Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Jul 2013
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- 8,570
If I would have been drinking tea I would have spat it out
The Online Dating Journey
- Thread starter airrunner
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London was very fun with Tinder 5 years ago when I was messing around with it. 80% of matches were single foreign girls.
In the space of a year went on a lot dates with girls from all over the place and all of them wanted to date. Polish, Iranian, Italian(smeshed), a Dr from Uruguay(smeshed) and finally settled on a hot Spanish Nurse, we've been together about 4 and a half years.
Be Alpha, be Chad. Arrange a meetup quick, don't waste time.
Agreed!
Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Jul 2013
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- 8,570
I think the point is that the way a lot of members here speak about women is absolutely disgraceful and should be mocked accordingly.
It's easy to make a broad generalised point, why don't you give some specific examples so we can discuss them and allow those posters you've just accused of treating women disgracefully a chance to defend themselves? Otherwise withdraw your baseless accusation. This is akin to some of the Speakers Corner posters calling people racist because they voted for Brexit.
Associate
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- 14 May 2018
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- 151
It wasn't too bad for me when I tried it (back in 2010/2011). I used a free site called Oasis. I used to be extremely shy and so I didn't actually want to meet people quickly. I ended up missing out on several dates with people because of this. My most memorable experience was with someone called Annie. She was very keen to meet up with me, to the point of asking to meet up as soon as we began talking. I of course, resisted. In our conversation later she asked me if I was a good boy when I was younger, to which I replied "of course!". She in turn said "I was a good boy too!". It took me a minute to realize that she hadn't made a typo and was telling me she used to be a boy. I thought she was joking at first but she actually sent me photos of her when she was younger. If she hadn't told me, I would never have guessed! Never the less, we never met.
I remember talking to a woman called Leanne who said she'd met someone from the site before. But after six weeks of being in a relationship, she found out her new boyfriend had made adult videos for a living previously and so she dumped him. It turned out we lived very far away from each other and so we didn't bother to try and have a relationship.
The best person I remember meeting online was a lady called Lucia. She was very attractive and studied at Oxford university. She was WAY out of my league. I was a 19 year old unemployed college drop out at the time. She was a little older then me (22). For unknown reasons, she seemed to like me. She wanted us to meet. She even offered to help me find a job. She was patient and didn't pressure me or lose interest in me. We eventually did video calls which for me was unusual. But then one day she told me she'd been out with friends one night and one of them made an advance on her. She told me she was drunk and that they only kissed before she stopped it going further. But me being me, I didn't really believe her. After that, we talked still but it wasn't the same. I eventually had a bit of a fling with a local girl. Nothing serious but enough to end the chances of me and Lucia meeting and taking things further.
Ultimately, I think being shy prevented me from having any sort of chance with 90% of women on Oasis. The only people I had a chance with, were other shy people. Fortunately there were a few women like me on the site. I actually met two and had a relationship with one of them. I'm friends with the other one to this day and we've met up a few times. I imagine things have changed a lot since I tried it. Fortunately, I'm married now and so for the time being at least, I don't have to worry about online dating or being too shy to meet women
I remember talking to a woman called Leanne who said she'd met someone from the site before. But after six weeks of being in a relationship, she found out her new boyfriend had made adult videos for a living previously and so she dumped him. It turned out we lived very far away from each other and so we didn't bother to try and have a relationship.
The best person I remember meeting online was a lady called Lucia. She was very attractive and studied at Oxford university. She was WAY out of my league. I was a 19 year old unemployed college drop out at the time. She was a little older then me (22). For unknown reasons, she seemed to like me. She wanted us to meet. She even offered to help me find a job. She was patient and didn't pressure me or lose interest in me. We eventually did video calls which for me was unusual. But then one day she told me she'd been out with friends one night and one of them made an advance on her. She told me she was drunk and that they only kissed before she stopped it going further. But me being me, I didn't really believe her. After that, we talked still but it wasn't the same. I eventually had a bit of a fling with a local girl. Nothing serious but enough to end the chances of me and Lucia meeting and taking things further.
Ultimately, I think being shy prevented me from having any sort of chance with 90% of women on Oasis. The only people I had a chance with, were other shy people. Fortunately there were a few women like me on the site. I actually met two and had a relationship with one of them. I'm friends with the other one to this day and we've met up a few times. I imagine things have changed a lot since I tried it. Fortunately, I'm married now and so for the time being at least, I don't have to worry about online dating or being too shy to meet women
That was quite a good read. I've thankfully never had to do online/app dating. Been in 2 solid relationships since 2009-present with only a 6 month gap while I was 25, doing my master's degree on a course that was 80% female. What a year!
Looking at the prospects of ever having to do online dating terrifies me - thankfully I'm i'm 7 year in with my partner and we have children, so fingers crossed I never have to. I'd expect there's a liklihood I'd never use them anyway - score quite low in the looks department (but not butters) and instead always relied on my general personality and very flirty/crude chat when required, which I've found so far has worked with most women (in fact all my relationships have spawned from 1 night stands).
I expect most men suffering the worst of the online dating issues first need to understand they're probably a 4/10 or below in looks, and that getting attention from females online for their aesthetics really isn't the best place for them to find any success. Dating apps etc are designed to make people money first and formost, and will never put your own needs first.
Permabanned
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- 9 Aug 2008
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Funny you ask that question. I only just been asked this same question by someone.
She said "Would I facetime". ofcourse I would because that's no different to in real life if you met them. I hate photos taken but don't mind a video call.
Man of Honour
I met my wife using an online dating website back in 2002. Married 8 months later. Been together ever since.
Yep, the market wasn't saturated then back and you didnt get catfished.
I know times are always a-changing, and I am very sorry to escalate the matter, but your posts here do come across as pretty wimpy / fragile
I know times are always a-changing, and I am very sorry to escalate the matter, but your posts here do come across as pretty wimpy / fragile
That's cool because I don't really value your opinion or know who you are
Permabanned
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In one post you told someone "Do you realise how offensive that is" , but then you said to someone else that you don't value their opinion or know who they are. The same could be said about that comment that was made by [FnG]magnolia. If you knew Magnolia you would know he was joking. (or were they?)
.. and therefore nightfly probably doesn't care about your comments either.
Soldato
I know times are always a-changing, and I am very sorry to escalate the matter, but your posts here do come across as pretty wimpy / fragile
I always preferred Burger King to Wimpy
Why are you engaging with us on a forum then?
Caporegime
I think Roar is still mega triggered from a few years back when Mags had a go at his job.
Soldato
Thought i would raise the topic of online dating for discussion:-
I have been delving into the myriad of apps out there. I seem to have found Tinder/Bumble & Hinge offering the most consistent amount of matches.
I'm interested to learn what everyone thinks about this - Would you prefer to text a guy/girl for a long period before meeting or having a video call? Also would you feel more comfortable with a video call before meeting?
From my own experience - i typically end up having a texting conversation for maybe 2-3 days max. I'll then suggest a video call. Although, i find many women seem to just switch off at that point. They either say yes or don't reply. But we rarely get to a video call. If i suggest a coffee/drink somewhere, 70% of the time the conversation goes and i rarely get a reply. So i am eager to identify what you guys and girls do yourselves and what does and doesn't work for you?
I'm keen to meet up relatively quickly as i feel you just can't know someone via texting. If you end up texting somebody for weeks without meeting, you will never know if there is any real chemistry?
What has your experience been like? How do you approach texting and how long for? Ladies, do you ghost guys who ask for a date relatively early on? If so why? And what's all of your thoughts on video calling first?
Look forward to reading your opinions
You're going about it the right way. The women who don't reply are the ones who had no intention of meeting up, or have put you very low on their list. By messaging for a couple of days in the build up to asking them to meet up, you can be on the look out for red flags while learning a little bit (not too much) about each other, and the ones who go cold become evident. If you can reduce the amount of messaging down to an introduction, a follow up message (maybe 2) and an invitation to meet up, then you can essentially do one meaningful and personalised message per day per prospect, enabling you to devote say one hour per day, at a time that suits you, messaging several women, while weeding out the duds. By doing it this way you're not having to keep checking for messages, or typing out messages when you have a spare few minutes.
Also, to maximize your time spent productively, if you ask someone out and they've not answered for a couple of days, send them a message saying you've not heard anything, you won't pester them but if they want to meet up to get in touch. They might be lining up other dates and you're too low on their list to consider at the moment, they might be very shy, there's a whole host of reasons. But if you've invested your valuable time messaging them, leave the door open.
You're fishing, you're casting a wide net and being systematic. Keep doing what you're doing, tweak your system, and have fun playing the dating game and meeting women!
Soldato
I was once a sad, lonely computer geek.
And then I discovered online dating.
The whole, IM, then texting, then failing to get a real-life date rang true for ages.
But, next year will be my 10th wedding anniversary with my wife who is a real woman. We have 2 wonderful children and a lovely house together.
We met on Match and hit it off straight away.
A few things of what I'll say now, will only make sense to you if you been through the journey.
1. You need to be yourself and find yourself
What's the point in pretending you read books or are interested in rock climbing when you're not. It's easier to be the person you are and make some compromises. Post-Covide, use this time to find hobbies, join clubs, go to events, volunteer; that's how you meet real people.
2. Get fit and look after your appearance
You are your worst critic. So stop being so critical. Someone out there is going to really like you for your looks and who you are.
Whilst you've got the time, get out walking, get out jogging, do something that you're body will thank you for. Your body won't thank you for excessive consumption, especially in the long run.
As for you, buy some different styled glasses or wear contact lenses, wear some nice shoes instead of skanky 10 year old trainers, if what you're doing isn't working, change it.
3. Women love non-creepy, non-sexual compliments
If you're rubbish at this, please start with a confident smile or 'hello'. The simple things will make a big difference.
Why is that ugly bloke with that model? Because he actually spoke with her and you didn't.
The one people hate is to talk about the weather. The weather affects us all and it's non-offensive, so it's an easy one to strike up a conversation with a stranger and go from there.
The most difficult thing is reading body language. There's probably enough online about this, but there are subtle cues to show when someone is bored of you.
4. And this one can't be helped, but let's call it fate
My wife had an ex who didn't appreciate her in many ways.
I was getting fed up of women not wanting to meet.
When we met, she was on her last day of Match, so was all in for a date. I was like, 'wow', someone wants to meet me. She showed confidence that I hadn't seen in a while and I was a breath of fresh-air from her previous dates.
Had I had been her first date or had I of had many women meet up for a drink, it may well have been a different story.
Thanks to my 'journey', I'd had a good run with getting laid with various others out there which gave me confidence. And I had nailed my dating routine which involved a home cooked meal and karaoke. The women loved it.
5 If I had to do this all again
I would worry about having to have ice-white trainers, ice-white socks and teeth that are whiter than both my trainers and socks to date again. I would worry about dating a women with over-inflated lips and marker pen eyebrows.
It's weird, then when you are in a relationship, you know where single females are. I found one in the ring shop that I went to buy my wife's engagement ring from. I would never have looked in there as a single male.
And you find it so much easier to talk to women. Especially mums. They love my banter and observations of Pepper Pig. If you did that as a single bloke, you'd be deemed odd.
And then I discovered online dating.
The whole, IM, then texting, then failing to get a real-life date rang true for ages.
But, next year will be my 10th wedding anniversary with my wife who is a real woman. We have 2 wonderful children and a lovely house together.
We met on Match and hit it off straight away.
A few things of what I'll say now, will only make sense to you if you been through the journey.
1. You need to be yourself and find yourself
What's the point in pretending you read books or are interested in rock climbing when you're not. It's easier to be the person you are and make some compromises. Post-Covide, use this time to find hobbies, join clubs, go to events, volunteer; that's how you meet real people.
2. Get fit and look after your appearance
You are your worst critic. So stop being so critical. Someone out there is going to really like you for your looks and who you are.
Whilst you've got the time, get out walking, get out jogging, do something that you're body will thank you for. Your body won't thank you for excessive consumption, especially in the long run.
As for you, buy some different styled glasses or wear contact lenses, wear some nice shoes instead of skanky 10 year old trainers, if what you're doing isn't working, change it.
3. Women love non-creepy, non-sexual compliments
If you're rubbish at this, please start with a confident smile or 'hello'. The simple things will make a big difference.
Why is that ugly bloke with that model? Because he actually spoke with her and you didn't.
The one people hate is to talk about the weather. The weather affects us all and it's non-offensive, so it's an easy one to strike up a conversation with a stranger and go from there.
The most difficult thing is reading body language. There's probably enough online about this, but there are subtle cues to show when someone is bored of you.
4. And this one can't be helped, but let's call it fate
My wife had an ex who didn't appreciate her in many ways.
I was getting fed up of women not wanting to meet.
When we met, she was on her last day of Match, so was all in for a date. I was like, 'wow', someone wants to meet me. She showed confidence that I hadn't seen in a while and I was a breath of fresh-air from her previous dates.
Had I had been her first date or had I of had many women meet up for a drink, it may well have been a different story.
Thanks to my 'journey', I'd had a good run with getting laid with various others out there which gave me confidence. And I had nailed my dating routine which involved a home cooked meal and karaoke. The women loved it.
5 If I had to do this all again
I would worry about having to have ice-white trainers, ice-white socks and teeth that are whiter than both my trainers and socks to date again. I would worry about dating a women with over-inflated lips and marker pen eyebrows.
It's weird, then when you are in a relationship, you know where single females are. I found one in the ring shop that I went to buy my wife's engagement ring from. I would never have looked in there as a single male.
And you find it so much easier to talk to women. Especially mums. They love my banter and observations of Pepper Pig. If you did that as a single bloke, you'd be deemed odd.
What dig was that? I'm a Planning Analyst, I'm currently working from home while in my dressing gown drinking hot chocolate lol
What's interesting is that some people clearly find it very difficult to find partners, so when they get one it's both a mixture of surprise combined with thinking that it won't happen again and/or they can't be bothered to return to the seeking/attainment process. I wonder how many people stay in relationships for that reason.
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