The Rise of Lonely Single Straight Men

bigmike20vt said:
not true at all. I often say let me check with the boss 1st.
I will let you into a secret.... it's just a saying.
what I really mean is let me double check my diary I don't already have commitments , as well as sure check with the wife because it's just plain decency. it is what you should do in a relationship just like my wife will sometimes ask me if it is ok if she does X Y Z
she is not expecting me to say no without an actual good reason but it's how partnerships should work. . you communicate.
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9 times out of 10, that means "No, I cant because she wants me to stop in with her" Possibly they have nothing planned apart from stay in and watch TV.

Oh, yes. I have witness this happen plenty of times. So I gave up asking.
 
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malachi said:
9 times out of 10, that means "No, I cant because she wants me to stop in with her" Possibly they have nothing planned apart from stay in and watch TV.

Oh, yes. I have witness this happen plenty of times. So I gave up asking.
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or maybe they just don't want to go out with you and are making an excuse (I have done that before as well)
 
[FnG]magnolia said:
C'mon man, you can do better than that :(
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I know it's a generalization but men and women do have different traits on what they gravitate towards. Men usually more introvert with many solo interests. Women more sociable with friend networks, any excuse for an event e.g. gender reveal parties, baby showers etc. Take away what is already a small amount of social interaction that men get and they are left with nothing.

malachi said:
No, thats the man's fault for letting it happen instead of putting their foot down and setting boundaries. The stupid things men do in relationships out of fear they wont have access to sex.

Me: Lets go out for drinks on Saturday night.
Friend: Oh, let me check with the Boss first. :rolleyes:

Men need to untuck themselves and grow a pair in relationships.

You hardly see women give up their friendships and nights out. Thats why its easier for them to get over breakups and move on compared to men.
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Yes boundaries are important but like bigmike says once you are in a relationship you need to respect each other's feelings too.

Timescales also change so doing things on a whim isn't always possible. Depends on the relationship and how much you value each other's time. Quality time - one of the love languages.

Boundaries is one of those things that should be nailed down pretty early in the relationship along with philosophy towards money.

My ex girlfriend was quite an energy drain. I enjoyed a lot of the time spent with her but there was no room for self improvement. It can lead to codependency if you're not careful.
 
bigmike20vt said:
or maybe they just don't want to go out with you and are making an excuse (I have done that before as well)
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Yeah...that would make sense. Different story when they do it to everyone else round them including siblings.

Again that falls on men when the relationship falls apart and they have no friends to turn to. No ones fault apart from their own.
 
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I think men can have a tendency to fantasise about sex and the positive side of relationships all day long, when left to their own devices.

So when men are actually in a relationship, they can lean very heavily on their partner to expect that level of fulfilment - to the detriment of investing in themselves and their other hobbies / friends.

The isolation is, I think, self-imposed… at least in part.
 
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[FnG]magnolia said:
You have an astonishingly narrow point of view when it comes to women and men and how they interact and I understand completely why you are in this thread.

(I am also in this thread, awkward, but I am not a lonely single straight men).

e: and to expand, the reason (which is nonsense) that women "get over breakups" more easily than men is because they are thankful to be out of something that didn't work for them. Which men do too.
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This is actually very true, there are even studies showing women are much better at maintaining their social circles and supporting each other following breakups because of this.
 
I think it's also important men have women as close friends. Two of my best friends are women and when they have your back, they really have your back.

Though it was quite amusing when dating explaining to dates that my best two friends are women and they're extremely protective of me when it comes to dating
 
Junglist said:
I think it's also important men have women as close friends. Two of my best friends are women and when they have your back, they really have your back.

Though it was quite amusing when dating explaining to dates that my best two friends are women and they're extremely protective of me when it comes to dating
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Bambi and Thumper? ;)
 
Nitefly said:
I think men can have a tendency to fantasise about sex and the positive side of relationships all day long, when left to their own devices.

So when men are actually in a relationship, they can lean very heavily on their partner to expect that level of fulfilment - to the detriment of investing in themselves and their other hobbies / friends.

The isolation is, I think, self-imposed… at least in part.
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Do you fantasise, what do u think about?
 
If you're male and have a good male group of friends around you then any bad experience with a woman you can have a better perspective about it.

You can talk to your friends, get feedback, advice, let off steam.. then go back to playing pool, snooker, football etc

If you have no male friends and you get unexpected dumped then 1. you don't know if its something you did, or 2. shes crazy. Having friends mean you can pool all your experiences and then you'll think "win some, lose some".

Male bonding creates stability and self confidence. So all your identity isn't dependant on 1 relationship.

If any guy finds himself in a position of being with no friends and needs to talk try meeting these people;

Andy's Man Club | #ITSOKAYTOTALK

ANDYSMANCLUB are a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online.
andysmanclub.co.uk andysmanclub.co.uk

I think we have to remember none of us are owed a relationship with a woman. If one happens great. But it shouldn't be the main aim of your life. So you're not a loser if you never have a girlfriend. A lot of men are in that position. It's part of life. So it's important to build foundational bonding relationships.

I should add nothing I'm saying here is anti-women. They have their own society issues too. Though our issues are different than their issues.
 
BowdonUK said:
If you're male and have a good male group of friends around you then any bad experience with a woman you can have a better perspective about it.

You can talk to your friends, get feedback, advice, let off steam.. then go back to playing pool, snooker, football etc

If you have no male friends and you get unexpected dumped then 1. you don't know if its something you did, or 2. shes crazy. Having friends mean you can pool all your experiences and then you'll think "win some, lose some".

Male bonding creates stability and self confidence. So all your identity isn't dependant on 1 relationship.

If any guy finds himself in a position of being with no friends and needs to talk try meeting these people;

Andy's Man Club | #ITSOKAYTOTALK

ANDYSMANCLUB are a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online.
andysmanclub.co.uk andysmanclub.co.uk

I think we have to remember none of us are owed a relationship with a woman. If one happens great. But it shouldn't be the main aim of your life. So you're not a loser if you never have a girlfriend. A lot of men are in that position. It's part of life. So it's important to build foundational bonding relationships.

I should add nothing I'm saying here is anti-women. They have their own society issues too. Though our issues are different than their issues.
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Andy's Man Club meet locally to me in Torbay, never been personally, but I hear good things about them, as for the highlighted comment.

If there's one thing my dad taught me that I actually paid attention to its, never chase women, you will end up penniless, chase money, and the women will come to you.
 
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