Poll: Were you Smacked as a child?
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Originally posted by Lopéz
Once again, you've managed to read my mind and convey my exact thoughts on the matter. Nim is capable of doing this too - has my brain been hacked?
You need to install a firewall on that brain of yours
Man of Honour
Yes, [4]
I believe Our parents and older believed that smacking was the key to discipline. But it depends on cultutre and social group on HOW the child interprets the smacking and grows up with it. We are lucky that you only got smacked if you did something bad and that support and comfort was given afterwards because then you realised what you did wrong and tried not to do it again but kids will always be kids and no one cabn ever stop that.
People that grew up and broken homes for exmaple and got smacked grew and adapted the smacking and violence as they got older, often growing to be heavy te,pered and affected by their childhood. It's just the way things are and it's always the parents fault if a child grows up affected by their childhood.
I believe Our parents and older believed that smacking was the key to discipline. But it depends on cultutre and social group on HOW the child interprets the smacking and grows up with it. We are lucky that you only got smacked if you did something bad and that support and comfort was given afterwards because then you realised what you did wrong and tried not to do it again but kids will always be kids and no one cabn ever stop that.
People that grew up and broken homes for exmaple and got smacked grew and adapted the smacking and violence as they got older, often growing to be heavy te,pered and affected by their childhood. It's just the way things are and it's always the parents fault if a child grows up affected by their childhood.
Re: Poll: Were you Smacked as a child?
I was smacked as a child and it hasn't done me any harm. I have a good education, a good job and no criminal record.
To be honest I deserved to be smacked when I was bad and I am getting a little fed up of the nanny state being forced upon us on this topic.
I was smacked as a child and it hasn't done me any harm. I have a good education, a good job and no criminal record.
To be honest I deserved to be smacked when I was bad and I am getting a little fed up of the nanny state being forced upon us on this topic.
![[ASSE]Hinchy](/styles/overclockers/avatars/8.png){kind=avatar}
Soldato
Like has been mentioned before, most people wouldn't smack you for that. Once again its all about common sense on the part of the parent. I personally would just shout at you and take away priveleges for example until you did tidy it. I think that would be the best approach.
If you got smacked for not tidying your room then that is bad parenting in my humble opinion
Oh and I never hit my mum or dad back. I wouldn't dare, plus I had way too much respect fot them.
Posted by Phoolf
Well said , and its good to see there decent discussion with people who are able to see the pro's and con's despite their upbringing!
In a perfect world , i'd love to be able to treat my kids (and any others i'm responsible for) like Markjcj! All I can do is commend him and his excellent parenting skills!
However , when someone first becomes a parent , as much as a child doesn't know right from wrong as soon as they pop out of mummy's tummy or wherever , parents aren't naturally born with 'ideal' parenting skills.
Stresses , financial strains , relationship strains etc , their own past and histories always mean that different parents will have different ideas of what 'good parenting' is.
As weve all seen in the real world , some parents see smacking as 'a convenient way to get their child to do what they want' to me this is wrong , other parents will see smacking and the like as a 'last resort action' , which is my opinion.
If I could get away with sitting down my kids and explaining to them , then i'd LOVE TO , I really would ... but if any child of mine is running zigzags in the middle of the road , then I would smack them , not because I want to control them , not because they're not doing what I want them to , but because I WOULD LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TO LOSE THEM.
Sometimes smacking is a NECCESITY , and when it becomes this , then it needs to be put into action.
I've not got any kids of my own (too young!
and i've not had much experience taking care of other peoples kids (bar playing with them on carpets and showing them cool things to do with lego lol) but I dunno how i'd be administering corporal punishment to any prospective kids of mine. I'd like to think that if it was ABSOLUTELY NECCESARY to smack them , that a few minutes or hours later, when i'm spending quality time with them , i'd be able to explain afterwards why I had to take those steps.
Thinking about it , the thought of smacking any sons or daughters of mine is actually making my eyes water a bit... but sometimes it HAS to be done. Most good , loving parents really really don't want to smack their children , and I would agree that it would probably upset me more than them (in the long term) , but if its the difference between making sure my kids are kept out of trouble , if i'm not a good enough parent or my kids are so... 'independant' as to not listen to their parents advice , then i'll do it , because i'll HAVE to.
Well said , and its good to see there decent discussion with people who are able to see the pro's and con's despite their upbringing!
In a perfect world , i'd love to be able to treat my kids (and any others i'm responsible for) like Markjcj! All I can do is commend him and his excellent parenting skills!
However , when someone first becomes a parent , as much as a child doesn't know right from wrong as soon as they pop out of mummy's tummy or wherever , parents aren't naturally born with 'ideal' parenting skills.
Stresses , financial strains , relationship strains etc , their own past and histories always mean that different parents will have different ideas of what 'good parenting' is.
As weve all seen in the real world , some parents see smacking as 'a convenient way to get their child to do what they want' to me this is wrong , other parents will see smacking and the like as a 'last resort action' , which is my opinion.
If I could get away with sitting down my kids and explaining to them , then i'd LOVE TO , I really would ... but if any child of mine is running zigzags in the middle of the road , then I would smack them , not because I want to control them , not because they're not doing what I want them to , but because I WOULD LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TO LOSE THEM.
Sometimes smacking is a NECCESITY , and when it becomes this , then it needs to be put into action.
I've not got any kids of my own (too young!
and i've not had much experience taking care of other peoples kids (bar playing with them on carpets and showing them cool things to do with lego lol) but I dunno how i'd be administering corporal punishment to any prospective kids of mine. I'd like to think that if it was ABSOLUTELY NECCESARY to smack them , that a few minutes or hours later, when i'm spending quality time with them , i'd be able to explain afterwards why I had to take those steps.Thinking about it , the thought of smacking any sons or daughters of mine is actually making my eyes water a bit... but sometimes it HAS to be done. Most good , loving parents really really don't want to smack their children , and I would agree that it would probably upset me more than them (in the long term) , but if its the difference between making sure my kids are kept out of trouble , if i'm not a good enough parent or my kids are so... 'independant' as to not listen to their parents advice , then i'll do it , because i'll HAVE to.
Caporegime
4 - All the way.
I don't really see a problem with a smack now and again if it's an absolute last resort, i'd rather smack my child if they had no road sense and wouldn't listen(ie taking after me) than let them learn the hard way. That is if I ever have kids, which is very doubtful.
Soldato
4.
I was given a spank on the botty or a slapped hand when I was naughty
Both myself and my Brother were well behaved children
My Parents could take us anywhere without the worry of us misbehaving as we knew if we did god help us when we got home !
My Parents rarely spanked us in public - simply no need
Very often just a raised voice would do the trick but when we were feeling a bit mischevous a spank was needed
We were never spanked first - always given a verbal warning which 99% of the time was enough
I hope that when I have children I do as good a job as my Parents did
I was given a spank on the botty or a slapped hand when I was naughty
Both myself and my Brother were well behaved children
My Parents could take us anywhere without the worry of us misbehaving as we knew if we did god help us when we got home !
My Parents rarely spanked us in public - simply no need
Very often just a raised voice would do the trick but when we were feeling a bit mischevous a spank was needed
We were never spanked first - always given a verbal warning which 99% of the time was enough
I hope that when I have children I do as good a job as my Parents did
From cabbage patches m8! OH and errr . storks flying thorough the air , carrying little blankets of children in their beaks!!!
Everyone knows that really , women get beamed to intergalactic space ships , probed , and then babies are 'transported' into the mothers fetal area molecule by molecule , they still haven't got the transportation device sorted , so it takes about nine months...
Soldato
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As far as I am aware under British law it is now a punishable offence to smack a child. This has been brought about for a very good reason, mainly to stop over abusive parents abusing their kids. I fully agree with it and Mr. Mark has proved that it can be done, as can JodieG. We, as parents, could learn a lot from them re their parenting techniques.
As to spoiled brats I've already spoken about that. The media today is full of reports of spoiled kiddies doing what they please and disrupting society. They're protected under the law and know they can go on a shopliftinging spree with gay abandon. They even mug people in broad daylight; my mother was a victim of such an attack several years ago, so I'm not speaking solely from newspaper quotes. I've witnessed adults in bus queues being threatened by schoolkids with bottles. The thousands of scrotes you describe already exist, in every town and city throughout the land. Therefore your argument bears no weight.
The problem started when caning was taken out of the school environment. Caning discipline was taken away and not replaced with another, different form of discipline. As a result the existing spoilt kids went on a rampage. Parents should be held directly responsible for their kids. It's not up to me, the schoolteachers, the police, prisons, or social workers to administer discipline; it rests squarely on the shoulders of those parents who don't take their parenting responsibilities seriously. Hence I advocate fines and imprisonment for such parental irresponsibility. They had them, they should look after them, in a well structured disciplinary way. Spoiled brats will not be created by banning smacking; they already exist in proliferation and always will and have due to incorrect, dysfunctional parenting.
I loved my old gal. But in a dysfunctional way. I loved my bruvs and sisters. But in a dysfunctional way. We would often fight, bicker and argue because we took that sort of behaviour as being a "normal part of everyday life". We knew no differently. We became what we were taught. I loved my friends. But in a dysfunctional way. I'd always attach conditions to friendships, was distrustful and wary, would try and protect myself whenever possible, needlessly.
Then I met someone who completely changed my perception. She put herself across as being a true friend who cared about little old me, and she was. I loved her, not sexually, but as a sister/friend/adopted mother. This woman, or friend, I would willingly kill and die for. I developed a no strings attached friendship with her. I was never dysfunctional in her presence; I had no need to be, I could be myself with her. My point is that there is no way on the face of this earth I would ever hurt this person. If I (we) said something offensive there would be an immediate apology. We had some rather nasty arguments and disagreements but there is no way I would ever smack her. I loved her far too much. There is no way anyone else would hurt her neither, else they would suffer my wrath - and did on numerous occasions. Froth came from my mouth once when I kicked a workmate to the ground for ridiculing her and I had to be physically restrained.
Thus it is that I cannot understand that if you loved a child as much as I loved this person, how could anyone strike a person they "loved" rather than explain to them patiently the consequences of their action? There is no way I would strike a person I loved so deeply and cannot understand it of others who proclaim true love to another. I've experienced true love, I don't speak from textbooks, but life experience. My grandfather sat me down on his knee and I listened, because I loved him, sincerely, not dysfunctionally. To punish me he would send me upstairs to the bedroom whilst my friends were outside enjoying themselves. I could hear them. I quickly learned. He had diligence and patience with me and I obeyed him out of love and respect. I'm no different to any other person. What worked for me could work for others.
Mr. Phoolf, sir, I also witnessed violent domestic arguments as a child. Unless you talk about these conflicts and bring them out into the open they will always affect your mind and hinder your progress and developement. You need to "get it off your chest" as it were, by talking about it openly to others. Otherwise the skeletons in the closet will continually haunt you.
Marks is a good story but sadly very rare...Jodie cannot be used as an example as her daughter is still a toddler, hardly old enough to gauge that her non smacking tactic has worked.
You were beaten MYB, not smacked.
Once again, I ask you what happens after that fails...Its nice that you were able to understand everything your grandfather explained to you, you were obviously a clever child. Unfortunately, not all kids are that smart and understanding. What happens when the child doesnt understand and you cannot get the reasons for the wrongdoing into their head?
You arent answering because there is no answer.
You were beaten MYB, not smacked.
Once again, I ask you what happens after that fails...Its nice that you were able to understand everything your grandfather explained to you, you were obviously a clever child. Unfortunately, not all kids are that smart and understanding. What happens when the child doesnt understand and you cannot get the reasons for the wrongdoing into their head?
You arent answering because there is no answer.
Soldato
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The law seems to think it has the answer. It's a step on the road toward changing parental attitudes from that of dysfunctional ones, whereby we accept physical punishment towards a kid to one of a more caring attitude. The whole world is a mad, crazy dysfunctional hotpot. The many wars, violence and hatred bear witness of that. For those children that will not listen to a loving, caring parent, then that parent will have to devote more time and energy to their upbringing. They had them, it's their responsibility to administer the best upbringing they possibly can up until a suitable age. More diligence and devotion will be necessary, it's a part of parental responsibility. It used to be spare the rod, spare the child. Thankfully such an attitude has been changed and most responsible people don't believe a severe whacking will cure a child of misbehaviour. Smacking has been banned. I'd now like to see parents being held responsible under the law for the crimes of their offspring. It's another step forward in protecting children.
Man of Honour
Smacking has not been banned, nobody here is advocating a "severe whacking" and no parent who smacks their child should be brought to trial for it.
Soldato
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Sorry, Miss. I used to think that way, and it was excruciatingly painful to tell others what had happened. It did help, though, and I'm now better at expressing my feelings than previously. Do a Google search for ACA and other self help groups whereby there are dedicated, closed forums where people can talk openly about such problems. It really does help.
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