Caporegime
People can't AFFORD to have large families these days.
Also, I grew up in the 80s, one brother, both parents working full time, didn't mess either of us up, and we don't have warped views about women.
The Rise of Lonely Single Straight Men
- Thread starter Richie
- Start date
Also, I grew up in the 80s, one brother, both parents working full time, didn't mess either of us up, and we don't have warped views about women.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 May 2006
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- 7,804
i can only comment on our experience however i tick a few of the above boxes. (though the 1 child is through choice.... for most of my life i never wanted any!)
both my wife and i earn similar wages. with no major bread winner we split pat/maternity leave - she had 6 months i had 3 - luckily both our works were fine with it.
we only have 1 child but both need to work... however i absolutely contest that children with working parents lack role models argument (or that they have to lack role models). unfortunatley neither sets of our parents can childcare much - my family are 200 miles away) but after school clubs which we use 3 days a week are amazing. they are run by teaching assistents, and whilst it is all play stuff, it is with either an educational slant or a physical educational slant.
our lad is 6.5 but he gets to mix with a range of ages of kids from 4 up to 11 and i think this is great for his developemnt. he is doing well in school (i am more worried about personality than other stuff right now, tho he is fine educationally as well esp if we help). but the thing which proves to me it is a good place for him is that when me or his mum go to pick him up he rarely wants to leave.
he has been in holiday club this school hols for probably half of the days he is off (family holiday mixed in) and they have had cooking days, sports days, water fight days, every day has a special theme. it isnt amazingly cheap but not extortionate either (just under £30 a day but paid with pre tax earnings so its less than that) but i think it is brilliant, better than what a lot of kids get when at home imo.
for the days when he isnt there of course the onus is then on us to do family time together, but maybe because it is more limited we work harder at it.
when i was a kid my mum was full time stay at hom mum (then she got a job as dinner lady at my school). maybe i am kidding myself to stop my own guilt but i honestly think our lad has just as much attention and mixing as i had.
Us both having to work is simply a necessity in the modern world i am afraid.
i guess one of us could become a full time career but then we would all lose out.
I didn't say that; I said that parents have less time to be positive role models.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 May 2006
- Posts
- 7,804
fair enough.... but there are plenty of options which can make up for it.
Tinder was great pre covid when i was going to the states a lot with work.... MS TEAMS has ruined that now... MS ***** ***** oh and a new Mrs in the UK i guess.
People put so much pressure on settling down, and doing the GF/BF thing, save your own sanity and start doing hobbies.
People put so much pressure on settling down, and doing the GF/BF thing, save your own sanity and start doing hobbies.
Permabanned
The solution to this is just be super rich instead
Hugh Hefner? Bill Wyman? Both very wealthy, both surrounded by nubile bints, neither conventionally good looking. Hell, Hefner even wangled being buried next to Marilyn Monroe....
It's not working out too well for Brad Pitt. Considering his status of money and looks he once was and who he was married to. Angelina Jolie.
Surprised she wasn't a keeper...
Soldato
Incel party up in here.
Raise the roof yo!
Raise the roof yo!
There is delusion on both sides of this debate, there is no new empowerment here. It's just moments in time with people positioning a point of view, perhaps with some badly framed statistics, to create a debate. The fundamentals of what makes a good partner have not changed really and neither has the delusion of people who believe themselves to be something special, on either side of the debate.
Be honest, be caring, show passion, bring excitement, have their back, talk often, take care of yourself, have common and different interests, bring stability and don't accept failure as 'the way it is'. Keeping all of that is the REALLY hard element, but that is what both men and women want in most cases, though most have to give up on some of that with time (tis life).
Don't believe that what you read online or in print on the glossy magazines (often written by the those hit hard in life) is anyway normal or what you should aspire to. Most of your men/women will not be monetarily rich, hardly any in fact and much though you think you look great down the gym and on Instagram the rich are often free to chose who they want, not the other way around.
The gloriously gorgeous are two a penny to the wealthy.
Be honest, be caring, show passion, bring excitement, have their back, talk often, take care of yourself, have common and different interests, bring stability and don't accept failure as 'the way it is'. Keeping all of that is the REALLY hard element, but that is what both men and women want in most cases, though most have to give up on some of that with time (tis life).
Don't believe that what you read online or in print on the glossy magazines (often written by the those hit hard in life) is anyway normal or what you should aspire to. Most of your men/women will not be monetarily rich, hardly any in fact and much though you think you look great down the gym and on Instagram the rich are often free to chose who they want, not the other way around.
The gloriously gorgeous are two a penny to the wealthy.
Plenty of the men who complain about not getting women, don't even make the effort to dress decent or have poor hygiene. I don't have the face of Brad Pitt, I'm even the right skin colour if you want to go down the path of the least picked type of men in the dating world but its has never stopped me from dating some good looking women. Yeah I have been rejected plenty of times but I don't walk round looking like a tramp and approach women. Same way you wouldn't go into a job interview looking scruffy and expecting to get the job. Doesn't matter how your face looks.
But you stand more of a chance than looking scruffy or being politely told "no thank you" instead of them running away and having a case made against you (if in the US
)Too many men complain but yet they make zero effort. What do they expect from life with that attitude!?!!?
Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Nov 2007
- Posts
- 4,233
Plenty of the men who complain about not getting women, don't even make the effort to dress decent or have poor hygiene. I don't have the face of Brad Pitt, I'm even the right skin colour if you want to go down the path of the least picked type of men in the dating world but its has never stopped me from dating some good looking women. Yeah I have been rejected plenty of times but I don't walk round looking like a tramp and approach women. Same way you wouldn't go into a job interview looking scruffy and expecting to get the job. Doesn't matter how your face looks.
But you stand more of a chance than looking scruffy or being politely told "no thank you" instead of them running away and having a case made against you (if in the US
Too many men complain but yet they make zero effort. What do they expect from life with that attitude!?!!?
Ok so what if a man has good hygiene and dresses well but is less. than say, a 4/10 looks wise. If the equivalent woman is chasing higher status men(generally speaking) where does this leave this type of man?
Caporegime
In the same place as most men..... average.
An interesting topic.
Primarily... Your happiness is your responsibility. Its not great when you need someone to be happy. It's probably more its not great to be miserable if you're alone. Subtle difference.
This means you probably won't really be happy in a relationship. But you'll have responsibility/duty to take your mind off.
Single child free Women? If not sure. Many come across happy. But some maybe never found the right one.
I do think men and women. Want different things. And successful women are going to find it much harder than successful men to get what they want.
I know what many successful men want (hot! Young! Probably some personality)
And these women, many of them will want that rich older man. Sorted.
But successful women? Do they want an equal? Many successful men would not want this. Do they want a hotty? Doesn't feel like it.
What do I want?
-somewhat hot
-fun
-good hobbies.
- no kids (deal breaker)
The last one is actually by far the hardest to find. Also Not many women are adventure sport loving. Not many are even outdoorsy.
Certainly many more men I see biking, kayaking etc. However paddle board is a weird one. Many woman do that.
Our of my outdoorsy. Female friends? All are. Single (not by choice) and only took up these hobbies when single. I think they are filling their time/looking for a partner and then may well slide away from the hobbies.
Hobbies are why I think people are miserable. They don't have any. They need someone else to give them a purpose.
Or the people who only take on hobbies to meet someone.
So many people! I've really struggled to meet people doing the same hobbies. Despite living near a city very near these sports areas of 100'000s of people.
How can there be so many people, yet so few do anything?
Its probably the Internet, social media, consuming though screen that does it.
Primarily... Your happiness is your responsibility. Its not great when you need someone to be happy. It's probably more its not great to be miserable if you're alone. Subtle difference.
This means you probably won't really be happy in a relationship. But you'll have responsibility/duty to take your mind off.
Single child free Women? If not sure. Many come across happy. But some maybe never found the right one.
I do think men and women. Want different things. And successful women are going to find it much harder than successful men to get what they want.
I know what many successful men want (hot! Young! Probably some personality)
And these women, many of them will want that rich older man. Sorted.
But successful women? Do they want an equal? Many successful men would not want this. Do they want a hotty? Doesn't feel like it.
What do I want?
-somewhat hot
-fun
-good hobbies.
- no kids (deal breaker)
The last one is actually by far the hardest to find. Also Not many women are adventure sport loving. Not many are even outdoorsy.
Certainly many more men I see biking, kayaking etc. However paddle board is a weird one. Many woman do that.
Our of my outdoorsy. Female friends? All are. Single (not by choice) and only took up these hobbies when single. I think they are filling their time/looking for a partner and then may well slide away from the hobbies.
Hobbies are why I think people are miserable. They don't have any. They need someone else to give them a purpose.
Or the people who only take on hobbies to meet someone.
So many people! I've really struggled to meet people doing the same hobbies. Despite living near a city very near these sports areas of 100'000s of people.
How can there be so many people, yet so few do anything?
Its probably the Internet, social media, consuming though screen that does it.
Overall I think a vast majority of people are undateable.
And it isn't looks. It's personality.
Woman have higher standards now.
Men do too.
Most people don't make the grade. And in an ever connected world its easier to aim out of your league.
This probably hurts men more, as women hold the cards in dating for 90 percent of men.
And it isn't looks. It's personality.
Woman have higher standards now.
Men do too.
Most people don't make the grade. And in an ever connected world its easier to aim out of your league.
This probably hurts men more, as women hold the cards in dating for 90 percent of men.