my view, it appears shes been feeling this way for a while and has basically been waiting for me to snap, she says this isn't the case of course.

Apparently it hasn't been an equal relationship ever?! Go figure.

Both agreed that until we are better off financially we will be keeping a straight face on things for the kids until we can both go our separate ways, which I presume means she will be off home to Shrewsbury with the kids. My main concern is their schooling as where they are now is good and from what she has said in the past, schools in Shrewsbury are awful but we shall see.

On the bright side, I don't feel trapped anymore and am actually having a good day, go figure

 

[Narj]

On the bright side, I don't feel trapped anymore and am actually having a good day, go figure

Great news - enjoy being awesome!

The kids have almost certainly clicked that something's not right already anyhow. Things will work out.

 

[Daftbrown]

Are you going on dates and then comparing them to your ex? Early on I always put my ex on a pedestal and it really did not help with moving on. Instead of thinking about how much I missed her or how nice she was (she's stunning tbf, so it was always difficult) I tried not to think about it and started thinking more of myself and what I have to offer to women and what my ex was missing out on. I soon got over it because I was concentrating on my life rather than thinking of her all the time.

It is difficult, but there isn't much you can do apart from wait, but in the meantime try and stay positive and think of it as an opportunity to try new things in life and turn yourself into a better person, be it new hobbies, getting fit, doing things you've not tried etc.

Bingo!

 

[NewGamer11]

Say goodbye to your T levels with that lifestyle

Alpha, yo!

No fight from her, turns out she feels the same. From my view, it appears shes been feeling this way for a while and has basically been waiting for me to snap, she says this isn't the case of course.

Apparently it hasn't been an equal relationship ever?! Go figure.

On the bright side, I don't feel trapped anymore and am actually having a good day, go figure

Sounds rough. Look after yourself and make sure to talk with your mates and family (or on here) if it gets to you. Consider putting money aside should you need it. Are you married? Make sure to get some legal advice either way. Glad you don't feel trapped anyway.

 

[Surfer]

No fight from her, turns out she feels the same. From my view, it appears shes been feeling this way for a while and has basically been waiting for me to snap, she says this isn't the case of course.

Apparently it hasn't been an equal relationship ever?! Go figure.

Typical passive aggressive woman. Doesn't communicate the problem with you...makes you feel like **** on purpose to make you do the first move. And always has to get that wee last dig in "never been an equal relationship" lol

You are better off out of this one by far. How old are the kids? Is it at a critical time of schooling? If so i would argue for them to stay with you at least temporarily until she is settled in Shrewsbury etc. How far away is it?

 

[JamesM]

Not married, we were engaged and have been for a while. Kind of glad things didn't go further now for obvious reasons.

Will have a house to sell though so that's going to be fun!

My kids with her are 4 and 6, the eldest is 15 from a previous partner (quite glad I won't have to put up with his crap much longer!)

Shrewsbury is about an hour away so not far really, could be worse. Whether the little ones stay with me or go with her (more likely) i'm not going to make a song or dance about it for their sake. I'll see them as often as I can and with the distance, could easily see them during the week after work. She said herself that with work, etc it's been as though I have practically been a single parent for the last few months and with that, I feel I could easily cope with both of them. It's going to be difficult as if and when this is explained to them, I can foresee the lad (6) wanting to be with me and the girl (4) wanting to go with her and I don't quite know whether that will be a good move or a negative one. Time will tell I guess!